I am not yet a single parent. DH and I have been married almost 4 years, have a 21 month old and a 7 week old. I think that we may be seperating soon rather than later. Maybe in a few weeks, maybe a month or 2, maybe a year.
It's not an awful relationship, it's just not a good one. It's not abusive, he's not a terrible father. He provides for us and comes home to us every day after work. So what's the problem?
We are not happy. He gives me the obligatory peck on the lips when he gets home from work, we chit chat about "how was your day" stuff eat dinner, go to bed usually about 9:00, give another peck, and go to sleep without touching. We are not happy and we both know it. We have had the same problems constantly throughout our marriage as we had when we were dating.
He is emotionally closed and afraid to talk to me, afraid to disagree with me, which makes him keep everything inside and feel unhappy with me, thus showing me no love or affection, and we are both miserable.
We have both always believed that having children is not a good reason to stay in a relationship that you would otherwise not stay in. So here we are.
I don't want my boys to grow up not knowing their father, and their father would not have that, anyways.
My options:
1. Move back "home" to have the help of my parents, 8 hours from DH's job. Plenty of pros and cons to each of these scenarios, as you can imagine. Wouldn't need full time day care with parents help is the biggie here.
2. Move out but stay in this area and work nights, while their father watches them but it couldn't be full time, and we'd still need an overlap day care/sitter, and I really wouldn't build up much money to get out on my own.
3. Stay with DH until I find a day care situation I am comfortable with then go out and try to find a "real" full time day job, then find housing according to how much I can afford and where I should live within the area.
Your thoughts?
Last night we had yet anohter "why are we even together" talk. We are both numb from it. No tears, just a conversation. DH is more reluctant to split than I am. He is trying things like: let's add some new things to our blah routine to spice things up. In my heart, I know that we have tried some version of everything. Yes, we have been to counseling. We're just not meant to be together and it makes me sad that my children will have to deal with this forever and ever.
It's not an awful relationship, it's just not a good one. It's not abusive, he's not a terrible father. He provides for us and comes home to us every day after work. So what's the problem?
We are not happy. He gives me the obligatory peck on the lips when he gets home from work, we chit chat about "how was your day" stuff eat dinner, go to bed usually about 9:00, give another peck, and go to sleep without touching. We are not happy and we both know it. We have had the same problems constantly throughout our marriage as we had when we were dating.
He is emotionally closed and afraid to talk to me, afraid to disagree with me, which makes him keep everything inside and feel unhappy with me, thus showing me no love or affection, and we are both miserable.
We have both always believed that having children is not a good reason to stay in a relationship that you would otherwise not stay in. So here we are.
I don't want my boys to grow up not knowing their father, and their father would not have that, anyways.
My options:
1. Move back "home" to have the help of my parents, 8 hours from DH's job. Plenty of pros and cons to each of these scenarios, as you can imagine. Wouldn't need full time day care with parents help is the biggie here.
2. Move out but stay in this area and work nights, while their father watches them but it couldn't be full time, and we'd still need an overlap day care/sitter, and I really wouldn't build up much money to get out on my own.
3. Stay with DH until I find a day care situation I am comfortable with then go out and try to find a "real" full time day job, then find housing according to how much I can afford and where I should live within the area.
Your thoughts?
Last night we had yet anohter "why are we even together" talk. We are both numb from it. No tears, just a conversation. DH is more reluctant to split than I am. He is trying things like: let's add some new things to our blah routine to spice things up. In my heart, I know that we have tried some version of everything. Yes, we have been to counseling. We're just not meant to be together and it makes me sad that my children will have to deal with this forever and ever.