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Family Bathing - Page 2

post #21 of 83
Quote:
My answer is simple: When one of you is no longer comfortable with it.
ITA. DH or I will often jump in the tub with DS at night if one of us needs a shower anyways...kills two birds with one stone. He's 22 months and as far as he's concerned...breasts are for nursing If he gets grabby with either one of us (tries to poke genitals or something) we just cheerfully and matter-of-factly say "That's mama's/dada's." and distract him...a good early lesson for personal boundaries. As for the nudity, eh..he's so young and I have a far greater concern about putting our hang-ups onto a toddler who thinks that being naked is the best thing in the world! :LOL
post #22 of 83
I wish I could have been more nude with my DS, especially with showers or baths. He was (a bit less so now) sooooo obsessed with nursing that when I tried to shower or bathe, he would just try to chase after them.

DS regularly showers with DH, and on occassion the three of us shower together.
post #23 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna
IMO? I think we're WAY too uptight about nudity. In my house growing up no one closed the door to the bathroom until I was in high school.... my sister and I showered with my dad once in awhile until we were at least 5-6. In most European cultures nudity is not seen in the same way that it is in the US and they all survive

-Angela
I agree. Your children will have fewer problems with their bodies and nudity because they are around nudity. Ask your hubby to do research and if he can find some actual, scientific reason why the kids should not see you nude, then stop. I doubt he will find anything. (Maybe this only works for my biologist dh - he loves to do research :LOL )
post #24 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa
My answer is simple: When one of you is no longer comfortable with it.

Seriously.

My mom likes to tell the story of when my brother was 13 years old. My mom was taking a bath and shaving her legs when my brother walked in to talk to her about something. He put the lid down on the toilet and sat down and started chatting as if my mom were fully clothed and sitting at the kitchen table. Finally my mom said "uhh, can we talk about this when I get out of the bath?" She was uncomfortable with it, but since it was such a natural thing in our house, he didn't even notice.

My 6yo ds still hops in the shower with me sometimes. I'm constantly naked around the kids for various reasons (such as, one of them has hopped in the shower with me and then stole my towel so I have to go find another or walk out naked to get dressed). Even my 13yo dd, who is at that very private stage, lets my 2 yo shower with her if he wants to.
post #25 of 83
Reading this thread makes me glad my DH and I kind of have the same comfort level on this, it would be kinda hard if we didn't. We both grew up in families that were uptight about nudity (his far moreso than mine) but we sure are a naked bunch in this house now, LOL! :LOL My son is 21 months and if we're all home there's about a 30% chance that all three of us are running around naked. We shower together almost every day. We never talked about it, this is just how we're comfortable and I imagine this is how we will remain until one of us doesn't like it anymore.
post #26 of 83

unique perspective?

I grew up in a house divided. My father bathed us for years and my brother showered with him on and off until I was 9 and my brother 11. My mother however, I never saw naked. Never. I rarely saw her in bra and undies. This messed with me and my body image as a woman but I think it was because of her obvious issues. I am very comfortable being nude, I hate how fat I am but I am fine being nude. I am rarely ever fully dressed at home. My son has only ever bathed with me, he is now 2.5 years old. I also think when one is uncomfortable it is time to change. That can happen early or late or never. I think puberty can be a definate time for some privacy but that doesn't have to mean secrecy, just respect. I do think when someone is very private or extra modest the secrecy of the whole thing not only stigmatizes it but it also makes it uncomfortable, almost like it is bad or dirty somehow.
post #27 of 83
well, I agree with pp's if it doesn't bother you , or your children I wouldn't worry about it. I bathe with my 10.5 m.o. the only problem I find is him wanting to pull out my pubic hair, ouch!! We are fairly open at my house as well- no problem with mom are I seeing each other naked- although this stopped with dad at some point- I guess when it got "weird" still would co-sleep with them though. It is definitely not going to scar him for life at this age!!
post #28 of 83
I had students who belonged to some Japanese religion, I forget which (though they were Caucasion) and they had the family bath every day. The whole family got in, brothers, sisters, mother and father, and they continue though the children are teens now. They were the most well-adjusted, relaxed children, with none of that giddy sense of scandal over puberty or bodies or sex. You could really see the difference - comfort with nudity, one's own and others,' really has a positive affect on other parts of life.
post #29 of 83
I'm very interested in this thread because a friend of mine told me that, putting aside your personal comfort level with bathing naked with your opposite gender child, DCFS sees it as very suspect past infancy. She claimed that if my daughter went to school and said "I took a bath with Daddy" and the school called DCFS, they could actually take her away from us for assessment. Does anyone know if this is correct? Her approach has been that she and her husband accompany their 5 and 3 year old daughters to the bathroom for baths, but hand them the washcloths and direct them to wash themselves. Her husband does not help either daughter wipe themselves on the potty unless no one else is home. This sounds real extreme to me, but then again, what would you do to protect your child from being taken away? I have no idea what to do about it.

When I grew up, naked was also no big deal, and I remember vividly sitting and chatting with my dad as he dried off after a shower when I was a little girl. I even remember joking that his penis looked like a nose sticking out from under a lot of curly hair. We also had a hot tub and all went in naked until I was at least 12 (me, mom, dad, and younger brother). I remember my dad commenting that I was getting breasts, and that made me really uncomfortable, so I started wearing a swimsuit. That sounds like the right progression -- once someone was uncomfortable, the nakedness changed.

With my DD, we've never hid our nakedness, but we have talked about what we don't like her to touch. With me, it's my bellybutton (I have a "thing" about it and don't like it touched) and my vulva, and with her dad, it's his penis and his armpits (which are horribly ticklish). Mostly I'm the one who bathes with her, but sometimes her dad does, and I'm starting to worry about my friend's DCFS paranoia. Any experts out there?
post #30 of 83
I agree with the "when one of you is no longer comfortable" P.O.V. wholeheartedly.

DD still sees me undressed all the time (she's 6 1/2) and occasionally showers with me. DH became uncomfortable being naked in front of her when she was around 2, so she respects his privacy. This works for us!

As far as opposite sex children, I think the same rule applies. I think it's a little extreme for your DH to think it's inappropriate for a baby to see his own mother naked, but maybe you can talk with him about it, since he clearly has some strong feelings about it.
post #31 of 83
Both dh and I shower with our 2 and 4 yr olds, though not with dh and I together because I'm too hugely pg to fit!

But I agree, that when anyone is uncomfortable, those boundaries should be respected (as children get older or whatever). I grew with a mother who had no qualms about being nude in front of us. HOWEVER, it started to make ME uncomfortable as a preteen, so I avoided going into her room or bathroom when she wasn't dressed. Once though, when I was 14, she came barging into the shower, threw open the door and shoved my muddy toddler brother into to shower with me. I was pi$$ed! It was such a violation of my privacy that she come in when *I* was undressed, without permission, and then, essentially demand that I bathe my little brother.

Not that anyone here would do something so asinine, but it's definitely a reason that I think respecting boundaries is so important.
post #32 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by fiddledebi
I'm very interested in this thread because a friend of mine told me that, putting aside your personal comfort level with bathing naked with your opposite gender child, DCFS sees it as very suspect past infancy. She claimed that if my daughter went to school and said "I took a bath with Daddy" and the school called DCFS, they could actually take her away from us for assessment. Does anyone know if this is correct? Her approach has been that she and her husband accompany their 5 and 3 year old daughters to the bathroom for baths, but hand them the washcloths and direct them to wash themselves. Her husband does not help either daughter wipe themselves on the potty unless no one else is home. This sounds real extreme to me, but then again, what would you do to protect your child from being taken away? I have no idea what to do about it.
That can't be true because it's perfectly legal to take a child to a nude beach or to live in a nudist colony with children. However, once they are old enough to clean themselves they should. Just like it would be strange to be wiping the butt of a perfectly capable 10 yo, it would be strange to be washing the genitals of a perfectly capable child.
post #33 of 83
We've had that discussion. The dynamic of our relationship is that he uses me as a sounding board though. So when the idea popped into his head that it might not be appropriate to have family baths, I just told him that I felt fine with it. He must have grown up in a very clothed house. He locks the bathroom door when he uses the toilet and showers. I have to remind him to leave it unlocked for the little potty users who can't hold it until he's done. Now that he's showering with his kids and cleaning them, he realizes that it's not "weird."
Another thing, if you are bathing with your children and then your husband wants you to stop, that certainly puts a kink in your ability to get clean. Maybe you should discuss the pros and cons with him and see if he might reconsider. It may just be an odd feeling he has from social conditioning that when analyzed would dissipate.
post #34 of 83
Though ridiculous, DCFS can start an investigation based soley on the comments of a child, "I took a shower with daddy" etc. And they do quite frequently around here. Its a red flag for molestation they say.

I have 2 girls, and we do shower together. But because of DCFS my dh does not shower or bathe with them. Though I wander around nude frequently, he does not. I'm not willing to take that risk of losing my kids.

Apparently same sex molestation never enters their radar, because they have no problems with parents showering with the same sex child. Their reasons for investigations are often trivial and ridiculous.
post #35 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers
BTW, my sister will still hop in the shower with me to save time if we're trying to get ready to go somewhere in a hurry, and she's 24 years old.

-Heather
LOL Heather! My sister and I took bathes together all the way up till college and moving into different places. She is 33 now and I'm 34 and she was just in town visiting us and in my shower while I was at the sink and she asked if I wanted to hop in with her. :LOL I would of but our shower now is pretty small. Anyway we laughed about it as it brought back fun memories. It was a normal thing. My brother 14 yrs younger than me saw us both naked for a longggg time as we had a small home and shared rooms too.

And now my 2 1/2 ds sees us naked all the time and shower/bath with us. And my 1 yo dds love to be naked. And with nursing twins I pretty much walk around with my boobies out 24/7 anyway. Seems that way anyway.

Just a natural thing for us.
post #36 of 83
My husband and I bathe with our two sons (8-months and 28-months) quite often. We have a big tub, but it's starting to get a little crowded with all the toys the toddler wants to have in the tub.

I have no issue with my boys seeing me naked. I have issues seeing myself naked though :LOL
post #37 of 83
I shower with DD 27 mo as does DH. sometimes all three of us hop in the shower together. I only bathed with her twice. Thefirst time she only wanted to nurse so I didn't do it again until we didn't have any gas, so no hot water. I heated up all these pans of water and didn't want to do it agian so we just bathed together. She tried to nurse and it was kind of tough so that' why we do the shower instead. I want my DD to see us naked. It's normal and natural and nothing to be ashamed of. I feel hiding and covering would only show that it's not an ok thing which can lead to problems with boundies in relationships.
I was also molested, as an 8 year old and I did have a few hang ups, but nudity was never one of them. Between the molestation and issues with my body and self worth I did a lot of things I didn't want to simply b/c i didn't know what was acceptable and I didn't know I could say "No" To me it is important to raise my DC without those hang ups and insecurities. each Being comfertable with the naked body is the first step. accepting when they say "NO" be it tickling, hugging or kissing. if they don't want to then we don't. But that's another thread altogether.

Courtney
post #38 of 83
Living in fear of having your children removed for your lifestyle choices is real. However, I've also heard that you're supposed to have a crib for a baby and children of different genders may not share a room. Are the parents who won't shower with their children also using cribs and giving each child a separate bedroom? Oh yeah. And no nursing past age 3 and full vaccinations, on schedule. There are so many different ways to parent. In many cases, a CPS investigation opened based on a seemingly innocent comment will not end in removal of the children. I know it's scary to consider, but I don't adjust my lifestyle to fit into the CPS mold.
post #39 of 83
I do vax for the same reasons my husband doesnt shower with the kids. We have 2 girls right now, but if this baby is a boy we will have to move into a bigger apartment to accomadate another bedroom because it is illegal to have them in the same room. I don't like that I have to feel forced to make that decision, but I do.

I breastfeed and co-sleep with my 2 year old, and because I have pediatricians to back me up I will continue to do so.

Its very sad to think that innocent things can bring about an investigation, but even sadder if people believe that their children are not at risk of being removed if they are investigated. It happens every day to innocent families.

Not wanting to hijack this thread any longer.
post #40 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa
My answer is simple: When one of you is no longer comfortable with it.
:

DH, DD (17months) and I bathe together almost daily. It's one of our favorite times of the day. When anyone starts feeling strange about it we'll change things. For now though, we have a grand time splashing, playing, etc. :
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