Wanting a Homebirth but Terrified after 2 horrible births

[sanguine_speed]

Hi,

I happen to be amongst friends who have chosen homebirth and have had wonderful experiences. One of them had a neg experience, needing to go to hospital via ambulance.

I have had 2 birth experiences personally, and both were so awful that I'm afraid I cannot safely have a homebirth. The first, I was induced early due to preeclampsia, and you can predict all the interventions and just horrible crap that happened.

The 2nd time, I thought I would get it right! I got a midwife, had a full-term extremely healthy baby...no drugs/interventions, but at a hospital. Sadly, I had a stickly placenta, and the midwives had to give me some shots. I was in extraordinary pain for hours after the birth, lost a lot of blood, passed out while feeding my baby from low BP. They sent me home 2 days later and I still felt awful. I was so out of it and in so much pain (no tearing).

A day later, I went back to the hospital because I was in so much pain still, and it had even worsened. I felt very dizzy and even delirious. Turnout out I had retained pieces of placenta and lost a lot of blood (about half of my body's worth!). I had a D&C and stayed a week in the hospital without my newborn baby and it was awful.

Anyway, I felt very cheated for having gone through a natural labour and delivery without reaping the benefits (though I acknowledge some benefit still).

I would very much like to have a birth experience that is positive, healing and healthy. I'm just worried that since my body did not handle the natural birth in the hospital well that I will not likely have a healthy labour/delivery next time. My body really does not like labour/delivery, I think! Even the natural labouring with a midwife was so odd. Bathing hurt, standing hurt, walking was murder, so the "most comfortable position" ended up being supine, which is supposed to be the worst for "most" people!!!

Is there any hope for me? It was pointed out to me by my midwife that had I been around before my time, I likely would not have lived very long after my baby's birth due to the placental problems and infection.

Thanks!

[lunamegn]

Oh, girl, I'm so sorry that you had such bad experiences. I don't really have any advice for you except to say that you should try and make the most out of your next birth. I just wanted to give you a ((((HUG))) ~ hopefully some other more experiences mamas will have some better advice.

[Rockies5]

Hi dear. All I can say is I am sorry for the rotten luck that has caused you this pain. You can only do your best to prevent preE with diet...yet some will still get it. and with a natural birth and still having a retained placenta, this could not have been prevented! There is no need to think you could have done "better", because you did do everything right!!

None of this will keep you from having a HB. All I would suggest now is grieving the loss and recovering from your traumatic past births, in other to go to the next with a clear head...no matter where you birth. NO birth is "perfect". Even though I have gotten everything that I have asked fro from my births, there is still a sense of loss, still a sense of what could I have done better? You aren't alone.

[sanguine_speed]

Thanks for your kind words. Reading what I wrote and reading your responses made it clear to me that I did have a bad natural birth experience, but that it wasn't my fault, and it doesn't necessarily have to be that way again. That's nice because ever since it happened 16 months ago I've felt badly about it. I still do, and I'm still terrified of ANY type of birth next time, but I feel a little sense of hope.
I can see that my body and I need to work on some trust issues.

Thanks again!!!

[girlndocs]

I would encourage you to do some research (or deeper research) into natural birth and investigate the possibility that medicalized intervention may have helped make your births such harrowing experiences.

I suggest the books Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin and The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer.

[Spark]

Goodness, I'm so sorry that you're living with the negativity from these experiences. I also think the fear from these would be really frightening at times. Especially with your MW saying you would have died if it wasn't modern times.

How does she really know that though? I'm curious how long you were allowed to go without pushing out your placenta. Some women naturally do not expel the placenta for even an hour or two after birth with no harm to them or baby. I'm curious if the MW tugged on the umbilical cord trying to release the placenta. I'm curious if they tried to manually scrape it from your uterus during the 3rd stage. I'm also curious as to why your placenta wasn't thoroughly checked for any missing pieces when you finally did deliver it. I'm willing to bet that your 3rd stage was not handled as naturally as a good homebirth MW would have known to handle it. I could be wrong. But, I just don't want you clinging to a fear that the medical practices saved your life. Sounds more like they endangered your life to me. Just because a hospital employee is a MW doesn't mean that they aren't swayed by hospital interventions and protocol.

[sanguine_speed]

Sparks...thanks for your reply, but actually the MW is not an employee of the hospital. They have priveleges at that hospital but do homebirths too. I guess I will never know the "why"s. But I wil tell you that I intuitively did not trust the midwife (my midwife was away and I go tthe only one who could come from the group).

[kahbo]

I hope the love of your family is getting you through this....Please try to search for the good...I feel for you and wish I could help...I am not a mother yet...but I know what it's like to feel like I have no control over what my body is doing...and feeling helpless....but this is your time to feel it all from in and try to find the balance and sense of it...you can make it...your a strong woman...your body and mind has been through SOOOO much....I wish you well HMM

[alegna]

Sounds like a rough go of things. First off- find a homebirth midwife you can TRUST. Then research everything. You need to be comfortable with all the what-ifs and how your midwife will deal with them.

I think you can have the homebirth you want. I think your problems were caused by the hospital and setting.

-Angela

[sarahwebb]

Big hugs to you. I am so glad you recovered and are well but sorry to hear how awful your first two births were.

I'd say find a midwife you trust and talk things over with her.

I birthed both of mine supine with legs up--my midwife suggested it after five hours of pushing with the first one and he was born twenty minutes later. I only pushed a little while with my second before we decided supine might just be the way my body delivers babies best. My second son was born shortly after.

The one other thing I'll add is that even if you have an unmedicated natural homebirth, you can take 600 mg Ibuprophen afterwards if you're in a lot of pain! I was in agony for twelve hours after birthing my second and no one in the house thought of Ibuprophen until a friend who is a nurse came the next day...

Good luck,
Sarah