encouragement please!!

[smarmie]

I almost don't know where to start...I don't come here very often but you guys have always been so supportive I feel very comfortable "letting it all out" here.
Two mondays ago my grandmother who I was very close to and practically raised me died. It was very sudden. When I found out my legs turned into spagetti and I almost fell, then I just wanted to curl up on the floor under a chair at the hospital while the family was trying to explain what happened. Besides losing my 2 day old baby 3 years ago (today) this is the first major loss of a family member. It is a huge thing and maybe I am in denial but I am still having a hard time realizing that she is gone and I never get to see her again or call her when I need to talk or hold her hand. I just want everything to be as close to normal as I can get it and just keeps getting worse! I don't understand how someone can have such continous bad luck. First in mid September we were robbed and I felt so violated and angry! Then a week later I found out I was having a miscarrage and that floored me because I had an IUD in, I was upset because the IUD failed and kind of relieved about the mc because I have a 20mo dd and am not ready for another yet. Then a week after that my car broke down on the interstate in rush hour traffic in the FAST lane. That was scarry. I figured that was the end of the bad luck, you know how it is saposed to come in threes. Well I was wrong because then my grandmother died and two days later I was in the hospital with really bad pain. I still am not sure what exactly it was from the Drs. could'nt tell, but it was eather a tubal pregnancy or an ovarian cyst. I am sure that now I have gotten closer to my maximum stress level than ever before. I am in school and graduate next semester but am falling behind because of all the time out recently and I now have to take more time out because now family is in town and we have to take care of my grandmothers house. I am not looking for sympathy. I do need some encouragement, LOTS of it. Thanks for just listening.

[lisamarie]

((((HUGS)))))) ~

So glad that you felt comfortable to come here and share. Grief can be such a lonely feeling and so overwhelming sometimes.

It sounds like you have had multiple losses in such a short time and so much stress. I totally understand as to why you want things back to normal, things haven't been "normal" for awhile.

Even though you have much to catch up on at school, please try to take the time to grieve and heal (both your body and soul). Even if this is just taking a bath at night by yourself, with a cup of tea and crying. Or writing your feelings, thoughts, memories about your grandma in a journal. Its your grief time.

Your grandmother sounds like such a warm person who impacted your life greatly. Sending you encouragment and hugs to get through this time.

Please feel free to come here and write/talk about your grandma and keep us posted on how you are doing.

Much Love & Peace~

Lisa

[JessicaS]

I went through a similar experience it was all around the time dd was born. We lost several family members in a small time period and it was really tough to take the time to morn while caring for a newborn. It is said that trouble comes in threes, it seems you have had that and then some.

Maybe have your dh watch your 20 month old for a bit and take a walk, go to a cofffee shop and read a trashy novel or take a long bath. Just take time for yourself to morn and grieve. I know it is tough to find the time but sometimes it can be easy to get depression when you dont take time to deal with things.

I am so sorry for your losses.

[susan61]

(((((starrylaurie)))))

So sorry to hear of your losses/challenges. Take it easy on yourself. It won't be the end of the world if you don't graduate when you expect. Life is too short to not take care of ourselves. Consider taking time off school if that's feasible. I've BTDT, and initially couldn't imagine a change in plans, but I waited to finish, finished, and carried on. Just my two cents, for what it's worth.

Peace,

[myrrhmaid]

(((((starrylaurie))))) My heart goes out to you in your time of loss & confusion. There is no problem too big or too small that can't be solved with love. I hope you feel the love here that we want to share with you. I'm hoping she'll come visit you in a dream & bring you some comfort & peace. Maybe it will help to know that she is caring for your angel baby in the spirit world. xoxoxoxox

[simonee]

{{{starrylaurie}}}

I'm so sorry. That's almost too much to bear.

Sending lots of healing vibes and thoughts your way, and all my hope that soon your life will reward you with all the joy and happiness that you need and deserve.

[dlb]

((((starrylaurie))))

I am so sorry to hear about your granny. My grandmother and I are very close, and when she goes I will be in your shoes-- and I cant think of anything that would help. And all your other recent losses and trauma. My God. You are hurting so bad, I wish I knew someway that the pain could be relieved.

I agree with the folks who said you need some time to yourself. Don't pressure yourself at all right now, all you are responsible for right now is to keep going and take care of your little one. Breath in, breath out--when every breath hurts, thats all that you can be expected to do sometimes.


Do what you can to take care of your health, try to eat right even if you don't want to, try to sleep when you can.

you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that your family and IRL freinds can bring you loving support and help.

love,

DeAnna

[smarmie]

Thank you all for your support!
Taking it easy is something I really did'nt think about. I guess I was trying so hard to find things to occupy myself I forgot that I need to take care of myself too.
Now my body has kind of forced a break on me. Sometimes the pain from the mc is so bad that I can't do anything but curl up on the bed and wonder if I am going to die. I have only had this kind of pain 4 times now, but it is not predictable so I can't go anywhere wihtout an escort.
Thank you again for your support, it means so much.
Laura

[Ms. Mom]

SL, I know you have a lot to work through right now. I'm so sorry for all that's happening to you.

Yes, please remember to take care of yourself. This will give you the energy to work through the greif. I've found Yoga to be very spiritual and healing. It's a great way to let your mind and body go.

Also, make sure you're eating healthy, regular meals. Try to avoid caffein, as it can increase anxiety.

Thinking of you and sending my well wishes.