He has never ever ever done anything for ds he wasn't forced to do by the courts or his parents. As soon as they lay off him, he quits calling. He is so self-centered.
I couldn't reach his mother so I emailed him asking him to pass the message on. He just emailed me back telling me that he and his current girlfriend are getting married and that he wants us to be "friends". He also wants us to set up a joint college account for ds.
Ok, first, the money. He doesn't even pay his child support half the time, so why the H does he want a college fund set up? Does he think he can do this in lieu of paying support? I am not telling him that we have a fund already paid off for ds's tuition and are saving for his extras now. My lawyer said that he will have to pay half anyway.
Secondly, I can't even get an email from him without wanting to wring his neck. I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't give a thought to his own child. He has promised to do so much for ds and has always fallen through. He never writes or calls ds (except for a few times this year when his mom was on his back). He has virtually no contact except to sometimes see ds when he goes to visit grandma. He wants to talk to me because he wants me to think he is a good person. I don't want to validate him. Ds is 11- he is capable of having his own relationship with his father if his father made any effort at all.
Thirdly, ds says that his girlfriend doesn't like him. She makes comments under her breath and rolls her eyes at him. I told ds about the upcoming marriage and asked what he thought. He said that biodad will probably have another baby and then he won't be fun anymore. I asked if he was worried that biodad would like the baby better than him. He said no, because if he did grandma would get mad at him.
This was just a vent. For the record, I keep my feelings to myself and ds has no idea how much I dislike his dad. I just am struggling with how to answer the email- with honesty or polite bullcrap.
Honesty ex: Telling him that I want him to focus on a relationship with ds, that ds is 11 and there isn't any need for me to play intermediary, I am available if he has a question, but frankly I am not interested in being friends with someone who has disappointed my son and my self for the last 11 years (keep in mind this will be the 99th time I have had to tell him this), that he needs to worry about catching up on his support obligations before he worries about a college fund, that when he is caught up, he is welcome to set up a college fund to pay for the half of college he'll be responsible for in 7 years.
Politeness: Ok, I just can't imagine a way to not say the above, so I guess the polite alternative is to ignore the email.
I couldn't reach his mother so I emailed him asking him to pass the message on. He just emailed me back telling me that he and his current girlfriend are getting married and that he wants us to be "friends". He also wants us to set up a joint college account for ds.
Ok, first, the money. He doesn't even pay his child support half the time, so why the H does he want a college fund set up? Does he think he can do this in lieu of paying support? I am not telling him that we have a fund already paid off for ds's tuition and are saving for his extras now. My lawyer said that he will have to pay half anyway.
Secondly, I can't even get an email from him without wanting to wring his neck. I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't give a thought to his own child. He has promised to do so much for ds and has always fallen through. He never writes or calls ds (except for a few times this year when his mom was on his back). He has virtually no contact except to sometimes see ds when he goes to visit grandma. He wants to talk to me because he wants me to think he is a good person. I don't want to validate him. Ds is 11- he is capable of having his own relationship with his father if his father made any effort at all.
Thirdly, ds says that his girlfriend doesn't like him. She makes comments under her breath and rolls her eyes at him. I told ds about the upcoming marriage and asked what he thought. He said that biodad will probably have another baby and then he won't be fun anymore. I asked if he was worried that biodad would like the baby better than him. He said no, because if he did grandma would get mad at him.
This was just a vent. For the record, I keep my feelings to myself and ds has no idea how much I dislike his dad. I just am struggling with how to answer the email- with honesty or polite bullcrap.
Honesty ex: Telling him that I want him to focus on a relationship with ds, that ds is 11 and there isn't any need for me to play intermediary, I am available if he has a question, but frankly I am not interested in being friends with someone who has disappointed my son and my self for the last 11 years (keep in mind this will be the 99th time I have had to tell him this), that he needs to worry about catching up on his support obligations before he worries about a college fund, that when he is caught up, he is welcome to set up a college fund to pay for the half of college he'll be responsible for in 7 years.
Politeness: Ok, I just can't imagine a way to not say the above, so I guess the polite alternative is to ignore the email.
, but "acting" friendly in front of your son is something you obviously should still try and do...not saying you haven't 
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