Provider issues, homebirth, and more

[xenomama]

I really want a homebirth - I do not want a repeat of the last hospital experience. HB is not legal in my state, and it has been a nightmare trying to find a homebirth midwife. It looks like the nearest midwives are 1.5 to 2 hours away, and I'll have to go to them for prenatals. That's going to be a nightmare with a toddler in the car. The nearest birth center is over 2 hours away, so that's not an option.

My only other choice would be to find a more natural CNM, refuse nearly all prenatal testing and monitoring, stay at home for most of my labor with a doula, and then leave immediately after the birth, decling all unnecessary (read: most) medical procedures for me and the baby. I just don't think this would be a pleasant experience for anyone.

I really don't want my pg managed by "medwives" like it was last time; I really feel like my options suck. I do not live in a natural birth friendly community. The only thing I can think to do is to call around to local CNMs and ask "make or break" questions like:

-what is your percentage of unmedicated vaginal births
-how often do your clients deliver in the squatting position
-what is your percentage of VBAC success (I'm not a VBAC client)

I figure these are more telling questions than those they can brush off, like "how often do you do episiotomies" answer "as often as necessary".

Sorry this was so long. I guess I just need to get my thoughts in order. Is anyone else having issues with provider choice?

[Sleepymama]

I'm so sorry! I am lucky to live in a state that licenses midwives. I have the same feelings about this birth. I think in your situation I'd ask around to find an OB (or CNM) who is good at listening and adapting. I wouldn't automatically rule out OBs--I'd take an open minded Ob over a medwife anyday (I had a medwife last time too--KWYM about that)

And definitely get a doula--maybe even someone training as a midwife? to come to the hospital for the birth. That will give you support.

I hope you find something that works for you and that will give you a safe birth.

[xenomama]

Yeah, I had a doula with my 1st birth, and she made all the difference. I'm actually a doula, so I have great group of "cohorts" to choose from.

[Heavenly]

It sounds crazy to drive 2 hours but is it worth it to you to get the birth you want? I don't know if they will take me yet but if they do I will be going to midwives that are 3.5 hours away from where I live. I will have to go to prenatal appointments on my way through to visit the inlaws. I will have to drive 3.5 hours in labour. But its worth it to me! I am planning a VBA2C which is why I am having so much trouble. If these midwives accept me a wonderful woman on the ICAN email list has offered me her home to labour and birth in! She and her family will go stay with a friend while we borrow her home. I say do whatever you need to do to get the birth you want. I know from experience that a bad birth experience can really affect you.

[xenomama]

I talked to a midwife today that said a knowledgable mom that knew a bit about pregnancy and was in tune with her body could wait to start prenatal care as late as 20 weeks or so (unless something was wrong). She also said that she'd be willing to forgo the "every week" requirement at the end of the pregnancy (again, unless there was a problem). That made it considerably better.

[Sleepymama]

In that case, at the end especially, i'd wonder if you could do your own urine & blood pressure testing, if you're not going every week? I'd only worry about pre-e--it can sneak up on you without symptoms.

[xenomama]

I'm not sure; I'd have to ask. Go suggestions, though.

[todzwife]

I could have written your post...although HB is legal here- there is 1 midwife that services our area and she is over an hour away. I found a doula, but DH thinks it would be a waste of money. After what pure hell I went through w/ DS's labor and delivery, I am TERRIFIED that I have to to it again here- same hospital and everything. There is 1 practice that has OB's and MW and they service the entire area...AND I don't get to choose who delivers this baby-it's just whoever is on call...TOTALLY sucks. For such a poor state, you would think that people would be all for a more natural approach, but NOPE!
I hope you find what you are looking for- we do have a few months to research

[AndiG]

Hi
I'm in Ontario , Canada so we have state covered mwives here. My son was a homebirth and we're hoping to go that route again.
Actually called the mws today and got my first choice of mw so I'm pretty pleased with myself.
And booked my first appointment (July 14th)

[danav]

I actually AM planning to use a birth center that is nearly 2 hours away. It is the same free standing birth center where my first two were born. We've moved almost 2 hrs away, but it's worth it to me to make the drive back for prenatals and for the birth. I checked into home birth here - it is legal, but there is only one direct entry midwife I could locate in my area and after talking with her and even scheduling an appointment, I just couldn't shake the "something not quite right" feeling and kept thinking about my old birth center, so I've decided to go back. My kids travel well, so at least that won't be a problem when I go for appts (a portable DVD player is a real blessing in the car!), and I do have friends in that town that I can even go stay with as the birth nears if I need to so we'll be closer when I go into labor. I don't know your whole situation, but I just wanted to mention my own plans to point out that I don't think a birth center 2 hrs away is unrealistic (my midwives told me they've had women come from as far as 6 hrs away just to birth there).

I hope you figure out an option that feels right and works for you.

[xenomama]

Todzwife - in your situation, I'd really advise getting a doula. The money is completely worth it - and most doulas will work with you if money is an issue. There are many ways to find free doulas, if you need one.

Many fathers don't understand how important it is to have support. Here's a good general article for dads: http://www.dona.org/PDF/DadsandDoulas.pdf. Probably the best way to convince him would be to have him speak with another man that had a doula at his child's birth.

Just remember YOU'RE the one having this baby.

P.S. Glad to see you here - I've loved doing business with you.

[Jlcampbellkidz]

Get the doula without a doubt and you can find one that will do for free (if they are a mother friendly doula) I hope it all works out. Keep us updated.

[nostrow]

I agree with tomsgirl that a Doula is sooo important. Right after we had our daughter, my DH said that if there was one thing he would want for every birthing family is that there was a Doula there. I'm sure he wouldn't mind talking to another daddy about Doula's. PM me if you are interested.

[Jlcampbellkidz]

Im praying for you. I hope everything works out for the best. Unless you are a really quick birther I would say the drive is worth it to get the birth you really desire.