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"ladies in waiting" for the abuse forum - Page 9

post #161 of 182
Posted something and rewrote it.
Anne
post #162 of 182
I'm another woman waiting for the SA forum. I was more or less successfully treated for PTSD from a very old rape when I was only 14 yo. I was also in a verbally abusive relationship for 5 years. He's the father of my child so in a way I'm still subjected to it from time to time. I now have a wonderful partner whom I have been with for two years.

can we set up some sort of group via pm's. I'd like to, if others are interested? PM me if some of you are interested too.

Hugs for those of you who need the forum but wont be allowed yet.

Anne
post #163 of 182
I am so glad to see this thread. I seriously am feeling so isolated and alone about this whole situation I find myself now encountering. I've been in treatment for PTSD during the last 18 months, largely due to childhood verbal and emotional abuse from my parents. I also had a near-death c-section experience that triggered the hell out of me.

About three months ago, a memory of my younger brother being molested from a baby-sitter came back to me. Since then, memories of him hurting me sexually have also surfaced, including my dad encouraging it.

I have no one to talk to about these things except my therapist. My husband knows about some of it, since my therapist guided me in how to tell him some of these things. He was actually relieved to know something had happened to me, since I reject so much of his affection and neither of us ever knew why.

My parents are both alcoholics and so are my husband's. They aren't in our lives anymore. But, my brother is and I don't really know how to handle it or my feelings about what happened both to him and what he did to me.

Nor do I know what to do with my parents, who are so disappointing and manipulative and frightening. The rest of my siblings don't talk to me either - I was always the scapegoat in the family and my parents made certain they hated me as much as possible.

I can't even trust some of my oldest friends with this info. It's too humiliating and I don't know how to talk about it. Plus I think about their reactions and I want to protect them, of course.

I've been overweight my whole life, and since this has come to light, I've lost 20lbs. I have literally almost 70lbs more to go, but I want to do it. I NEED TO DO IT.

I would love to have other mamas to talk to. I didn't think I'd be able to breastfeed before I met my baby - thinking about it felt so invasive and scary. But I'm so blessed that I fell in love with her and providing the best is what came naturally, despite many problems we had.

I would be open to a group discussion elsewhere too.
post #164 of 182
post #165 of 182
:
Bumping thread for people to find
post #166 of 182
I too, am waiting for the SA forum. I had a rough childhood and some things make me question if it was abusive. There are definite situations I went through that scream YES! that was abusive!! and others I'm just not sure.

A hard part of that is now my parents are very different people. I have a few younger siblings living at home, and I don't see life being the same for them as it was for me. My parents have changed how they view the world, and they are just....different.

It will be a while before I get into the SA forum, but I'll be patient.
post #167 of 182
I'm waiting too.

I was raped when I was 14 and suffered emotional abuse from my ex-h. It took me 17 years to go to therapy and resolve some of the feelings connected to being raped.

I've been with my DP for almost three years and that relationship has really helped me in many ways. However, I still suffer from low self esteem and it can be really hard sometimes!

Does the forum offer support for all kinds of abuse?

Anne
post #168 of 182
I am also waiting...have so long to go...but I am also afraid to post anything that says anything.
post #169 of 182
I know it's scary when the forum isn't private. I don't know that anyone is looking that can figure out who I am........and if so - I'm not ashamed that I was raped or abused I'm mad and angry and depressed at times and I don't even think about it most days.......if we all hide then how do we heal? I don't know it's all so personal and private. But this thread gets lost and some people just need to talk to someone anyone so I like to bump it when I'm feeling down myself.
post #170 of 182
I sent the following in a pm but I would like to share it with the rest of you:


Abuse, no matter what form, really has its own way of leaving a mark for life. In my own case the damage is much less severe than it used to be but it's still there. Sometimes it pops out from out of nowhere. When you are so young at the time of the rape it really has a deep impact. I would wish I had been older and had had a healthy sex life as a foundation I could have looked back on. I'm forever grateful that I've managed to heal sexually - that was the hardest part. I also feel like I've have completely forgiven myself. My DP has been grate in relation to all of these things - it is very clear that he doesn't think differently about me because of it.

I suffered from ptsd for so many years. I'm doing much much better but still have issues like insomnia, lack of initiative (sort of like lost hope) and problems with self image and self esteem. The therapy was very helpful. I saw my psychologist for 25 sessions but couldn't continue because it's so expensive. I wish I hadn't waited for 18 years before going but I wasn't ready before that.

I've been freaking mad about what happened to me but I have a difficult time with feeling sad. I suffered from anorexia from age 18-25 - that is such an effective way of NOT dealing with difficult feelings!

I was just thinking the other day that I hadn't thought about it an long time.

Take care,

Anne
post #171 of 182
I just saw that this thread exists. I am glad that it does. Support is GOOD.

I was verbally and physically and emotionally abused by dh while he was in the depths of his addiction. Luckily for all of us, he is in recovery now.
post #172 of 182
Does anyone know if the surviving abuse forum is for marital abuse? Or other forms, or all types? I am just not sure exactly what is discussed there or how helpful it is??
post #173 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by That Is Nice View Post
Does anyone know if the surviving abuse forum is for marital abuse? Or other forms, or all types? I am just not sure exactly what is discussed there or how helpful it is??
All types.
post #174 of 182
I have seen this thread, and have considered joining it, as I have not yet reached the requirements for the SA forum. I have recently come to accept that I.need.help. 10 years after the initial abuse, a few years after additional abuse and issues, and a few weeks after *finally* calling it quits with my parents... This has been a long time coming, IMO. I don't feel completely comfortable going into detail, but I was abused by my father from the ages of 5-9, and there were quite a few separate incidences after that. Four years after the fact of some of it, and only 2 or 3 people know what happened. Having a DD and another DC due in a few months is making me realize I need to address this, kick it's butt, and move on so I can be the best mother and wife I can be.
post #175 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by bmcneal View Post
I have seen this thread, and have considered joining it, as I have not yet reached the requirements for the SA forum. I have recently come to accept that I.need.help. 10 years after the initial abuse, a few years after additional abuse and issues, and a few weeks after *finally* calling it quits with my parents... This has been a long time coming, IMO. I don't feel completely comfortable going into detail, but I was abused by my father from the ages of 5-9, and there were quite a few separate incidences after that. Four years after the fact of some of it, and only 2 or 3 people know what happened. Having a DD and another DC due in a few months is making me realize I need to address this, kick it's butt, and move on so I can be the best mother and wife I can be.
Have you read Survivor Mom's. It's a good book for women who have sexually abused. It talks some about parenting after the fact.

I'm glad you are recognizing that you need help. It's true that abuse affects the way we parent. Do you have a friend you can trust to talk with?

I've found that if I have someone to just listen as a sounding board I can often sort out my feelings so that I then know what is causing particular behavior on my part.
post #176 of 182
what are some of the resources for ppl on the wait list? a year is a really long wait for ppl reaching out for support. Sometimes ppl reach out and then shrink back and may or may not ever reach out again. And also curious about how private anything really is after having an online group turn on me after 5 years I hesitate to post anything that might be put out there and then laughed at or judged not to have happened etc. Finding that your "friends" are actually abusers themselves. Was actually banned from a board once for posting that a particular method of discipline was actually legally defined as child abuse in some states and sent hate mail by 3 moms who soap their children's mouths for saying that it brought up really hard memories for me and then told to get over it and that "I'm too sensitive." So it would be nice to have a safe place for those who are "Too sensitive" to discuss parenting. I will pick up the book posted by the last poster. :-) I see a lot of reactive parents actually in my practice who were abused then their kids were SA abused and they are going how did this happen? And my job is to help them figure that out and protect the kiddos and help them heal. It's not really so much for me, but if I say something happened or what not I don't want ppl to be like quit beng such a drama queen. I realize far worse happens every day to others and I feel I have come thru it for the better but need an ear every once in a while.

I am also a counselor so sometimes I need to talk about some things to stay strong. IT's not wallowing in the past, it's part of letting it go, recognizing the reactions we have to things, talking about it,getting some feedback and perspective, and moving on.

The one book that helped me the most is "People of the Lie." It's about evil and lying and it has taught me so much about ppl who cling to lies vs. facing the truth. (hugs) to all of you who were touched by the evil of abuse and forge on to expose the truth and heal. I see so much of this pattern and would like to be able to get support and to support others.
post #177 of 182
Hi Labbemama -

I completely understand your feelings about waiting for the Surviving Abuse forum. A year can be long time but I'm sure MDC is doing this to avoid the reasons that you talked about leaving the other forum and to be sure they are creating a safe place. I'm sorry you had a bad experience there....if you are ever attacked in that manner here at MDC you can and should PM a moderator because it's not acceptable.

Have you visited the Gentle Discipline forum? You can see that we aren't the type of community that would wash children's mouths out with soap.

I hope that you find yourself comfortable here in the Personal Growth forum and elsewhere.
post #178 of 182
yeah actually the girl I got into it made a post that I WAS my abuser. Can you believe they let that happen? TAnd they host a support forum for victims of abuse too. It's exactly that kind of ppl that I hope won't to find in there once the time comes.

I totally understand them wanting to make it a safe place and I am personally not in a crisis state where I need help right now, but I do know from working a crisis line that it's very hard to work up the courage to ask for help and if the response isn't approachable often ppl don't come back.
post #179 of 182
Quote:
Originally Posted by Labbemama View Post
yeah actually the girl I got into it made a post that I WAS my abuser. Can you believe they let that happen? TAnd they host a support forum for victims of abuse too. It's exactly that kind of ppl that I hope won't to find in there once the time comes.

I totally understand them wanting to make it a safe place and I am personally not in a crisis state where I need help right now, but I do know from working a crisis line that it's very hard to work up the courage to ask for help and if the response isn't approachable often ppl don't come back.
That's rediculous! I'm sorry you had to go through that. I also kind of fear that in joining the SA forum, but there aren't a lot of counselors here who don't want to just give you a bunch of medications and send you on your way. (My PCP actually told my I was out of luck because I told him I wanted to see a counselor to *talk* through my issues, rather than be put on a bunch of drugs that will make me feel worse, although he completely agreed it is rediculous.)
post #180 of 182
I'm actually a counselor myself. (which also makes me a mandated reporter)

And I am in favor of limited medication if it can be demonstrated that the problem has a physical element, but even so so much can be improved through counseling and people's own paths to healing.

I work with kids so it kills me sometimes to see how easily kids are diagnosed and how much meds they are on. And it kills me to see parents not required to participate in the process other than medicating them. If I were boss of the world and designed the program attendance of parents to some sessions would be required. If only to educate them about the kiddo's needs. (If not for full-on family therapy.) I see a lot of kids who are pretty adaptive considering their parents. And if you ask me we'd get more milage out of treating a few parents. but what do I know? LOL

Wow that was harsh but yeah... that's where I'm at. Had sat a parent down the other day and said basically there is no pill for what you want to happen here. I'll probably be "fired" from that case.
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