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Mamas of babes born in 2001 - Page 3

post #41 of 113
Thread Starter 
Hi Jem!

Has anyone noticed how unique there child is? I keep thinking gosh, Kailey is just so different from every other 4 yr old in her class. is this something all mamas do?
post #42 of 113
Thanks for the link to the discussion thread, Em. I've had zero time lately but am about to hop on Amazon and order the book so I can thoughtfully discuss. I can't wait to read it!

I'm really having a time getting Avery to communicate her feelings. As a family we are compassionate, loving and open people who talk, talk, talk about our feelings. Somehow though Avery thinks yelling, screaming, pulling hair and pinching are appropriate ways to get her point across. She is INCREDIBLY strong. Not just emotionally but physically. Her 7 yr old sister has taken it upon herself to teach her how to ride a bike sans training wheels. Avery and Hannah are out there day in and out practicing. Avery will take off and just gun it full force and then *CRASH* a spectacular fall that stops my heart from beating. She'll smack the side of the house or fall onto the stone wall bleeding and battered and will just get right back up ready to go again. Some days I feel that I'm struggling from morning to night with her and it wears me down. I'm very careful to allow her to control her days as much as possible from the clothes she wears (today was her red ladybug boots, red and green flannel pj bottoms and a PINK sparkly t-shirt and it was 90 degrees out) to the foods she eats ( I provide several healthy options and she chooses from those). However, it's never enough! She cannot stand for me to have even one little iota of control over her! She is independent and proud. Somedays I get so upset that I can't just mother her the way I want to. I want to hug her, wipe her tears and kiss her boo-boos and she just won't allow it. It makes me so sad. She's only four but going on fourteen and I often wonder if I'VE done something to cause her to have to grow up more quickly. I think maybe it's the baby and she's reacting to her, or maybe it's her big sister being bossy. She's my middle child but in so many ways still my baby. Ugh. Sorry. Bad day. Thanks for the safe place to vent...
post #43 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by Potty Diva
Our big thing: using your words to communicate instead of your hands. She gets frustrated when someone takes something that she perceives as hers. How do I make the connection?
This is one of those things that just a year ago was SO MUCH EASIER. DS wasn't hugely possessive like many of his peers were say between the ages of 18 months and 2 1/2-3, but it seems he's making up for lost time now. A year ago, he was using words often and effectively to get his message across to others, but now, his emotions are clearly running far out in front, and rule the day. All the emotions run in the total extreme, and he's so much more sensitive than ever before. If thwarted at all, he goes to pieces. I have to choose my words VERY carefully so as not to hurt his feelings or make him feel bad when I need him to stop something. I'm walking the razor's edge with this one day in and day out.

His self-esteem is so very important to me, and I'm trying so hard to keep my long term goals for him in mind all the time. At home, we do very well I think, but in those moments where he loses it over something and there are other parents and kids around? I just feel so ineffective. He is struggling with social relations right now which while I know is normal for 4, is still startling at times and in the moment, I'm not sure what I can do to empower him and help him through? I try to step in, be empathetic, help find a solution but he sees it all as that I'm just trying to get in his face, stop whatever it is he wants to do. Totally shuts me down. *sigh*

Quote:
Originally Posted by jempd
I'm reading the bookYour Four-Year-Old, Wild and Wonderful by Louise Bates Ames.
I've made a habit of reading these a few months before the age comes up. Indeed, they ARE old and some of the advice is not in keeping with my own parenting philosophy, but the developmental information does seem to be pretty much on target and has helped me orient myself to a certain degree, although 4 has been the most challenging despite the fact that I've "done the reading." Ok, and I must confess that while we've got 6 months to go before the fifth birthday, I picked up Your Five Year Old a few weeks back. I couldn't help it! The title was, "Sunny and Serene" and I just had to take a peak at what's to come. Of course, what I mostly learned is that we still have a long LONG ways to go. Oh, I hate it when I can't embrace the moment.

The best,
Em
post #44 of 113
nice to read others' stories- storeimy, my 4 yr old sounds like avery- she is so stubborn and persists on doing everything her way- i am getting worn out- i would so love to help her do things and just not to negotiate everything- i hate feeding her since she is so fussy- i get exhausted from all of her particular ways- i feel like i am a bad mirror-s he has suddenly become aware that i am disappointed in her b/c she is not "doing what i want her to do"- i don't want her self esteem to suffer b/c of my failed expectations- it is complicated, isn't it?
post #45 of 113
YES! The self-esteem issue. Like you, Embee, I'm trying so hard to keep focused on how my words will shape her but there are absolutely times when I'm exasperated and worn out and I just want to scream and in those moments I can be critical and I hate that. I agree Gina-it's all so complicated...
post #46 of 113
Gina;
I too am beginning to dislike/dread "mealtimes". What happened? She was never a "fussy eater" liked most veggies raw and not cooked (no big deal), now it is like she is repelled by almost anything remotely healthy and wants junk even if she has never had the said "junk" before she wants it. This is the first time we have had a problem with food and it just seemed like as soon as she turned 4...................all the fun began.
She even turns down her favorite salad dressing. I was soo glad to read in general that others are having "food/eating issues" with this age group as some days she is just exasperating.
post #47 of 113
Just saw this and wanted to pop in...dd was 4 in April.

We have the food thing going a bit also. It seems to go in spurts though like one day she hates something she has loved for 2 years and refuses to eat it for a month. However, I often catch her eating the offending food item later, of course no comment from her as to what changed. She is really into trying things but seems to go from wild trying to regressing to three food items and swings back and forth from these two stages. Odd for me, also frustrating, most days I am just happy to get food into her little moving (and constantly chatting) body!

love the play group idea! I don't have anyone to really bounce things off of in real life so this is great!
lula
post #48 of 113
Wow, Ladies... My Anna sounds a lot like your last three or four... She is terribly independant also, willful, strong, never stops talking, always 'negotiative', (argumentative?) and drives me NUTS!
I love her! I believe in her fieryness and spark and believe her self esteem is fine... It's just so hard, literally wears me down.
~L
post #49 of 113
Thread Starter 
Ok, have to go to work but have GOOSEBUMPS! I am just so happy to have you mamas here!

We have such cool kids, even if they do drive us to insanity on saome days. Oy! The independant, fieryness of them! How I love it and hate it at the same time. I am glad Kailey shows these powerful behaviors, just wish she would hang on to them until she is in her twenties! :LOL
post #50 of 113
Hi PD! Well it's hard to express but I have thought too, while observing my 4 yr old in his 4s and 3s preschool class, that there are many similarities among them and I can recognize 4-yr-old behavior right away, but they're all such unique and differing characters!

storeimy, I can so relate--your Avery sounds like my Russell in certain ways, I'm thinking particularly of the insistence on wearing crazy not at all weather appropriate outfits. This morning I heard on the radio that it's going to be 87 today and I said to dh 'good luck' and he knew what I meant: ds had gone to bed wearing pjs, a pair of underwear over the pants, a track suit jacket over the top, and swimming goggles. I personally think it has a little to do with his SID issues i.e. he likes to wear a lot of clothing, the tighter the better, but one day during the recent heat wave I think he was really on the verge of getting heatstroke and it scared me. But he also likes to wear whatever ties in to his role-playing of the moment and he goes in for a lot of scarves, turbans, capes, etc.

I think reading up on the next age to come is a good idea as that way when stuff begins to happen you can immediately thinnk OH here it comes, and be reinforced that it's development stuff, not acting out or anything like that.

4 is a great age, I have to say, though of course there's good stuff about all the ages. What I love is to overhear the kids in their conversation together--some if it is so funny and kooky--a lot of it arguing on the fine points of fantasy play (it's a cave, it is NOT it's the fairy's basement). I love the exuberance and wild imagination and that they're not yet jaded and too sophisticated to be excited by simple everyday things. Like bugs! Ds is just now getting into bugs in a big way and loves to hold them and then discuss them.
post #51 of 113
Hi everyone, I just saw this thread. Lucas just turned 4 on Tuesday. Of all three of my kids he has the most issues. We recently took him to the preschool evaluation through our school district. He now has followup evaluations with a psychologist for behavioral issues, an OT for sensory issues, and a PT for some of his motor skills. His preschool teacher mentioned to me that he wouldn't gallop, and he had a difficult time learning to ride a tricycle. His fine motor skills are advanced though as he can already cut with scissors. We think his sensory issues are also causing his eating issues as well. He has been FTT since he was 9 months old. We see a GI specialist too. He weighs 27 lbs. and is 38". It has often been a struggle to get him to eat. Lucas is also what we call "grumpy", he can be happy one minute, but if one thing sets him off he will then be in a grumpy mood for awhile. Reading through this thread it is nice to know that other kids his age have similar issues. 4 can be a tough age, but it is also a fun age as well.
post #52 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by storeimy
I'm really having a time getting Avery to communicate her feelings. As a family we are compassionate, loving and open people who talk, talk, talk about our feelings. Somehow though Avery thinks yelling, screaming, pulling hair and pinching are appropriate ways to get her point across. She is INCREDIBLY strong. Not just emotionally but physically...
I may have mentioned this previously, but DS was much better able to express his feelings in words just a year ago and even before that. I took such care in "emotion coaching" him from early on and I admit, I was proud to have a kid who could say, "Mommy, lets sit down. I want to talk about my feelings." But it's clear that he simply does not possess the rationale right now which while I know is typical for the wild and woolly four year old, still trips me up. He talks over me during our tough moments, and it takes everything I have not to lose it. But if I'm being honest with myself, one of my biggest things I'm trying to overcome with my parenting is my tendency to lecture when I get angry and at my wits end. The kids just living what he's learned. From me. Indeed, I have gotten into the habit when things are touch going, check myself first. :

Our biggest issue right now is that we are miscommunicating a lot. I say one thing, he hears another, and thinks I'm either thwarting or threatening him when in my mind, I'm just trying to find out what he needs. The quote in Kohn's, Unconditional Parenting is constantly running through my mind:

Quote:
How we feel about our kids isn't as important as how they experience those feelings and how they regard the way we treat them.
I'm trying hard to work on talking with DS in a way where he can get his feelings out and know that all his feelings are ok, but it's been so hard lately. An example:

We have plans to go the park, but he's starting making comments like, "Is John going to be at the park? Playing with John doesn't work. The park won't be fun. I'll have to be a big dinosaur and eat him up!", I might say, "Hey, if you aren't up for the park, that's ok. We can stay home." Well, its taken me awhile to realize (DOH!) that this is NOT his way of saying he doesn't want to go. This is his way of saying, I want to go to the park BUT, I'm feeling anxious and I need you to HELP me figure how to relax and play at the park. So when I counter with, "we don't have to go" he perceives it as a threat. The horror! My intention is to give him the option out if he's not up for social time, but in reality I'm robbing him of an opportunity to work on the very thing he wants to work on, making friends. Totally taking away his power. ACK! Somedays I really fail at decoding his messages and I can get into real trouble with it, totally the opposite of the kind of parent I want to be... which is to say, no threats, punishments, etc. And here I am sneaking them in, unbeknownst even to myself.

Keep the conversation going all. Its been very reassuring and a great support.

The best,
Em
post #53 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by Potty Diva
I am glad Kailey shows these powerful behaviors, just wish she would hang on to them until she is in her twenties! :LOL
Well put! I've heard it said (and said myelf) that its those personality traits that are the most difficult for parents to deal with that we truly wish for our kids to possess in the long run. So true!

This little tidbit does indeed help me keep the long term perspective in mind.
post #54 of 113
I just found this thread. I'm checking in before reading all the posts. Skanda was born 1/28/01. I'm going to have him evaluated in August with Early Intervention because of his speech and some behavior/physical issues like how he still pees his pants a lot and has never not peed at night and he digs at scratches on his face until they are holes and he's a hitter/kicker and he rages and tantrums multiple times a day.
post #55 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by Potty Diva
Mark and I are feeling so helpless.

Kailey's behavior is just out of control.

She is acting in such uinappropriate manners. If a child takes a toy she sees as hers, she will hit them or scratch them. She has scrathed and hit her teacher a few times, but is relentlesss to those in her class who try to play with her when she wants to be alone. She does not use her words first, but strikes out. Like a knee jerk reaction.

We have tried time outs, spanking (which we do not use now, cause DUH it doesn't work) taking special toys away, and denying privileges. What ever we say will be a consequence we follow through on. Still NO change.

We are just beside ourselves. WHAT should I do? Monday I am going to call her doctor to get a referral to see a psychologist. Mark thinks she is really messed up,and I am beginning to think we have done this.

Why? Neither one of us can argue in a constructive manner. We throw things, freak out on each other and their is very little respect. We try to change but it seems like it doesn't work and we go right back to our old familiar ways.

I spend time with Kailey doing Kailey things, which I enjoy, but she still wants more more more. I am about to go crazy.

YES, we did this to her, and now we want to know how to change. Is a psychologist a good idea?
You sound like me. Don't feel bad. Change what you can and support her in learning about dealing with things. I'm reading "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" and I think you might love it as much as I do. I've been trying Playful Parenting, trying to understand my son from the "Raising Your Spirited Child" POV, lamenting that we got detached somewhere along the line and I wasn't AP enough. But this book is helping me figure out where *I* have communication breakdowns and helping me figure out what my goals are and analyze my parenting style to see if I'm even going about things in a way that matches my goals. It's mostly about my own personal growth. And I'm seeing amazing results in Skanda. He seems to have similar speech and physical frustration issues as Kailey and he's also the same age.
post #56 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by RyvreWillow

Is anyone else homeschooling? Even just for preschool?
Ummm, yeah. They didn't want Skanda at preschool after 4 visits
post #57 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by Copper
Gina;
I too am beginning to dislike/dread "mealtimes". What happened? She was never a "fussy eater" liked most veggies raw and not cooked (no big deal), now it is like she is repelled by almost anything remotely healthy and wants junk even if she has never had the said "junk" before she wants it. This is the first time we have had a problem with food and it just seemed like as soon as she turned 4...................all the fun began.
She even turns down her favorite salad dressing. I was soo glad to read in general that others are having "food/eating issues" with this age group as some days she is just exasperating.
Oh man. Skanda's been trying the picky eater hat on too. Especially in relation to the word HATE. "But, Mom, I HATE broccoli." More for us then When he sees us all digging in and loving it, he usually asks for some too. :LOL
post #58 of 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karry
Hi everyone, I just saw this thread. Lucas just turned 4 on Tuesday. Of all three of my kids he has the most issues. We recently took him to the preschool evaluation through our school district. He now has followup evaluations with a psychologist for behavioral issues, an OT for sensory issues, and a PT for some of his motor skills. His preschool teacher mentioned to me that he wouldn't gallop, and he had a difficult time learning to ride a tricycle. His fine motor skills are advanced though as he can already cut with scissors. We think his sensory issues are also causing his eating issues as well. He has been FTT since he was 9 months old. We see a GI specialist too. He weighs 27 lbs. and is 38". It has often been a struggle to get him to eat. Lucas is also what we call "grumpy", he can be happy one minute, but if one thing sets him off he will then be in a grumpy mood for awhile. Reading through this thread it is nice to know that other kids his age have similar issues. 4 can be a tough age, but it is also a fun age as well.
I feel like the lonely posting nut on a dead thread. I hope you all come back soon
But anyway, your description of your son reminds me of Nadia a bit. She sometimes has physical issues that really make her grumpy. When she was born, she had TTN (amniotic fluid in the lungs) and spent a few days in the NICU. They gave her "just in case" antibiotics and she ended up with bad thrush. She was in a bad mood until that subsided and then teething started and pissed her off. She was usually crying when awake unless I was bouncing/swaying/rocking/holding her in extra special and convoluted ways. She had a brief respite for about a year and a half and then ran into constipation issues. I've been dealing with poop issues for about 9 months now and when she hasn't pooped, she's just a complete grumpy bear. When she has recently emptied her bowels, she's happy as a lark. She'll be 3 on Friday next week.
post #59 of 113
kavamamakava;
...with the food and the "more for me" I have used that too and the minute it came out of my mouth I almost fell off the chair....I sound just like my
mother!! :LOL
post #60 of 113
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kavamamakava
You sound like me. Don't feel bad. Change what you can and support her in learning about dealing with things. I'm reading "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" and I think you might love it as much as I do. I've been trying Playful Parenting, trying to understand my son from the "Raising Your Spirited Child" POV, lamenting that we got detached somewhere along the line and I wasn't AP enough. But this book is helping me figure out where *I* have communication breakdowns and helping me figure out what my goals are and analyze my parenting style to see if I'm even going about things in a way that matches my goals. It's mostly about my own personal growth. And I'm seeing amazing results in Skanda. He seems to have similar speech and physical frustration issues as Kailey and he's also the same age.
Thanks Kava. Our routine change has really seemed to help, along with OUR change in communication styles. Let's see how this works. I am really pleased with how serious we are finally taking this. Seeing our daughter lash out because of the ways we have taught her to communicate was really disturbing.

We''ll have to compare notes along this journey since our dc have similiar obstacles
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