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Be honest with me: am I a prude?

post #1 of 57
Thread Starter 
so i'm a prude...or so dh thinks (he suggested it in a kinda, sorta, joking way. kinda, sorta).

he is constantly horny. i never am.

lately he's been trying to get intimate when the kiddies are in close range. (we have a tiny house, so they are always in close range!) they are 15mo, and almost 4. like, he wants us to lock the door and have sex while they are in the next room playing (which means thay could be at our door in seconds--especially the baby).

safety aside (the baby is at the falls-and-wacks-head-constantly stage) i can't even imagine having sex with my baby outside the door crying for me. or with my almost-4-year old playing his kazoo in the hallway, and asking why he can't come in! yuck! ick!!! no thank you!!!

beyond this total ick factor, i am becoming bothered by the fact that he doesn't seem to think this is a problem. perhaps i'm not a prude, perhaps he's a perv!

what do you think???
post #2 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by francy
safety aside (the baby is at the falls-and-wacks-head-constantly stage) i can't even imagine having sex with my baby outside the door crying for me. or with my almost-4-year old playing his kazoo in the hallway, and asking why he can't come in! yuck! ick!!! no thank you!!!
What? That doesn't get you in the mood?

Just kidding, of course. I can't understand how anyone would find that appealing, either.

Maybe you could put the ball back in his court -- he wants sex, let him be responsible for creating the right ambiance. That means children properly attended to for whatever length of time you are comfortable with; a nice, clean bedroom with fresh sheets, nice music, an adult beverage, perhaps a bubble bath, some flowers. If he is motivated, I'm sure he can do all this and more. And if it suits you, maybe then you'll want to have sex with him some of the time. With a 15-month-old and a almost-four-year-old, I bet there's a strong chance that given some childfree time and a glass of wine, you'd probably be in danger of fallling asleep in the bathtub. But hey, if that happens, you'll just be that much more rested, which means happier and more receptive to sex. Just don't drown!
post #3 of 57
I cannot telly ou how that was me writing that!!! LOL I have a 4 yo, a 3 yo and a 16 month old. I hate sex now!! Afterall, i am with kids 24-7 running a household and business. and why is it that he can come in the house, ignore the kids crying and go to the bedroom. all of a sudden he says hay babe...... come here real quick!! I KNOW what that means and i reply oh she left about 5min ago sorry LOL ODnt get me wrong. obviuosly with 3 kids in 4 years, we hvae DTD> but I cannot do it when the kids are crying and the laundry eneds to be folded and I have dinner to cook. and I cant tune it out.
I think what you are feeling is NOrmal and that does not make you a prude. I am a very sexual person.... well was before kids. but anyway. I want to get that way again. and I am sure it will happen. hubby and i actually discuss this like veryday. HWat i need from him and what he needs from me. ronamce, fun, carefree sex. whatever. we make it a goal. I totally lost my sex drive after dd2, until it came time to try for dd3. but hten it was lost again. i just got it back. I read a few self help books, and hubby and i frequently discuss our desires.
I awear if you were ever a sexual person it will come back. it just takes time and alot of work, it is worth it though. Sex is NOT everything in a marriage but I feel it is important. I can talk to hangm hang out with, jok around with, dance with.. etc any man..but i only make live to my hubby and that is very imporant


good luck mama,.....
post #4 of 57
You are not a prude and he is not a pervert. Just let him know that you are more than willing to have sex with him if the situation is right. Like the previous poster said, he should be willing to create that environment. Basically, emphasis that you are just not comfortable doing it when the kids are nearby, awake and unsupervised - after all how frustrated would he be if you needed to suddenly stop after starting before he finished? My kids are about the same age and I just can't imagine feeling amorous without them being asleep - just too many variables to worry about.
post #5 of 57
I definately don't think you are a prude. Let him know that you are a mom now, and that you have a lot on your mind and on your plate. If he wants to "get busy" he should take someof the burden from you. Take you out on a date. Get a babysitter! Heck, fold the laundry! My husband always laughs, because I'll call him over really seductive like, and say, "hey, honey, you know what would really turn me on.... if you did the dishes and folded the clothes!" The funny thing is it is totally true. When he does things to help me out and pampers me, I am much more likely to be in the mood.
post #6 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by elsie
You are not a prude and he is not a pervert.


:




I don't usually recommend the TV as a babysitter, but..........is there a good, entertaining video you can pop in for the 4 yo. while the 15 month old takes a nap???
post #7 of 57
I bet if he'd shell out for a babysitter to take the kiddos out to the park for an hour, he'd see that you are indeed NOT a prude!

Or maybe three hours. LOL.
post #8 of 57
We don't have a door on our room! So we have to put up the babygate, then one of them will be hanging on it wondering why it's up. :LOL
post #9 of 57
I don't think I'd want to have sex under those circumstances either!

We only have one child, so it's relatively simple for us to just wait until she's taking a nap or asleep for the night. I wouldn't be comfortable having sex while she was awake -- she'd be sure to need something before we were through!

Even when she's older, I seriously doubt we'll be having sex while she's awake. We tend to view sex as a private activity, and the prospect of being interrupted by a child who needs something from us is not appealing!

I do think it's important to put the housework in perspective, though. The laundry, starting on dinner, that sort of thing can definitely wait once in a while!
post #10 of 57
It doesn't sound like an issue of whether you are a prude or not, just that there is someone who needs you more than he does at that particular time. Priorities, and all that. Get the kiddies in a safe happy situation with someone else meeting their needs for awhile and challenge him to bring the so-called "prude" out of her shell, lol!! Now that's not to say you can't sneak in a snuggle or a grope now and then, just to motivate him further to remember to call the babysitter.

Honestly my fantasy at this point is to get a babysitter, tell them we are going to dinner, rush off to spend a few hours in a private room somewhere and grab a bite at a drivethru on the way home!!
post #11 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by francy
so i'm a prude...or so dh thinks (he suggested it in a kinda, sorta, joking way. kinda, sorta).

he is constantly horny. i never am.

lately he's been trying to get intimate when the kiddies are in close range. (we have a tiny house, so they are always in close range!) they are 15mo, and almost 4. like, he wants us to lock the door and have sex while they are in the next room playing (which means thay could be at our door in seconds--especially the baby).

safety aside (the baby is at the falls-and-wacks-head-constantly stage) i can't even imagine having sex with my baby outside the door crying for me. or with my almost-4-year old playing his kazoo in the hallway, and asking why he can't come in! yuck! ick!!! no thank you!!!

beyond this total ick factor, i am becoming bothered by the fact that he doesn't seem to think this is a problem. perhaps i'm not a prude, perhaps he's a perv!

what do you think???

I'm on your husband's side. Sorry. LOL

Invest in some baby gates and a good radio.
post #12 of 57
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A
I don't usually recommend the TV as a babysitter, but..........is there a good, entertaining video you can pop in for the 4 yo. while the 15 month old takes a nap???


gosh, i just can't even imagine having sex while the 4 yr old is awake at all. maybe this is why he thinks i'm a prude. if the boy is awake, then he is occupying too many of my brain cells. i don't want to be thinking about him at all when dh and i are...

we have a super small cottage, so all the rooms are on one floor, and next to each other. too close for comfort where sex is concerned!

i have a friend who has kids the same age, and she has done just this suggestion (baby napping, older with a video). but i just can't conceive of it. i guess i really need a LOT of distance between mothering and "wifing." my brain is so totally full of kids these days. alas, this means very little sex for now. well, this isn't actually such a problem for me, b/c my libido is on hiatus. but dh is just in agony.

man, sex is just about the only thing we argue about. but we argue about it every day. how i wish the whole issue would disappear for a while. maybe i can start slipping salt peter in his morning latte. :LOL right now i'd givejust about anything for a man who desires nothing more than a goodnight kiss, and a goodmorning hug.

thanks for your opinions and ideas!!
post #13 of 57
Pop in a video and get them ocupied. its called quickie for a reason.

haveing someone take them for a spin to the park ain't a bad idea though.
post #14 of 57
if sex is the only thing you argue about and everything else is great, you are fortunate and I would recomend working on your feelings towards sex with the kids around......they arent going anywhere...you are a *woman* who is a wife and mother...I wouldnt call you a prude (my dh says I am one but he is actually the prude...my sexuality scares him, he cant handle it!) it sounds like maybe you have some issues merging your sensual side with being a mama...I'm sure some alone time with your dh would help...relax, burn some incense, play some music, talk, massage eachother, make love...then try a quicky, burn the same incense, turn on the music, this may all help you relax and get into the moment


blessings~
post #15 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheFence
I'm on your husband's side. Sorry. LOL

Invest in some baby gates and a good radio.


:
post #16 of 57
For me, once I get into the idea of a quickie, it's totally worth it. A few weeks ago we sent ds on a search for a random object upstairs that we knew would take him a few minutes to find and GIO. It was funny and spontaneous. Sometimes we forget that we need to have fun with each other too, not just with ds.

I don't have any advice except to give it a try, maybe if the baby is napping and your older one is into a movie or something. You might be surprised.
post #17 of 57
Um.. we have been known to on a couple of occasions to put a movie on and go lock ourselves in the bedroom for a quickie :

It's fun!:LOL
post #18 of 57
I honestly love quickies.....way more than dh even!!!

It is a great way to reconnect with your partner.
post #19 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by francy
right now i'd givejust about anything for a man who desires nothing more than a goodnight kiss, and a goodmorning hug.
There are quite a few of us mamas here who would KILL for a husband who would have sex with us anywhere, anytime...so consider yourself lucky! COme hang out in the "My libido is higher than dh's" threads and you'll be locking the bedroom door for a few minutes in the afternoon I guarantee it.

Isn't this true irony? I want it all the time and my husband has any number of excuses, he even resorts to whining for me to please leave him alone.

The OP doesn't want it at all and she's being chased around the house.

BOO!

All this talk about quickies has me looking for my seductress hat........
post #20 of 57
Dh and I have no choice but to have quickies. we have a high needs baby who will sleep alone but only for unknown amounts of time (sometimes 20 minutes sometimes hours and hours) so if he wants to do it we have to hurry. :LOL
It's taken a lot of the fun out of it for me well that and the fact that I have a consatnt nursling and i feel pretty depeleted by the end of the day.
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