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"New Mamas of Spirtual Awakening in Our Marriages" roll call

post #1 of 236
Thread Starter 
For all of us wanting to better ourselves and our marriages~

(sent to me by my friend today )

The Four Agreements (Plus One) as affirmations and more…

1. I AM Impeccable With My Word
I speak with integrity. I say only what I mean. I avoid using the word to speak against myself or to gossip about others. I use the power of my word in the direction of truth and love.

2. I Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of me. What others say and do is a projection of their reality, their own dream. I choose to be immune to the opinions and actions of others, therefore I AM removed from playing the role of “victim” and needless suffering.

3. I Don't Make Assumptions
I conjure Courage to ASK pertinent questions and LISTEN carefully to the responses to learn well and discern clearly. I express what I really desire from a space of Wholeness, not neediness. I communicate with others as clearly as I can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. I refrain from telling another “What Is So.” I utilize compassionate wisdom to ASK powerful questions so the listener “Realizes (the) Truth” for themselves. Staying in this agreement, I can completely transform my life and catalyze transformation in others who are willing.

4. I Always Do My Best
My best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when I AM healthy and clear as opposed to when I am out-of-touch with my wellness. Under any circumstance, I simply do my best, and I avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

5. I See Transformation Occurring in ALL, Moment to Moment

My choices contribute to the collective ascension, so I utilize discernment wisely. I serve SELF, LIFE, and OTHERS in this order of priority. I refrain from telling another “What Is So.” I utilize compassionate wisdom to gently ASK powerful questions, so the listener “Realizes (the) Truth” for themselves. Staying in this agreement, I can completely transform my life and catalyze transformation in others. I use SOFT POWER (Gentle Strength) in all my human interactions unless direct aversion and confrontation is required—and it rarely is!

the four agreements

"The deeper the mud the more beautiful the flower"
~buddhist teaching

many blessings~~
post #2 of 236
Thanks for starting this movement, mystic~mama






Food for thought ~~


"MARRIAGE:

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part."


--George Bernard Shaw
post #3 of 236
I love it... I'm in. I do marriage counseling for a living but boy am I aware of how little I am practicing what I preach these days. I recently took a personal development seminar (The Landmark Forum) which really got me to see that my challenge is to be fully expressive with dh. This means I am not supposed to figure out exactly what to say so that I get the response that I need. I need to just say things. That is hard for me. I am a perfectionist and perhaps just a bit.... manipulative. : So- count me in... I want to give my marriage my all. (Of course that is the perfectionism, right?)
post #4 of 236
Hurrah! thanks for starting this mystic mama...I need all the help I can get. Nothing to add right now, just :
post #5 of 236
Thread Starter 
great quote May May

MsMoMpls & lisa72~ glad u joined
post #6 of 236
So where do we start? I keep flitting back and reading the "Harsh reality " Thread which is making me think lots about what our limits are as women and mothers.
I remember reading a previous thread a while ago about a young mum who was suffering terribly with her horribly abusive husband. She ended up not leaving him and I was sitting there thinking "I wouldn't do that, I would leave and never go back" Well I left and did go back. So what the hell do I know? I have to say this other man was much more violent than my husband, but mine was still very abusive.

What leaving him taught me is what my limit is. It sounds like nothing, but I couldn't figure this out..I was stumped. I realised what I was putting myself and my children through the night before I left. It came to me and that was it, no planning, nothing.. I left in what our counsellor called "flight or fight" mode, I couldn't believe I had let this happen for so long. It felt FANTASTIC.


Anyway, I'm still REALLY angry with him. I loose it so quickly now it's awful. I have instant hate for him which freaks me out. It's like I came home and suddenly became the angry one(towards him only). wierd.

I do love this person. He is good, he is trying. I do know now though, that if he ever pulls that rubbish again, we will be gone. The kids passports are ready and I have NO problem calling the police and starting a legal paper trail.
post #7 of 236
I've been married all of 18 months to the love of my life. We are blessed in many ways... but what a crazy learning curve we're on! I saw on another board a thread about lying... I thought, well *I've* never done that! And brought it up to hubby last nite. It was disturbing to be told that he's thought of lying several times. I mean, I 'm glad he didn't :LOL , but still.

I can't lie to save myself. I confess EVERY little thing.

Of course, this is ONE issue. So count me in. :LOL
post #8 of 236
Thank you for posting this...I needed a reminder...before I had my last daughter I was on a path spiritually...guess I still am but then it was active, now it's more passive...I need a little active travel again...thank you...thank you...thank you!

I like the "I don't make assumptions" since I quite often do...I definitely need to work on this a bit...though I will say...I am a lot better. Since I am more mindful of this now I do find myself giving the "benefit of the doubt" a lot more.

Dr. Wayne Dyer talks about how a lot of our suffering stems from "looking to be offended" if we look to be offended then we will find it...if we assume that we won't be offended or that others don't mean to offend us then we wont' be. We have no real way of knowing the motivations of others so let's not assume they are out to get us kwim. But maybe they aren't, maybe they are just living their own reality and it's just opposite of ours.
post #9 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by allgirls
Dr. Wayne Dyer talks about how a lot of our suffering stems from "looking to be offended" if we look to be offended then we will find it...if we assume that we won't be offended or that others don't mean to offend us then we wont' be. We have no real way of knowing the motivations of others so let's not assume they are out to get us kwim. But maybe they aren't, maybe they are just living their own reality and it's just opposite of ours.

Well said..I spend a lot of time waiting for my h to piss me off somehow.
post #10 of 236
I, too, have a tendency to feel offended by, in our case, obnoxious behaviour.

That is where the second agreement (of The Four Agreements) comes in handy.


Not taking things personally is a huge one for me, especially when it comes to children. One of my issues with my dh is how he behaves with/toward the dc at times. It is then that the mama bear in me comes out to get all huffy and protective -- I'm feeling offended by dh's behaviour toward the dc, and I feel/behave defensively. It happens when he's in a grumpy mood.
post #11 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisa72
I spend a lot of time waiting for my h to piss me off somehow.

Yeah, unfortunately, this builds into a vicious cycle where the woman is all pumped up and alert, hyper-vigilant, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. Sometimes she may even over-react or mis-interpret something because she's so used to these things happening that she's expecting it. But the man has co-created this, too, by his own behaviour.
post #12 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by May May
Yeah, unfortunately, this builds into a vicious cycle where the woman is all pumped up and alert, hyper-vigilant, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. Sometimes she may even over-react or mis-interpret something because she's so used to these things happening that she's expecting it. But the man has co-created this, too, by his own behaviour.

very true...and we are products of our environment...but we can't change the man, we can only change our reactions to the man...and actually maybe by being an example and having a different reaction the man will choose to change and grow himself...

I have a very dear personal friend who had a vicious temper..her husband also had a pretty volatile personality though both of them are darlings they had very dramatic fights when they had them...she started meditation and started changing her reactions to his behaviour...ie coming home late, she would meditate and think through it and greet him kindly and be willing to see him anytime he came home...eventually he started coming home earlier and earlier because home was a nicer place to come to.
post #13 of 236
Those are good points, allgirls.
Reminds me of one of the things our marriage counsellor said to us over and over again:


"It only takes one person to stop arguing."
post #14 of 236
Thread Starter 

faith like water~

more coucel from my buddhist friend (typos and all)~

hope you will encourage him little by
little,,,building faith like water gently builds from
a small trickle tp a might river, eventually joining
the ocean!

With patience a small drip of water wears away the
hardest stone

Men especially need to be gently supported and
encouraged---never pushed...and if they resist, we get
to ask ourselves, 'am I pushing instead of
encourageing?


I'm loving reading your insights


blessings~~
post #15 of 236
a quote that stuck with me though I have no idea who to attribute it to is~

before enlightenment..chop wood
after enlightenment..chop wood


in other words nothing really ever changes in the world around us...we are all surrounded by the same reality and our own perspective is the only difference. If we know a different perspective then it changes everything even if all the reality around remains the same.
post #16 of 236
Wondering if you're into the stars, mystic~mama?


From an astrological perspective, you're right at the end of the middle of your first Saturn return. That means you're coming into your full power as an adult. Society tells us we're no longer juveniles by 18 or 21, but on a spiritual level we are still blooming until our Saturn return, which occurs from approximately 27-29. It means you know yourself better now and are more fully-rooted in your being than ever before (in this lifetime); it's a real milestone-marker in your growth as a human, and, of course, carries over into all your relationships in a major way.


~~~
I like the thoughts from your friend.
My friends and I discuss these topics often IRL and we've agreed that the most important thing you can do in order to realize and manifest the concepts your friend mentioned (i.e. to maintain those levels of patience and grace that produce the small drips of water ) is to


Take Care of Yourself



Yes, I feel strongly about the above thought.
post #17 of 236
Peeking in...
post #18 of 236
Oh wow, this thread is amazing. I'll definitely be reading. That thing about the stars is fascinating, because one of my husband's biggest complaints about me is that I'm "always changing" (we met when I was 18! duh!) And now I'm 27 and feel more like "myself" than ever, but I can't really get him to understand this.
post #19 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by webjefita
Oh wow, this thread is amazing. I'll definitely be reading. That thing about the stars is fascinating, because one of my husband's biggest complaints about me is that I'm "always changing" (we met when I was 18! duh!) And now I'm 27 and feel more like "myself" than ever, but I can't really get him to understand this.

Yeah...people have said this to me...and it really is wierd to me...ever since I can remember I have evolved and changed but some people think this is unnusual...gives me the feeling they are not evolving somehow...I mean don't we all grow and change through out our lives? Wouldn't it get boring if we were at the same level at 30 as we were at 20?
post #20 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by allgirls
...I mean don't we all grow and change through out our lives? Wouldn't it get boring if we were at the same level at 30 as we were at 20?
i'm like you in that i'm always looking for ways to grow and change and to be more and more true to myself and discover myself over the years. however, i don't believe that everyone grows and changes through their lives. i have had people say to me that they are done growing that they want to change nothing about themselves. sadly, i believe this to be true of many people.

thanks for the thread, i will be checking back in i also have some personal things i can work on related to the 4 agreements.

cheers!
mandi
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