do you know how many kids you want?

[PicnicBear]

Just curious if you mamas had any idea of the number of kids that you want eventually, or are most people just the "wait and see" what happens type?

If you know, does how many siblings you have factor into the decision?

My answer: I'm just 29 and being someone who is a little prone to overplanning (I realize this and am very flexible -- my "plans" can change radically from day to day, but I still like to "plan") I woud like to have 3 kids before I am 35. I don't know how much of a magic number 35 is -- like I don't believe that any kid I have over that will be retarted, but it's something to shoot for. Then I could still have more before 40. Who knows what will really happen. I plan to home educate and would like to have a bunch so that they can learn together and teach eachother.

I have one younger sister who is 7 years younger. We are so close but we see eachother only a few times a year due to geography. I think siblings are great so why not have more.

[MamaFern]

i want lots, but im happy with two.. i LOVE my little boy and i'd love a little girl (which im pretty sure this little beansprout is) i think if i have more kids it will be later on in my life when i have a stable partner and have gone back to school
( since im a single momma now, and only 24) i think that the state of the world is crazy and sometimes when i think about bringing more children into it it makes me so sad, but who is going to make changes happen? its not goin gto be our generation its going to be our childrens.. hopefully!

[crsta33]

For the longest time I've said I want four. Even though I still say that when asked, I don't know that I really want that many any more. Two may just be enough (or 3 if it's twins...and maybe secretly, I really do want more than 2 kids).

Dh says this is my last pg. He wants something "permanent" done after this one is born. I've told him time and again I don't want either of us "fixed" (it seems more like broken to me) b/c it is so permanent and it just doesn't feel right to me. I've actually said I won't have a tubal done, but he's considering a vasectomy. He's concerned about me taking hormones for birthcontrol or an unplanned pg if I don't and convinced that if he really wanted to, they could reverse the procedure, though I'm pretty sure he wouldn't ever want to...this pg will make his 3rd child and I'm pretty sure he never wanted more than 2.

I've actually talked him into so much already. He didn't want half siblings for his son and now he has one and then he didn't really want more children after Kenna and now there's another on the way. I guess I can leave the vasectomy decision up to him...heck, with the way he procrastinates if I leave it totally up to him it will never happen.

Ideally, I'd like to have this one and then have at least one more 4 or 5 years down the road. But I'll be 36 then and I really wanted to have all my kids before I was 35 too. It's really kinda arbitrary when you think about it though.

Christa

[flyingspaghettimama]

Absolutely. This will be my second, and it took me five years to talk myself into a second. Before this, I was dead against it, particularly as I saw people with two children and the challenges that seemed to come with two. I loved being able to spend time with just my daughter during her toddler years and totally LOVED my "me" time that came later. It all seemed really, really easy after a rough first pregnancy and birth, and why mess with success?

So, then I did talk myself into a second (and my husband needed to convince himself as well)...I wanted to be all done by the time I was 30, and five years apart feels right for me, as far as being able to spend one-on-one time with both children. My daughter has a lot of friends and is not as dependent upon me.

I have five brothers and sisters, and I'm the oldest - three natural siblings, two step. We grew up with scarce resources and patience levels from my parents, and I just didn't want to end up there. I'm not close with any of my siblings today, and don't have much in common with them. I don't really expect my children to be best friends or anything, but I do hope they'll have a more friendly relationship than I had growing up or as an adult. I completely think that my childhood influenced how I'd like my family to look, for better or worse, and hopefully my AP'd daughter will want to have eight kids, her childhood was so great and she loves her sibling sooo much.

[trmpetplaya]

As many as God will let us have I've wanted to be a Mother ever since I was four (maybe even earlier...) and I loved it when my mom finally started having more children! I was an only child for almost five years (my brother was born four days before I turned five) and I was very jealous of my cousins because there were three of them in their family. Of course I didn't know that my Aunt miscarried and three was as many as she would ever have since her uterus ruptured... she wanted more too. I ended up with three younger siblings (finally!). Dh is an only child...

Dh and I discovered that living by faith is the best way for us and since we stopped using birth control I've been pregnant twice, but we wouldn't have been ready (financially, etc.) for a child in February this year, so we figure God knew best. There's a family in our church that has 12 children and they don't have more than they can handle. I don't think I could handle that many, but I don't believe we'll get more than we can handle anyhow

If I have all boys then we will adopt a girl and vice versa! I just really want at least one of each

love and peace. :

[3for3hb]

I grew up with lots of families with your mentality trumpetplaya, and I just don't buy it (the seeming faith-based haphazard attitude toward bringing children into this world, this plane of existence). No offense intended if that's really your thing, just my two cents is all. I am certainly not a strategic family planner and for non-"faith" (I'm assuming you mean religion) reasons I believe in taking life as it comes yet with a sense of responsibility toward the soul whose body will form in my body and whose spirit I will nurture and help grow once out of my body. I think parenthood/motherhood is a sacred calling and it always bothered me (even as a young child) when people just kind of threw their hands up and said "we'll take whatever G*d gives us." And for the record most of the families I knew had admittedly MORE CHILDREN THAN THEY COULD HANDLE despite their faith. (9, 12, 22, etc) The mothers were always stressed out beyond measure, their poor bodies destroyed from the constant childbearing, the babies having to be weaned WAY BEFORE was healthy because she'd run out of milk because she was pg again and her body just couldn't do it all. The one family of 7 (grew to 15 I think) had their children in diapers even to the time they were 12 (the older ones had to wear diapers at night, but even the 4 and 5 year olds wore diapers during the day! It was disgusting and irresponsible. I just don't think that's the kind of environment children should be raised in.

As for me and mine I *want* six kids but we'll take them one (or however many) at a time. And I'd like our children to be spaced closer together (2 yrs or less).. I'd really like to stay away from the odd number of children (dh is a middle child of 3 and I'm the youngest of 2) And I'd sort of like the last two to be spaced really close together (twins would be cool).

I'll be a few days short of 25 with the birth of this baby, and I would like to have at least one more and maybe even be pg with the fourth by my 30th birthday. My personal opinion (with regards to my own body, nerves, etc) is that it's best to have my babies at a younger age. Dh and I are both doctors and have our education out of the way so there's really nothing barring us from building our family!

[MrsMoe]

We have Emma and one on the way for a grand total of 2. After this, no more, either my husband or I is getting snipped.

I was happy with just Emma, husband wanted just one more. We want to comfortably put both kids through college and take vacations and live in nice home etc.
:LOL

[flapjack]

Whilst in an ideal world, I'd love a big family, that isn't going to happen (finances, space, energy, lack of family support...) This little one (barring a miracle- failed vasectomy or the like) will be my last. This way, I'm going to be nearly out of the baby years and working towards a career by the time I'm 30.
I'm in 100% agreement with willemsmama that pregnancy is easier when you're younger, as well. Just something to think about...

[BensMom]

We would like 3. But it took me a long time to be ready for #2 since DS is so high needs. I could never have dealt with a baby and him as a 2yr old. Three got a little better with him and after about 3.5 we were ready. And then it took 9 mos to conceive this little bean. So we will end up with almost 5 year spacing. Oh well. DS is going through another high needs spurt, so maybe we would have been better off at age 2???

Assuming everything is ok with this baby (no autism, extraordinary high needs) and that Ben is doing well, we will probably try for #3 sooner. Maybe a 3 year spacing. We'll see. I'm 32 now. Too old for this craziness!

But deciding on #3 is totally contingent on whether we can mentally handle two kids.

I was an only child and DH's siblings are 10 and 13 years older than him, so he was kind of like an only too. I always said that I would have at least 2 kids, as I did not like being an only very much.

[trmpetplaya]

I appreciate that you have had different experiences and have a different philosophy of life than mine, willemsmamma, but ever since dh and I have decided to live our lives based on faith we have been blessed in more ways than I could ever hope to tell of in one post. Every time we have almost ended up on the street or moved somewhere with nothing at all, we have had more than enough and haven't ended up on the street once We're 22 and 21 and we have a piano (for free) and all our furniture was free as well. We have a house (soon to be ours) on almost three acres and neither of us has a college degree. My car is 37 years old and drives like a dream and we can fix it ourselves!

In my experience (and the experience of my parents who have supported us in all our decisions - especially in living by faith) the way that we are choosing to live our lives and view having a family is very rewarding and fulfilling. My Aunt wanted as many children as she could have and ended up not able to have more than three. Part of living the way that dh and I have chosen to live, is accepting what comes along and making the best of every situation. I may only be able to have one child of my own, but we will certainly adopt more if that happens.

I do take responsibility for my decisions and for any lives that I may bear, though you are seeming to imply that I do not. Nor have I "thrown up my hands" (seemingly in defeat?) and said that I'll take whatever God gives me. I welcome children into my family because I feel that my calling is to be a Mother and I have since I was very small. I'm sorry that you feel that way about my views and beliefs. We all have different views and beliefs and everyone has a good reason for having those different views. For you, perhaps, it would be a bad thing to do what dh and I are doing. For us I believe it is the right thing to do. Only I can make that decision for me and only you can make that decision for yourself.

BTW, none of the Mothers of large families that I have known had "broken down bodies" or more children than they could handle, including the mother of twelve. I teach three of her lovely children piano lessons and all her children are a joy to be around!

We also are planning on ECing so there shouldn't really be a problem with having any children in diapers at the same time since we aren't planning on using them :LOL

love and peace.

[*Amy*]

People have been asking us about this a lot lately, and I don't really know what to say. I'm 32 now, and this is our first, so I'm not sure how many I will be able to have, and ideally I would like a long space between them (like 4-5 years), which would be pushing me to around 37 for our second child. My mom had my younger brother at 38 so it's not that I think it can't be done, but I honestly just don't know where we will be in life, or what I'll want. At this point I can see myself being perfectly content with one child, but DH was an only child and I do know that it can be really lonely, and I think developmentally it is advantageous for kids to have siblings. Selfishly though I think it would be easier on us, and better for the child in *some* ways, because we wouldn't have to divide our time and resources so much.

That being said, I know that a lot of women get the baby urge again when their children are toddlers, so I am totally open to going with that if it happens. I stay at home, so I feel like I could handle it if that's where life takes us!

[Belleweather]

Dh and I have agreed on three kids, with a possibility to renegotiate and grow our family through adoption after those three are a little older. We're still trying to figure out how this is going to work exactly with his school and residency and my career and trying to carve out some time where we can both be focused on the second baby the way that we are able to be on this one. The current theory is that we'll probably TTC our second while DH is in the late part of medical school, and our third when he finishes residency -- but there's also an international move involved in there and a couple of very large career shifts for me that we've got to take into account.

I'd LOVE to be done by 35, but since I'm 27 now and this is baby #1, I don't know that it's possible. Then again, we were bemoaning the timing of this baby because of school and work and money and all sorts of other external things. Now that we've had some time to think about it, it seems like everything has come together nearly perfectly. Another instance of "Humans plan, God laughs", maybe.

[3for3hb]

[Awaken]

Good question

I am 30 and this is our second- and our 2 1/2 yr old ds is very high needs- I say it's my payback for having the perfect pregnancy and birth :LOL It would have been extremely tough to have another child anytime soon- and actually I was due right around now, but I miscarried. And it all did work out for the best, because dh has a new job and can't take any time off, and ds is just starting to be able to talk and communicate- I think by the time he is 3 he might be much better able to handle big brotherhood.

While dh would be happy with one, I definitely want 2 or 3. I am one of 3 girls, and he is the middle of 6 adopted children. And while that was a wonderful thing his parents did, and I'm so thankful they got adopted out of their former situations, for them it was much more than they could handle- total chaos and everything was nuts and he basically got ignored b/c his siblings were so out of control and he was the only one who behaved.

I just love pregnancy and birth and all the baby and kid stuff- it has been the 'funnest' time in my life, ever! Just the wonder of seeing ds do new things is such a high. I am only 30 and I can't imagine that this would be my last time ever getting to experience this! I think I would want one more, but probably not spaced too closely- we'll just have to see what kind of temperament this one has and how it works with 2 kids. I get overwhelmed and exhausted easily so I don't want to be miserable like my MIL was with more kids than she could handle at once, and dh is afraid of that, too.

Also, we have always wanted to adopt, and we've always said we would do that later in life. So maybe we'd end up with 4?? We have a really tiny house, so I don't know how that would work

[cjbeach]

This is #3 for us and sadly the last. I was pg with my first at 30, then 32 now 35. Personally I've found each pg increasingly harder on my body. My first pg was cake. I worked 60 hr work weeks up until the week I delivered, when I cut back to 40hours. My 2nd pg was complicated by placenta previa that did resolve but I developed some pretty painful pubic bone seperation by the 7th month and of course the bladder leakage. My 8th month I was in a lot of lower back pain and really felt the pubic bone seperation (like coming down steps only to have my leg go numb and I would literally have to lift it down the steps). Now at 35...I'm REALLY feeling it. Not sure if it's because it's my 3rd in 5 years or it has more to do with my age but wow, am I uncomfortable with pg-- more weight and quicker, more lower back pain, and more bladder issues (despite millions of Kegals it seems).
I'm grateful for my children and for a healthy pg thus far but in all honesty, I'm done.

[zjande]

Wow, interesting thread.

This is my 3rd & we'd both like one more if all works out well. I'm 31 but really like my kids spaced out (my kids will be 7.5 & 14 when this one comes!) so I too have been taking my age into consideration. Do I really want to do this again when I'm like 37.....?

I am *SO* excited that I'm even having this one. My dh & I separated just over 1.5 years ago & I thought that I'd surely not meet someone so awesome that I would want to jump into a LTR with them AND that they would want to have children with me when I already have 2 from 2 different fathers & was a 30 yr old divorcee with 6 cats & a choatic home day care business!! :LOL I had the maternal URGE sooooo bad the last few years though!! I was a baby luster extraordinare. I can't believe that I actually get to do this again, that I found my dream boy, that he is more awesome than I knew men could even BE , that we get to *be* this happy. I am so grateful every single day.

I was one of 2 children, my dp was one of 4. Although I'm excited to have this one AND by the idea of having one more, this *does* feel like a "big" family to me. I don't think it does at all to dp!

[flapjack]

zjande- hadn't realised your babes had different dads? Do you find it makes each pregnancy really different?? (I'll spare you details, but my body is doing some REALLY strange things...Steve isn't my boys' dad.)

[LandonsMommy]

For the longes time I wanted four kids, then I wanted two. Then I wanted twelve, but theres no way I could feed all those mouths. Now Im thinking one, Or maybe two or four but I havent evan had one yet, lol im still expecting. so after this one and I see how well I can rase one kid.
well g2g ttyl

[Spark]

Originally Posted by LandonsMommy

For the longes time I wanted four kids, then I wanted two. Then I wanted twelve, but theres no way I could feed all those mouths. Now Im thinking one, Or maybe two or four but I havent evan had one yet, lol im still expecting. so after this one and I see how well I can rase one kid.
well g2g ttyl

Just lurking from the Dec boards... this was ME when I was pregnant with my first!!! That's EXACTLY what I said... just one... or mabye two or four.

Now... I'm pregnant with my last... NUMBER THREE!!! That was totally not an option on my list!

[HoneyTree]

We weren't even sure having one child was the right decision for us, for many of the reasons already mentioned. Not least of all is that fact that my husband and I are both avid and active environmentalists, a philosophy that is often, but not always, at odds with bringing even MORE people into the already resource-strained world. The way we made this "work" in our heads was to vow to raise our one child with great reverence for the earth, as far away as possible from the consumer ethos, and by modelling the strategies that help repair the damage we do (such as composting, recycling, cleaning up litter, and being outspoken advocates for environmental and human issues at city and county commission meetings). I, too, often look at the state of things and wonder if I'm doing my baby any favors by bringing him into the world that will inevitably poison him and make him sad, but I guess in a small way I feel like if more of us raise our children to take responsibility for each and every decision they make, that we (and they) can begin to make up for all the individuals and parents who don't care.