39 weeks 4 days...
I'm still here.
Last night I had a ton of BH, but they were painless. My belly was just hard most of the time for a few hours. I did have a low backache that came and went. But...today...nothing. Last night I had this feeling like it'll be in the next few days. But now today I don't feel that way so much. Eh.
But I'm feeling more ready now. Last night when I was thinking labor might be soon I felt excited instead of paniced. So, that's good.
Looking forward to meeting my baby. I'm so curious to see what he looks like. I hope he looks like his papa.
OK...now I'm going to rant because I need to: The other day my grandmother told me that my dad told her that he thinks I'm immature and he hopes this baby will make me grow up. And he's worried I won't be a good parent.
I'm pretty pissed that he thinks that. #1 He lives in another state and I see him maybe once every 2 years. And when I do see him he works most of the time or spends his time with his in laws and so doesn't spend much time with me. And I hardly ever talk to him. It's not like I don't try...but he has some big wig job with BMW and travels a lot so is hardly ever home when I call. So, he's judging me on very little experience.
#2 My relatives and friends who actually spend time with me and know me often tell me that they are amazed at how mature I am for my age. And in a way I'd have to agree. The other people my age that I know can't pay their bills, spend most of their time partying, are emotionally immature, etc. I am buying a home, pay my bills, etc and we're not rich...but I know how to manage money. I stopped partying a long time ago...by choice. I'm responsible. And it seems to me that I'm more emotionally mature than most people I know, regardless of age. I put a lot of thought and research into every choice I make. I'm really struggling to see how I'm so immature for my age.
Ug...It just makes me so mad that my dad is judging me and talking about me behind my back like that. He just doesn't have the right. At my age he had his 2nd child by his 2nd wife. He was renting, had a crappy job, didn't spend time with me. And this is the man who is still
carrying on a 20 year old feud with my grandmother. This is the man who has never been involved in my life. He's never been a parent to me, much less a good one. And yet, he's so worried about what kind of parent I'll be. My lord.
I am so tempted to talk to him about this. And if it weren't for the fact that he's coming to visit in a few days to see the baby, I would. (heh...my very mature father totally ignored my wishes that he visit at the end of July and is coming at the beginning instead.
: ) In a way I hope I go past my due date and have the baby on July 10th, the day after my dad leaves.
I told him to wait until later in the month.
I guess one thing that really bothers me about it is that #1 he's seeing me in a false light. And #2 even if he does figure out that I'm not some immature idiot like he thinks, he'll think the baby changed me and that he was right.