So, I Met This Beautiful Chinese Woman Today....

[Past_VNE]

DH and I were at a baby consignment store. : There was a man, his Chinese wife and their 4.5 month old son there. We got to talking about baby toys and she spoke very little English. The dad was asking us what this or that was for. She was not at all familiar with American baby crap. As the conversation got longer, I learned she has been in the US for three years. She was from a VERY small village in northern China. I showed her my mei tai and she had never really seen one before but really liked it. She said she thought it was from the Szechuan province. (?? I think that's what she said.) Anyway, she asked if I gave birth at the local hospital and I said, "No, I had him at home." She was wide-eyed at that.

Anyway, getting to the point...after she walked away, I was telling the dad that I would give her a call and we could go do something. He liked that idea and I mentioned a La Leche League group here and asked if she was breastfeeding. He said, "No. They didn't know if she would be able to, so they started him on Similac and we have just continued with that."



I am not angry at the dad. I am not angry at the mom. He probably doesn't know any better. She probably doesn't either, and on top of it, she couldn't readily do research not being good in our language and from the little I know of Chinese culture, she was probably VERY compliant with the doctors orders/suggestions.

I am soooo furious with the hospital. I can't even explain how I feel right now. I am beyond angry. There is no reason for this. What about the Baby Friendly Initiative? What about the AAP? What about his health? I guess it came down to this, what about the doctors' and Abbott Laboratories' pockets???


I'll make this guess: Despite everyone in her family being intact, her poor babe was circumcised without her true consent....but that's for another forum.:ignore

Grrrrrrrrrr

I hope I can make friends with her. We just moved here and I don't know anyone, really. They moved here recently, too. She doesn't drive and doesn't know anyone either. I think we might make good friends.

[~Megan~]

Originally Posted by Past_VNE

He said, "No. They didn't know if she would be able to, so they started him on Similac and we have just continued with that."

What the heck does that mean?!? That doesn't even make sense.
I wonder if she had some medical condition or a boob job or something like that.

[Past_VNE]

She may have had a medical condition, but definitely not a boob job.

Of course, I don't know her detailed medical history, but I definitely didn't get the impression from the hubby that it was a medical reason. You know what I mean about the feel you get when someone says something? I just didn't 'feel' any medical issues behind his comment.

[guerrillamama]

If you're planning on building a friendship with her, you might want to consider leaving the condescending attitude and stereotypes at home.

[sadie_sabot]

Originally Posted by Past_VNE

and from the little I know of Chinese culture, she was probably VERY compliant with the doctors orders/suggestions.

Woah...stereotype much????

[Ruthla]

You don't know who "they" is who started the baby on Similac. It might have been her mother or a friend- not necessarily the hospital staff.

[LoveChild421]

He said, "No. They didn't know if she would be able to, so they started him on Similac and we have just continued with that."

I am just so curious who "they" is...one would reason that if they didn't know if it would work or not they would have at least let her TRY instead of starting him on similac...very odd...

[butterflyma]

I am not angry at the dad. I am not angry at the mom. He probably doesn't know any better. She probably doesn't either, and on top of it, she couldn't readily do research not being good in our language and from the little I know of Chinese culture, she was probably VERY compliant with the doctors orders/suggestions.

Whoa! I can't believe the assumptions made here! Just because these parents are from China doesn't mean they are ignorant to parenting/breastfeeding/circumcision. Without more background information, I think you are wrong to make judgements on anyone- including the medical professionals who served this family.

[Potty Diva]

from the little I know of Chinese culture, she was probably VERY compliant with the doctors orders/suggestions.

Yes, it seems you know very little of the Chinese culture. Good grief!

As for making friends with her, will this be like Bush making "friends" with the Iraqi people? Ya know, to westernize them and all?

[Ilaria]

Hugs, mama. I see your point and I know what you meant (and I LIVE in Chinese culture). I hope you can befriend her.

The comparison to Bush is kinda mean and uncalled for.

[dziejen]

Originally Posted by Past_VNE

I am not angry at the dad. I am not angry at the mom. He probably doesn't know any better. She probably doesn't either

It's nice of you to want to make friends with someone new to the area but you should not be angry with anyone because of the choices they make with their own child -- instead be happy with your own choices and lead by example. Maybe they made their own informed decision based on their own personal circumstances. It's hard to know before you walk in someone else's shoes.

[paquerette]

Originally Posted by Potty Diva

As for making friends with her, will this be like Bush making "friends" with the Iraqi people? Ya know, to westernize them and all?

Eh? Seems more like she's trying to keep her from being westernized.

[Potty Diva]

Yes, let's change her mind to "our" way of thinking.

[TexasSuz]

I have a friend from China and she also Formula Feeds. She said that in China (or at least in the big city she is from) it is considered better to FF. Like technology made this formula and you are better educated if you us it. Also, their idea of attachment is much different than ours. She left her baby with her mother in China for 4 months and then went back to get him. It broke my heart to know that he was over there wondering where his mommy went. She said that as this is "normal." She was doing this as a sign of respect for her parents - letting them care for and bond with the grandson!

I never understood any of it but she said it was all normal for her culture.

Just another perspective...

[loomweaver]

Originally Posted by TexasSuz

Also, their idea of attachment is much different than ours. She left her baby with her mother in China for 4 months and then went back to get him. It broke my heart to know that he was over there wondering where his mommy went. She said that as this is "normal." She was doing this as a sign of respect for her parents - letting them care for and bond with the grandson!

I never understood any of it but she said it was all normal for her culture.

Just another perspective...

I work with someone from Zambia (sp?) and she did the same thing with two of her babes. She is here (in US) working and going to school and her mamma is taking care of her two children in Zambia. To her it is better than daycare to be with family, even if she only sees them every 6 months or so. (she BF the oldest for 2.5 yrs though, she left the second at a 16 months old)

**She said when she first came here, she was not using a carseat until she found out they were required by law! She had never owned any.

[SKK]

Wow, on all counts. If in fact there really is no medical reason why she couldn't breastfeed, that's really too bad. However, I would also say that until you get to know her better, you should reserve your judgment on the situation. That being said, I understand how hearing that right off the cuff could be upsetting. It never ceases to amaze me just how very few women breastfeed, or even try. I mean, at least you could try, right? At least women should be encouraged to try!?!?

As for the pp's who found fault with your characterization of the situation, I just want to say YIKES! I'm fairly new here (see post count), but, I guess we have to be extremely careful...

Although it's probably not something I would have said, I don't see a problem with saying she was probably compliant with doctors orders. We know that tons of American women are, when it comes to the health and well-being of their babies. Should Chinese women be any different? Ahh, that's enough.

I don't know about the circumcision comment. I don't think circ is routine in China, so I doubt the mother would have wanted it. Now, if the hospital went ahead and did it without her consent, well that is completely wrong. I would hope they would not do such a thing. But I wouldn't put it past them.

[calpurnia]

Blimey.

[Past_VNE]

My comment about compliance with doctors was in reference to an article I can't seem to find right now. It was about lactation consultants having difficulty with Chinese women even when they wanted help. It said that because they didn't want to cause any hassles, they would often answer that there we no problems, even if there were. It was especially problematic in relation to the medical staff they were dealing with.

As far as westernizing her, why the #*&@ would I want to do that? Quite the opposite, actually. If I were to encourage anything, I would certainly hope she might teach her son about his heritage and teach him the language. I have a good friend whose parents are first and second generation Italian. Her mother speaks the language fluently, but never taught it to my friend, who is quite disappointed that her mother didn't feel it was important. My MIL's best friend is a German immigrant, but hasn't taught her boys to speak German, her husband thought it was useless...'since they're in the US.' One of my flight instuctors was German and he is teaching his baby his language, the mom is from Colombia and she is teaching the baby both her language and English. Another of my flight instructors is first gen. Pakistani. He knew the language a little bit growing up, but has since taught himself. Just personal examples, but I feel it's important for a child to have his heritage known to him. My own is so muddled genetically and by teaching, but hey, that's okay too. I have neat little snippets of history from all around the globe...so does DH.

And, yes, from the whole conversation, I am quite sure that it was the hospital that was the "they" in the formula comment.

I don't understand some of you folks...I'm judging the hospital's practices, not this mother and father.

If you guys want stereotypes and judging, I can say he's a local loser and she's a desperate-to-expatriate catalog bride. The truth is I have no clue how they met or their social standing or any circumstances about them beyond what he told me and it could be one of a billion ways. Maybe he's an international business man and met her in his travels. Maybe she was visiting the US with friends and they fell in love atop the Statue of Liberty, maybe they were both doing their first sky dives from a plane in South America, maybe, maybe, maybe anything, but why would I care who they are and how they met if we get along??......but some of you want to twist my words to the most negative or stereotypical or rude thing possible....so fine...continue to play to your own agendas and I will continue to at where you must be coming from.

[Wabi Sabi]

Originally Posted by TexasSuz

I have a friend from China and she also Formula Feeds. She said that in China (or at least in the big city she is from) it is considered better to FF. Like technology made this formula and you are better educated if you us it.

I used to provide childcare for a Chinese family with a little girl who was also formula fed. The girl's mother told me the EXACT same thing! I wonder if this is a common belief in their culture...?

[BrowneyedScorpio]

Originally Posted by Wabi Sabi

I used to provide childcare for a Chinese family with a little girl who was also formula fed. The girl's mother told me the EXACT same thing! I wonder if this is a common belief in their culture...?

My MIL said the exact same thing to me and that breastfeeding was gross. But she's as American as you can get. Unfortunately I think it's a common belief in our culture too.

edited for wrong word, typing one-handed here