DD is hurling invective about how we have failed as parents. She just turned 5 in May. Yesterday DD went to play with two of her friends (go to a neighborhood b-ball game, go swimming, etc.). DD is an only child, and I was a litle hormonal yesterday, so it's good she went.
By the time DP and I went to pick her up (after 6+ hours) I was feeling better, looking forward to getting her, etc. First off, DD refused to come with us, saying she wanted to stay and be adopted by the other mom (all of her kids are adopted, so DD knows it's a "possibility"). No big deal there; she was having fun and didn't want to leave. Totally normal.
We get into the car, and the other mom is telling us that one of DD's friends is going horseback riding; DD asks if she can, and I say, "We'll look into it," meaning, to myself, that I will of course try my absolute best and we can probably let her ride once or twice, but no lessons because they are $170 a month, and we are living on one income.
So there we are driving home, when DD starts telling us that we are the worst parents ever, that she hates us and wants to go live with the other parent. We ask what she doesn't like about it, and she says, "They let me eat meat (SHE decided to be a veggie), the kids have their own dog, they have cooler toys and their rooms are better. And they get to watch/play with Bratz" She goes on to say that we never do anything for her, and the only reason we had her is so she can do things for us (WTF?!!!!), that we expect her to buy us presents. She said she hates everything she has and her room is ugly (we just re-painted/re-designed her room, and she loved every scrap of it while it was being done). She says they get to watch TV all the time. There was much, much more, but she wound the whole thing up by telling us, and I quote, emphasis hers, "You have FAILED."
My initial reaction, honestly, was to go into her room and remove every toy that she owns. I honestly don't want to do anything for her right now (and we have a whole day stretching drearily ahead of us). We do not have a lot of money; I am a teacher, DP is a SAHD, and we have a lot of debt we are trying to pay down. Still, she has much more than a lot of kids in our area, including two parents who have made financial sacrifices so that she can be dropped off and picked up every day by one of them instead of languishing at day care (no offense intended everyone; she used to go to day care). We do not allow her to watch TV all day (only b/c it's summer, she gets one hour of cartoons or a movie daily; usually it's only TV on weekends); she does not eat sugar all the time, but she gets some. Although we are more restrictive than this other parent (who is a wonderful parent), we still try to accomodate her in some ways.
I am at a complete loss. I feel like I have just been smacked in the face, repeatedly, by a five year old. Why am I doing everything the hard way if this is the kind of kid I am getting? She always wants more; she'll get a toy, and five minutes later she wants more. She watches TV, and would watch it all day if I let her. But I don't, and I get this kind of crap. My feelings are hurt, which I understand is my problem, not DD's, but I don't think she should be allowed to talk like this to us (with such complete and utter disregard and disrespect for how what she says makes us feel). I guess I need some advice, and quick, on how to discipline this behavior, and how to handle it. Last night we came home and had her get ready for bed, which she refused to do, yelling and screaming; she then calmed down, and came to apologize, then threw another temper tantrum when she realized we still wanted her to go to bed (and that her apology was not effective in the sense that it got us to change our mind about bedtime). We put her in her room until she calmed down again, then she forced herself to stay awake until the sun went down. This was not, in my opinion, effective at all.
Please help...I feel like crap about this today...
By the time DP and I went to pick her up (after 6+ hours) I was feeling better, looking forward to getting her, etc. First off, DD refused to come with us, saying she wanted to stay and be adopted by the other mom (all of her kids are adopted, so DD knows it's a "possibility"). No big deal there; she was having fun and didn't want to leave. Totally normal.
We get into the car, and the other mom is telling us that one of DD's friends is going horseback riding; DD asks if she can, and I say, "We'll look into it," meaning, to myself, that I will of course try my absolute best and we can probably let her ride once or twice, but no lessons because they are $170 a month, and we are living on one income.
So there we are driving home, when DD starts telling us that we are the worst parents ever, that she hates us and wants to go live with the other parent. We ask what she doesn't like about it, and she says, "They let me eat meat (SHE decided to be a veggie), the kids have their own dog, they have cooler toys and their rooms are better. And they get to watch/play with Bratz" She goes on to say that we never do anything for her, and the only reason we had her is so she can do things for us (WTF?!!!!), that we expect her to buy us presents. She said she hates everything she has and her room is ugly (we just re-painted/re-designed her room, and she loved every scrap of it while it was being done). She says they get to watch TV all the time. There was much, much more, but she wound the whole thing up by telling us, and I quote, emphasis hers, "You have FAILED."
My initial reaction, honestly, was to go into her room and remove every toy that she owns. I honestly don't want to do anything for her right now (and we have a whole day stretching drearily ahead of us). We do not have a lot of money; I am a teacher, DP is a SAHD, and we have a lot of debt we are trying to pay down. Still, she has much more than a lot of kids in our area, including two parents who have made financial sacrifices so that she can be dropped off and picked up every day by one of them instead of languishing at day care (no offense intended everyone; she used to go to day care). We do not allow her to watch TV all day (only b/c it's summer, she gets one hour of cartoons or a movie daily; usually it's only TV on weekends); she does not eat sugar all the time, but she gets some. Although we are more restrictive than this other parent (who is a wonderful parent), we still try to accomodate her in some ways.
I am at a complete loss. I feel like I have just been smacked in the face, repeatedly, by a five year old. Why am I doing everything the hard way if this is the kind of kid I am getting? She always wants more; she'll get a toy, and five minutes later she wants more. She watches TV, and would watch it all day if I let her. But I don't, and I get this kind of crap. My feelings are hurt, which I understand is my problem, not DD's, but I don't think she should be allowed to talk like this to us (with such complete and utter disregard and disrespect for how what she says makes us feel). I guess I need some advice, and quick, on how to discipline this behavior, and how to handle it. Last night we came home and had her get ready for bed, which she refused to do, yelling and screaming; she then calmed down, and came to apologize, then threw another temper tantrum when she realized we still wanted her to go to bed (and that her apology was not effective in the sense that it got us to change our mind about bedtime). We put her in her room until she calmed down again, then she forced herself to stay awake until the sun went down. This was not, in my opinion, effective at all.
Please help...I feel like crap about this today...
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