Can I vent?

[flapjack]

Hi! The background- I'm 15 and a half weeks pregnant with my third child, and live in the UK- therefore, midwifery care is provided free on the NHS. Both my boys were born at home, with a truly amazing and inspiring midwife- part of a team- who went out of her way to make sure that Alex and I, and then Isaac and I, got off to the best possible start we could.
Well, in the 5 years since Isaac was born our amazing midwife got promotion- she's now co-ordinating all the breastfeeding support and promotion and the baby friendly initiative- and I re-married and moved house, some half a mile across town. Which means that I no longer get team midwifery and the security of knowing everyone who might possibly be catching my baby. Instead, my antenatal care is going to be provided by a team of two community midwives, whilst baby will be delivered by any of 14 community midwives, depending on who's on call.
The snag? I met my midwife for the first time yesterday. And I don't think I like her- or, indeed, that she particularly likes me. She is very concerned about my BMI- which is over 34, and therefore now classifies me as a high-risk pregnancy- and about the fact that my GP referred me for midwife only antenatal care, rather than to a consultant ob/gyn at the hospital. Indeed, very very concerned. Despite everything- the fact that my obstetric history is pretty good, no long labours, problems in pregnancy or ANYTHING along those lines, she's not enthusiastic about home birth. I asked how many home births the community midwives did, and she replied "lots." The opportunity for me to ask about transfer rates was NOT forthcoming.

So, if this were you, would you be scared at this point?? I do have the option of requesting that I do not see that midwife again, but it's a big assumption that she's atypical of the community midwives in this area. Other than that, I can either stick with it or pay for an independent midwife- which would be difficult for us financially, but not impossible. AArgh. What to do?

If you've read this far, thank you for your patience. I don't normally moan this much, honest. :

[bethanyclaire]

Hi! I'm sorry I don't have a whole lot more to offer than some 's. I don't understand why she would classify you as high risk and be so concerned about a homebirth when you have already had 2 that were successful? I would be worried about how she might handle any other "complications" that may come up during pg'cy and birth if only a BMI over 34 raises such red flags for her. I'm not trying to pry, but was your BMI the same with your previous births? If so, it seems that it's a non-issue for you, and 5 years really isn't that long so I doubt that she could argue that it's been a long time between your births. But all of that is just my opinion and mabe some of the other ladies here can offer more.

I think if it were me I would ask not to see her again and then I would give another or a few other midwives in the group a chance. If I was in my third trimester I would probably just opt for paying for an independent midwife, but if I had some time I might try to feel out the group and see if she is just the odd one out. If I wasn't happy after a few visits then I would definitely switch to someone who made me comfortable if it was possible financially.

And OT; your post made me jealous! I wish we had access to free midwifery care, heck ANY midwifery care for some, in the US!! It's so awesome that it's standard in the UK. The US has a long way to go..... Hopefully when my children are grown midwifery care will be the standard here as well.

[BensMom]

Well, personally, I would go private. I know the pain of coming up with the money. A hospital birth here would cost us around $200, but we are paying $2500 for a HB MW. I like that both MWs are at every pre-natal and I have a relationship with them. If I were going for a hospital birth, at a typical OBs office around here, I would have 5-10 min appts with multiple OBs and MWs, never really getting to know any of them. And when I went into labor, it would be the luck of the draw as to who I got. I didnt want to risk that, so we are finding a way to come up with the $$$.

You only get to have this birth once. You might as well make the best of it!

[flapjack]

Having already spent a couple of hours googling this morning (and it's not even 8am here) it seems that the UK is trying to find ways of reducing the number of premature births- which includes looking at and detecting pre-eclampsia much much earlier, in an attempt to keep baby in longer- partly to reduce the strain on the NHS, partly cos it's better for everyone. So, they've moved the goalposts on who is considered at higher risk for pre-eclampsia, which includes women who are having their first babies with a new partner, and women with a BMI of 35 or over- therefore, I just scrape through- but yet the number of antenatal visits during pregnancy has dropped.
BethanyClaire- the ironic thing is that I wasn't weighed at all during my other pregnancies, but I was wearing a larger size clothes certainly before I got pregnant with Isaac- and, I think, with Alex. I'm now wearing clothes that haven't fitted me since I was 17- which I think is why I'm having such an emotional reaction. I've lost close on 100 lbs in the last couple of years, and being told that it isn't enough is hurtful, iykwim?? So the weight thing isn't a new issue by any stretch of the imagination.

[Baby Hopes]

((hugs)) that just stinks. I would definately look at other midwives in the group before completely switching to private (although, I would be investigating my private MW options the whole while.) It seems like they should have harder statistical evidence to answer questions than words like "lot's" and vague non answers. After all, "lot's" to one midwife may mean 90% of her clients. Where as, to a midwife who doesn't do homebirths... two homebirths might mean "lot's."

How frustrating.

[bethanyclaire]

Helen,

First, CONGRATS on losing that weight! I know what an unbelievable struggle it is and you should feel great about it! Don't let them take that away. I am sorry that what she said was so hurtful and I totally understand! It's great that you are researching the "why's" about your visit also. I hope you find a wonderful MW, private or not, and that you have an amazing birth either way!