When your child uses a swear word

[nonconformnmom]

What/ if anything do you do when your young child swears? My 2.5 year old has never used a cuss word - she rarely hears them at home - but yesterday she used the F word! (Leave it to her to start at the top, lol!) I was stunned. And unprepared.

What do you do? Do you allow it? Do you gently ask them not to use that word and then just go on without making a big deal?

[UnschoolnMa]

My kids are older now (11.5 and almost 14) and they swear like I do lol. They've been free to swear whenever but when they were young we really tried to show them that there are situations that some words aren't the best to use. We told them that those words make some people very uncomfortable, etc. If she just said it once I might not even comment. If it became her fave word to yell everywhere from the doctors office and dinner with the inlaws ( ) I think i'd start talking about how those words are best used at home around immediate family etc? As they get older I think they figure it out.

[TiredX2]

We let a lot go that many others would not (but our kids are pretty good at keeping the swearing at home--- we have friends who would no longer be friends if they heard the swearing, lol).

That said, last night when DS called DP a "f--- ass" I simply said, "don't call daddy a ___ ___" and he seemed to take it well

[mamaduck]

What/ if anything do you do when your young child swears?

Try hard not to laugh?

We've always tried to take it in stride, but we do let them know (in the spirit of imparting information) that some people would be angry to hear a child use that word, and they may want to avoid using it around grandma or at school. And then we offer something they could say instead, to express the same feelings.

[zipperump-a-zoomum]

Ah, good times, good times. Tired, your post had me :LOL

My oldest swears on occasion, and my youngest (nearly two) just said "S#!t what, mum?" the other day. (In response to me, of course.)

We point out that some people consider those words rude, so we don't say them in public. Ds#1 corrects me and his dad if he hears us swear- don't say f- mom, say friggin. And don't say jesus christ, say gosh. (we've spoken about how that is offensive to some people too.)

With a two and a half year old I might let it go too, but if you think she'll understand you could start explaining now.

Kaly

[Vermillion]

My DS has a very colorful vocabulary, he could make a sailor blush. I can’t say anything bad about that, he gets it honestly… from mama.

I’ve always been very lax about swearing, I’m not much into outdated social rules created by the morality police and I definitely refuse to follow them in my own home. Different strokes for different folks. While some might spontaneously combust when they hear a certain four letter word, I see just see them as words, no different than any other word.

However, out of common courtesy I don’t use “bad” words in public and neither does my son, but in our own home he can use them freely and I don’t see it as a big deal at all.

[kiahnsmum]

[QUOTE=mamaduck]Try hard not to laugh?

QUOTE]
I'm with that! Its funny when they know its a bad word but totally use it out of context (like saying bulls#&t when they hurt themselves)

We dont condone swearing in our house, but we have plenty of friends and family who dont give a @#$& about that kind of thing so the kids pick it up. When the ds was younger if he swore i would usually just ignore it and now hes older he knows which words are swear words so he only uses them when hes with his friends :LOL

[lilyka]

If it is the first time they use the wrod we very seriously tell them that we don't use that word at our house. it is not apropriate and ift is vular. it helps that we don't really swearand they are also allowed to call us on it if we swear. it is a family rule not just a kid rule.

We also address what it means and why it is inapropriate to say (either the spirit, the meaning or whatever) and if they continue to say it we work on the attiotude behind it on an ongoing daily basis until the problem is solved.

[SagMom]

I've explained to mine that others might be offended by certain words and so far, they've respected that. When I hear a "new" word being used, I'll usually get around to asking if they know what it means, both literally and figuratively, and we discuss that. Personally, I think there's a big difference between cursing out of frustration or using language colorfully, and cursing AT someone. The latter, we wouldn't put up with, but it's never been an issue.

My oldest son curses very occassionally and never in front of little kids or grandma or in a mixed crowd. My middle child cringes at ANY curse word--not sure what's up with that--she just doesn't like it at all. My youngest just picked up "Damn" (from me) but uses it only rarely. We've treated it as not a big deal, and it hasn't been.

Oh, Karyn, are you SURE that's the word he used? I remember when we first moved here, a little neighbor boy came over and started yelling F***! It wasn't until much later I realized he was trying to say TRUCK!

[orangefoot]

My dd is only 2 and a bit and we also try not to laugh, but both dh and I are not good at not swearing so we are on a hiding to nothing.

That said, we are trying to teach her that saying some things is not good as a pp said ie F*** off directed at someone. My boys don't swear when they are in company but they do swear at each other in private and dd has picked this up from them as Dh and I never use it that way. I put her on our bottom step and tell her it is not kind to say that to dad/brother and she nods.

She says for god's sake which I prefer to Fsake (exactly like that) which she was saying before and bugger (old fashioned English swearword) once in a while along with bloody hell (impatiently). I hope that as her understanding of everything grows, so will her choice of words in different situations. Fortunately my mum is not too shocked, but she finds it hard not to laugh. The first time she said Fsake was after trying to get a book off the shelf and them all falling off onto the floor.She slapped her thighs and sounded exasperated! My mum and dad were in hysterics!

Dh says there are a lot more things he would be worried about than having a daughter who swears.

[Alexander]

My kids have a pretty good idea what not to say in front of granny!

This is a pretty good guilde, and they tend to want to be like granny, so dont swear.

I could not say "ever swear", because it can be a jolly good self defence against those who pry into thier private lives.

I'll always remember the time DD1 @4yo told an old lady to FO in Japanese for ticking her off! At the time, I praised her for standing up for herself. I would again.

a

[Mallory]

I also let them swear but tell them thier are sometimes that it is not appropriate. They usually only swear while they are fishing, and if you can't swear while fishing then when can you?

About a week ago my kids and some of the neighbors friends were all in the neighbors back yard, and the neighbors child ,3 yo dd, said S**T loudly while swinging on the swingset and her father came over and grabbed her chin and said "don't say that again or I'll slap your face" : My kids were pretty shocked by it and we talked about how our street is probably not a good place to use those words. A few days later, after my children had spent the morning in thier room talking about butts and penises, when they asked to go outside I reminded them that they probably should not say those too much. As my 4 yo ran out the door he turned around and said 'Don't say motherF'er either"

I couldn't not laugh, and I'd never even heard him say that before.

[greenstone]

yep, I'll agree with those who say there is a big difference between swearing if you bang your toe, and calling someone a F****r. My kids are allowed to curse if they hurt themselves- because sometimes other words just wont do-but I discourage them from name calling- as best I can with a 6 and a 7yo- but I still laughed when DS complained that his sister had called him a B***h :LOL

[Yummymummy74]

:LOL Oh this thread is funny! we are moderate dh and I in terms of cursing ;-) try not to do it in front of the kids, however having a preteen who has friends who all speak like little sailors! dd has brought home some colorful language..

The other day I asked DS (3) what his dollies name was he looked at me very seriously and replied " jack ass" it took everything in me to not burst out laughing! I remained composed and asked him again.. later he said " mommy I told you already hes jackass"

I really just did not make a big deal out of it and hes not spoken of it since.. however I have heard him copy his oldest sister and say " f*** it" when hes been veyr frustrated with something.. and thats comical too! because he is clearly placing the word in the context of how he is feeling :LOL

Still I try not to make a HUGE deal of it and mostly ignore it.

[Alexander]

:LOL too funny!

dd (2.5) Oh shit! It's raining!

I cracked up! How could I not?

a

[mamalisa]

As long as he's not calling someone a swear name, I let it fly. Not a big deal to swear if you drop something or get hurt, but you can't call someone a mean name.

When ds was 2 or so if he dropped something or fell he would scrunch up and go "damn" it was hilarious.

[boatbaby]

When I was a kid I could swear all I wanted to --- in English.
My parents are from South America -- if I swore in Spanish my mom would have killed me! :LOL

All my friends liked coming to my house because they knew they could test drive their swear words and it wouldn't phase my mom.

I hope to teach DS that WORDS are not "bad". How you use them is what makes them bad.

If they are used to belittle somebody or hurt them or make them feel bad -- that's a nono. But saying a "bad" word when you bang your thumb in the door or something is ok. There are better words you can use, but there's nothing "wrong" with the "swear" words in that situation.

[Greaseball]

Right now I just ignore it when dd (3.5) swears. I figure she gets it from dh or I, or from TV, so we eliminate those kinds of TV shows and we try to watch our own language. She is not punished or reprimanded for swearing; it's because of our own failures as parents so we should be punishing ourselves. It's not dd's fault she's a quick learner.

One time we were out shopping and then out of the blue dd said "What the hell?" to a stranger who just busted up laughing. It's hard to tell her not to use language that makes people laugh.

[WriterMama]

Not swearing is a family rule around here, too, not just for the kids. My ds (4) said, "Oh my G-d" once (definitely not something we ever say) and I very seriously said, "We don't say that in our family. We say. . ." and I gave him some benign alternatives. My dd (2.50) otoh would laugh her head off and probably start saying the curse word over and over, so for her, I would just redirect or say matter of factly, "We say _____ instead."

[armonia]

I am so happy to read this thread! I am actually pleasantly surprised by most responses.

I told my daughter that she can say anything she wants to around mommy, but at school her teacher will get angry if she uses a certain words. If she says a swear word, I do laugh sometimes and say "What did you say?" And she says "Only around you, mommy!" I asked her if she talked that way at school and she said "OH NO mommy!"

I thought I had made a new friend recently. We seemed to have a lot in common. I got some chickens from her, and she had asked if we wanted to come to a party. We kept talking and I said something about one of the chicks had crap on its butt. Anyway, she told me that she does not cuss (we say cuss in Texas haha) around her kids and that she doesn't say butt. She said that if her kids hear her say butt, that they know she is mad. So basically if we come to the party, not to talk like that. Well, she hasn't called me since she heard me say "Butt". :LOL

I kept thinking that her kids probably really let loose with the language when she isn't around. I would rather my daughter talk like that in front of me, knowing I am OK with it, rather than around others. I think by letting her know it is ok, it takes the fun or the mystery out of using swear words.

Works for us so far.