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Leashes for children...yeah or nay. - Page 8

Poll Results: Leashes...yeah or nay?

  • 24% (68)
    Horrible devices of evil.
  • 22% (62)
    Necessary evil for child safety.
  • 47% (132)
    A good tool that gives greater freedom to child and parent.
  • 5% (16)
    Cool....I always wanted another pet.
278 Total Votes  
post #141 of 211
Originally Posted by BlueStateMama
In the parking lot scenerio? If it's a safety issue, and he's doing something dangerous, I pick him up, kicking and screaming if I have to. In other, non-threatening situations, I distract, redirect, cajole, etc. I usually carry certain toys he loves (an Elmo phone : ) and bring them out in dire situations.
That would never work with my youngest. He's not very distractable. He knows what he wants and he pursues it. He's on a single-minded mission to explore the world and an Elmo toy wouldn't move him off track. My oldest, now, was very easy to redirect. But the youngest is not. I figure it will be a good personality trait when he's older, but it's very difficult now. For us, every situation was a kicking and screaming one, because he was hell-bent on going where he wanted. Luckily, he's starting to outgrow this.
post #142 of 211
but really, how is it "better" than letting them walk while holding your hand?
My ds (2) will pull out of my hand and bolt. I've got to tell you, as I mentioned before, that when he does that when I'm trying to nurse the baby in the sling, it is DAMN hard to chase him down. I have to readjust the baby first so that I'm not throwing her neck around, hold onto her still while running, and then grab him again. If he doesn't want to come with me, he's dead weight and picking him up, again while the baby is in the sling, is hard.

Do I think the harness should be used all the time? No, but I certainly think that there are instances where they come in handy for certain kids. Mine is one of them. If I put the harness on him and let him free, our days outs are much more peaceful. I'd totally forgotten that we even had a harness until I saw this thread. I may have to dig it out and stick it in my car for those crazy days.
post #143 of 211
Well, I sure wish I had one at the airport when our flight was delayed past ds's naptime. He took off after one of those motor carts like a dog. He disappeared completely in 5 seconds while the person at the desk was demanding a decision from me whether I wanted to get on a flight that would leave me stranded overnight in Cleveland or whether I wanted to leave at 6AM the next day. At 2, he would have been fine staying close. At 3 3/4 and tired, he was fearless and senseless.
post #144 of 211
I was always anti-leash. Then I birthed a high need, independent, early walker/runner. At 12 months, she didn't understand boundaries or danger ... she only knew she wanted to explore. And she was far happier to have a wide radius around Mommy than to be forcibly held by the hand or in the sling, screaming herself blue while Mommy tries to do a bank transaction or pay a library fine in a crowded place.

In my opinion, it was the most AP way to meet her needs at that age. Now, at 2, she's cognizant enough to stay with me and follow directions. At 12-20 months, despite her precocity, she wasn't. We only used it about 12 times in that second year, but it was what made her happiest when I needed her to stay in a safe range.

I don't give a second thought to anyone that thinks it's awful or nasty, because they don't know my DD and are not responsible for her safety. I am.

No tool is inherently evil. It's in how you use it. You can use a pen to write a sonnet or poke someone's eye out. Doesn't make the pen bad or good, yk?
post #145 of 211
Originally Posted by candipooh
I was going to post a topic about this right after that blow up on the list. I was wondering if anyone else thought it was an insult to Af. Am. mothers.

I have never in my life heard that one. Wow. Actually I was using it in the mall once and an African-American couple approached me to ask where I got it because they wanted one for their toddler, who was struggling to get out of dad's grip as we were talking.
post #146 of 211
We use them when we go to the mall, or places like that. It gives my 3 year old a sense of freedom (without actually being free to run - which she does every chance she gets). I can see where some might think it's "degrading" to her, but she likes it a lot better than being strapped in a stoller or shopping cart.
post #147 of 211
Why is using a harness any less AP than forcing them to hold your hand or to be in your arms when they want down?
post #148 of 211
We have one, we use it regularly, and DD (17 months) and I love it. She is just like all the other kids here with leash-liking mamas: incredibly fearless and independent, with zero stranger anxiety. I could never, ever keep her with me in a crowd. It was a nightmare! She will NOT hold hands (and I have TRIED...there was a special song I'd sing...), she will NOT tolerate the Sutemi (how I wish!), she will NOT be carried (want to see a megatantrum?) and the stroller is only okay if we are in constant motion, if then.

I hear mamas saying, essentially, "Well, if your kid was disciplined correctly, you wouldn't need it." You know, I am not a softie or a laissez-faire parent about discipline. But there are some discipline battles that can wait, IMO, and some requirements, at some ages, are too much for some kids. I personally think a general tenet of AP and GD is that when it becomes clear that you are asking too much of your child (and most parents know where that line is) you rethink the situation to meet your child's needs, rather than focusing single-mindedly on having the child "obey."

Anyway, where's all the ire about how awful and disgusting and terrible strollers look? I know MDC mamas often aren't super pro-stroller, but how many of you don't even own one? Not too many, I'd wager. You probably use it judiciously in certain situations, as I do with my leash.

The first time we used it I could not get the smile off my face. It was that freeing, for both of us. She was so happy. She will now ASK to have it put on.

Obviously we don't use it all the time. It is not a substitute for teaching about safety. I don't worry about that--truly. I am doing plenty to teach her about those things, but a) she's still very young and b) god, so much better safe than sorry.

I have gotten plenty of looks, a few snide giggles, but many words of support. No negative comments, and I just dare ya to make one.
post #149 of 211
Originally Posted by CherryBomb
how is it "better" than letting them walk while holding your hand?
Well, it's always bothered me to walk around with my hand up in the air with pressure put on it. Bothers my shoulder, especially when I'm trying to pull away from the person whose got me. One of the reasons my mother used one. I told her I appreciated her not separating my shoulder for me before I was 5.

Originally Posted by CherryBomb
five or ten feet behind doing my own thing (of course you can do the same thing on a leash, but it seems like it would be easier to pay less attention to them and what they're doing that way. And of course you can still ignore them while holding their hand).
I want to know where I can get a leash that long! I enjoy looking like I'm not with my kid when they act all embarrassing and stuff, you know? I gotta stay lookin' My 2-footer just ain't long enough.
post #150 of 211
I think they are simply a tool. They are not bad or good but like any tool they can be use in a good way or not.

I'm sure using a leash (wish it had a different name) isn't the first choice of the majority of parents using them. If I see someone using one I don't think they are bad. I just think that they are being concerned about their child's safety. I've never seen anyone dragging their child with one.

We bought a harness style leash when my dd was younger. She was refusing to be carried, running away, etc. We never really used it after we bought it but would have if we judged it necessary to keep her safe in a situation.
post #151 of 211
Originally Posted by CherryBomb
Which I see is where the leash comes in, but really, how is it "better" than letting them walk while holding your hand?
Well, in addition to all the other points made by PPs, here's another. Many, many times has Talia slipped her hand out of mine. Unless I'm holding her hand hard enough to crush her fingers, well, there's no way to prevent that. If I hold her wrist... three times already, she's decided to drop to the ground to throw a fit over having her hand held and damaged soft tissue in her elbow. The third time, it was bad enough that I considered taking her to the hospital, and I was truely terrified that they'd see it as a sign of child abuse. Never mind that it happened in the blink of an eye in the middle of a museum gift shop - how could I have known when I took her hand that that was the time she'd decide to cast herself dramatically to the ground to let me know in no uncertain terms that she was *not* coming with me?
post #152 of 211
Originally Posted by loveharps
Thought I'd join in on this discussion (me being the younger sister on whom the leash was used)

As a former 'leashee' I would not put my ds in a leash. Like a previous poster said (sorry, can't remember who) he needs to learn boundries on his own, and I don't think putting him on a leash would do that. It also just looks weird to me.
Stop following me around the boards sis' or I'll never get the chance to tarnish your reputation.
yeah my sister was leashed and she is seriously screwed up!
post #153 of 211
[QUOTE=loraxc]Anyway, where's all the ire about how awful and disgusting and terrible strollers look? I know MDC mamas often aren't super pro-stroller, but how many of you don't even own one? Not too many, I'd wager. You probably use it judiciously in certain situations, as I do with my leash.

This is a good point, I have posted on here how much I dislike leashes, but I have to admit recently I have been a closet stroller-user
post #154 of 211
Originally Posted by loraxc
Anyway, where's all the ire about how awful and disgusting and terrible strollers look? I know MDC mamas often aren't super pro-stroller, but how many of you don't even own one? Not too many, I'd wager. You probably use it judiciously in certain situations, as I do with my leash.
I have three of them, different sizes for different occasions. She enjoys riding in it most of the time, and when she's not riding I still like having a place to put all the stuff. I also have 2 frame backpacks, a sling, and a leash. I try my best to see what kind of mood she's in that day, how far we have to walk, the crowd or safety factors.
post #155 of 211
I have nothing against them. I could see it as a great tool under certain circumstances.
post #156 of 211
Originally Posted by Jen123
The only time I think twice about a child on a leash is when I see the parent either a) dragging them behind as they walk at a fast clip or b) yanking the child back from what they should be touching.
I agree. And I remember why I love using my scarf or my maya with my 20 month DD everytime I see a parent holding a child by the hand and a)dragging them behind or b)yanking the child back.

I think that the parents that would drag/yank are gonna do it whether the kid is on a leash or being held. I won't drag/yank either way, but the leash sure helps me not have to run after/search for my daughter as much as I would have to otherwise.
post #157 of 211
Personally, I don't really care for the idea of leashes, but I can totally see why some people would find them useful and kind. I have a very high-energy 24-month-old and a 10-week baby. I was able to keep up with DD and keep her from bolting away in dangerous situations before DS was born, but now it is nearly impossible. I can basically strap her into a stroller or I suppose, use a leash. It is just impossible to chase her carrying a newborn, sling or not. She bolts straight for the street/parking lot every chance she gets. You end up either running full-speed carrying a floppy-headed infant, or leaving the infant sitting somewhere alone while you run down DC1. Neither are at all desireable. This thread reminded me that I need to pick up a leash for DD for use on my solo air travel with both children in a few weeks. I am too afraid of losing her in the airport. She's nicknamed "The Flash".
post #158 of 211
I voted good tool.
Before kids I thought they were awful and degrading. I now have a very spirited son who would run off in a heartbeat. That being said, I have never used one. It would have been easy to, believe me. However, I just could not do it when it came down to it. I just felt bad putting a harness on my son. There are so many times I see them being used the wrong way. Kids twisting to get off of them, moms being very forceful and practically dragging the child. I admit, I didn't want to be lumped in with those kind of parents, they really sickened me. So, I never bought one. Instead, we have slings, backpacks, a double stroller, hold DS's hand at all times, or carry him. We also give him opportunities to learn to stay by our sides, while never letting him out of our sight. We want to teach him the dangers of wandering off(strangers, getting lost, etc...)so we talk about it before entering a store.

I have nothing against the harness and think if used properly, it is a wonderful tool.
post #159 of 211
They are degrading and dehumanizing, IMO. A child does not learn safety from the use of a leash. There are many healthier and more beneficial ways to teach your child safety and not to run away from a parent.
post #160 of 211
MITB ~ I want to try and gently point out to you that the manner in which you are posting is not very condusive to getting your point across. I have come to learn through my experiences as a mother, doula, friend and woman, that trying to place EVERYONE in the same box just doesn't work. Your way may work for you but that does not mean that it works for all. Please try and open your heart and mind and let yourself know that the REAL essense of Attachment Parenting is not about racking up credentials but rather about doing what is best for the child (and again - what is best for you may not be best for everyone). Yes there are certain guidelines and principles, but I think you are overstepping the mark here.

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