Originally Posted by Dal
I wonder if we all mean roughly the same thing by the word "tantrum." It just seems so sad and strange to me that it is normal for someone to be prone to hysterical wailing, kicking, thrashing, screaming and the like -- often several times each day. Something just seems wrong with this. It just seems so extreme to me. Maybe once in a rare while, but for this to happen frequently? Over minor upsets even? Something just seems wrong there. That is my gut response. Perhaps it will change as I live and learn.
I have absolutely no problem with healthy emotions or with crying. I don't try to stifle Simon's cries, though I do try to prevent unnecessary crying and melt-downs. I guess that's what I'm getting at. Are tantrums the result of too much built up stress and an environment that is lacking something important for the child (which I would guess are things such as variety, space, nature, freedom to explore)?.
Hey Dal, I'm not 'offended', but it makes me wonder if you've encountered high needs babies before. I have two kids. Same environment. One didn't tantrum at all until several months past two. The other tantrumed starting at 6m! The difference?? My second is high needs. If you aren't familier, it is just a word for a specific temperment type. DD is INTENSE, she is persistent, she is demanding. She just has such a strong opinion on things, that if things don't go her exact way, it is the end of the world. She is fifteen months, and she can have a cup with milk in it at dinner, but if she decides she likes the other cup on the table better... she will ask for it NON-STOP, and then will tantrum if she doesn't get it. If I start to empty the dish washer, she goes NUTS, why? B/c she wants to run it... well, we can't run it until it is unloaded and loaded again. So, she tantrums. She just feels so strongly, and has such energy..... I remember one case, when she was 10m she tantrumed b/c we wouldn't wash her hands for a third time in a row.
I think this is one of the problems in society... people don't understand how much temperment plays a part in kids or even adults. So, you go to the store and see kids tantruming, and you know many people without kids, or little exposure to kids automatically are thinking it is parenting issue. Until a person has a HN or spirited kid, it is sometimes hard to understand that there isn't something wrong with the environment or the kids, but that the child just feels more strongly than others.
Now there are triggers to tantruming... my oldest has fought naps since 2 months old... one of the main reasons she tantrums is b/c she is tired and just can't control her emotions or express them anymore. (and believe me we've tried about everything to get her to nap). My youngest, she just tantrums b/c she feels strongly about everything around her... no triggers are needed other than her not getting exactly what she wants.