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Do I have the right to throw away DH's clothes and buy him new ones?updated w/ photo! - Page 5

post #81 of 95
[QUOTE=mountain] I've had so many wonderful people share their lives with me who are not concerned with their appearances because they have deeper things to think about [QUOTE]

Thanks, Mountain; that's exacly what I was trying to express. I recently met the couple who run the local Community-Shared Agriculture garden, and both of them were hairy, sweaty, farmer-tan-having, callused folks who are beautiful, beautiful human beings. They looked to me the way that people should look, and I bet you 100 bunches of organic kale that the wife hasn't been within a mile of a beauty parlor in years.

They have programs for underprivileged teens, getting them out in the garden, programs for children, all in addition to raising organic produce in the middle of Alaska and caring for their kids. I guess some people here would consider them slobs, and they'd be missing out on the most beautiful people I have ever seen.



post #82 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by simply me
Why is it so many women who claim they don't care about appearences always knock us women who do care?? Why is it ok to not care but not ok to care??
Dude, maybe it's because you started out by trashing people who don't care, and then have managed to extrapolate what kind of clothes people wear to their houses and moral character.

Mmmmm. Pot, have you met kettle?

I am a slob. Hubby is too. Luckily my friends who don't look like slobs are really nice, and have an attitude that's as classy as their dress. I guess it probably reflects bad on them (to certain people) that they hang out with a slob like me, but maybe they prefer tattered appearance/classy 'tude, than dressed to the nines and a catty, critical spirit.

I grew up in a household where appearance was everything, from the name brand underwear to who you were "allowed" to socialize with. I am so glad to be free of it. Maybe some people like keeping up with the joneses and being on permanent display, but for me it was soul crushing.

I don't see a problem with buying DH new clothes, and making a request that he wear them when he's out with you or whatever. But I think throwing out his clothes without permission is crossing a major boundary, and blowing a huge wad of cash on new clothes is going to be traumatic and enraging to a frugal person. So I would advise at least trying to do this with a bit of respect (slowly and above board) if one wants it to have even a chance at success. Otherwise, it looks like a major fight-pickin' to me.
post #83 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by eightyferrettoes
...both of them were hairy, sweaty, farmer-tan-having, callused folks who are beautiful, beautiful human beings. They looked to me the way that people should look, and I bet you 100 bunches of organic kale that the wife hasn't been within a mile of a beauty parlor in years.

They have programs for underprivileged teens, getting them out in the garden, programs for children, all in addition to raising organic produce in the middle of Alaska and caring for their kids. I guess some people here would consider them slobs, and they'd be missing out on the most beautiful people I have ever seen.
But come on, fourscore weaseldigits, let's hear the IMPORTANT stuff...



























How did their NAILS look? :LOL
post #84 of 95
CB, I cannot believe that you would ask such a superficial, cosmetic question.
That said, their nails looked a hell of a lot better than the eighty overgrown toenails that are circling my computer chair.
post #85 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by simply me
But my dh knows how much i love him & we need to look good for one another.
you know in reading all of these posts about how some people dress.... i was wondering what do you homes look like?? are you as messy & uncaring of your home & its appearance?? I know we just bought a new home but even our old home was well kept & nice. i take great pride in my appearnace as wel las my families & home. Same as my car. I LIKE nice things & nice looking things. Honestly none of my friends are "slobs " either.

*******

And why do we always have to go back to the feminist issues?? As women and equals are we not all entitled to our own likes & dislikes & not what society puts on us?? Why slam someone who just enjoys life & all the finer qualities?? Am i bad because i love to take care of myself & look presentable?? No just like someone who looks like a slob isn't a bad person. Why must everyones hormones always get in a bunch & start debates about who is right or wrong?? Wasn't the original post looking for opinions on what to do?? I gave mine as all you have.

it seems to me some of you only see your views as right. thats anyone who is not like you is wrong.
Excuse me? Who's the one deciding what our homes look like based on whether we think a woman has the right to throw away her husband's belongings? Yes - I think I'm right. If I didn't think my opinion was right, it wouldn't be my opinion. But, you think your opinion is right, too.

Just for the record, my best friend is very concerned with clothes...she spends more on looking good in a month than I do in a year. I don't care about that, and she doesn't care that I'm not the same way. My house is a disaster area a lot of the time - largely because I don't have room for all my books, and I'm a compulsive packrat. But, my house is clean. And, my friend who spends all the money on clothes and makeup has never kept her house any better than I do. The two things have nothing to do with each other. (I also know a woman who never leaves the house without perfect hair, nails, makeup, etc...and her house is a pigsty- not just cluttered, but filthy.)

I think you're every bit as guilty of jumping to conclusions and making judgments about the "slobs" as we are of doing so with you.


Quote:
hmmm is this where we now start talking about financial status ?? since someone is already complaining about my being a trophy wife. Not the case but i would hate for my hubbies friends to say 'oh man John's wife is a dog!! what a slob... how can he be married to her... i would rather them me as an attractive well kept woman.
See...if dh's friends wondered how he could be married to me just because I don't care about clothes, I'd wonder how he could be friends with people who couldn't look any farther than that. If his friends think the most important thing about a spouse is their wardrobe, they really aren't people I want to associate with. Marriage isn't about impressing your friends with what a good-looking spouse you have. And, honestly...if you're worried about whether his friends think you're "attractive" and "well kept", you seem to be the one who thinks you're a trophy wife.
post #86 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride
See...if dh's friends wondered how he could be married to me just because I don't care about clothes, I'd wonder how he could be friends with people who couldn't look any farther than that.
I've been trying to stay out of this thread 'cause really, it's about the last thing my blood pressure needs, but I had to stop and throw in a big, fat :!
post #87 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by eightyferrettoes
CB, I cannot believe that you would ask such a superficial, cosmetic question.
That said, their nails looked a hell of a lot better than the eighty overgrown toenails that are circling my computer chair.
Boy, I bet you go through Ferretone like a junkie goes through heroin. :LOL
post #88 of 95
Meowee, I like your plan.

If I didn't surreptitiously throw some stuff away, we would be even more overwhelmed with clutter than we already are.

You don't need to throw the old ones away. Simply rip each garment even further with each laundering. You may have to take over his laundry, then surreptitiously rip the heck out of as many pieces as you dare. Like that elbow, that's a prime candidate. just rip the bottom half of the sleeve so hard that it is held on by a quarter inch strip, and return it to him.
post #89 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizelenius
I dunno. I keep putting myself in his position. I'd be mad-- feel betrayed. I think it's GREAT to buy him new ones, but I wouldn't get rid of the old ones. I'd just put the new clothes in the drawer/closet and not say a word.
I agree with this.

If it helps, my dh is a bit excentric and clothes WERE an issue. He really didn't think he could find clothes as comfortable as his old trusty clothes. I looked into tagless, lined clothes, clothes with few seems, no heavy collars, soft fabrics, etc and introduced them slowly, one item at a time for him to try and now he is completely cool with new clothes, as long as they are comfortable. He is diagnosed as OCD and has sensory issues... so it wasn't really that he wanted old clothes, they were just comfortable and he was pleased with them. it was hard for him to think outside the familiar- even though when I began helping him he was asking for me to (work related... needed decent clothes after he graduated college)

I don't think that makes me his mother, I'm his partner... he needed help and I helped him find clothes that would work for him AND his boss.

Anyway, I'd buy one or two things at a time and put them in his drawer. Let him try them and get used to them... he may like them and he may not, but you can learn what works before you buy to much at once.

Look ove rhis clothes adn try to figure out what the common theme is... what is it he likes to much? Is it the softness of worn fabrics? Is there anything in common with the clothes he has settled on?
post #90 of 95
My dh wears really crappy clothes as well. He has this one button down shirt that has a big bleach stain on the back. It is a forest green shirt with a huge whitish spot on the back!! But he won't get rid of it! He always says "It's good for cutting grass." He has half a closet full of grass cutting clothes.

Once, he had a pair of shorts that were so nasty, they just wouldn't come clean. He claimed he should keep them because they were just going to get dirty when he wore them to work anyways. Every time I washed them, before putting them away, I would take my seam ripper and remove a few stitches. One day he suddenly split his pants while we were having a few beers after work. :LOL He threw them away.

I wouldn't throw something away if he had an emotional attachment to it. He just doesn't want to bother with shopping... so I always look for "new" work clothes for him to wear. He has always worked in kitchens, btw. Now, we own a restaurant and I really would prefer he wear pants with working zippers, no big pit stains, etc. From a business standpoint, not really a fashion or "I care what others think" point of view.

I always ask before getting rid of things, and he seems to let me have control of when it is time to declutter the closet. He appreciates it when I find some new clothes that he likes. And over the years, I have learned what he will and will not wear, and I go by that when shopping for him.
post #91 of 95
*****Dude, maybe it's because you started out by trashing people who don't care, and then have managed to extrapolate what kind of clothes people wear to their houses and moral character.*****


hmmm ok dude well i did not start by trashing anyone, i voiced my OPINION and was trashed. So that said i was just sharing my opinion to a post. Why don't you go back and read the entire thread before jumping on me DUDE



Anyhow i asked my hubby about this this am just to see what he said. He explained that in his previous relationship {7 yrs} he would have had a major issue if his ex fiance did that due to their lack of relationship all around. If i was to do it, which you know i obviously do he has no problems because aside from this aspect which you all disagree with we have a wonderful relationship. I guess it all depends on the spouse. As others said why not buy him a few things & donate the old?? That way he feels like he is maye helping someone else who is less fortunate. i sense that is oart of the issue.

Everyone i voiced my opinion only to offer a different view then you all have stated. Not to sound harsh, uncaring etc. Just to show not all are like you guys. This is an open board which welcomes everyone & i am disgusted that my little opinion has bothered you al lso much to the point of having to trash my opinion & bring out the rude side of me. i am one of the most easy going people around despite what my appearance is.
I am a loving wife & mother to 3 kids, 1 of whom is special needs & looking into adorpting a less fornutate special needs child to offer them a better life. I am not a superficial high maintnence know it all as you have proclaimed me to be. I was simply offering my view. Why must everyone always jump all over everyones opinion that isn't like theirs. See if you read my posts, i never did until i was trashed. Hummm who is the rude one here.
post #92 of 95
I threw away one of my husband's shirts 9 years ago (actually I gave it to Good Will). I still hear about it. I'd buy new ones and encourage him to wear them.
post #93 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by BumbleBena
John has an abundance of old clothes with a sentimental attachment to them. I compromised; we decided he could *keep* the clothes, but I would make rag quilts from them.

We have one (very comfy!) lap quilt, and another in the works. Also I sewed the legholes/waistband (and patched the hole in the crotch : ) shut in a pair of old shorts, stuffed them, and we now have a nice squishy floor pillow.

Are you handy with a needle and thread?
I have also found that making things out of hubby's old clothes is a good compromise for us

Some other ideas: curtains out of blue jean and khaki pieces, pillows out of flannel shirts (it's really cute if you use the front, with the pocket and buttons), t-shirt quilts with the fronts of favorite band or event shirts. Sometimes, if there's enough fabric still salvagable from the original garment, you can make mini-versions for the kids

My husband is another guy with emotional attachment to clothes. I don't really know why, but it seems like he picks out a couple of shirts and one pair of pants each year as his "favorites" and refuses to wear any others, because they aren't broken in right, lol. In highschool, he actually wore a pair of jeans for several weeks while they were ripped from the back pocket, all the way to the floor. One teacher asked if he had an accident and needed to go home, lol, he said "nah, i came this way" She almost fainted. I admit, i was embarassed that the whole world was being subjected to my boyfriend's (at the time) underwear, so i sewed the jeans the best i could. So began my sewing career, lol.
post #94 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by RyvreWillow
In highschool, he actually wore a pair of jeans for several weeks while they were ripped from the back pocket, all the way to the floor. One teacher asked if he had an accident and needed to go home, lol, he said "nah, i came this way" She almost fainted. I admit, i was embarassed that the whole world was being subjected to my boyfriend's (at the time) underwear, so i sewed the jeans the best i could. So began my sewing career, lol.


I know that feeling! John ripped his pants during mass one time while playing in the music group. Not sure if those undies had holes/stains in them or not. Maybe I should ask the priest? :LOL
post #95 of 95
I just checked with dh, since I routinely toss/recycle clothing of his that has become holey (no, not handy with needle and thread, more's the pity). I asked if it bothered him, and he said:

"Not really. Should it?"

He is a geek, too. He is attached to certain t-shirts but he only wears them around the house because they look ratty.
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