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mamas suffering from EDs

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
I haven't seen anything here on eating disorders and was wondering if there is any one who is suffering or in recovery.

If there are some of us out there..I'd love to start a recovery thread...

post #2 of 21
Hi Kim! I believe there are a couple of threads around -- I think in Nutrition and Good Eating, but I could be wrong. This seems like a much better place for it, though.

I struggled with an eating disorder for about four years, beginning about ten years ago. Before and since I was weird with eating, and even now feel it trying to rear its ugly head. I have had three miscarriages in the past three years and my body is so foreign to me. All of my issues with control and anxiety get turned into food issues. Lately I seem to feel like if I can't eat perfectly, why try to eat well at all, yk? Now that I don't have a baby to nourish, it's easier sometimes to think 'what's the point?' I have a major responsibility to be healthy for my son and husband (and, oh yeah, me), but some days it's a struggle.

Anyway, sorry to ramble. I think you provided just the space I needed tonight to kind of process some of what I have been feeling. Thank you. And I look forward to more discussion/support with all seeking some kind of understanding.
post #3 of 21

ED Recovery

Hey, mamas. I had looked for an ed thread when I first joined and wasn't able to find one either. I struggled w/ anorexia and bulimia for 9 years. I finally went into treatment at the Renfrew Center in Boca Raton Florida 3 years ago. I was there for 4 months as an inpatient. Since leaving I haven't had any problems. I even went through a pregnancy healthy! I gave birth to an 8 pound 4 ounce dd. I can't say that there aren't times that I think about my ed, but it is more like "I can't believe I did that to my body and mind!" "I am so happy that I got the help I did". Eating disorders are so controlling. I know for me, I truly got control of my ed after I was in treatment, took part in intense therapy and came to peace with various aspects of my past! I'm here for you mamas!!!
post #4 of 21
Thread Starter 
Good to hear there are some of you out there. I've been in-patient three times, but my longest stay was 2 months. I've been struggling with Ax/Bu for about 12 years. It's gotten better since DS was born, but it's still a major issue.

I just want it to stop, finally. For years, I didnt want it to end. But, now that I'm really ready for recovery, I can't go in-patient because of DS. I am seeing somone out patient and she's really good.

I'll also look in the nutrition section,,,
post #5 of 21
sometimes I WISH I had ana/or bul. I have an eating disorder but it's binge eating. I'm 5'4" and 220 pounds and just cannot, for the life of me, stop eating. I've considered going to Renfrew here in Philadelphia for it but afraid they'll put me in inpatient therapy and I can't stand to be away from dd. I've even tried to force myself anorexic before so I could stop eating and lose the weight but I can't. My latest obsession has been getting gastric bypass surgery but I know that's not the answer becuase i'll just binge on that too and have major complications....

ugh... it's such a struggle.

I've been bothered by the fact that my 1-yr-old is skinny and not gaining weight (19pds.) I shouldnt be... but I'm obsessed with it. :
post #6 of 21
I went through several years of bulimia which was followed by the beginings of anorexia. Luckily, I was able to reach a place where I could work on healing before it was too late. Though I currently have no eating disorder, I still have a warped self image and am now a bit on the pudgy side.

I had a therapist, tons of self help books, the AA 12steps, and an incredible amount of determination to regain my health. Overcoming these problems was the hardest thing I have EVER done.
post #7 of 21
I just wanted to send a to everyone. It is so difficult for me to sometimes even admit to my experience (past and present), and so just hearing from others who've been down a similar road is reassuring. I wish good health to everyone, but I know that the voices in one's head can derail the best of intentions. . . .

And to those who have recovered: your stories are so inspiring. I feel like I have had moments in time of feeling like I am thru the fire, but I know I am not. Your examples show that it can be done -- thank you.
post #8 of 21
There actually IS a thread on ED stuff in the Personal Recovery Section. It makes more sense to be here, though. Can someone move it?
post #9 of 21
bumping this...and my story from another thread....

I am a recovering anorexic with purging, but no binging, though officially diagnosed as EDNOS because I didn't get small enough before I was forced into therapy. Talk about the system working against you huh?

My story started in high school, where I worked my butt off in all honors and advanced classes, swim team, and cheer squad, plus having to be the perfect daughter and big sister. I can't even remember when I started because it's been so long ago, though I think I remember it starting at 16, when my bf of 4 years dumped me for not having sex with him (I was a virgin and ashamed to be seen naked). At some point in the spring of 2001, I was 5'5" and I weighed 112 lb. Nobody ever told me that I looked good or looked bad that I can remember, but I still felt incredibly heavy. By that time I had developed a huge fear of being overweight (my mom is) and really thought that I looked the same as she did, even now, looking at pictures of then, I see myself as overweight. This yo-yo'd all through the rest of high school and college, until I was eating the least I'd ever eaten, even though I wasn't at my thinnest. That's when I got pregnant with DS. Before he came, I had had 3 miscarriages and developed hypothyroidism, which I will now live with the rest of my life. I haven't restricted in over a year now, but I say recovering because part of me is still looking forward to DS weaning himself, so that I can finally get my current weight under control. I think I am actually overeating now, and I know it's not good because I have food hiding all over our house and I won't eat a whole lot until DH is asleep. I go to curves, but instead of concentrating on getting healthy, all I think about is "Am I thinner than her?" "Are my thighs showing?" "Can anyone see my stomach through my shirt?" I went from 179 to 173 in one month, which I know is a healthy weight loss, but I am now dreading my weigh-in next week. Some days I do really well, eat 3 healthy meals, and dont' think about my problems at all, other days, it's all I can do to shove food in my mouth, and sometimes I won't eat all day because I know once DH gets home from work I will have to. I have been to see a therapist once, during my pregnancy, she didn't do a whole lot to help with the ED, because I wasn't restricting while I was pregnant, but she did help with my anxiety. She would ask one question about my eating at the beginning of the session, then we would focus on my severe anxiety disorder.

My DH knows, but doesn't understand, and hasn't asked me how he can help. He harasses me about food (what I'm eating, how much I'm eating, how often...) all the time. He thinks he's just making jokes and picking on me.

Also, my parents, sisters, and the rest of my family know nothing. I am too afraid to tell them.What am I afraid of? I don't know. I think part of it is that I am afraid they will try to stop me later if I start again.

Anyways, I just wanted to share my struggles and my story. Big hugs to all of you!

*UPDATE* since last post...I am going to a counselor next week who specializes in EDs. Pray for me please!
post #10 of 21
I am. I was anorexic for a long time. I still have food issues, but I seem to have moved in the other direction; I tend to overeat more than anything else. (I don't purge, just overeat.)

I think that's about all I can post right now. I've been pretty depressed, about many things.
post #11 of 21
I'm subscribing if that's okay with all of you. My sister is currently in treatment for ED at Castlewood Treatment Center in St Louis.

She's about 2 weeks in and is already making tremendous improvement.
post #12 of 21
Hi. I thought it would be helpful to pop into this thread as well. I wish I had done it sooner! I didn't know I would find a group here.
So, yes.

I have struggled with various eating disorders for over 18 years now, since I was twelve years old. First, I stopped eating. Then, on to bulimia. Then, I tried to get "better"...didn't work. Then, I lost a ton of weight right before getting pregnant. I hardly ate anything, and I honestly looked/felt better than I ever had. Then, I got pregnant, and I spiraled into binge eating.
That's where I was for almost the whole first year of DS's life, and then, I started vascillating between ALL the behaviors. I struggle every day just to eat properly. I don't even know what "normal" is anymore.

Anyway, glad to have found this group.
post #13 of 21
I too have had (and still have) issues with eating and body image. I was bulemic for a few years, but managed to stop the purging behavior on my own- but none of the other behaviors. It's interesting how anorexia, bulemia, and overeating are all linked soooooo much. I have met more women with EDs who have had more than one behavior then I have met who fit nicely into one box. I come from a long line of women with eating disorders, so family is of no help. I have three sisters and one mother who are all currently in different phases of this same disease. From the outside I probably appear the most normal out of the lot of them, but I SOOOOOOO don't feel that way right now. I've been feeling pretty crappy and down lately and that ALWAYS affects the way I eat etc.
post #14 of 21
I'mKristen, a new member.im 22 and have had an ED for 10 years. im not gonna go into the story b/c i know how we(people with EDs)tend to compare and compete.i cant seem to find the right Dr. and my BF will never understand(i dont think any guy ever will). Hopefully we can help eachother get through some bad days.thanks for this topic!
post #15 of 21
I was never in recovery or anything until I was pregnant. Then I felt fine, ate fine, but I was always worried about how things would be once I was no longer "eating for 2"

I embraced motherhood and never looked back. I am loving my new role as a caretaker instead of someone who needs to be cared for. I'd love to say that relapse isn't even an option, but now I'm not so sure.

I accidentally stumbled upon a thread that totally threw me off. I guess the ED isn't as far gone as I thought, judging by my reaction.
post #16 of 21
I've had an eating disorder of some sort for about 9 years now. First it was full blown anorexia, then since I met dh its been some weird form of EDNOS. Sometimes anorexic, sometimes COE. Since my son has been born I've decided to try and diet the "healthy" way. If I even know what healthy is anymore. But it doesn't work. I won't lose weight, and sometimes it sends me back into some fits of COE. Sometimes back into anorexia. I'm just a big ole mess when it comes to food issues.
post #17 of 21
i 'developed' bulimia at 9. then at around 11 i became anorexic, 12 was coe,
14 was ed-nos (anorexic with bulimic tendencies) and that went on for years and years and years.
i've had ed-nos since. so 14 years now total.
post #18 of 21
I was COE (emotional eater, I guess) since forever. Finally figured out how to purge when I was was 16, and it's been nonstop since. I did manage to stop when I was pregnant, and for a few months after, but I was still eating everything in sight, just not purging. I have come to realize that I will only lose weight by purging, simply because I don't know any other way. I don't have the willpower to stick to any kind of diet... I am COE at my core, and use bulimia to manage it, so I don't gain weight.

Needless to say, I have gradually started purging again since Cole's been born.
post #19 of 21
I've always wondered since I've had Seth...seeing I obviously have had food issues most of my life, I don't really KNOW what is the right way to eat, and always wonder if I'm feeding my son right. Am I feeding him too much? Am I feeding him to little? It's driving me nuts. Seth has always been in about the 95th percentile. Never lower, sometimes higher. Even at birth, and I wonder if I'm doing things wrong. How am I supposed to know how to feed him? I mean, he definately isn't starving, so I guess I'm doing okay, but I don't want him being fat either. And the pediatrician hasn't said i should do anything to his diet.

You guys know what I'm saying? Its like now I not only have issues with my OWN food, I have issues with my son's food too. I always feel like I'm either overfeeding him, or not feeding him enough.
post #20 of 21
i just wanted to respond to this "sometimes I WISH I had ana/or bul"..

i have gone thru al the eds...and that about broke my heart..all the disorders are terrible..but please don't wish this on yerself. even jokingly.

I guess I am biased right now becasue i only just stumbled upon the *ana* trends.. i had no idea so many younf women wanetd to have this disease.. and the term ana drives me freaking batty.

I am still struggling.. rigth now my weigth is higher than it has been i a long time.. after my pregnancy and with nursing i am trying so hard not to *try* to loose weight i went the opposite extreme..
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