Long- Need support, Kind words and Open Vibes

[Mama Bee]

I am 41 wks 1 day today with my second pregnancy. DS #1 was born at 38 weeks. I was not prepared to be pregnant this long. Intellectually, I knew that all pregnancies and babies are different but actually living it is taking its toll.

We are planning a homebirth and have had the birthing tub set up in our bedroom for almost a month now. My MIL flew in to be our son's labor support the last Saturday of April and is still here. She is a teacher and took the last month of school off to be here to help us. She also has two young boys at home- 8 & 11.

My sister flew in the first week of May intending to stay a week. Everyone thought I would have the baby while she was here- even my midwife. When it was time for her to leave, I still hadn't had the baby so I paid $200 to change her ticket for an additional week. At the end of that week, still no baby. She went home- both of us crying like babes at the airport.

My MIL must return home on Monday but my mom will be here by then. DH has a break from school and work until June first but after that, it's back to business as usual. We had really, really hoped the baby would be born during his break so he could spend time getting to know our new son without the distractions of the outside world.

I am now bigger than I've ever been in my life. My skin is stretched beyond recognition. My pubic bones hurt, my pelvic floor muscles and stomach muscles feel like they are giving out. When I stand up, I have to wait a few moments for everything to settle before I can even take a step or I get an incredible amount of pain in my lower abdomen. I see a chiropractor regularly and everything is in perfect alignment so it's not my body, per se, that's causing the lack of comfort.

That being said, I am perfectly healthy. The baby is perfectly healthy. I have plenty of amniotic fluid and the baby is moving quite a bit still. He's been perfectly positioned for a month now. His head is engaged and unmovable.... he seems quite prepared to come out- and has for weeks. However, he's still in.

I've read extensively and consider myself to be well informed. I know a lot of other countries use 41 weeks as opposed to 40 and that first time moms (which I'm not) tend to go longer still. I know that cycle length, ovulation, etc can affect due dates. Oh, and my midwife thinks (from feeling him, positioning, etc) that he's going to be pretty big... like 10lbs ish.... which I'm absolutely thrilled about!! And I know that the longer he stays in the bigger and stronger he'll get which are all good, positive things, IMO.

I know all this STUFF but I'm having a really hard time not letting it get me down. My dad called a few minutes ago to check on me and before I'd even said hello I was already crying because I want so badly for this baby to be born NOW. My best friend (long distance relationship), who up until this point has been super supportive of my 'alternative' views on pregnancy and childbirth was making noises about induction and going to an OB and blah, blah, blah. I was extremely snarky with her about it and she hasn't mentioned it again but still, she shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Everyone (with the exception of that one incident) is being really supportive. While concerned, they trust my decision to homebirth and they trust my trust in my midwife. But they have started asking questions like, "what does your midwife say?", "you're sure the baby is healthy and there aren't any problems", "the only thing I'm concerned about is your health and the baby's health", etc. It's just beginning to get a little trying, kwim?

Anyway, if you've made it this far into my post, thank you for reading. I would imagine I sound a little whiney but right now I just needed to whine a little to people who would 'get it'. So, tell me all the things I need to hear- the baby will come out, post-date is arbitrary, many have stood where I now stand and have come out the other side just fine. Thanks, Mamas!

[MajaKatrina]

I can tell by your post you know you are doing the right things! But Im sending you ELV and hoping your little man decides the time is now!!

Hugs,

Catherine

[mightymoo]

Oh Mama Bee I have been there! I know just how hard it is. My DD was born by c/s after a failed induction at 42 weeks and 3 days - my parents flew in the week before (we figured the baby would be born by then) and my dad only got to spend an hour with her before he had to leave. It's heart wrenching.

Now I am 40 weeks and 2 days looking down that same road, getting more depressed every day that goes by that this baby is going to be born that late. My FIL just got into town and my MIL flies in on Sat - they are going to take care of DD while we are at the hospital. I so want the baby to be born now so they can spend that time with him instead of looking at me pregnant. Even though I have told myself this entire pregnancy that I am going to be looking at a late late baby, every day I get more depressed about it, I wonder if I'll ever go into labor on my own.

So, I know how hard and frustrating it is. You are right, the average length of pregnancy is 41 weeks for first time moms and 40 weeks and 3 days for second time moms. Meaning for every mom who delivers at 39 weeks, one delivers at 41+ weeks. Every day the chances you'll have the baby tomorrow are even higher. But of course knowing that doesn't make it easier, does it?

Feel free to come by the May 2005 forum and vent as often as you want - those of us May due daters who are still around have been commiserating there. Sometimes a little whining helps clear things off your chest

[dynamohumm6]

I've also been there and done that, and I know exactly how you feel. My daughter was 10 days "late" (weighing in at 10lbs 4oz at birth), and I was in tears almost every day that last week waiting for her to arrive. Plus, my mother had been in town for two weeks, staying with us in our tiny 1 bedroom apartment.
I honestly think the stress from waiting and dealing with my mother contributed to the lateness. Can you get some time totally to yourself to just sit and be with your baby, and practice some calming techniques for yourself? That's about the only thing I can recommend, since you obviously know what you're doing but in hindsight, I am convinced that stress and anticipation were there reasons I went late.

Hugs to you, you have a ton of empathy from me!

[Joyce in the mts.]

Hey, you are entitled to your feelings- the good, the bad and the ugly about the situation.

All you can do now is:

Trust. Breathe. Maybe each time you feel the anxiety creeping up...center your attention on your breathing and breathe slowly in and out if you can. I agree that alone time, with your baby...homing in, calming...well how can it hurt?

Is there an accupuncturist around your neck of the woods? I have seen and heard of good results with stimulating labor that way when things are very uncomfortable as they are in your case.

There is an accupressure point called "Spleen 6" that can help also.

More about that here:
http://www.mother-care.ca/spleen.htm

You can read about accupuncture to stimulate labor by searching online too.

Is there any activity that you can "lose" yourself in? I would do whatever that is from time to time to relieve the tension a bit.

Ummm...an orgasm can help begin things too. ( No delicate way of saying that, is there?!)

Otherwise, however you can find comfort, and some relaxation: in the bath or shower (maybe have a plastic lawnchair in the shower so you can sit if standing is too much?), walking, receiving massage, aromas, and general pampering can help take the edge off. Fill the birthing tub and get in and soak? (Might as well make use of it while it's set up, right? It can always be cleaned).

Run any of these things by your midwife first... if you feel the need to or feel better doing so.

And you know...I don't have to tell you: The baby is going to come; maybe not in your time, but in his time. They never stay in till their 20!

Meanwhile, hugs and good thoughts to you while you wait.

Joyce in the mts.

[Danielsmom]

It's hard at this stage. Especially the unsolicted advice...that always drives me nuts, but never more so than when I was pregnant.
Your baby will "hatch" when he/she is ready.
Reassuringly enough, my very traditional OB was laid back about letting my son gestate until he was ready. (I was 41 weeks, 1 day when I went into labor). I was the one all anxious to induce. The day before my planned induction, I went into labor. The baby came on his own time; he was very healthy, over 9 pounds. He just liked hanging out in my uterus.

[Chiromom]

Just wanted to send you a big hug. You seem to be very logical...which is good...but don't be afraid to surrender to the emotions (like you just did here) on occasion. Hang in there!

[Artisan]

I am sending lots of positive birthing vibes your way, mama. Take heart -- it will be worth it.



















But it is very hard right now, I know.

[Mama Bee]

Originally Posted by Joyce in the mts.

Is there an accupuncturist around your neck of the woods? I have seen and heard of good results with stimulating labor that way when things are very uncomfortable as they are in your case.

I've had three treatments so far to no avail. :LOL My acupuncturist is stumped!

Ummm...an orgasm can help begin things too. ( No delicate way of saying that, is there?!)

DH called me a nympho last night! : I couldn't believe it!

And you know...I don't have to tell you: The baby is going to come; maybe not in your time, but in his time. They never stay in till their 20!

That's what I keep saying.... well, he's gotta come out sometime! I'm not going to be 90 and still pregnant!


Thanks for the kind words and wishes everyone!!! It is so good to hear others who have BTDT and lived to tell about it!

[Pandora114]

nipple twidding should work.

Try some EPO caplets a few poked with a needle and shoved up by your cervix and a few oraly.

*shrug* Walk walk walk. What kick started my labour with DD was I did mad packing/moving a few days before she was born...try re-arranging furnature, some heavy duty vaccuming? something like that?

[Patchfire]

I was in your shoes two months ago! I had been told that 2nd babies would come sooner and all of that. Dd was born at 39w4d... and that came and went. I had been convinced I would have a baby around 38w! Ds came out at 40w2d - so not as late as a lot of people - but it's hard, because mentally you're prepared so much sooner than it happens.

He came out with very little vernix, over a pound and a half bigger than dd was at birth, and in some ways it feels like we skipped that very little newborn stage - he's been incredibly alert and ready to interact from the very first day. He just 'cooked' a little longer. But oh, it was a wonderful birth, and I'm so glad that I let it happen when it happened, even though I was miserable every day for the last month. s

[Debstmomy]

Hey Mama Bee! I was wondering how you were doing. s s

You are not alone. I am not quite as overdue as you are, but post date none the less. (I have 5/25 in my sig, but that is one of 3 due dates!) I understand your stress. I second the suggestion to fling yourself into something. Learn to knit, start a new project. Something fun, that you want to do. I like being crafty, not sure if that is your thing or not. But wait, you made me wipes, so perhaps there is something crafty you can do! Try making some birth art, paint sculpt,quilt. Perhaps that will help you release.

The saying that 2nd babys comes sooner is a no go for me too. My DS was 5 days later than DD & she was late too. This one, who knows. I just know that she & I are healthy & I try not to think about it to much.

DH calling you a nympho, that is too funny! Sex for me is more work than anything, I am jealous of you.

We are here for you! Trust your baby, Trust your body. It will happen when it is suppose to happen.

[Mama Bee]

Hey, you guys! Thanks so much for all the support. As an update, I lost my plug this evening. I started labor about 8 hours after losing it with DS#1.... we'll see how this one goes. Who knows with the way things are going it could be another two weeks! I'll keep you posted.... and really.... THANK YOU all!!!!

[Pandora114]

Woohoo!!!

Here's some labour for ya!

Wheee.....Keep twiddlin those nipples. It'll help! Nice warm shower/bath..yeah...

[mightymoo]

Woo Woo! Come on baby! : : :

[cappuccinosmom]

Here's to a quick labor start-up now that you've lost your plug!

But I don't think you were whiny at all. I went 42+ weeks with my second boy, and I was MISERABLE!!!!!
First, because of the outside tension from people thinking they needed to make him come out on thier schedule.
And also, because I got *massive* in the last few weeks, swollen up like crazy, hungry and eating like a pig (wait a minute, I'm still doing that : ), muscle aches, none of my clothes fit, and on and on....plus, I couldn't use the midwife center birthing rooms and had to go to the hospital.

It's hard when you're expecting to be on the early end of normal, and go to the far late end of normal. Even knowing what you know intellectually (it's fine, the baby won't be damaged, 42 weeks is perfectly ok too, etc) everybody else, and part of you wants the baby out, now!

[Mama Bee]

You ladies are so great! Still losing plug this morning and having mild contractions. I hate to say 'this is it' though b/c... well... who knows! DH & I are going out to a park to walk this morning and see if that doesn't get things going. May 27 is a good day to have a baby, no?!

[Noelia430]

Yay! I hope everything goes smoothly for you! I'm sending all my +++ birthing energy to you!

[Chiromom]

I'm thinking of you Mama Bee and imagine you snuggling with your new little one (or maybe not so little?) right this moment! :infant: