Originally Posted by Rigama
That's a huge step you took! Have you heard back from her? Do you think she'll respect your decision?
Not to totally bombard you with questions, but how's your dh dealing with your decision? I mean, is he supportive of you in this or does he still think you need to make nice? Sheesh, that does sound like a lot of questions all at once!
I'm very tired. A couple of weeks ago my dh got a phone call from his younger brother. His older sister, her 19 year old son and husband were all shot to death in their home. Thankfully, they caught the guy. But my dh is having a pretty rough time dealing with the fact that this has happened. He's been trying to act like nothing happened--stuffing it all way down, but it's coming out as anger. Unfortunately it's not appropriately directed anger. I'm worried about him and have been super busy just taking care of everything around the house and with ds so that when dh gets home from work he doesn't have to deal with anything. It's hard. Coming from the background I do, I'm terrified of yelling and anger. I'm not afraid that dh would hurt me or ds, but at the same time...well seeing him get angry somehow makes me feel like a child again. Like it's all my fault, even though I know perfectly well it has nothing to do with me and that I am safe. I wonder, once that program has been written in a child's brain--the program that says anger=physical danger--how do you wipe it out? Is there a virus out there that can get rid of it for me?
It's midnight and I can't sleep-dh is out of town. I should go lie down in the dark and hope I fall asleep, but I know I won't. I never do when he's gone. Maybe I'll just fix a snack and read a trashy book for a while instead.
Wow, i"m so incredibly self-centred. I'm sorry for not responding sooner. Rigama, I hope you are doing okay! I understand about the anger/physical danger thing. It's one of the many issues DH and I have had to work on in our marriage. Me= overreacting to his anger, only it wasn't for me.
Very sorry to hear about your family loss
How awful. How is your DH doing? How are YOU doing?
As for me...um, still dealing with the fall-out. Let me give you the cole's notes version
1. Dh - not happy about it. Trying to be supportive of my decision, but REALLY doesn't get it. However, my sister and close friends (2 of whom have equally crazy parents) get it and think I've done a good thing.
2. Have had 2 emails from my mother basically saying she can't understand why I'm angry and what did she do? She's lost.
3. These emails made me laugh. Seriously? What's the point. I know from experience that even if I try to explain, she will shoot me down/call me crazy/ a liar/ twist things around so that *I* somehow end up feeling bad, AGAIN, for trying to bring things up. I've been reading about narcissistic personality disorder lately due to another thread in this forum and it sounds eerily like her, and interestingly, it also confirms I've done the right thing to just cut her off. (for now).
4. Uber nasty email from my dad today.
5. DH - even less happy. Hates the drama. Is kinda blaming it on me, though even he admits that *I* am not making them act this way. I'm trying really hard to respect his feelings even though I feel that he's a bit naive about how they really are.