what to do when partner is the slob?

[mandalamama]

i keep trying to do my own version of FlyLady that deals with my limitations, i guess i could call it GimpLady like, one of my adapted house rules is that "if i can't reach it with my reacher tool, it doesn't exist until someone moves it within my reach"

but, what do you do when you live with an utter, utter slob? i am talking, never picks anything up. i can always find him by following the trail of comic books, dirty socks, underwear, and half-full diet soda cans. i've been trying to get him to clean up for 3 years now, no success. oddly enough, he is fantastic at doing the dishes, emptying the cat litter, and taking out the garbage. it's just the moment-to-moment living that reminds me of Pigpen from Charlie Brown, with that whorl of dust around him like a tornado. my husband is also a packrat, mostly of paperback books and comic books ... major, major allergy source (dust and white mold).

so, i get my GimpLady journal and routines started ... and i end up tripping through an obstacle course of things he's left around, i sometimes have to just give up. he also piles things up impossibly, they fall on me as i walk by, i end up with yet another boo-boo or limitation.

what do you do when you are a FlyLady living with a MoleMan with his cave full of junk?!!

[AngelBee]

I don't know...



I'll ask dh how he puts up with me... :

[peekyboo]

Well, this may not be the BEST way to go about it, but you could let frustration build until you lose it, your head starts spinning and flames shoot out your ears :LOL

Seriously, when I was pregnant with our first, I was once again picking up after dh and counting socks along the way (the man who'd complain that I'd NEVER washed his socks, meanwhile I never see them in the dirty clothes hamper...) So I'm collecting socks in the living room - they're under the couch, between cushions, on the shelves (low ones, not high ones), etc, etc, etc. Finally I lost it, turned to him and said something like "I swear to God, if I find one more dirty sock in this room, I will shove it so far up your it'll come out your mouth."

Rarely does he leave his socks on the floor now

[camprunner]

I kind of tricked dh into helping me recently. He never would go for the 15 min. pickup at night thing. So at Christmas time I bought my two year old a magnet board with chores on it. We recently added picking up toys to it. DH loves to help her with the magnet board as she thinks its something he created for some reason. She gets a magnet every night she helps pick up stuff. Dh is helping her so we're all doing it.

I realize this won't help you much but I'm amazed that he's picking up for like the first tiem ever.

[quidditchmom]

Have you seen those made for tv movies where two women find they're married to the same guy?

I have no idea how to help you, but I'll be keeping an eye on this thread. We have an obsene amout of closet space in our apartment, yet our lawn is littered with bikes that can't fit anywhere, my stroller is getting sunbleached because I can't put it away and I keep our bath towels in a laundry basket.

We have a very big under the stairs closet in our dinning room (in fact, it would make a great pantry) that is stuffed to overflowing with broken down empty boxes for the next time we move (probably years from now). Well, that's not entirely true. There is also a yard sized trash bag crammed full of unrecyclable plastic bags because some day they will find a way to recycle them and a cooler. His stuff fills our upstairs hall closet which is big enough for a small bedroom, our outside shed which is about the same size, his half of our bedroom closet, part of my half of our bedroom closet, and our entryway closet (although he is kind enough to leave a little room for some of our shoes and jackets)

I've tried the blowing up thing. No luck. He doesn't think I have reason to complain cause he thinks he's quite organized and efficiet and does most of the work around here.

BTW, he also has stuff stored at his parent's house, at his brother's house and at the houses of 3-4 friends. AND he leaves stuff everywhere.

I've (almost) learned to live with it

[Losgann]

Originally Posted by peekyboo

Finally I lost it, turned to him and said something like "I swear to God, if I find one more dirty sock in this room, I will shove it so far up your it'll come out your mouth."

Rarely does he leave his socks on the floor now

[Losgann]

My dh is a packrat. I have a few boxes of 'memories' that I am holding on to, but dh collects things that he can use in the future. As in, he'll bring home stuff from curbsides, put it in the house, garage or in the yard and won't touch it or even glance at it for YEARS. Irks me to no end!

Just recently I threw away 2 mower type things that were stashed beside the house for at least 18 months that would NEVER work again even if he were to look at them. We still have 2 work benches stashed beside the house that eventually he is going to "replace the tops and use them for leatherwork." They've been there over a year. No lie. He has not even LOOKED at them! And they are HUGE!

He cuts coupons religiously but NEVER EVER uses them! We have a drawer full and he still clips more, that just get added to the drawer and forgotten about. What is *that*?!

:LOL

He's been searching for THE hose reel for a few months and finally bought one last week only to leave it sitting on the front porch. When he came home yesterday I'd moved it toward the faucet thingy and told him "I tried to figure out how to hook that thing up but I couldn't get it." You shoulda seen him sprint toward his new baby to check it out and make sure I hadn't hurt it! : He got it hooked up though!

Ahhh.. gotta love 'em.

[NinaBruja]

Originally Posted by mellybean

living with a MoleMan with his cave full of junk?!!

you too!?
that one sentance sums up living with my boyfriend completely!
total cave, he hisses and runs away if a dare pull back the curtain to let the slightest bit of sunshine into the house. and youd think that fresh air would cause him to melt or something. he almost never goes outside, you have to twist his arm to get him to leave the house at all, except to go to work ... he wont leave the house unless the sun is down.
im starting to think he may be a vampire. he hisses when i eat garlic too come to think of it...
so our house is musty, dark and dirty.
i find boxers stuffed into the couch!!! dirty socks in the most bizarre places.
its often a fight to get him to bathe! : i have to change the bedding like 3 times a week because he makes it smell!
and i wonder how he manages to get every single dish in the house dirty when he keeps demanding to eat out of the pot he cooks in. he has to cook, i wont touch dairy or meat.
it is kind of cute to see our 19 month old daughter pick up his shoes and put them away, throw his dirty socks in the kitchen and then run over to him to chew him out in toddlerspeak. :
sometimes i feel like im going to lose it though...

if anyone has any ideas on how to stop this maddness please please please let me know too...

[boongirl]

Having been with my darling slob for 20 years, I will tell you what works for us.

1. Give him a room where he can be as slobby as he wants all week. Then, politely designate a cleanup day every week or so. In other words, I am going to vacuum/do laundry/clean windows and need you to clean up your room today. That type of thing. We have a "study" that is his dumping/play room. It is also our office/guest room. The key is having a door to shut so you don't see the stuff.

2. Take all his stuff that he leaves all over the house and pile it in the study when it starts to bug you.

3. I stopped worrying about the books and music stuff being in disarry as long as he compromised and promised it would at least be shelved. It is hard to find things but at least they are on the shelves.

4. We occasionally have cleanup days where we go through the house and recycle/sell/donate stuff.

5. We got a storage facility for my stuff since his takes up so much room. It is an extra $50 a month but our 80 yr old house has hardly any closets and only a small garage so it helps. Plus, it is only a few blocks away.

6. Finally, I live my own example of not being a pack rat and thinning my belongings a couple of times a year and dh is starting to see the wisdom of my ways. After 20 years! He is actually considering that he might be able to part with his college books and papers that he has not looked at in 20 years! And, we now have anough cds that alphabetizing them is, to him, looking good!

I guess what I am trying to say is be a good example and be patient. He sounds like a great guy in other ways.

[mandalamama]

i've tried ALL of the above, and i do mean all. none of it works. sigh.

the newest thing is, we've moved and he won't help me unpack. most of the boxes i can't move myself, and the stuff i really need is behind those boxes. well, at least it's not all over the house, it's confined to boxes!

[sahmama]

Have you seen those made for tv movies where two women find they're married to the same guy?

I have no idea how to help you, but I'll be keeping an eye on this thread. We have an obsene amout of closet space in our apartment, yet our lawn is littered with bikes that can't fit anywhere, my stroller is getting sunbleached because I can't put it away and I keep our bath towels in a laundry basket.

We have a very big under the stairs closet in our dinning room (in fact, it would make a great pantry) that is stuffed to overflowing with broken down empty boxes for the next time we move (probably years from now). Well, that's not entirely true. There is also a yard sized trash bag crammed full of unrecyclable plastic bags because some day they will find a way to recycle them and a cooler. His stuff fills our upstairs hall closet which is big enough for a small bedroom, our outside shed which is about the same size, his half of our bedroom closet, part of my half of our bedroom closet, and our entryway closet (although he is kind enough to leave a little room for some of our shoes and jackets)

I've tried the blowing up thing. No luck. He doesn't think I have reason to complain cause he thinks he's quite organized and efficiet and does most of the work around here.

BTW, he also has stuff stored at his parent's house, at his brother's house and at the houses of 3-4 friends. AND he leaves stuff everywhere.

I think I'm sharing your DH too! :LOL He has his old bedroom at his parents house, filled with JUNK, I mean it's total junk, useless junk! He also has a couple of old cars parked out there, since it's in the country, and THOSE are full of things we have to store. : No amount of flipping out helps here. We have 3 bedrooms, 1 is the laundry room, but only the one bedroom has any room to walk in (our room); I have to climb over junk to dry the clothes. I've been poking away at it but he comes home and throws another pile of junk in there to replace what I threw out. Argh! :