Originally Posted by reader
You could say this about so many things... do men have an innate role in breastfeeding? No one would be breastfeeding if there weren't men to procreate with. But most women consider BFing to be a woman thing -- most of us don't turn to men for help with BFing. Are there exceptions? Yeah. Dr. Sears and Dr. Newman, maybe. But we're talking two people out of billions.
I have found, almost without exception, that if I want support (IRL, not here) in my pregnancies and with having my babies, I'd better turn to men. I've never had a man tell me I'm pathetic for having had a c-section. I've never had a male doctor try to talk me into scheduling another section I'm not sure I want. I've never had a man bully me to "get a move on" less than 36 hours after said section. I've never had a man tell me I'm a fruitloop for mourning the fact that I've never given birth vaginally... I've had women tell me all those things.
I don't think men have an "innate" role in childbirth - but I don't think women do, either...except for the labouring mom. I can't imagine a scenario that sounds less comfortable to me than a whole room full of women while I'm in labour. I have a close, intimate relationship with my dh...much closer than to any woman I've ever known. The idea that women are move connected because they understand labour and childbirth has one major flaw as well...it's only true of those who have been through it. I have no idea what it feels like to deliver a baby, and I know many other women who don't know, either - whether because of surgical "birth" or simply because they have no kids. I don't feel that the nature of my genitalia gives me some kind of deep insight into the birth experience, when I've never experienced it.
I don't think my husband should be my "coach" in childbirth - but I don't think anybody else should be, either. If my body's doing what it's supposed to, I really just want emotional support...and I'd far rather have that from someone I have an emotional relationship to, than from a stranger.
I'm kind of rambling here. I think the idea of a return to the "red tent" pushed my panic buttons. I'd find the idea of being pregnant absolutely terrifying if my dh weren't going to be allowed to be there when I had the baby. I'd want him there if I got a degree, if I had to have surgery, if I moved into a new home, if I won a lottery, if I was really sick...all the emotional highs and lows in life. Why on earth would I allow someone to deprive me of his company for something as huge as the birth of our baby???