Does it ever stop?? c-section *rant* - Page 2

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by thismama

If she wants to talk about how it could have gone differently, I would imagine she will come to you if she doesn't feel judged by you.

I hope so. I wouldn't have. I felt like too much of a failure and felt much too depressed to want to talk about it. I hate crying in front of anybody, and all it took to start the waterworks was to hear the term c-section. I'm not sure most people, even those close to me, ever knew how devastated I was. (To put it in perspective, after 3.5 years of ttc, I got pregnant and had a miscarriage...that was no more emotionally painful than my c-section. And, my c-section was, in many many ways, worse than my divorce...after 15 years together.) Some of us just can't/won't talk about it - especially if nobody gives any indication that they think it's important.

[Yummymummy74]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

Everybody behaved as the c-section didn't happen. They treated me as though I'd just had a normal birth and I had a beautiful baby and life was great. There was next to no acknowledgement (in the hospital or later) that I was in great pain. I had a nurse bawl me out for taking to long to roll over the first night when she brought ds in for me to feed. There was nobody (except my mom, who had btdt) who ever said anything about the surgery except "you look great", because I seemed to be recovering well. I was going through one of the most painful, frustrating, and depressing periods of my life and nobody seemed to think it was anything worth noticing. So...I'm not saying to jump on the anti-section thing with this woman. But, I don't think I'd be inclined to just say "congratulations", either.
What should you say? I really don't know...this one hits too close to home for me to think clearly.

Storm Bride you put this perfectly... she is surrounded by women who have had sections and " were just fine" in this family you will hear things like " oh no shes tough shes up and walking around a couple hours after the surgery" and dh's aunt when questioned about the possiblity her daughter might need extra help after a section she had when her baby was born last year (when I lived there) " why? shes fine, I never needed help neither does she"

Soooo this is what we are dealing with.. I *know* that this woman.. dh's cousins wife.. is alot less like the woman in the family she married into.. As am I! :LOL so I am pretty sure she is going to get the whole "suck it up your baby is fine so are you" deal tossed at her.. in fact I see it happening already..

Dh's aunt last night told him " hey its fine shes good and they have their baby now thats all that matters"

Hmmm no I think alot more matters.. but anyhow *sigh*

[Storm Bride]

She's not fine. Everytime an OB chooses repeat section over VBAC because of the "risks", it's a public acknowledgement that they have damaged a woman's uterus. Of course, most people don't seem to have put that together...

[gossamer]

I think it's ok to say congratulations on the baby, sorry you had to have a c-section. That way you acknowledge the baby and also acknowledge the sorrow, pain and fear that the c-section might have caused. If that is what she is feeling, she knows she has a sympathetic ear to listen to her. If she is fine with the surgery she can just blow you off as the weird one. It might even open up communication. She might ask you why are you sorry? And that will give you the opening to address your concerns.
Gossamer