Best Friend/SIL (without kids) is about to become a step-mom to 3 young adults.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Do you have some advice for my friend/SIL?

She is engaged to my father’s good friend. He has three children(22, 20, 18). The engagement was sudden and she has only briefly met the youngest son. I’m worried that this is going to be a problem. I’m also worried because the two of them (SIL and the father) are quite blinded by love right now.

How can I talk to SIL and the father about this? Do you recommend that I give SIL a link to MDC? What about some books?

We’ll be together next week and SIL will meet her fiancé’s middle daughter. I know her and will be there and am also looking for pointers about how I should involve myself.

New to this (although part of a blended family myself) and in much need of help.

[Destinye]

Hi there

I have 4 DSC the 2 oldest are 20 and 18, the others are 15 and 12. I think for that age its best to be as neutral as possible, as they ARE young adults. I think its hard at any age, but the best thing is to be her husband's wife not the step-mom if that makes sense and try to form some kind of adult relationship with them. I think its best not to be too pushy though too and force things and best to let it evolve naturally. Never say anything negative about Bio-Mom if she is around and an issue! Yikes!

Anyhow I am sure people will have more and better advice I just kind of wing it myself, and am lucky they all seem to like me despite BM trying hard not to let that happen, but the book I found most useful is Step-Parenting by Jeannette Lofas, Ph.D and she has a good website http://www.stepfamily.org/index.html

I think maybe sending her to MDC might be a good idea if she is open to it too! I am sure we would all try to help.