5 year old self picker

[SquirelNutkin]

I have a 5 and half year old.
She is smart, fun, and pretty normal from what I can tell.
But she is a major self picker, and has been for a year.
It stated out ignoring it, then she kept picking at a wart until it was constantly bleeding. Now, the picking has gotten worse.
She chews on her lips, she picks at the skin on her nails- leaving bloody sores in the wake. I see her doing a lot of times, but evan at night when I am reading to her. It seems absent minded, more than worring. We are close, and she has always tlaked to me or dad about worries, so i dont think thats the underlining problems.
Anyhow, I dont evan know what to think about this. I dont want to nag her to stop, but i do want it to stop.
Any idea, advice, or stories would be great.
b

[KalamazooMom]

Originally Posted by SquirelNutkin

I have a 5 and half year old.
She is smart, fun, and pretty normal from what I can tell.
But she is a major self picker, and has been for a year.
It stated out ignoring it, b

No advice really. Just a note that I have a 5 year old who is also happy, healthy, outgoing, and also a picker. She picks her lip, her nails, and any kind of sore or scab. I also am worried that it's some kind of nervous condition or reaction to stress. But similar to what you decribe she often seems to do it when we are together reading a book, or singing songs at bedtime -- times when you'd think she'd be very relaxed. It seems to kind of go in spurts as to how much she does it. I also have tried reminding her about it and also ignoring it. Doesn't seem to make much difference. I think she does want to stop. Sometimes when I remind her about it she gets kind of annoyed at herself I think and feels like she wants to stop but just can't help it.

[fourgrtkidos]

I was one. It stemmed from my mother constantly critcical of me and I was then self criticical. I was searching for flaws. Also, she pointed out a bump on my arm one day and that was that.

Now, I have a 6yo picker too. The only one out of the 4 so far. I have been overly careful not to be critcal of her, so I do not know what the deal is. She is NOT allowe to pick to bleeding. It is self destructive.

I had a grandfather on my fathers side that was a picker. genetics??

I do think it is anxiety related. Even if we do not consciously know it. When I am picking, I am not thinking about all the stuff I am worried about, it is a mindless activity.

It helps now that I crochet and sew. They also are repeative, mindless activity that ends up much like meditation. I am not worrying while I am crocheting.

KWIM??


Little kids can knit. Maybe try teaching her that. That is what my grandmother did..... to keep my hands busy with something else.

[KalamazooMom]

Originally Posted by fourgrtkidos

I had a grandfather on my fathers side that was a picker. genetics??

.

It's really interesting that you say that, because my MIL has suggested that exact thing. My DH's grandmother was apparently a big picker, and my SIL was (and is) too. so perhaps that's where my DD gets it?

Still as you say, my worry is that it's because she feels inadequate or something. We also try not to be overly critical, but I don't know if that helps or not.

I like the idea of keeping hands busy.

[stafl]

Originally Posted by fourgrtkidos

I do think it is anxiety related. Even if we do not consciously know it. When I am picking, I am not thinking about all the stuff I am worried about, it is a mindless activity.

same for me. Lots of things can stress a kid out, things parents might not realize are so stressful. Little comments made by the lady at the grocery store, grandparents, cousins, other kids can open up huge wounds in their hearts. Just one little comment can leave a lasting impression and start the self-doubt and insecurities which, for me, were why I picked my scabs and plucked my hair and chewed my fingernails and lips until I bled. I don't know why your kid does it, but I think for me it was because I was overly critical of myself, seeing everything that was different about me as a flaw. Public school made those feelings of insecurity that much worse, because of the way conformity and uniformity were encouraged and unique qualities and differences between children were always treated as something bad wrong that needed to be fixed.

[diamond lil]

This was me as a child. I started at the same age. I do not want to freak you out, but I want to let you know what COULD happen and how you can prevent it.

I did the same thing as your DD. The picking escalated into full-blown trichotillomania. The trich was made worse by my mother, who would punish me for picking at my skin and scalp, pulling eyelashes, hair and eyebrow hair. I remember her force-feeding me a glass of milk when I was about 6 or 7, all the while screeching at me that I better drink the milk so my eyelashes would grow back. As I gulped down the milk, my tears mixed in with it and it tasted salty and gross. I can't drink a glass of milk anymore without thinking about that.

Finally I broke down and sought medical help in my early 20's. I didn't even know what I was doing was a medical disorder. All my life I thought that I was the only one who did these "weird things."

I know you are a good, well-educated mother if you come here. I realize that it was nearly impossible for my mother to have diagnosed my condition when I was young, but she was wrong in that she always blamed me for what I did to myself, and accused me of mutilating myself "just to drive her crazy." Never once did she mention to the family doctor what was going on with me. Her apathy made my condition worse.

The earlier you adress this condition, the better chance your daughter has to eliminate this behavior from her life.

[meowee]

are you certain there is no chance she is being abused in some way, at school, anywhere else? please don't get angry for my asking this. This kind of behavior tends to be associated with anxiety. I was a self picker and it was associated with anxiety, because I was being abused. I eventually started self-mutilating when I was teenager. I stopped when I was 20. Whatever you do, do NOT punish her in any way for picking, it will backfire. Try to get her to talk about it, gently.

[jayayenay]

.

[meowee]

check out the self harm/ mutilation thread under mental health. Compulsive skin picking is called dermatillomania. It's an OCD type behavior, which will worsen with stress.

[melamama]

I have a 5 year old who picks the skin around her nails and bites them. I agree that you should look if there is any anxiety that it may be related to.

My dd started biting about 2 years ago and it escalated to skin picking during the last year. I really feel like we've been successful at using a bach flower remedy combination. I also try to ignore the exact behavior, substitute another activity, and extra kindness/positive energy in her direction.

We've been working on learning to knit, and she will knit with me in my lap, but at 5 she's much better at finger knitting that she can do on her own.

For her I think it's a low level anxiety reducer, so I've just focused on quieting down the house-calming the environment, and give her substitutes.

-also sil is a nail biter, so I do think it's floating around

[jempd]

Like GracePrevailed, I too have trichitollimania. I didn't get help for it till my thirties, but anyway, I have heard that it is related to the type of picking you describe, and I can tell you that it is not something she can control. It's diagnosed as compulsive disorder which means all the yelling at etc. just makes it worse. It's a lot like nailbiting in that it can be curbed for periods of time but then it surfaces when a person is particularly tense. It's hard to say how much stress someone is experiencing because everyone is different--maybe she's just a tightly wound person and the picking relieves some of it. I think it's great that you talk out problems--maybe it would be worse otherwise. And I think knitting sounds like a great idea.

[simply me]

I never knew their were names for this type of thing. I have always had issues with this but never knew anything. I am gonig to go do some web research on this.

FWIW, i was abused sexually as a child by my father & as an adult by my first husband. i am also very stressed & i actually have gone on medication over it all.

[simply me]

Anyone have any websites i could visit?? For whatever reason my web searches are not coming up with anything good..



TIA

[loved]

My son will pick at sores frequently. What has helped us is to keep his fingernails cut very short and kept clean and talk about how to pick a sore - wait until the scab is good and healed and it won't bleed. I know it sounds gross, but it is helpful.

Instead of being disapproving - approve and talk about sanitation and hygeine.
And always keep the lines of communication open. Stress and anxiety do exacerbate this.