having trouble with enthusiasm

[Plady]

I'm kind of bummed. I don't know if it is because this pregnancy is a surprise or because I feel so sick but I'm having trouble getting enthusiastic about it. Has this happened to anyone else?

I want to be excited but I am having trouble working it up. I told my mom last night (or rather dd told her and I clarified some details, like in whose belly the baby is) and she was happy but I just couldn't get myself up for it. Today I should tell my Dad and dh's mom and my brother etc. but I just feel so flat.

I just AIMed a good friend and she's really happy and excited but not me. I just feel kind of sick and like I want to just go back to bed and cry.

Oh well, sorry to be such a downer. I just needed to get that out.

[Jlcampbellkidz]

Sounded like you needed a hug. I too have been feeling rather emotional and moody. The hormones are changin. Hang in there. Just a bit longer and the 2nd trimester will begin. I am sure when you hear that little heart beat and feel that first flutter you will begin feeling the excitement. I cried all day long the day I found out about this pregnancy. Big surprise, certainly wasn't planned. The biggest reason I am excited right now is becaue my DH is finally supporting my birth choices for a home water birth. The other two girls have been in the hospital.

Big Hugs and I hope you start to feel better soon.

[Boobiemama]

I'm down today too.
I dont know why, I am thrilled to be pregnant again.
I havent told anynoe yet. Guess I am not in the mood for the rude comments to start. Why do people have to be such jerks about something as wonderful as a baby??

[EllasMama]

I know what you mean. I think with your first pregnancy, it's often such an incredible mystery, it seems much more exciting and adventurous - almost like you're the first person in the world to be pregnant, LOL. And when you don't have any kids, you can focus on all the romantic visions of having a baby with no knowledge of the hard work that accompanies the joys. Not to mention that when I was pregnant with dd all I had to do was go to work and come home to my relatively neat home and veg out for the rest of the night, reading pregnancy books and browsing at maternity wear websites while my dh hustled around town looking for my turkey and mashed potatoes dinner.

This pregnancy it seems more like I have little spurts of enthusiasm. Every few days I'll have a moment where a smile overcomes my face and I think, "Wow, I'm going to have a teeny little precious baby!" But then I throw up or dd needs her 14th snack of the day and it's back to reality.

Carol

[Heavenly]

I am having a bit of a hard time as well. It was planned but I've been freaking out thinking what in the world am I doing??? Two kids is really hard, 3 will be that much harder. Although I've heard the worst transition is from 1-2 kids and that 2-3 or more is easier. I certainly found 1-2 to be really, really hard so hopefully for me a 3rd won't be as hard. We are also having financial problems and I have no idea how we are going to afford everything we need because we lost all our baby stuff in a basement flood. Also I am trying to plan a VBA2C and still have not found anyone to attend me. But when I see little babies I think "Awwww, I get to have that again!"

[jasperab]

I'm in the same boat. Not feeling that well and it reminds me of how sick I was with the last one and I don't want to go there again. I'm happy to be having this baby but it scares the crap out of me when I think of two in diapers, how Elora-Danan with react to having a baby in the house because right now she's the baby and just the sheer logistics of going places with two little ones. I have a 7yr old and she was great when her sister was born and she is really exicted about this one. But I have moments when I wonder what I've got myself into.

[Plady]

Hi Mamas,

Well, I'm relieved that I'm not alone although I'm sorry that anyone else is feeling blue too. Yesterday I felt less sick and more enthusiastic. I told all of my friends and family in the States yesterday (via email! I still wasn't up to chitchatting about it so I sent pictures of me in the triathlon and told them it was me and #2 together). I still haven't told my friends that I see here though, I guess it's one thing to chat online and another to get caught talking in the street. No one has to see my dull expression online. Oh well, I'm sure this will pass. At least I'm not really showing yet. I wish I was one of the mamas who gets all excited about getting a belly quickly but I really want to stay in my normal clothes for as long as possible (even though they are getting tighter by the day).

Well, here's to all of us perking up as our hormones shift!

[*violet*]

I agree with all that you are saying. We sorta conceived without much forethought, and now I'm feeling ambivalent sometimes too and not 1/4 as excited/happy/thrilled as I was when I was pregnant with ds.

All I can think now is:
1. I really should have gone to the dentist to get this cavity filled
2. I really should have dyed my hair one last time before we got pg
3. My maternity leave is going to suck and use up all of my vacation time for the whole year and now I'll have 2 kids and only like 5 days (literally) for sick and vacation time and personal days for 2006.
4. I'm still nursing ds and it never occured to me that this might present some issues. I know that tons of mamas here are pro-tandem, I just never thought it would be me and was never super gung ho on the idea.

Why can't I be as happy as I was the last time?

[Jlcampbellkidz]

Here's to all of us. Hoping that the craziness subsides and the love hormones sneek up on us real fast.

So glad I'm not alone.

I know I am a bit grumpier than normal but it seems my DH is more stupid than normal. He just isn't doing anything right. Anyone else feel that way?

[ldsapmom]

Jumping over from the December thread.

This baby was quite the surprise for me as well. I thought we would wait another year. Plady, I also did not feel up to telling relatives, so my 5 year old did. I still haven't told my dad, although my mom has (they are divorced). I still need to follow up, you know?

I think feeling the disappointment (real or imagined) some of my family may have has made me feel like not sharing the news.

Also, I had this fear that once I got excited and happy, something might go wrong, you know? So I was trying to avoid the attachment (and I still am in a way -- I am not opening myself up to connecting with this baby -- I am happy and feeling better, but I know there is still distance there). I seem convinced I could connect with baby spiritually if I tried, but I don't want to, you know? There is still part of me that's scared to open up.

I just wanted to offer hugs, and say as things progress (you feel baby move, hear heartbeat, prepare more mentally) they change for me and I am getting more excited...it was just slow to start.

(((hugs)))

[nostrow]

Me too

Momma's I was going to come over here and post an into before I just jumped in but this one really resonated with me. Both my DH and I are having trouble getting excited. This was a very definite shock to us (BC pills failed us!)so we don't really know how to get on with it. I'll just chime in that I'm throwing in my hopes that we all start to feel the "love hormones" (love that by the way!) soooooooooon!!!!!!!!

Nikki

[Jlcampbellkidz]

that is what we all need

[Plady]

Last night I had a nice talk with my midwife friend and she pointed out that in the first trimester of any pregnancy your body is sort of in red alert mode. It's not completely sure the baby isn't some unwanted intruder that is suddenly draining all your energy and making you feel queasy etc. She said it isn't really until the 2nd trimester that your hormones start accepting the baby and getting into the groove of having it in there and that that's when it should start being easier to get excited and feel happy about the whole thing.

Of course I imagine for people who have been trying really hard to get pregnant or aren't particularly taken aback by the news it may be easier to overcome the red alert mode and get excited. But for those of us who aren't there now at least we can blame the blahs on hormones! My personal all-time-favorite scapegoat!

to all!

[forest~mama]

Originally Posted by ldsapmom

I think feeling the disappointment (real or imagined) some of my family may have has made me feel like not sharing the news.

Also, I had this fear that once I got excited and happy, something might go wrong, you know? So I was trying to avoid the attachment (and I still am in a way -- I am not opening myself up to connecting with this baby -- I am happy and feeling better, but I know there is still distance there). I seem convinced I could connect with baby spiritually if I tried, but I don't want to, you know? There is still part of me that's scared to open up.

I totally get this-Even though I am 27(a perfectly acceptable age to have a child), in my head, I think my mom will be upset. I still have two years left of college, and she has alway talked about how hard it was for her to go to school with my sister. College and health insurance are the most important things in the world to her. My dh and I are both dreading telling her, but her reaction could be completely different than we think.
I have also not really been getting connected to the baby yet. I feel a fear of loss, and like you all have mentioned, being sick and tired doesn't help. We were planning to have this baby the term before I was done with school, so that no matter what happened, I would only have one term left. Now, I will only be able to go one term this school year, maybe two. :
Anyway, to answer the point of this thread, I too am feeling less than enthusiastic. Yesterday was the first day I felt sick all day, and I am dreading more days like that. I am so glad to have all of you mamas to vent to! Thanks mamas

[Vegarchist]

I am also having the blahs. I was feeling so guilty for not being happier about this new baby. With DS, I was elated! But I do remember having a hard time maintaining happiness when I was sick (two months non-stop) and here I am again, sooooooooo sick I feel like I have been poisoned or taken over by aliens. Seeing the US didn't help much as the babe looks like a shrimp but that teenie heart beat sure was cute.

I have just decided to allow myself to feel however I am going to feel. Like DH said, "Your body is taking care of that babe right now." We have just got to take care of ourselves and honor our feelings even if they aren't necessarily joyous. I say be grumpy, hormones will take care of the rest soon enough. s, Mamas.

[EllasMama]

I saw a cute summertime sweater I'd bought for a trip to Hawaii in April and burst into tears a couple days ago. It is sleeveless and fitted, and as I was rifling through looking for something that fits, I saw it there, mocking me, saying "You won't be wearing ME for about 3 years!" Then I broke down and had my worst thoughts yet of, "What was I THINKING?!" I was just finally starting to get my stuff together and so I thought it was a GOOD time to get pregnant rather than enjoying the calm for a little while...duh!

But then tonight some people came over for a surprise party we threw a girlfriend and some had adorable little babies and I thought AWWWW, I'm going to have one of those fuzzy little creatures. So I guess it's going to come and go for a while. I can't WAIT till the nausea goes away and the glowing second trimester hormones take over. At least I'm assuming they will.

Carol