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Mainstream Baby Shower Horror Stories - Page 2

post #21 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leilalu
Thats sick
"IT"????????????????

I've never personally had an it. Juat a boy and a girl here for mel
I call my fetus "it" everyday, and it'll stay that way until it's born from my body & I know exactly which pronoun suits it best!
post #22 of 36
On the topic of mainstream baby showers... what if you know your friend/relative is going to throw you a babyshower and a lot of mainstream people are going to attend? Even though you don't get to plan your own shower, can is there some way to minimize on the deluge of mainstream advice?
post #23 of 36
As far as birth choices (among others), I don't think it's a "crunchier than thou" thing, either.

For me, it's about other women not infringing upon *my* birth choices with misinformation/cultural indoctrination.

FTMP, if a woman chooses to shop Baby Gap instead of Gymboree, it's no skin off my back, and it doesn't limit my choices (certainly not any important, health-related choices).

Even if she chooses to use disposies instead of CD-- well, it doesn't do *that* much to limit me, except maybe make people look at me a little funny, and make it a teeny-tiny bit harder to find good CDs instead of disposies.

But if she gets induced for convenience at 39 weeks... because "her doctor said it was perfectly safe, so it must be so"... Well, that's just one more hashmark for the legislators to claim that birth is inherently unsafe (b/c she has a great chance of ending up w/a C-sec), one more for the women who think they need to call CPS on a homebirther, one more reason if I have to birth in a hospital that I'll have to fight my a$$ off (IN LABOR!) not to have unnecessary induction/interventions thrust on me... "'Cause everyone else is doing it!" And mindlessly, FTMP, I might add.
post #24 of 36
I never had a baby shower, and since this is my second baby if I were to have one, I wouldn't be expecting much advice. All of my friends know I am 'out in left field' about child rearing. However, it still sadens me when people mention CIO and tell me "He isn't too old, he can start now, it only took me 3 days." Luckily, when I was pregnant with DS I didn't have a lot of friends in my area yet, the one I did have ended up with a c-section.

That said, I really wish that SOMEONE had given me better advice when I was pregnant with DS. Had ONE person told me "You should do a little research before having him circumcised." or "Let me send you a link about vaccinations, read it and do with it what you will." or "The side effects of an epidural are ____." or "The worst possible possition to be in during labor is flat on your back." it would have made my life so much easier. My pregnancy and labor were very mainstream, all tests possible, all interventions possible eventhough I had 'planned' on an unmedicated birth, baby taken away from me for 2 hours 3 times a day for 'shift change' etc. Luckily once I got home from the hospital I just followed my insticts and ventured around here a little more and realized I was AP, I just didn't know it.

I also tend to call my baby "it" but if I was going to write something in a book I would refer to "it" as the baby, or he/she. Writeing "it" in that context just sounds so cold and sad.

Now, as far as calling mainstream the 'lazy' way to do things, I have to disagree, at least with my 18 months of experience. DS sleeps with us because it is so much easier, and I got a lot more sleep. I BFed because I just never even considered formula, but it is so much easier than bottles. I quit using bottles at about 3 months because it was too much work to clean the breast pump and the 2 bottles a week. I CDed because I wouldn't have to buy sposies/wipes every week and freak out because it was 1am and we were out of diapers. I don't vax because.... ok well that one isn't easier, but it's less emotional straining, and I guess easier once the doctors realized they weren't going to change my mind. I don't have an obcessivly clean house because I would rather play with my child than mop the floors once a week.

I am just lazy and would rather have fun then spend all my time trying to make my child into a "perfect" little person.
post #25 of 36
I went to a big to-do at the Hilton last year. Everyone had a chance to get up and say stupid things to the mom-to-be like "no matter how tempting it is to bring baby to bed, don't do it or you'll never get it back out!". It wasn't really my place to say anything as I was there as a vendor for NFB. But when I got up to the mic to lead a game, I still took the chance to remind her that "Food spoils, babies don't. Hold your little one as much as you want".
post #26 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taedareth
On the topic of mainstream baby showers... what if you know your friend/relative is going to throw you a babyshower and a lot of mainstream people are going to attend? Even though you don't get to plan your own shower, can is there some way to minimize on the deluge of mainstream advice?
It might not be as bad as you think! My dh's VERY mainstream family threw us an early shower (as we're moving out of the country in a few weeks) and I prepared for the worst. There was very little advice verbally given at the shower. The hostess provided a little book for eveyone to write advice in, and while I was expecting to be horrified by some of the things in there, the notes people wrote ended up saying things like, "You'll get lots of advice...listen, smile, nod, and do what you feel is right," "Take naps when the baby does," "Join a playgroup," "Just love and enjoy them," "Take lots of pictures," "Don't let anyone tell you you're holding your baby too much! They need it and so do you," and my personal favorite, "Never forget that your children watch you all the time. Let them see love and respect and that's what they'll learn."

I was astonished at how respectful everyone was. I didn't get a lot of the "weird hippy stuff" from my registry, but I didn't get a bottle warmer or a diaper genie either. I think if your shower guests know what your general parenting philosophy is, there's a good chance they will try to respect that. I put a book list on my registry that included "The no-cry sleep solution" and other AP books. I think that clued people in.

Amy
post #27 of 36
I'm astonished at how much advice seems to go on at these things. I only had a shower with ds, which was a long time ago. But, I don't remember anybody giving me any advice at all...except someone told me you can never go wrong by picking up a crying baby - think it was one of my great-aunts. And, a friend from high school with no kids gave me cloth diapers. She said she was just thrilled that she finally had someone to buy them for, as none of her other friends were using them...
post #28 of 36
I think disappointment is a good way to describe it. I know many mothers here were raised in mainstream ways and didn't know any different (better) until after their children were born or they were pregnant at least.
I started out fairly mainstream but I didn't read a lot of baby books, so I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I did what I wanted to do and what dd seemed to need. That moved me into AP slowly.

I am always disappointed when I give someone the information, encourage them to follow their heart and their baby's needs and yet they still end up really mainstream.

Its a valid emotion because we know the impact that some mainstream practice have on the child and the parent/child relationship.
post #29 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by supakitty
I hate to rain on the 'Crunchier-than-Thou' parade but really, I mean really why does it matter so much what other people are doing? As long as a person is happy and satisfied with what they're doing for their baby and their family why is it anyone else's job to judge them?
Because THEIR happiness and satisfaction is not as important as their child's. Period. Apparently, that fact is too much for our generally selfish, generally materialistic, generally narcissistic culture to wrap the two cells of its little mini-brain around.

Oh, and I feel free to judge at any and all opportunities. I consider my faculty of judgment one of the greatest of human gifts: the gift of being able to come to a reasoned conclusion based on evidence. It's what sets me apart from an amoeba, thanks, so I like it very much. I distrust the prejudice against judgment in this culture, because that is the equivalent of telling someone not to think.

Pardon the diatribe.
post #30 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by supakitty
Why feign horror at their predictable mainstream choices?
.

Darling, I don't have to feign horror. My horror is REAL.
post #31 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by acrathbun
I'm not a very frequent poster, but I just wanted to point out a couple of things. First, this is a safe place to vent about frustrations with what most of the US considers "normal" parenting. And second, Babywise is quite dangerous & even if the child comes through it physically unscathed, there are long-tem emotional problems that can arise from and infancy steeped in Ezzo. SO, I think it is worthwhile to point out when & how "mainstream" America is led astray.

Also, I really didn't see this as a "crunchier-than-thou" thing (and I have seen that here before). I saw it as more of a "frustration with the mainstream" thing.
ITA... I also see that part of the problem is that these people may "seem" happy but is that just becuase they don't know any better? I mean if all you've had is "hershey's" all you life you really don't know what you're missing in Organic Dark Chocolate like Durango

acrathbun... do you have an research supporting the Ezzo hazards? I need to add to my library
post #32 of 36
There's Organic Dark chocolate????

Hook me up!!!!!
post #33 of 36
I went to a shower a month ago and the new mom got a swing, bouncer, swing/bouncer, walker, jumper ect. When she asked why a babe needs so much stuff one of the women said, "Whatever it takes to get it to shut up!" Another mom kept calling her 2 year old the devil and was soooo glad she wasn't there. Then when I went to discreetly nurse my 11month old, a mom (whose son is dd's age) exclaimed , "Ugggh! I can't believe you're still doing THAT!"

After all of the horror, and most of the people had gone home, the new mom to be told me how great it was that I was BFing and was asking alot of questions and for advice ect. I was soooo happy!!!
post #34 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora114
There's Organic Dark chocolate????

Hook me up!!!!!
Trader Joe's, baby, Trader Joe's.
post #35 of 36
DOH! I'm Canadian..
post #36 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jade2561
I went to a shower a month ago and the new mom got a swing, bouncer, swing/bouncer, walker, jumper ect. When she asked why a babe needs so much stuff one of the women said, "Whatever it takes to get it to shut up!" Another mom kept calling her 2 year old the devil and was soooo glad she wasn't there. Then when I went to discreetly nurse my 11month old, a mom (whose son is dd's age) exclaimed , "Ugggh! I can't believe you're still doing THAT!"

After all of the horror, and most of the people had gone home, the new mom to be told me how great it was that I was BFing and was asking alot of questions and for advice ect. I was soooo happy!!!

Really. Why do these people have children?
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