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POLL: Do you expect dd to tell you when her period starts? - Page 3

Poll Results: Do you expect your daughter to tell you when she starts her period?

  • 54% (81)
    Yes, I expect her to tell me as soon as it happens
  • 28% (43)
    Yes, whenever she feels ready to
  • 2% (3)
    Not sure
  • 6% (10)
    No, she deserves privacy about her body
  • 8% (13)
    Other (please explain)
150 Total Votes  
post #41 of 68
My DD started today at the age of 11.... She came into my room this morning and told me..... I told her where to find the pads and we talked about it about 2 hours later....She had no problem telling her father as he does the laundry and she wanted to know what to do about her blood stained panties.... He told her welcome to womanhood and to soak the panties in her bathroom sink....Then I took her to lunch got her a pedicure and we just had a great day......I didnt expect her to tell me but I would have liked her to tell me..... and she did
post #42 of 68
Yes, I did expect my dd to tell me and she did. I was glad. She and I talked about her period way before it happened. I talked to her at 8 yrs old . And she started when she was 11.
post #43 of 68
I voted expect because how else will I know to get her the right supplies?

I'm not into the "celebrate your menses" thing at all although I'm happy to be if any future DDs are excited about it. Otherwise, to me it's just another medical thing like having a cold and needing tissues. Not that I won't think of it as a coming of age thing, I'm just not into the party/go out to lunch thing.

I totally understand kids needing to have privacy, lord knows my mother tried not to give me any, but this isn't like having a crush on a boy. THis is something that will happen every month, that will affect how she feels physically, the laundry, what I buy for supplies, etc. So I really need to know. And I'd figure it out anyway even if she didn't tell me, so she might as well. I don't care if I'm the first to know or the last, as long as I know in time to do whatever she needs. I won't tell anyone else or force her to tell anyone else. That would be awful!

And I'll make sure that she knows before it happens that the first time might be dark brown. Mine was, too, and I didn't tell anyone for a couple of days (I was at sleepaway camp) because I didn't know it was my period! And I'd read about it and learned about it at school and my mother.
post #44 of 68
I didn't tell my mother and my daughter didn't tell me. Of course I had the fantasies of the kodak moment, presenting her with a basket filled with soft, homemade cloth pads and a garnet bracelet, taking her out to dinner to celebrate, and then coming home to a house full of wimmin welcoming her to the next chapter of her life, but it really wouldn't have been practical with a younger brother around.

I feel good about how we did handle things. I bought her some pads when she was 9, even though it would be over three years before she needed them. She's a reader, so she had plenty of books about the subject and could handle practical matters just fine on her own. When I saw that she needed more pads, I was conscientious about getting them for her.

It was kind of a shock when she switched to tampons, though; I reached for one and the box was empty!

About that time, she became more relaxed about talking about the natural functions of the female body and comes up with some hilarious jokes. I'm seriously thinking about getting both of us Diva Cups fairly soon and don't think it would embarass her if I gave her one for a birthday or solstice present.
post #45 of 68
Well, my dd is not yet 3, so take from this what you will...
I voted yes, when she's ready. I do want her to tell me because it's a health issue, having a monthly cycle is a good indicator of health and fertility. If she is going to be sexually active, I want her to have a gynecological exam and pap, and discuss birth control/STD prevention.
I also would love for it to be a bonding moment between us, but I won't be too hurt if it doesn't happen, that's totally up to her. When I got my period, I wanted that so bad and I didn't get it I had just moved in with dad and stepmom and stepmom was not forthcoming with support or information...but I don't think my mom would have been much better : I would have loved one of those "Red Tent" type things, I've always felt a spiritual connection with my cycle. The women in my family are mega fertile and it's always been a source of pride for me
post #46 of 68
Well, our daughter is only 7 onths old, so take it for what it's worth

I don't *expect* her to tell me as in "you'd better!" ... but I would hope that she would feel open about it enough to let me know. I am into the whole ceremonial part of it -- if my daughter is open to it that is. I think that women, especially during their periods, have been the subject of so many ugly stories and wive's tales --- people used to believe menstruating women were of the devil and such...and I want her to know that it isn't a "curse"...

I think it is cool to celebrate a new chapter in her life -- not so much celebrating that she got her period as much as celebrating her womanhood and all the power and beauty and wonder (and yes, sometimes pain) that goes along with becoming a woman...

We are really open in our home anyway, so I suspect that she will know everything anyway and by the time she gets her period chances are I will still be getting mine (I will be about 40-42) so there will be "supplies" around anyway. It will probably be an ongoing dialogue as everything else, and I will make her a basket of different things -- pads, tampons, cloth pads, the cup, herbal teas and pain relief ... and just probably give it to her before she gets her period and let her know if she has any questions or concerns or wants to talk... that I am here... but if not, she can keep it private if she wishes...

I wouldn't make a ta-doo around my husband though (her dad)...if she wants him to know, she is free to tell him... I may mention it privately to him, (as a heads up if she is cranky or tired or generally moody etc) but I wouldn't make a big SHE GOT HER PERIOD!!! announcement... that is so embarrassing for girls I imagine!!
post #47 of 68
I think so many said yes because they like me understand "I expect her to" to mean that "I assume that is what will happen."
post #48 of 68
I already have supplies in the house- I don't use disposable pads anymore, but I have some left from when I used to use them, so I made sure to show both DDs where the pads were kept, just in case they need them.

DD likes sewing, so I might get her to make some cloth pads for herself. I suggested it when I made an eye mask for myself out of some yummy cotton sweatshirt fleece, and she agreed that it would make for comfy pads!
post #49 of 68
I don't have a daughter, but I voted 'other'. I wouldn't *expect* her to, but I'd hope (and would be 99% sure) she'd tell me as soon as it happened. We would carry on the family tradition of celebrating the event. My mother let me have the next day off school and we had a party - just the two of us. She gave me a red rose and we told stories/shared memories about the women in our family.
post #50 of 68
My dd#1 told me right away and I know my dd#2 will too. She is excited to have her Red Party as her sister did. She has called me into the br a couple of times but it was a false alarm. We, as a family, are very open about menses and our bodies and they know that it is a celebration of life, a passage to the next stage of their life, as a woman. All the woman in our family come over and we have an evening in honor of the young woman. We were red, we red food eat (foods such as soups, fruits, veggies, cranberry juice) we read poems and tell stories of our cycles, give advice, give a red gift to the young woman. DD#2 is only 8, she will have to wait a bit longer....
post #51 of 68
I don't 'expect' my step-daughter to tell me anything she's not ready for me to know. Fortunately, we have a very open relationship and while she didn't tell me right when she got her period, she did tell me before her second one came along. It was great because I told her about cloth pads and she was VERY excited!
post #52 of 68
I voted yes! We talk about that stuff all the time though- as a doula and midwifery assistant, let's just say the woman mystery is not so mysterious!
But I get teary just thinking about my 10 year old growing up and getting her first period.

So did any of you cry? :

I am also searching for some positive books on the topic too. I relied on Judy Blume for all my information.
post #53 of 68
I truly hope she does. I would like to think she could feel open and comfortable talking to me about her changing body.
post #54 of 68
I had the expectation that my dd would let me know when she started her period, and she did - as a courtesy. We had purchased myraid supplies in the months prior to the event, and she had experimented with what worked best for her. She did not need my advice, she did not want a celebration, and she said she would let me know if she needed anything. I purposely let her take the lead, and here's why:

My mother "expected" my sisters and I not only to tell her when we had our first periods, but every subsequent period we had while we lived at home. These were tracked on a family calendar, so that she could be on the lookout for pregnancy. My younger sister did not tell me mom about her first period, and when mom found out there was HELL to pay. Having no privacy about personal functions is something I would never wish on anyone.
post #55 of 68
Originally Posted by fire_in_july
I was the exact same way. I was 10 when I started my period and there was NO WAY I was going to tell my mom, for those reasons.
I hope that my daughter feels more comfortable with me, and I will *certainly* allow her her own preference for supplies, be that pads, tampons, cups, or whatever.
I hope that all moms of our generation are as open minded and supportive as the moms in this forum. Based on the timelines laid out here, my daughter and I maye have another 3-4 years... I do believe in talking to her about it in advance, so she is not totally caught by surprise. I also want her to be somewhat prepared in case her first period catches her off guard, occurs at school or another place away from home.
I'd like to think that I am ready when the time comes, but at the moment I just cannot picture my little daughter becoming a little lady.
post #56 of 68
I really hope that she will, but as she's only 17 months old it's a long ways off yet.

FTR - my mom didn't find out about my cycles for around 2 years after I started. I had babysitting money (I was 9 !) and wasn't that close to my mom (sad ) and saw no reason to tell her.
post #57 of 68
dd was 13 1/2, and it started during her history class. She had a speech. Every other woman in my family did not start until 16, so I was not expecting it. I was pregnant at the time, and had only one very, very large pad with wings left in the bathroom and a box of large scary tampons. She did not tell me. She came home from school and fell asleep. I found soiled underwear, and asked her about it. She was just so tired because of middle school and the period. She felt absolutly miserable. She and I fought the whole week before it sarted. When I found out, I felt terrible because it explained so much. I went out and bought small pads and chocolate for her. poor baby.
post #58 of 68
I was six weeks shy of my thirteenth birthday.

I told my mom, and I expected my DD to tell me, but she did not.

She was eleven.

I was hurt, and she said that all I did was work and I did not care about her. I suppose this was her way of getting even.

I was pregnant, working two jobs because my DH was sick (terminal) and I honestly did not have alot of time, but I did care about her. DH did not have the energy.

Fast forward a couple of years; she is having bad cramps and she does ask me for advice on relief from that, so I guess I am good for something.
post #59 of 68
Mine certainly did (she's 18 now!). I didn't read the rest of the thread, but I can't imagine any mother-daughter relationship these days that wouldn't include this. Even if its just to ask where you keep the supplies!
post #60 of 68

nice mamas, wish you were mine

I have no daughters, all sons, but I read this thread b/c I wanted to know what the thoughts were and I just want to congradulate all of you on being such positive loving thoughtful caring mothers to your daughters. I personally have never told my mother though I'm sure she must know by now...
I was too when it happened and used a concoction of toilet paper and scotch tape for the first year until a good friend's older sis introduced me to tampons. what an invention.
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