How to tell people what you do not want at a shower...

[trmpetplaya]

Dh and I are planning on raising our baby very AP. We do not want things like a stroller, crib, changing table, many diapers (we already have ten with ten liners and we want to EC), and other things that most parents can't live without cluttering up our house. Is there a polite way to tell people what things we absolutely do not want at all? I know that we can register for the things we DO want, but how does one go about telling people what not to buy?

Btw, we got the cutest little Moses Basket today at the auction/rummage sale we're volunteering at! We also got a little potty just like the Baby Bjorn Little Potty and if the BBLP that came in after I snagged the one I got is there for free at the end of the day Saturday then we'll have two!

Time to eat!

love and peace.

[jenP]

If you know the person who is holding the shower, you can give him/her a list of what you DO need (and where to get it) and also a list of things you don't need. You could even put the stuff you don't want under the heading "already have or do not need" so people won't waste their time wondering why on earth you don't want a crib... they'll just assume it means you already have one.
Also, with DD #1 I learned that some things I thought I would NEVER use actually turned out to be somewhat useful. For instance, I hated the idea of the "bouncy seat" after seeing others plop their babes in them all the time instead of holding them. But my brother gave me one and it turned out to be indispensible in the bathroom; many times I did go to the bathroom holding or slinging the baby but sometimes you are home alone and REALLY need to sit the baby down to attend to some business and then the seat and its music helped out for a few minutes.

Good luck! Enjoy your pregnancy.

Jen

[boongirl]

I agree with the above poster. Also, I consider myself very ap but my aching back dictated that I had to occasionally use the stroller. Then, we got a dog and it turns out dd likes strolling. But, being as it is usually a big ticket item, I would not worry too much about getting it without registering for it. Also, you would be amazed at how nice a shower feels and a bouncy seat and/or swing and/or exersaucer enable you to actually shower every day and maybe even have a second to fix a meal for yourself. That is truly an amazine feat with a newborn! I am not kidding!

As for letting people know what you don't want, there is not a polite way of doing that. If you get something you don't want, politely say thank you and then return it. Most people either use the registry or ask the shower host. Those who don't know that they are running the risk of their item being a duplicate or not wanted.

[BensMom]

I think you can request a frozen food shower, where everyone brings some food for you for when the baby comes. Beleive me, you will appreciate it! The two things that DH and I hated the most after DS was born was doing laundry and shopping for food - two things that we could not just "let go" like all the other housework/chores.

Or you can just suck it up and register :LOL because sometimes people are stubborn and might throw you a shower anyway! (First baby and all, they think they know better than you what you will "need")

Just try to register for stuff that you might want even if you are APing - things like receiving blankets, gowns, onsies, socks, hats, little baby toys, a boppy, a bouncy seat, a highchair, both carseats (infant and convertable), safety gates and other babyproofing things, little bowls and baby spoons for when they start eating solids, sippy cups, lansinoh, breast pads, baby towels, baby grooming kit, baby monitor (we still use ours with DS at age 4 to hear whether he is sleeping in there or playing ), books like The No Cry Sleep Solution, The Baby Book by Sears, The Happiest Baby on the Block, board books for the baby, storage baskets for the baby's tiny things...

These are all things I saw at Babies R Us this weekend. So it is possible to have an AP registry at a mainstream place. Not that every one of those things are necessary, but some make life a little easier. And I think its better to register for stuff you *will* need vs getting a pile of stuff you wont, like diapers, bottles, etc.

[flyingspaghettimama]

I second the stroller - and I also specifically had no crib, bottles, pacifiers, etc. I also did end up buying a bouncy seat for showers. We asked for a Baby Jogger because I was planning on exercising after birth, and because we lived in a very hilly area with just one car. The basket was great for stuffing things (like groceries) in, and she still loves to go in it (age 5) when I go for long walks. It's been the best thing we got. There was NO way we could have afforded one on our own, about 7 people chipped in for it. We also got a baby backpack for hiking, so my husband could carry her. I usually brought the sling too to take her out immediately if she started crying (or I had more groceries than room). I hate it when babies are crying in the stroller and the moms are completely oblivious.

Usually if you have a list to work off of - that worked for us, nobody even tried to buy us things we didn't have on the list. You might get multiples of the same thing. At first I thought, "everyone bought me blankets - how am I gonna use so many blankets" - but it turns out I needed every single one of them.

[Awaken]

I was thinking the same thing....I think our families kind of know we don't need bottles, etc but my coworkers pretty much haven't heard of breastfeeding past the initial few weeks (and OMG, slings, cosleeping?????), and bottles, formula, bottle warmers, and pampers are the standard shower gifts at work. I will have to think of a few things to register for, or at least make a little list of what I want and things I already have/don't need (that's a good way to phrase it- thanks!) That is, if they tell me and don't make it a surprise!

Also, another idea is to register for items for yourself or the older child if you have one- lots of new mom pampering type stuff, if you don't need a lot of baby items.

Originally Posted by BensMom

I think you can request a frozen food shower, where everyone brings some food for you for when the baby comes. Beleive me, you will appreciate it! .

Great idea!! This is truly what I would want- help with food after the baby's born. Except, we're vegetarian and most people are pretty much at a loss when it comes to entrees. Maybe we could make some kind of list of food needs- snacks, drinks, fruits and vegs, etc.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Originally Posted by itsybitsy25

Great idea!! This is truly what I would want- help with food after the baby's born. Except, we're vegetarian and most people are pretty much at a loss when it comes to entrees. Maybe we could make some kind of list of food needs- snacks, drinks, fruits and vegs, etc.

We are veggies too, and we had a BIG problem with this after our daughter was born. We got a lot of very plain brown rice and broccoli dishes. Like, 15 of them. It was such a nice thought, but you could tell everyone was uncomfortable.

This time (although I LOVE the frozen food party idea, if you weren't veggie) we thought we'd ask for pantry items and/or gift certificates to local restaurants that deliver. We ate really awful after our daughter was born last time, usually waiting until about 10 pm and starving, running out to the store to buy cookies and full-fat milk.

[jenP]

Originally Posted by itsybitsy25

and bottles, formula, bottle warmers, and pampers are the standard shower gifts at work.

Wow, I can't imagine people would give formula and bottles as gifts. Yes, I know the vast majority of people out there have NO CLUE about BF, but let's just say for a minute that BF didn't even exist. How would anyone have a clue what kind of formula you might use or might be best tolerated by your baby, or what style of bottle and nipple you would use? Seems bizarre to give that as a gift. Unless of course you had registered for it. And I don't get the impression you have!

I love the idea of a food shower. When I was pg with DD I froze food for weeks and weeks before delivery and it still wasn't enough to get us through as long as I would have liked. Now with delivery in about 2 weeks we have NOTHING stored up. One friend of a friend offered to bring us food, until I told her we are vegan AND DH is allergic to wheat and soy. She offered to take DD to a park sometimes, instead of cooking for us! I think we'll be eating a lot of rice and canned baked beans.

Jen