frazzled HS'ers/US'ersn w/several kids? how do you squeeze in enough?

[indigolilybear]

I have three kids....the oldest 6.5, then 4 and 1. We primarily are "eclectic" HS'ers, leaning towards US.

I am starting to wonder if I will ever feel like I doing even CLOSE to what I want to do w/them. I am wondering if it will get easier when the baby is a little older? and can participate more?

It just seems like I can never really focus on anything like reading w/one, cuz then the other two will go at it, or I'll need to get up cuz the baby's into something etc. and at baby's nap, I'm pooped. It's the older two's TV time and I need to rest!

I'm not talking dreaming of science experiments! I mean, reading a couple of books, talking about a show together, doing some simple art projects!!

My convictions are strong about keeping my kids espeically at a young age away from PS, and hopefully for the whole thing til college...but sometimes I feel like all I"m doing is keeping up w/feedings, dishes, laundry and that's it! (I am a sub-par housecleaner at best! It's never been a priority to me)

I guess I am hoping that it will get a bit easier in a year or so? when the baby's older and *hopefully* my oldest is reading more independently?
Or anyone have any tricks for squeezing a bit more substance into our day?

I just wish I had a bit more energy to even explain things/answer questions when asked! KWIM??

TIA mamas!

[SagMom]

yeah, having a little one pretty much guarantees frequent interuptions! It WILL get easier--when the baby is older, she'll be able to sit and listen to stories or whatever you're doing with the older two, or she'll be able to entertain her herself for a bit and not need constant attention. Also, in the future, the older two could take turns hanging out with the "baby" so that they each get some 1:1 time with you. And, of course, they'll all get more independent so you won't be so busy with diapers and pouring drinks and keeping fingers out of electrical sockets, and chokables out of reach....etc. etc. (My youngest was 11 mos when we started hsing--I remember! It will get better.)

[atypicalandrea]

Hang in there! In a couple of years, it will most decidely be better.

[PancakeGoddess]

it does get easier, and fwiw, I think if a 4 and 6yo don't do much structured activity, it's totally fine! Also, although my big boys can read, they still like read-aloud time - I think it's really nice to do as a family. Of course, that has gone out the window with the toddler. Hope it will be back soon...

We have a mother's helper who comes to play with the toddler. Any kid who likes babies can do this - doesnt' need to be an older teen. A homeschooler?

[guest^]

I often use meal times to read aloud to the dc, or talk about things. That means that I usually eat early or late myself-but that's okay.

I have a friend who reads to her dc while they bathe.

Does the baby nap very well? If so, you could use that time to do some craft or art project.

Do you have the 2 older dc involved in any chores? Perhaps by creating some simple ones, that would mean one less thing for you to do?

Hmmm....can you put the baby in a sling or backpack while you're doing some creative stuff with older dc?

Good Luck!!

mp

[PancakeGoddess]

oh yea, I forgot about mealtimes. that works pretty well, although the older the baby gets, the LOUDER he is! He also used to love hanging out in the back carrier while we did stuff, but now not so much.

Am I the only one who can't bring herself to use naptime as a time to get stuff done? I just HAVE To rest when baby's resting. I know once he's down to one nap, I'll be able to split it up - half rest, half work.

[7kiddosmom]

I could have written your post exactly, except I would have to add a few more kids. We have 7 dc ages, 12, 11, 8, 5, almost 4, 1, and 6 weeks. The 3 older kids will do their own thing while I am doing things with the 5 and 3 yr old, but when it comes time for me to work on something with the older girls all the babies NEED something. I feel like I am cheating the older kids out of the things they need. To be honest it isn't the newborn that makes things difficult, as many people seem to think. She is very quiet and only fusses when she wants to nurse. It is the 5, 3 and 1 yr olds that give me a time!

I think I am going to start working with the little ones first in the am. Then switch off with the older girls and let one or 2 of them read to the babies while I work with the others.

My plan is to work through the summer because we took alot of time off in the weeks before the baby was born and now since the baby has come. I would be happy to unschool (and we do do alot of it), but dh thinks there should be something the kids did that he can see at the end of the day. I too feel like they learned something when we do more formal things. We are new to hs and are still trying to find our balance.

Kasey

[AngelBee]

[mwherbs]

hang in there yes with a baby thing are on a very different schedule-- but what the kids learn from this is all sorts of values and attachment parenting techniques. Probably a bit of independence as well. when I had a house full one thing to do is help make things accessable one shelf that has things that they can get out for themselves-- things like juice boxes in non-squeezable containers that only take putting a straw in, and small plates that they can get out for themselves. So if you can find the time to read aloud to them it will help everyone- maybe while nursing your youngest.

[indigolilybear]

Thanks everyone. I *do* hope it does get better.

I think I just feel kind of selfish and lazy...not enough energy KWIM? Yes, I *could* do art during baby's nap...but do I? nope. I feel like I need that rest. ANd yes, I *could* read while nursing but she grabs the book OR I read something to my oldest, then my middle isn't interested so he goes and attacks the baby. It's like I know the obvious solutions but can't seem to really implement them, like it simply takes too much energy or resolve that I don't have. Can anyone relate to this?

<sigh> well, anyway, it helps to know this might get easier...I'll keep waiting....and hoping....and sticking a book or two in when I can.

[mwherbs]

by all means take care of yourself things will change

[cosmos]

[QUOTE=indigolilybear]
It's like I know the obvious solutions but can't seem to really implement them, like it simply takes too much energy or resolve that I don't have. Can anyone relate to this? QUOTE]

ME! ME!
And when I wake up fresh in the morning I have a million things I want to do with the older 2, then the baby gets cranky and when he finally goes to sleep I hide in the back bedroom and talk on the phone :

On the nights when the baby goes to sleep first storytime for the older 2 lasts up to an hour! It is my favorite part of the day.

as for art projects I have never directed anything (I started out wanting to) dealing with attention span and younger sibs "helping" caused me to try and protect my sanity by dropping the notion. The girls have their own art table and I collect different materials and so do they (outside stuff) besides, they don't want me messing with their process!

[guest^]

Oh! I hope I didn't make you feel bad!! I totally understand about the napping thing!! I *still* nap when my 3.d ds does!!

What I meant was, if your baby slept *well*-IOW ih baby naps for a whopping 2-3 hr nap, you could maybe take a one hr for yourself, and then do other things the rest of the time. OR- if baby takes 2 naps, maybe you could sleep during one of them, and do other things during the other nap.

A friend of mine has 4 boys under 5 and when her two youngest nap, they really nap! She divides the nap between herself,house, and other two boys.

Do you have books on tape? You can check out a ton at the library, and during your nap, have your older two set up with one or two. It's not snuggle on the couch, but they are getting read to outloud.

When you are all awake, you could put on classical cds(also from library) to set the mood for the hour.

I have always opted for as much sleep as possible. Or private phone time too!! :LOL

You can also just accept where your family is at this point. It will pass, and there will be other challenges.

No matter. please don't feel guilt!!! There is only so much of us moms to go around-your babes are well fed, rested and you are too-and there is lots of love-that's all that really matters.

mp

[ekblad9]

I find that I am cranky and a "mean mama" when I have expectations for the day. They rarely meet my hopes, the baby is always fussy, the toddler destroys any board games that I had planned to play and things just suck! So, what I TRY to do is just let things happen. If my two year old is happily playing with blocks then I sneak in a story or a chapter in a book with another kid. If my four year old is outside playing then I sneak in some math games with the 7 and 8 year old. My oldest is 13 and pretty much does his own thing. He seems to understand that we have to take advantage of those rare quiet times and play a game or something then. Otherwise he does his own thing and seems to be learning OK. I am a total control freak, though, and get majorly stressed out some days that we aren't "doing enough" add housework/laundry/cooking into that and it can be a total mess. Lots of deep breaths (and Hail Mary's b/c I'm Catholic) go on in my house or else I would really lose it!

Good luck!

[indigolilybear]

thanks again mamas....I think I jusdt need reassurance that there are others for whom the day doesn't go perfectly KWIM?? I don't like to think I am but I am a perfectionist who can be really hard on myself ( and the kids : )

And TBH, I find the three kids thing WAY more exhausting than the two kids...way more than I expected. I feel constantly thwarted and frustrated....so many different needs and levels of needs and I never am able to meet them. Many discipline issues that need to be dealt w/...and allI want to do is sleep or do computer....or almost *anything* else! :LOL

ANyway she's our last baby so I want to enjoy these days but sometimes it's a struggle

My point is THANK YOU MAMAS for sharing your kind words and reassurances.

I think I do need to accept this is where my family is now. We move to CO from CA this month....so maybe there is a *bit* of tension about taht?? :LOL Perphaps. And the hope there is that DH will be around more since he will no longer be working F/T, going to school 3 nights a week and doing other side jobs!

And if he takes even ONE of them from time to time....maybe, just maybe....I can squeeze some more fun stuff in... :

THANK YOU AGAIN mamas

[Pigpen]

Originally Posted by indigolilybear

Can anyone relate to this?

HECK YES!!!
I seriously could have written all of your posts, including the ages of our children and living in So.Cal. (although I'm not moving any time soon). I've been vicariously encouraged by this thread. I struggle with the same issues...just totally exhausted and then trying not to feel guilty that I'm not doing more. Glad to know I'm not alone!

[greensmile]

I can totally relate to all of the above. I always thought to myself, it'll get easier when baby is older and then guess what, there was another one! But a wise friend said it's easier after the first four and it really is- because your older ones are, well older! So where you're at is much harder as they're all "small". However there is a lot to be done as a family and things in your environment they can learn from. I was always astounded by the fact my kids kept progressing even when I was laid up or occupied with a very little one.

[knittingmomma]

I agree with what greensmile said
Once the two oldest get say 8 and 10 things get much easier no matter how many children you have.... we have five and they are 11, 9, almost 7, almost 5 and 13 months....

No, I never get to do all I planned, but they are doing great despite our hodge podge days.

A key is to get rid of the TV because then they HAVE to use their brains

Warm wishes,
Tonya

[PancakeGoddess]

Originally Posted by knittingmomma

I agree with what greensmile said
Once the two oldest get say 8 and 10 things get much easier no matter how many children you have....

: uh oh... (see sig)

ok, sort of kidding, it's not that bad, but seriously, this is my dilemma:

when baby naps, I don't want to sit down and do schooly things! So, usually we can get things done with him toddling around, but sometimes he's a stinker and it doesn't work out. This is such a big, common, classic homeschooling challenge, I think.

Did I already mention my mother's helper in this thread? if it's affordable, that's my contribution - get a nice, baby-liking kid to be a fresh playmate to your youngers.

[meowee]

here's my advice, as a homeschooler who is frazzled, with a lot of kids:

only worry about actively homeschooling once they are 5 y.o., unless they beg you to teach them before that.

Concentrate to the basics: reading, writing, math.

Let the goal always be independent learning; hand-hold as little as possible.

Once they are reading very well independently, create or use a good reading list that includes topics such as history and science (I love the Vertias Press reading lists/ resources) and have them write book reports (doesn't have to be long or fancy). this way you are getting many subjects done in one activity-- writing a report on a science book accomplishes science, reading, composition, handwriting.

Keep the TV/ computer games off until all kids have finished their homeschool assigments or goals for the day.

Expect kids to help you with small chores (all kids over the age of 2 can pick up toys or other stuff from the floor).

If you have a safe backyard where they can play unattended, get them (the older ones) outside as much as possible during warm weather.