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Do you let people/family members take your child out? - Page 2

post #21 of 34
I wouldn't have let my MIL take ds out because I don't think she could have handled him and I didn't trust that she wouldn't try to control behavior thru shaming and the like. Her health isn't the best and she wouldn't have been strong enough to pick him up if neccessary. I did let my brother's friend take ds on an impromptu outing (a walk up to some stores for snacks and to see the fire station) at the age of 2 1/2. The friend has the right personality to deal with my ds and my ds loves and respects him. Ds has also gone to the store with my sister or mom occasionally.
post #22 of 34
We do not let our boys go unsupervised places without us yet. First of all they are only 4 and 2 years old. To me that is still too young. I trust the grandparents/aunts/uncles/etc...but I don't think anyone can watch our children like we can. We are the ones who are with them 24/7. I know that Noah has to be watched every single second. He would dart into traffic, jump into water, approach strangers and more.
I also don't feel 100% comfortable with other people driving my kids around. Both DH and myself are extremely cautious drivers. Others in our family get way too agrivated with traffic or other drivers.
I can't say when our feelings will change, but for now, our comfort level just isn't there. I go with my gut and my gut tells me "not yet"!
post #23 of 34
I agree with Celrae's post.

Well, here's what we do FWIW. We allow our kids to go with family members, but children's church is the only other place they go without dh and I or close family members watching over them (and it's in a hall that leads to the bathrooms so there's always people walking through etc).

This is coming from me, both of my grandmas remarried men who liked to look, touch or talk about young girls in appropriates ways so I am pretty protective about my kids.

For me... it has to be people I TRULY trust and my kids need to want to go and spend time with those people. I haven't forced seperations on my children and they are blossoming and branching out more and more. It's scary for me in a way, but I feel it helps round them out and can only be good for them since it's something both my kids and their grandparents enjoy so much.
post #24 of 34
I will let my dad and his wife take Abi out for breakfast or errands, but only together. Dad has this sick sense of humor and would find it extremely funny to slip Abi some meat just so he can say she ate it. My step-mother wouldn't let him do that.

She also has gone for breakfast with my grandparents before.

I am in the process of establishing weekly play-dates with my friend and her child. They will probably stay at each other's houses but it's still "out" to me.
post #25 of 34
DD goes out with my mom a lot. Car rides, walks around town, etc. My best & oldest friend has taken her to the park a few times. Otherwise, we're always there. I also like the idea of her getting input & attachment & other experiences with other people, but it's a short list of people that i'm ok with at this point. I guess I'll *have* to loosen up as she gets older, but not too much
post #26 of 34
Ds is 2.10 and no one has ever offered to take him out as of yet. He's never been out with anyone else besides me or dh, but he has been babysat by trusted family members and friends.
My mom and dad are older and they can't keep up with him so when they babysit he stays inside their house, it's child friendly.
If they were younger, lol, I would trust them to take him out, and I would trust my sister and my sil too.
My sister's dd is 10 and a "babysitter in training" She loves is always bugging me to take him out for a walk in the neighborhood by herself. I am not comfortable with that so it's in the fenced yard only. My family thinks I'm too overprotective, I can tell...
I had thought of having my sis take ds overnight for our wedding anniversary in a couple of months, but I don't think I could enjoy myself, I'd be worrying about him.
post #27 of 34
I absolutely let DD, 2.5 y.o.a., spend time with her aunts, uncles, and cousins when I'm not there. But, as a p.p. noted, I trust all these people beyond any possibility of a doubt. If I didn't, DD wouldn't spend time with them without me.

Rather than disciplinining her in ways I don't, my problem is that she is so indulged and spoiled that transitioning back into homelife is kind of a culture shock for her. A family joke is that when DD is with extended family her feet never touch the ground from being passed around and carried, she reverts to point and grunt to get what she wants, and "mama" becomes "mama who?".

I really like the idea of DD spending time with family when I'm not there. It gives her a chance to establish her own independent relationships with them and it reinforces for her that adults other than Mama love and care about her. But I'm sure I wouldn't be so rosy about it if I were worried about their influence on her or behavior toward her!
post #28 of 34
Yes, i let people & family I trust take my kids out & about. I have done so since my DD was about 2 (first child), & my DS was about 15 mos. or so (second child). Prior to that, I also had them stay with my mother for a week, without me. I also have two close friends (who also have kids) who have also had them for sleepovers- so far no sleepovers at any houses where I don't know the parents very, very well (kids are almost 7 & 5 now). My children have also been in childcare for varying periods of time- a small community childcare centre where I knew the staff well.

THe key thing for me is that I trust the people my kids are with, & I know that they will respect certain parenting values that my DH & I have for our children. I feel certain that whomever I leave my kids with will not hit them, will not belittle them, & will not abuse them in any way. I don't expect that they will not get angry with my kids behaviour now & again, but I do expect that if my kids do something that requires discipline, then they will discipline in a way that respects our family.......
post #29 of 34
Go with your gut. Not what someone says you should do, or your own 'what ifs' but your true, deep-down gut feeling.

Dd used to go off for half a day or so with her aunt (dh's sister). It made me uncomfortable, but dd enjoyed it, and there didn't seem to be a reason to say no. Until, of course, the day two years ago when SIL brought dd back with a new swimsuit and informed us she had taken dd swimming. My daughter's been afraid of the water since - SIL tried to 'teach' her how to swim. (She also has potty issues - she was already potty-trained but, she told us, SIL made her pee in the shower at the pool, which *really* bothered her...) Needless to say, SIL hasn't taken dd alone since, but I wish I'd listened to my little niggling doubt. JMO.
post #30 of 34
I've let my brother take my dd out. She was almost 3 at the time. I haven't been asked by any of my other inlaws, to be honest. Grandma would be scarey because I think she's a not so good driver (follows too close etc.), but I know if she did ever drive with Grandma, she would be very cautious and good to her. I've let dd stay and visit with Grandma alone before for an afternoon and she has a ball, but they've never gone anywhere.

I would let my one bil and sil take the kids somewhere because I trust their judgement and I know they would discipline my kids in a way that is consistent with how I discipline. My other sil is another story. She has gone around town with her own kids unbuckled etc (there are times there aren't SEATS in the van, forget the belts!). She's asked us a couple of times to take dd for a night and 'give you a break'. We've politely declined each time. I don't trust her at all with my child.

My dad will be taking the out and about when we go to visit him in a week. I have no problems with that because I know they'll all enjoy themselves and I'll maybe get a little break! :LOL Although I suspect I'll be going on many of the daytrips for the first bit because my one twin is a much more cautious than his brother and tends to cling to me until he feels 100% comfortable in the situation.
post #31 of 34
I let my parents take my kids places- just this morning my Dad took ds with him to the supermarket.

BUT- I live in my parents house (in a separate apt.) I personally installed the carseats in their cars. I don't have a problem with either of them disciplining my kids.

There hasn't been an occasion for other family members to take ds anyplace, and I probably wouldn't allow it if I didn't trust that person. I have much less hesitation with my girls- they have playdates at friends' houses, cousins have taken them to the zoo, etc. It really is different with older kids.
post #32 of 34
My fear is not discipline, but accidents. My children are 3 and 1 1/2.
My parents are in their 60s, they have no clue about babyproofing, and neither does my brother, who is 37--but his child is a newborn, so he has little experience with walking toddlers.
They wouldn't get the concept of watching the children closely around strange approaching dogs (a friend of mine's child was mauled to death by a neighborhood dog--one that the kids knew), and there are always the fears of running an errand and leaving the children in the car (heat stroke, possible death in the summer--people are more likely to forget kids in the car if they are not used to taking them with them all the time), etc., and foods that others give them that they might choke on (hot dogs cut the wrong way come to mind).
All that being said, I am home with them and they are rarely out of my care (once for a hair appt. and once for an eye exam), so in my particular case, I am not sure what their behavior would be like.
I can say that my parents really drop the ball on many things when *I* am there with the kids--from bathroom doors wide open with the toilet seat up, to hot stoves pans with the handles sticking out, etc.
So for me, safety is the real issue.
post #33 of 34
When my kids were 3 we didn't let them go places with other people. Safety was the big issue for us, too. Car seats, holding hands in parking lots, etc were REALLY big deals to me and honestly no one in family or my DH family could understand that.

If you aren't totally comfortable with it, just say no. You need to do what is best for for your child. This shouldn't be about what makes other grown ups happy.

My kids are 7 and 8, have good judgement, and go all sorts of places with trusted adults. It's a lot different when they are older.
post #34 of 34
yeah..it sounds like you don't trust your mil. so just tell her no.

i have left both kids with my parents and they have taken the kids out for an hour or so. dd (4 in july) has had two overnights w my parents. i trust them. i don't trust my mil and she has asked repeatedly to keep dd but we don't let her. plain and simple.

usamma-mil would try to feed my dd meat, too ! wth.
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