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RANT: Blending 2 families - 2 sets of parents and kids! - Page 2

post #21 of 46
Thread Starter 
Bedtime tonight... Huey decided that she was going to stall for as long as possible - again - and get what she wanted - to sleep in her parents' bed. So she started to use us against each other. Again!

DP started by being the "bad guy" in putting everyone down for the night. Huey started right away and fussed about how it should be her mom, not her dad, helping her get her pjs on. On and on and on she went and finally she came into the living room bawling and I started to talk to her. BF then yelled at her to go to bed, that's when I started trying to do some reasoning techniques to get her to go willingly to bed. He interupted me three times getting louder each time till she finally left the room bawling.

That started the other two caterwaulling in the bedroom. DP would quiet them down for a few minutes at a time and she'd start them all up again.

Eventually, she demanded that her glow-in-the-dark pound puppy get activated by her mom. DP said he'd ask her mom and GF was slow in getting up and around to doing it that by the time I started towards the bedroom, DP and I tag team parent to keep the frustration level between us down, she had already pestered and gotten her dad to do it for her!

That's when I caught her once again using us against each other. So I got down to her level and told her that she shouldn't have asked her father because she had asked DP to get her mother to do it and that I was very disapointed in her and that her behaviour was completely unnacceptable. I had to emphasize this several times. Without laying a finger on her, she started to bawl her eyes out. I also told her if she did it again - specifically with that stuffie of hers, she wasn't going to be allowed to have it to sleep with.

In the bedroom, once again, all three kids were caterwauling, so this time I went in. I said to them that I was very disapointed in all of them and addressed each one individually. Duey calmed down and I told him that I was proud of him. I tried to tuck him in but he made a fuss and I told him that it was fine and I wouldn't. I tucked Luey in and gave him a kiss goodnight. Meanwhile, Huey was louder still. I told all of them that the next person who was going to come in was going to be her father and it wasn't going to be pleasent. She got louder still. I restated that it was bedtime and that they all had to go to sleep.

That's when I told BF that it was his turn in there with them. I went into the living room and found a bombshell waiting for me.

GF told DP that "no parent likes being told how to parent." DUH. And it was discussed that we only parent our kids and they only parent their kids. UGH. Parenting techniques were discussed - except the "no spanking" thing because I'd also have to emphasize the "no yelling" as well. I suggested writting out a list of rules for the kids that should be followed "but the kids can't read yet." We can read and having a list would help us out as a group to parent all the kids.

One of the things I really don't like is waking up every morning to either GF yelling at the kids to shut up, opening my eyes and seeing one or the other of her kids staring at me first thing in the morning (especially Huey! that kid is unnerving first thing in the am!) or GF not bothering to get up at all because she has a "migraine." Excuse me, but even with a bad hip, IBS and headaches, I get my ass out of bed tears, pain and all to deal with all the kids without yelling at them and Webbigail is still very much an arm baby.

UGH. Its 11:35pm and Duey is screaming in that bedroom. He's woken Luey up and we've moved him to our bed. It took DP giving Duey to his dad who had to be woken up by DP to get them to take care of their poor injured child. (no, he didn't break a bone in his foot, but he did mangle his toenail yesterday)

Yes, they have been friends of ours for a while, but listening to them scream and yell at their children I know is damaging to ours even though there are times when we loose it as well. Thank god we still cosleep with Luey, cause that helps him sleep.

Oh yeah, about one of our suggestions... we were planning on doing the "parent in the room" thang where a parent sits in the room without making eye contact with any of them until they are asleep, moving further and further away each night until the parent is down the hall and in the living room (yet another supernanny trick). They don't want to do that and in fact kyeboshed the entire thing before I had a chance to explain it because they don't want to have to do it after we leave!

And we know that its BF that is going on about this too because both times he's been the parent who we have had to "interfere" with when it comes to parenting their child. After all, as DP says "the most important thing to any parent is their children" and I interefered with that bond twice tonight even though I had a good reason to.

What gets me is that this is a man who parents his kids for maybe a few hours a night after he gets home from work and that's it and he's the one who is demanding that the other three parents parent the kids the way he wants us to, not the way we have been since we came here if not for months now. UGH. See, we beleive in tag-team parenting. That if one parent is too frustrated with the kid(s), the other one should step in and take over while the first one takes a time out. It has worked for us for a long while in keeping us from wanting to throttle DS, nevermind other people's children. After all, people at jobs get breaks, why shouldn't people taking care of children?

At least now DS won't be spanked anymore by them if he misbehaves. That's a small victory. :
post #22 of 46
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post #23 of 46
Thread Starter 
the place we had lived at was incredibly toxic. Our son was screaming bloody blue murder all the time and we couldn't figure out why he was constantly sick. That is, until we found mushrooms growing in our window sills and from the carpet. Add in an upstairs neighbour who kept on calling the management who would then "stand outside and listen" but never actually knock on the door or ask us what's up would constantly call cps on us over how he was acting out. So we moved. Our social worker KNEW we were moving but conveniently, the weekend we moved, we got an eviction order (this was after being told the month earlier that if we didn't give her our notice, she'd give us an eviction on the same day I was going to the hospital to visit my sick with pneumonia son).

So we moved to what was supposed to be a good place to live. But the tenant that was living in the trailer we were supposed to be renting refused to move so our landlady moved us into her basement instead. The tenant refused to the point where the trailer was almost declared abandonned. She also abandonned her senior cat (which I had taken to the SPCA), had the hydro turned off for non-payment and we found out a bunch of other backstory that scared the hell out of me and made us start to look at other options. CPS showed up again and once again ran roughshod over us. What's funny is that our actual worker understood our son's special needs, knew we were moving, but went on paternity leave and conveniently forgot to add info to our file that we were moving! So when we "dissapeared" we raised "red flags." We kept DS's daycare up and his routine as normal as we could. DP kept on saying that there was bound to be something terribly wrong with the trailer because the rent was way too low and it just seemed too much like a bargain too.

CPS also took an extreme interest in the trailer as well which raised flags with me. The woman was a drug user and had essentially abandonned her 14yo son to the streets. They saw pictures we had taken of the inside and were more interested in what she was up to than us. The "investigation" was closed within a week after we had moved.

So we stayed there for two months, found out all that backstory and crap that our landlady was dealing with and more, found out that the tenant was a drug user, that our landlady, although she was an angelic woman and a retired special ed teacher (what luck was that?) the shit she was going through to get rid of the other tenant was wearing on her as well. But once she got possession of the trailer, we were sure she'd get it fixed up pronto.

That's when we had decided to visit the mainland and friends there. GF and BF decided to offer their home to us to give us a landing point if we were going to move here. We weren't sure if we were going to do it until we got back to the basement suite where we were crammed in and most of our stuff in storage and found out how little had been done to the trailer.

So we decided to make the move to jump. Getting nearly run over just synched the deal - especially when the cop who came to "talk" to me told me it was MY fault in the same tone of voice they tell victims of domestic assaults that they should have known better. (2000lbs vehicle and driver vs pedestrian with a limp. which one has the weapon?) It took my nearly getting run over to kick the landlady into gear into cleaning the place out. When we left, the fridge still wasn't done and all the junk that was all over the place originally was now piled into one room and the garbage thrown out back.

2 years ago, BF and GF were at least on the surface very much AP parents. I don't know what happened to them, but they have become stricter and harsher.

Getting told off for using "shame techniques" just makes me mad. What would you rather have me do? Beat Huey senseless when she disobeys her parents or uses the four of us against each other? I don't care if DS sleeps with us, it was BF who was yelling at DS, not us.

We are ASKING for HELP instead we are getting criticized. Other than leaving - which we can not afford to do because we have no money to our name and there is no family transitional housing in the area (and subsidized housing only has 34 beds!)(me taking the kids to a transition house would not be a good idea either) - does anyone have any good ideas for handling the kids specifically trying to undo the damage BF and GF do to not only DS but their children?

Before you flame me again - ever since we left that appartment DS's health has improved 100X what it was. He is no longer on his asthma meds except when he needs them. He was on one med 2X/day and the other one 3X/day minimun. No matter how much stress we're under now, getting out of that mouldy, mildewy, musty and mushroom infested appartment was an emergency. My son was getting sicker and sicker and his temperment was getting hard and harder to control. Since leaving, he has gotten loads better but still needs to improve.

Now, Can I get some realistic help instead of being told that I am an awful parent for living here? My children needed a safe place to live first. Dealing with parents that don't know or subscribe to Ap or even remote GD parenting is another problem. Can we get some help with that?

Gotta go referee... oi.
post #24 of 46
Yes, your son needs a safe place to live. Can you tell me your children are emotionally safe? The childhood years are obviously a critical time in a person's development, and they will not benefit from this environment. Maybe your son's respiratory problems have improved, but what about the unseen things that will surface later after you've lived in this environment for a while?

Look, I'm not here trying to make you feel worse. I, however, do not have any advice for you other than to get out, no matter what. You can't make it work with these people. They are not positive models for your children, nor for you as parents.

Neither you, nor your DP are working for pay, right? Did one of you have a job when you were renting the trailer from the retired woman? I guess I'm not understanding this part of the story. You might have explained it, but I missed how you had the funds to pay for the second rental. What kinds of job skills do you and DP have? There has got be something... anything... that you or he can take until you get back on your feet. I feel frustrated reading your posts, because I don't hear that you have a plan in place to leave this toxic environment you've landed yourselves in.

Is it still your wish to try to stay with these folks and somehow make it work? How can you risk your children's well-being just to see that your "friendship" works out with these people? I'm sorry, I have yet to hear that you have eliminated all your housing options. Do you have any extended family that would help you out? A good friend from high school? Do you have a church around that could help you? Don't settle. There are good people in the world who don't treat children like your "friends" do. And they just may want to help a struggling family get on their feet.
post #25 of 46
you don't have to stay there. Get out.

Penault, funny I was thinking exactly what you posted. Maybe it's time to revisit the GD forum, no?
post #26 of 46
Thread Starter 
DP had a heart attack last Thanksgiving (Canadian) so he wasn't working and was on EI until the end of last month. His EI cheque was being deducted dollar for dollar from my disability check and will be next month cause according to our former worker, we were getting money we shouldn't have been when he was getting EI. (ARGH!) So we are short this and next month.

In other words, no he wasn't working and hasn't been since just before DD was born last September.

We aren't church goers. Both of us have been abused by our respective churches when we were growing up. Didn't help that my biob* was also one of the "leaders" of the one I was raised in either so unless we both convert right now (we're heathens, doncha know. ) we are sol in that department.

I can leave and go to a transition house, but there would have to be more evidence than a red mark on DS. Broken bone, sprain, burns, preferably something facial that needed stitches in order to guarantee that the three of us (the kids and I) got in. There have been so many cut backs that the liberals have done to strike at the heart of the social safety net for families and women in specific that there isn't really another place we could go.

Strike that - there is, but it would not physically be healthy for our children. And I'd want to kill the owner of that place before a week was out.

Unless we were willing to stay in our tent and camp for a month or more (cheap rent that!) we are SOL for a dry place to live.

Our son seems to be recovering fine. He had a major outburst today, but compared to the other two kids, he was easy to deal with. Duey's poor toe from being too adventurous on Friday is really causing him problems. Doesn't help when he won't keep his bandaid on. He's whiny because he can't do all the running around and more he wants to do. Nor is he as strong as DS or Huey, or as smart as the other two. Huey was trying her level best to drive us all up the wall again.

But what really frightens me is that Huey and Duey both seem to enact their parents' wrath for the smallest infractions that I would either ignore or remove from temptation in the first place. And the threat is always a spanking. DP and I were outside in the un-attached garage today and were listening to GF yell at Duey for whatever infraction he was doing that was making her mad.

Then there was the half hour or more when I was trying to occupy the four kids with what I was doing when BF just sat on the couch even though I really could have used his help with DS. (DS disapeared and dumped nail polish all over their nice kitchen floor... Gee... think that would have happened if I could have had some help????!) DD is enough of a handful, nevermind the other three.

DS is currently sleeping in his fold out couch beside where we put our mattresses every night. He has rarely not joined us in bed since we've been here, but that's normal for him. DD spent a good two hours asleep on me and we've found one of my slings (YAY!) so she can spend more time in my arms which makes her happier. We're trying to undo the damage with DS while we are here and work on their two, but it ain't easy, especially when you don't have the resources to back you up.
post #27 of 46
Okay I just read this whole thread. First of all big to you both! I'm a little confused about whose kids are whose.

I have lived with my IL's or had them live with us for up to 2.5 mos so I can relate somewhat to some of the issues. Other things I just have thoughts about. Maybe they are useful to you, maybe not.

1) Kids will always misbehave when there is a change in family dynamics. They need to test whether or not rules still apply, who is in charge, that sort of thing. Abi's behavior was horrid, horrid, awful when the IL's were here the last two extended (read: way the heck too long) visits.

2) Would you consider having your kids sleep with you until you find another place to stay? You have a toddler cot, right? If the other kids want to act up at night, don't let your ds be a part of that. I gather from your post that you don't have a room of your own to go to? That is *so* tough!

3) Preserve your family unit. This is very, very important. Besides the family bedroom thing, try to find ways for just you four to get out *often*. Maybe do a simple dinner out, ice cream, a nightly walk in the park before bed, bedtime snuggles and story time. If you don't have your own room you can ask the family you are staying with to clear the kids' room for 30 minutes so you can have quiet bedtime stories. If that's not possible, read to your ds while he's in the tub before bedtime.

Also, remember that they need "family unit" time, too, with just each other. So let your friends have that time, too, and just get out of the house for awhile with your ds. When my IL's were here we gave them the girls' bedroom and they would often shut the door all afternoon just to get away from dh and I, because they needed their personal space, too.

4) Don't expect potty training to take place under these circumstances. It sounds like you don't. And don't allow them to pressure your ds or you. You all have enough to deal with right now.

5) Lay down firm boundaries with discipline. Sounds like you have after your last post. Children will, as you observed, pit adults against each other in order to find out who has what limits. You should never be expected to manage their kids, or reinforce their discipline of their kids. One of their parents should always be in charge of them. Don't spend any alone-time with their kids, take them places, anything. THey are not your responsibilty OR your liability.

I hope you are able to find a new place very soon. Just hang in there. At least you know it's temporary.
post #28 of 46
Thread Starter 
OH MY GOD!!!!

BF just did some GDish discipline on DS! Got down to his level and all!

I think I'm going to faint!

* * * * * * * * *

Well, that lasted a whole.. what? 15 min? : Then BF and GF were right back at yelling, screaming and threatening their kids with spankings.

At least now I have them talking about Supernanny and Nanny 911 as at least alternatives to spanking - even though they have never seen the shows.

Right now, anything would be better than little red bums.
post #29 of 46
Thread Starter 
I am in a bind.

I'm not a gd'er. A gentler d more than less.

But what happened tonight has me fearful for the kids.

If I didn't hate CPS so much, I would have called them on her tonight.

See, GF has "migraines." I don't know if they are real migraines or not but she has them. And she's been having them for the last week. Its been getting worse, or rather, she's been acting worse. She takes percocet, demoral and a bunch of other meds to "counter" the migraines.

Me? I have IBS and the beds we're sleeping on have been causing an intense amount of back pain. I have not been getting enough sleep as well because Huey and Duey have this habit of waking us up in the morning. And my carpul tunnel has been acting up to the point where I can't knit, cross stitch, or even do my origami.

But unlike her, instead of using the all glowing eye babysitter to watch my kids, I get out of bed and start my day even if I am in pain. I simply don't have any privacy to be sick. Not even the home office. No privacy. None. Nada.

So I simply can't be sick.

But her?

Tonight, she decides to go down with a migraine. She takes her pills, disapears into her bedroom and then all hell breaks loose.

Huey, Duey and Luey are brought in from playing outside. Huey and Duey are taken by BF to the bathroom to wash them. I have laundry going because, well, with 8 people, we need laundry done. Simple as that.

So Huey and Duey start getting loud. The place itself is a mess because GF had Huey and Duey do dance recitals all week and hasn't been able to clean much. DP and I have been trying to keep up, so has BF, but it is pretty bad, but no where near as bad as what GF thinks it is.

The kids are playing in the bathtub. Luey is being distracted by DP and I to keep him away from Huey and Duey so they can have a quick bath when GF comes storming out of the bedroom and screams to "STOP IT!"

We think its the noise from the kids. Because they stop and she dissapears. But no less than 10 minutes later (no more than 30) she comes screaming out of the bedroom again and this time she screams louder. "I NEED SILENCE! IF I DON'T GET SILENCE I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEBODY!" And she turns off the washing machine, spanks her kids, throws me into a full bodied flashback of what my mother did to me when I was a child, and terrorized DP, BF and Luey!

Luey comes screaming to me and all I can do is just hold him. I'm stuck between three things during the flashback too - 1: getting between her and all the kids and ending in jail for it. 2: packing a bag and getting out of there permanently. 3: calling the cops/cps right then and there because of how out of control she is.

Migraines don't give her an excuse for her behaviour.

Anyway, after the flashback ends, I check Luey for any marks from her. She didn't touch him. If she had, one of the three things I had mentioned before would have happened, no question about it.

So, while BF tries to put his two kids to sleep, DP and I try to keep Luey and Webbigail out from her area and we clean. BF comes and goes during this because GF is now vomitting and decides to have a shower to clean herself off. I tell BF to go tend to his family while DP and I continue to clean.

While cleaning, my mind is running full speed hating feeling like a fragging slave to this woman. Because she wants all the attention and is using her migraines to get it and get what SHE wants or else. And everyone is suffering for it.

So we clean and clean and clean and deal with her kids while she hides with her migraine and clean and clean and clean and clean and do it all manually without using the vaccuum, dishwasher or washing machine. After all, we don't want to disturb her.

Then Huey and Duey come out of their bedroom asking to go to the bathroom so I let them. Then Huey starts to try to negotiate and demands that she go see her mother and get a good night hug from her.

Both BF and I try to stop this. After what just happened, we don't want any of the kids anywhere near her. We, or at least I at that point am too afraid that she's going to hurt the kids worse. BF puts his kids to bed, I give them each a hug and kiss and leave.

By then, DP is finished with cleaning and we gather up our children and take off in the car telling BF that we'll be back later and that he needs to take care of his wife.

The last thing I do before I leave is lock the door.

In the car, we're not even a block away when I let loose with a HUGE string of profanity about her. Right now we're at a friend's place so I can type this up. DP and I have decided we're not staying with them any longer than we absolutely need to and will prefer to loose property than stay there. Because of our dealings with CPS in the past, we don't want to send the wrath of god on them because spanking is legal in Canada and we don't want to ruin what is left of our friendship, but she's treading on what is and isn't legal and if I knew how to stop her I would.

We've decided that GF needs help. We know we can't help her and her family. We have to think about what was right and safest for our family. If we had a place to leave and go to right now, we would.

What really bugs us about her is the amount of sugar she and her children eat all day long. Lollipops and all sorts of candy. Its affected Luey because if Huey and Duey get candy, he wants it do and he is throwing horrific tantrums because of that - which of course gets her started but because we're supposed to all parent our own children, she won't be touching ours.

And her constant threats of spanking... AUGH. Get some new threats woman!!

But then tonight... I had serious fear that she was going to hurt DP, Me, or any of the children with what I was hearing. I've tried hinting at it before that if some other mother were to see red marks on her kids, she'd be in shit with CPS here but she didn't get the clue. Come September, Huey starts kindergarten. Teachers here are mandatory reporters. I could just see Huey saying "mommy spanks me" and the gears start rolling against GF. Kids here are taught that any hitting is wrong (no matter what the Supreme Court says which is both a good thing and a bad thing).

This isn't really a cry for help, but just.. OH MY GOD!! And people think I'm a bad mother. GF makes me look GOOD.
post #30 of 46
Thread Starter 
Now, the next day, she has sorta apologized to me, but it isn't me she has to apologize to. Its the kids.

DP and I went out house hunting and we found a place but it won't be ready till Aug 1. The entire complex is being renovated and the two we got to pick from (there were two others but they were.. well.. nasty) one was a "warm" place - way too hot and across from the laundry. The second one has a tree in front of it so it will be cool during the summer.

So, the bad news is that we're stuck here till Aug 1. The good news is that we're only stuck here till Aug 1!

Both DP and I have decided if she has another outburst to call CPS. No ifs ands or buts. It just isn't good for her or the kids.
post #31 of 46
I gather from your past posts that you have your own dealings with CPS. If I were you I would be careful what you post on public boards because it can be held against you. Somone could print this stuff out and say that you knowinginly put your children into a dangerous situation by choosing to stay in that house. Just be careful, okay?
post #32 of 46
Thread Starter 
we're not choosing to stay here. The only other places we could go either don't accept men or are too filthy for us to live at, that's the problem. (when you know the carpet is supposed to be white because that's the colour under the furniture....) None of our friends in the area have room.

Hell, we weren't expecting to stay for as long as we have.

But at least now we know we won't be here past a certain day.

Once again tonight she threatened all three kids. I looked at DP and later on, I told him that if she touches DS again, our kids and I are out of here and I will call CPS on her.

See, that's the good thing about this thread - this is also documentation of what she's done!

So, the good news.. DP has an interview with the local high tech place tomorrow. We both had interviews with job HRDC's job placement people today and can get funding for job searches and training. We signed the lease yesterday for our place and got the MHR form today to give to my worker. Got my driver's license renewed. Got told by the HRDC person that my resume looked "spiffy" and quite professionally done. Found out that my student loan was "written off" and that I actually have "good credit." (HUH???? They're kidding right? So why can't I get a credit card?)

The bad news is that we are stuck here till Aug 1. But I won't stand for her touching my children. She is well within the bounds of legality when it comes to hers, but mine are off limits.

She simply doesn't know it.

And if I have to do it, I will call in the big guns (RCMP, CPS, etc) on her for daring to strike another's child.

See, two months ago I thought she was a better mother than I. Boy was I proven wrong. I wanted her to be DS's daycare person if DP got the job at the computer place (interview tomorrow, YAY!!) but not now. I'd rather let DS drive me insane and have no support at our new place than use her as a sitter. She's just not what I want anymore.

And the last bit of good news - there's at least one parent at the new complex that has the exact same type of child I do except she's twice DS's age! YAY!! I'm not alone!!!!
post #33 of 46
Glad things are looking up for you in the long term.

Just so you know, legally it isn't actually as clear-cut as 'spanking is legal in Canada.' Generally, a smack with the hand on the rear if the child is between 2 and 12 will be legal. However, it has to be 'reasonable,' and corporal punishment motivated by anger or where the child cannot 'learn' from it will not be reasonable. [Yes, I know plenty of us would question if it can ever be reasonable or educational!] So if she is going off on her own kids for things that are all out of proportion, clearly motivated by her own anger, that may not be legal. Also as you probably well know, CPS interests itself in conduct that may be legal but that they don't think children should be exposed to, if they feel the overall environment is unhealthy/abusive.
post #34 of 46
First of all for what you've been through and for the good news about jobs and new housing.

Secondly, I have a feeling your friend might have a problem with drug abuse. The sudden change in personality, the "migraines" managed with heavy duty painkillers, the problems with her teeth, the rages at small children. I think she needs serious help. Of course, now is not the time for you to address it, maybe after you have moved you can ask her what's up.
post #35 of 46
Thread Starter 
Quote:
I have a feeling your friend might have a problem with drug abuse.
I wasn't going to say it outright, but both DP and I agree with you.

She purposely had all her teeth removed so that she could eat all the candy she wanted and then some. And she seemed proud of the fact that Variety Club capped her daughter's teeth for her (at 4???!!!)

Quote:
However, it has to be 'reasonable,' and corporal punishment motivated by anger or where the child cannot 'learn' from it will not be reasonable. [Yes, I know plenty of us would question if it can ever be reasonable or educational!] So if she is going off on her own kids for things that are all out of proportion, clearly motivated by her own anger, that may not be legal.
That's what we were thinking. As I stated before, she touches my child again, DS, DD and I are out of there and she will get called on.

Thankfully DS is partially deaf. I don't think he hears her screaming at him.

40 days to go...
post #36 of 46
Thread Starter 
Still 40 days to go for me (even though its after midnight.. blahblahblah)

I am so close to tearing her a new one.. UGH. I can't stand it.

But the interview with the company went well for DP. No job, but he was put "in the candidates list" so he might still get one.

I need to go lie down. The change in weather and climate has made my IBS go nuts.
post #37 of 46
Thread Starter 
Okay.. today she didn't hit DD but did scare the pee out of my poor baby. She screamed and hit the wall near the sockets that keep on having the baby plugs pulled out of (can we say two toddlers, a preschooler and 3 adults that vacuum and forget to put it back? I knew we could). I came rushing out of the home office (read: child free zone) and found DD sitting on the floor bawling her eyes out. Immediately, GF says that she didn't hit DD before I say a word. I pick DD up, grumble about fixing that damn socket and take DD with me into the office for a cuddle.

Of the four of us adults, GF is the first one to go down for the night. Not even I, the one who got hurt at the waterpark today, have gone to sleep yet. She was in bed and out cold by 8:30-9 at the most. Her DH didn't go to bed till almost 10 and he has to get up for work at 4 in the morning! DP and I are up and its 11pm. All the kids are asleep.

And of course, there was Huey and Duey trying to climb out of their bedroom window onto the little roof below. This was after they were put to bed for the third time. Twice by their father and once by DP. I went outside to grab some stuff from the car, saw them climbing out their window, made a note, told them to go back to bed and watched as the blatantly ignored me and came back out. UGH!

So when I got inside, I went to the window, checked to see if it would lock and locked it. That's when their father came in again and hollared at them!

DS took a bit of convincing to go to sleep, but nothing that his father's warm body couldn't fix. DD took to nummies before sleeping.

I'm in serious pain here. I hurt myself. I can't find my painkillers. But because she "overdid it" and was worried about a migraine, she decided to take her pills (Amerge?) to kill it and went to bed.

'Scuse me, but I came home and even injured, started a load of laundry, bathed myself and DS, brushed my hair, helped feed her kids, entertained all four, watched them and more while she slept. At least I didn't have to put them down. That's what her DH did.

WTF am I? A nanny? And her DH and my DP? What are they? Servants? AUGH!

Found out today that what she did to both our sons two weeks ago WAS illegal. Not that she spanked my son. Oh no... but that she left red marks on them. You aren't allowed to leave marks. That's "excessive force!"

If I was sure I had a place to go to, I would make my point and leave. This is enough. Even in pain so bad that I am nauseaus all the time, I haven't done as much yelling at those kids. And I needed to get to sleep early because I have a job interview tomorrow.

yet she's the one who's in bed cause she might get a migraine. I have whiplash, a sprained shoulder and who knows what else.

I need to go find me some painkillers and see if I can get some sleep.
post #38 of 46
Thread Starter 
I don't think any of you are reading this. I was hoping you were because I could really use some advice on how to mother and detoxify not only DS but their DCs as well.

Okay.. GF and her DH have a lock on their bedroom door. Sticking all three kids in the same bedroom at bed time is a nono. Too many fights ensue. So, we (four adults) have been putting my DS into GF's bedroom in order to get him to go to sleep and the other two as well.

Once again, her two go to bed in tears. They actually have to be put to bed with a video on or they won't sleep!

DS may or may not have turned the lock on in the bedroom, because their daughter tattled that she couldn't get into her mommy's room. That set GF into a panic of "he'll go into our bathroom and do who knows what!" Which set her husband off. He went to the door and literally tried breaking it down. That didn't work, so out came the credit card and several more shoves. All the time he was yelling at DS to "Open this door or you're going to get spanked!" :

Finally he opened the door and there was DS, eyes open wide, hiding underneath the covers. (Gee, I wonder why? )

No, DS didn't get spanked. DP and I were both there. If that man had laid a finger on DS, I would have been all over him. But DP was between me and BF so that meant that I would have had to have gone through DP first.

The knob was taken off and DS was allowed, by them, to go to sleep.

I'm going to have to cuddle DS some tonight. I know the cosleeping he's been doing has been his only comfort. I know that he's having problems because he refuses to sleep anywhere but by my side, and even then, his is a restless sleep.

I've looked up transition houses in the area. There's a least one. DP doesn't like the thought of my going to one, but if DS gets smacked again by either of them, my children and I are out of there. I found what is and isn't legal in Canadian Law and they are just skirting the edge with their own children. If they touch DS again, they will be breaking the law and I will let CPS handle them. What will happen is that the kids and I will end up going to the hospital, every single bruise or red mark on him will be documented, and CPS will interrogate me. Then they will stop by here and have a "chat." They may or may not remove GF's children right away, but will at least give her a significant scare. If the cops go with them, whoever was the culprit would probably get arrested. That will destroy any relationship we've ever had with them, but I have to put my foot down.

That is when DS, DD and I will be in a transition house and we'll be stuck there until our new place is ready to live in.

DS currently has red marks on him I can't be sure where they came from. I'm hoping its from his nuclear diaper and not from either of them. If I find out that they have hurt him.

I need some help here. I need emotional support. I need to know that I can get my children and me through this.
post #39 of 46
Many of us have been following your story and concerns and have offered some great feedback, resources and support. Sadly, you are in a difficult situation and a toxic one. You said in your recent post that you wanted info. on how to detoxify not only DS but their DCs as well. IMHO, while living in a toxic environment, I don't think you can until you are removed from the abuse. I'm really glad to hear that you've looked into a transition house. August 1st is almost here, but I don't think you can wait that long. It would only be temporary and you do have permanent housing lined up. You and your family would then be safe and you could then start to detoxify your family from the emotional, verbal and physical abuse that is surrounding you.

Best of Luck~

Lisa
post #40 of 46
Thread Starter 
Thanks.

DP said something interesting to me today. That because we are using "gentler discipline" they are mirroring us and are using our techniques on their children. I hope they keep on using them.
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