watching them walk out the door is sooo hard....

[Shenjall]

Today is weekend visit friday. I hate this day. My house seems so empty and quiet with only 2 kids. Luckily, the youngest 2 were napping when they left so I didnt have to deal with the tears this time.

I just wanted to vent. Thanks.

I know you mamas can relate.


laura

[JennyClaire]

I can totally relate, Laura!

I am aching for DD. She is with bio-dad for 5 whole weeks this summer, and miserable there. I am paranoid that something will happen to her. Every "mothering" instinct I have tells me to go get her, but this would probably lead to 3-yr-jail sentence & loss of custody. We talk every night, and hearing her sad little voice breaks my heart.

DH, DS and I have just finished watching her baby videos. I usually am okay with the visits by now (she's been gone a week), but this sense of "doom" (no, there is no "rational" reason for it!) won't let me stop worrying and missing her.

[AngelBee]

I hate visit weekends.....although ds1 bio sperm donor usually forgets to come or is busy. :

That is even worse though.....Dom sits by the window with his backpack on waiting.....and waiting.....and waiting

[JennyClaire]

Anglebee, I can relate to the waiting, waiting, waiting........ Wishing he would take an interest in her and be her "Daddy."

That's how it was until DD was about 9 (when I got married). Then he decided that "she needs ME" :Puke and started taking her for visits.

At this point he leaves her at home alone (legal at age 13) and goes out with friends at night, sad and lonely.

[katybear mama]

I know how you girls feel......my dd just got back from 2 weeks at her father's (she goes again for 2 weeks in August) and I feel like I can finally exhale. She is my only one so when she is gone I am completely ALONE in this house. Sometimes I get so mad that I'm sitting here by myself and she's at her dad's with his new wife and her 3 kids. Seems after I divorced him cause of his alcoholism (dealt with it for 7 years) he decided he wants to be Father-of-the-Year. But I'm just being bitter, it is far better for dd that he wants to be involved than have a poor child sitting and waiting.

[JennyClaire]

Agree. Hard as it is (and as long as there's no abuse or serious neglect) DC are better by knowing their bioDad cares enough to want time with them. Doesn't make it very easy if you still don't trust him, though. "The grass is always greener", but sometimes I feel like I would worry less about safty issues if he WAS married. But I'm sure that brings a whole OTHER set of issues into the picture.

[Momof9kids]

I'm the oddball

I'm sorry you're hurting but I have to :LOL I must be the oddball here, because I used to 'enjoy' my kid-free weekends. Gave me the time for myself, to read a book, garden, nap or anything that I just didn't have time for during the week; working & taking care of kids, laundry, housework, etc... Actually, I did alot of my housecleaning & sorting through the kids stuff (while they were gone to fish out all their junk!)... I think at first, many years ago (my oldest is 22 now and her dad and I divorced when she was 18 months) that it was because I was still 'young' myself and still wanted to go out and have "FUN" (I was 18 when I had her)

Now, I NEVER get a kid-free weekend. I am a custodial SM of FOUR, on top of my own bio kids and the BM rarely takes her 4 kids (she wont take all 4 at the same time, she only picks "2" at a time) :

For me to get any ALONE time now, I have to insist that my Dh take our kids with him, going to the store or running errands, just so I can do that "dancing in my underwear" thing in my own house!!

I say find good use of your free-time, join a community activity, bask in the sun with a good book, bike ride, clean house, WHATEVER YOU want to do, relish the fact that you have some "me" time, because not all Mom's get that these days!

Remember, you gotta make some "deposits" in the Bank of ME ever so often!

[JennyClaire]

Momof9 - I totally agree about time-to-self!!!!!! Whenever DH isn't too tired to play with DS, I go in garden, on computer, or curl up with good book (Harry Potter, today :LOL ). I can't even imagine how you've managed 9 - I'd be mental!

But DD has always been an "easy" child (thank goodness, because I was 18, too!) and, if anything, she is a help, not the hell-raiser I was at 13. I guess the only thing I can do is try not to worry so much (not easy for me), and take every opportunity for R&R when not on baby-duty. Energetic DS is finally napping, so I'm going to drink some coffee, eat some cake, and start reading, hoping all the while that DD managed to retrieve her copy of HP before departing (with paternal grandmother) for Montreal.

Times like these I wish I believed in a fatherly God to watch over her.

[myjulybabes]

I'm generally glad to see visitation weekend roll around too. But it's only a weekend, and I don't have any major safety concerns. That would make it MUCH tougher,and I'm not ready to send my baby off for more than 3-4 days yet!!!! Luckily, bio-dad agrees it doesn't make much sense for him to pay for daycare for her to spend a few weeks in the summer over there when I'm a SAHM.

[Momof9kids]

I was very lucky, too that my daughters father wanted more than EOW's too. And I rarely told him "no". I figured it's her dad, and she would be seeing him every day, if we had stay married. I had custody of her, but I never kept him from her. Unless I had "plans" for weekend that was 'my w/end' - I let him have her. The kid has TWO parents and if the non-custodial parent WANTS more time, all the better for the kid.

Plus, then, I got MY much needed time. It worked out well for all 3 of us.

[katybear mama]

Don't get me wrong, there are alot of weekends I'm ready for some "me" time. It's just that 2 weeks seems like forever. Oh, and true, "the grass is always greener". I actually get along better with his wife than with him and my dd is close with her stepsister (who is also 7 with the same name - Katy- how weird is that?). Sometimes I wonder what it is she sees in my XH, but ut's really none of my business and I should'nt care either. On a completely different note, Jenny, are you a librarian as well as your husband? I'm a children's librarian and working on my masters for school media specialist.

[JennyClaire]

Yes, DH and I met on the job in the library; we used to gaze at each other while he was at the reference desk and I was in circulation. Now we both have our MLIS, and he is managing a small county library while I SAH. When the time is right, I can't wait to get back into a library!!!! Now I'm wishing that I'd taken the extra courses to get a media specialist certification, because that's the only job I'm likely to find in our VERY rural area (can't work FOR DH, after all). Good luck in school. I hated library school, but the degree is worth it!

DD has sounded pretty good on the phone the past few nights. She is very adaptable, thank goodness! We are halfway through the 5 weeks, and plan to delay DS's 1st B-day party until she's back. I can't wait to see her. I know she's a teen now, but 5 weeks feel like so long, and I miss her so much!

[fek&fuzz]

My boyfriend's daughter (12) is going home on Sunday after being here for 7 weeks "visiting". What a horrid thought, that a child visits their parent. It is hard, as well, watching them walk out the door the other way, too. The girl is so loved, on both sides I'm sure, and it breaks my heart because this situation has no resolution. The two parents live 1500 miles apart and this is the way life is - holidays, school vacations, and 7 weeks in the summer that pass in the blink of an eye.
no one wins. I just hope my small friend knows she is loved and is never lonely.

[Shenjall]

I'm sure she does.