Please help me get my 2 y.o. into the carseat with no tears (hers or mine)!

[MamaE]

DD (25 months) has decided that she'd rather play in the car than get in the carseat. She'll climb into the car, hop in the front seat and proceed to play with the dashboard, the controls, etc. We've allowed this a few times, but there are other times when I either need to be someplace or just don't have the patience to wait her out. I have tried everything (gentle and not so gentle) to get her into her seat. Here is what I have done:

1) Waited her out. She does eventually get in the seat when she realizes that we can't go anywhere until she's buckled up. This can take anywhere from 5-20 minutes.

2) Bribed her. I have offered her a variety of snacks, toys, and her choice of music - all to be supplied once she gets in the seat. This works if she wants what I have to offer. If not, well.. forget it.

3) Offered her a choice: Do you want to get in yourself or have mommy put you in? This worked the first few times I did it, but after that, she just decided she wanted neither.

4) When she began choosing neither, I said: "I am going to count to 3. If you are not in the carseat, I will have to put you in." The inevitable happened and I had to force my child into the carseat. The next few times, she hustled when I started counting and did it herself, but now we are back to her doing nothing when I count and daring me to put her in and then screaming that she wanted to do it herself.

Honestly, I am not very happy with any of the above methods. Waiting makes me feel like she's running the show. Bribing seems unneccessary and inappropriate for something she just ought to be doing regardless. The choice was great when it worked those 2 times. The counting, well, I hate it - it makes me feel like a great big ogre and she cries like her poor spirit has been broken each time.

So, what are your best tricks? Do I just need to pick and stick with one of these and not waver? Help! I am beginning to think I should just give up and be a hermit all summer long. At least we can still walk places without any argument. :LOL (Famous last words!! I'll be back next week asking how to get her into the stroller. )

[annab]

Can you make it a game? that was the only thing that worked for us. I would say, Can you be in your seat before I run around the car? Or Can you be in your seat before I knock on the garage door three times? Can you be in your seat before I sing Twinkle Twinkle? It got so eventually he would already be in the seat and say, Mama! You didn't knock three times! Then I would have to knock while he was waiting for me for a change.

The other thing that helps is to plan to take 5 minutes to get in the car. That way you won't be feeling the stress of trying to get somewhere on time, which makes my patience evaporate.

[mamakay]

My ds is usually thrilled to go anywhere.
In the same sense that I say "Let's put on your shoes so we can leave and go see Abby" I can remind him that he has to get in his car seat to go "Vroom" in the car. (It's warm now, and I can also remind him that I can roll down his window to help him see everything more clearly.)
I guess I use real-situation bribery. He's only 20 months, but he can visualize what might be going on in 3 minutes, or 10, even.
He really likes most of the places we go. He knows he gets to go ahead and start getting there when he cooperates. I can usually remind him of why we're getting in the car, and thusly get him to cooperate by just reminding him of why we're in there to begin with.
Also, when we're not going anywhere, I let him explore the car in his own time. He fully knows what the front area of the car looks like, and (with the keys out) has pushed all the buttons and turned all the knobs (with no result...lol...)

[Bleu]

I just carry Bleuet out to the car and plop him right in without giving him a choice about where to go and what he might prefer doing. I buckle him up matter-of-factly, give him a book to read, and that's it. If he protests something is really wrong and I deal with it. If I let him walk outside and get himself in, I'd be having the same issues.

If you want to try doing this, it might not be a bad idea to distract her a little bit singing or saying nursery rhymes together. I say nursery rhymes and leave out blanks that Bleuet fills in and it can distract him a lot from things that might otherwise be a source of conflict. Also, sometimes I make jokes with him (idea from Happiest Toddler on the Block) by saying something outrageously wrong and letting him correct me, like "Okay, now I am going to buckle up Big Bird." "No, buckle up Bleuet!" "Now we are going to jump in our bright yellow school bus!" "No, Mommy! In car! Jump in our CAR!" "Now Mommy is going to put diaper cream in Bleuet's ear! Wait, is that right? Diaper cream in EAR?" "Nooooooo." "Oh, I know -- diaper cream in nose?" "Noooooo!" etc.

[mamademateo]

i have been having the same problem with my ds ( 19 m0nths) i have tried all the above and they worked the first few times and that was it. it's terrible because i have to force him in and he is soooo strong and uses kicks, pinches, scratches, pulls my hair etc... i usually come out of the back seat in tears looking like i've been beat up. now what i do is when we are approaching the car during our pre get in the car ritual of looking in the car before we get in. we look at the stoller , car seat and lights etc.... when we are doing this ( iam holding him) i make sure he is looking at my eyes and say what ever it is we are about to do or where ever we might be driving to and then tell him "we don't have time to play in the car right now, you need to sit in your seat right away. we can play another time but right now mama drive the car and mateo sit in your seat" etc...... this seems to be working for the most part. he still resists sometimes but it is not as drawn out as before. i think by me telling him what is going on without trying to trick him or bribe him etc... he is able to understand what his boundries are etc... also i try to always use a calm rational voice especially when he starts resisting. i have noticed the past 3 or 4 days that he knows that he is going to end up in the car seat no matter what so he does'nt fight me as much....

[mamazee]

Wow. It sounds like your dd is much more stubborn about this than mine is . . . but I'll tell you what we did in case it helps.

I explained to her that she had to be in the car seat to keep her safe. That cars sometiems hit each other and the people inside had to have seatbelts on or they'd have big big ouchies. I told her that daddy and I always wore our seatbelts and that she had to wear her special seatbelts in her car seat.

That plus a couple of tricks you already mentioned (having special toys in the car and asking if she wanted to get in by herself or if she wanted me to put her in) worked for us.

Good luck!

[meemee]

i think fighthing the carseat is something they all go thru somewhat as a phase. some are more stubborn than the others. mine included. i tried everything u said and it worked sometimes. i also warned her before hand for transition. multiple warnings.

i also tried explaining the safety issue. one day i actually asked a cop to come over and explain to her. he did an awesome job and let her touch his badge. that really got the safe issue established for her. that i think got her out of the phase sooner because i found at that time her tantrums were getting less and less.

oh she gets v. thirsty in the car. so i would keep different bottles for her to drink out of - esp. sports caps.

[mahogny]

I almost wonder if it's an issue with the carseat itself. Is it comfy? Does it support her head if she dozes off? Does her seat get too much heat/sun/air?

Since she likes playing the controls, can you find some little intricate toys for her to play with? Maybe you can find a little play steering wheel to go in the backseat for her.

Is she in the center position? Perhaps she'd prefer to be next to the door so she can look out the window easier.

What I do with my kids is what Bleu described: just matter of factly carrying them out to the car and buckling him in. DS (3.5 yrs) loves climbing into the car and getting himself into the carseat. We play a game where he locks the door from the time I buckle his sister in and walk around the car to get to his door, and I always act surprised when I can't open his door to buckle him in.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by mahogny

Since she likes playing the controls, can you find some little intricate toys for her to play with? Maybe you can find a little play steering wheel to go in the backseat for her.[/b]

What a great idea!

I wonder if your dd would be up for making a deal? Ds (4.5) likes to do the same thing and has for as long as I can remember. When I can get myself organized, I make sure to leave time and we negotiate the amount of time that he'll play in the car before he gets in his seat. We've done this since he was 2 (I think? maybe a little younger... we've been making "deals" forever, it seems) and he's never had trouble with sticking to our negotiated time - provided I'm reasonable and listen to him when we decide on the time.

Let's face it - riding strapped into one place is probably pretty boring for most kids. It's only fair that they get something out of the deal.

[mommyofshmoo]

ah, the carseat. Such fun!

Dd went through the no carseat thing a few times.

I've done everything you said to get her in and sometimes i just need to force her. Granted, now that she's three the force necessary is less. At 1.5 is was INSANE- I literally shoved her kicking and screaming into the seat.

My dd is intense and "matter of fact" is not possible with her.

That said, I have like five rules- The vagina must be covered by clothing when we go out, no hitting, dd must ride in the carseat,-- wait- maybe there's only three! Oh yeah, we must eat some kind of fruit or vegetable at least every other day.

I figure I'm extremely flexible and lenient with everything else, it's OK if I really lay down the law about the carseat. Dd never seems to be too upset about the carseat after the fact- and she tends to let me know when she's upset.


BTW- Once i resorted to shoving her into the seat (the first time around) it only took a couple days for her to realize it was non-negotiable. Now she only gets fiesty about the carseat every 6 months, or maybe once a year. Letting her play in the car a lot seems to make it worse, and it used to make it MUCH worse.

Funny aside- this is one area where Dora the Explorer really helped. That character is all about seatbelts. Now my dd hates the bus because there are no seatbelts "and it's not safe."

[MamaE]

Ladies,

Thank you so much for all the great ideas. Let me try to respond...

A few of you mentioned carrying DD and putting her in matter of factly. This used to work and I think it was a great strategy when DD was younger. But right now she's in the throes of the "do it myself" stage and collapses into a heap if I accidentally do something she wanted to do herself. Of course, the carseat is something she insists on doing herself.

I love the game idea, if I could come up with a simple game to get her in the carseat. Maybe something like annab suggested: "Can you get into your carseat before I knock on the window?" I am not sure if this will motivate her enough or if she'll "get it," but, heck, it's worth a shot!

I may also try the deal thing. I'm even thinking of picking up a cheap egg timer and keeping it in the car. "We can play in the car until the timer goes off and then you have to get in your carseat." She's usually pretty good about negotiating with me - something for her, something for me.

I also love the toy steering wheel or other button toy idea. I'm even thinking a video game type thing?? Not something I would have ever imagined buying for her and not something I'd allow in the house, but maybe just as a special car toy?

Mommyofshmoo - i am : over your rules, esp. the fruit or veggie every other day. Man, are you strict!!! JK... I think I'm like you though: there's very little I require of her, very little I restrict her from, so when it comes to the carseat, I guess it's OK for me to just lay down the law if necessary.

Thanks again - lots of great ideas! I knew I could count on you guys!

[mommyofshmoo]

Originally Posted by MamaE

Ladies,
Mommyofshmoo - i am : over your rules, esp. the fruit or veggie every other day. Man, are you strict!!! JK... I think I'm like you though: there's very little I require of her, very little I restrict her from, so when it comes to the carseat, I guess it's OK for me to just lay down the law if necessary.

Thanks again - lots of great ideas! I knew I could count on you guys!

Oh- I forgot toothbrushed each night! I knew there were five.

And yes, I have no qualms about holding her down to brush teeth either. I really think if you only force a couple things a day, it encourges kids to be more cooperative in general- about the stuff you "suggest, encourage, and expect." I'd never have the energy to force 15 things per day this way, and I'm sure it would make dd pretty defensive and resistant. But just a few "have to's" are easy to deal with for both of us.

[Greensleeves]

MamaE,
When did my dd come to live at your house? :LOL She is the exact same age and we have been having these issues for a few months now. Sigh. She did recently start telling me that the seat hurts her bottom so I lined it with a towel. I am looking into getting some type of plush seat cover if that's possible.

I like the ideas about making a game and being playful, gives them an out for keeping their power. I need to do more reading from the book "Playful Parenting" and see if he has ideas about stuff like this.

[MamaE]

Originally Posted by Greensleeves

MamaE,
When did my dd come to live at your house? :LOL

She came a couple months ago. You can have her back any time now!!! No really, come over and get her - please?? :LOL

Mommyofshmoo - yes, toothbrushing is the other issue I have had to hold DD for. Not fun, but she usually doesn't fight me on it - she knows I mean business and that those teeth *will* get brushed. Maybe I just need to take the same no-nonsense approach to that darned carseat. My solution for today - we took the train to our MDC playgroup. What a fun adventure that was!

[MamaE]

Originally Posted by Greensleeves

I need to do more reading from the book "Playful Parenting" and see if he has ideas about stuff like this.

I'm right in the middle of that book and loving it! Besides his ideas, I'm just wondering where I can pick up a husband like that?? Is he married? Oh wait, so am I!! :LOL