photos of kids online

[samsmamma]

OK - I love being able to share photos online through password protected or email-invite sites. since my dad retired, he's become quite the shutterbug and of course takes lots of pix of Sam. He just asked about if he could put pix of Sam on one public site that he posts on and I said no. And he and my mom flipped out on me. Am I the one who is being crazy? I mean, people know where he is located and they know his name, so if all of a sudden there were cute pix of a kid turning up they could figure out who Sam is, and I'm just not cool with that.

What do you think? Please be honest - I won't be offended if you tell me I am being irrational.

[bleurae]

I actually was stunned when a mother I know felt just like you. I have tons of pictures of my kid in cyberspace. I don't worry, I am an observant parent and do not live my life like a target or victim. I DO though respect anyone's personal beliefs. I am not one who worries about this area but if you are then you are. I would simply explain my fears and beliefs and ask to have your wishes respected.

Bleu

[MamaFern]

i have lots of pics of elwynn and myself online, i dont feel weird about it. they arent naked pics ( at least not most of them..) so i dont see why i should feel weird, but respect folks who do feel that way.

[Geofizz]

<butting into your due date club>

Ummm, your dad asked you if was ok, right? I really struggle with things when someone asks for permission to do something, doesn't get the answer they were looking for, then gets upset about it. I think it's great that he showed enough respect for you and your son's privacy to post the pictures. If I were you, I'd ask that he further extend the respect by following your wishes.

It's simply up to you whether or not you're willing to share the pictures. It's your call, and if you don't want them posted, then they shouldn't be posted. End of story.

I've posted plenty of pictures of my family. At one point, I received a request from a web designer for permission to use one of my daughters photos in another website. DH and I thought about it for a long time. We approved the web design and asked that an identifying aspects of the photo be scrubbed out. Anyways, if you want to see my daughter, there's a picture of her reading a newspaper when she was about 7 months old on the NJ department of children's services webpage. The photo had been picked up by google's image search, which is how the developer found the photo. My point here is that these photos can get around, and you aren't always sure how the photo will be used.

[HoneyTree]

It's not irrational to say that the Internet creates disturbing possibilities for a very tiny percentage of the population. You're right -- someone intrigued by a picture could probably get WAY more information on your son and your family than you'd be comfortable with. And while it is statistically unlikely, it is also eminently understandable why you would want to remove even the possibility.

If your father posted the pictures of Sam on his own password-protected site, would you mind if he shared the password with his friends? Maybe that would be a way to smooth his feathers?

[PicnicBear]

Yes, it is totally your choice. You don't even need to worry about explaining yourself (though it's natural to ponder why you had a bad reaction to the idea). Don't feel bad at all, and don't feel like you need to explain. Why or why you would not want the pics up is not anyone elses business.

[FillingMyQuiver]

Honestly, I don't think you're being irrational. There was a recent thread in diapering about this and on some sick, perverted fetish site, there were pics of kids in cloth dipes. One mama found a picture of HER daughter (something she had NEVER given permission for use of) and was astounded. When you makes pics of your kids public, you don't know who's looking at them, who else is saving them to their computer and using for goodness knows what, or what sicko is altering them for their fetish site.

I don't think it's just about people seeing your son and cooking some grand scheme to kidnap him (which I think is a very rational fear). It's also about HOW the pics are being used online by those you don't know.

It's definitely something to be wary of. DH and I use a password protected site and share our pics of DS w/ whom we want to. I say good for you for standing up for what you think is best for your family

[meagen]

I have Molly's pics on an online web page, which is such a wonderful way for all extended family and friends to keep up with all the ridiculously cute things she does. However, I started to receive some "You don't know me, but I know you" kinds of messages and it completely creeped me out. Luckily my dh works in the federal courthouse, and set their cyber guy on it. Turns out it was some guy in Georgia who was viewing her pics. I felt very violated, just too many weirdos out there.... ANYWAY... I put a password on the albums, and everytime I send out the email that I have updated the site, I remind everyone of the password. It seems to work well like that, everyone can still see the photos, as long as Ihave given them the password. Only problem is I can't show all of you how darned cute she is!

[Kavita]

I totally agree with you. I will not post any photos of myself or my family online, except on a password protected site. I work in the criminal justice field, and I have become too aware of the "dark side" of human nature.

I have a professional contact who works with the FBI's "Safe Team" which, in conjunction with local law enforcement and local prosecutors, investigates and prosecutes internet crimes against children. He is a Detective, and is a computer forensic investigator. One of the things he does is give presentations to parents, children, and the public, making people aware of just how much information people can get about a person (especially a child) online and how easy it is to trace a path to one's door from the internet. Sorry to creep you out, but think how much information we all have about each other just from posting on this site--I know your kid's name and age, your marital status, I know what city you live in, that you live in an apartment, I know that you work out of the home and take the subway to work, etc., just from my casual reading on the weekly chat threads in this forum. (If I am remembering this correctly. Obviously, if I were an actual predator who was trying to figure out how to get at your kid, I would be paying closer attention and writing this stuff down!) How much more info is available on you (or me) on this site or the internet as a whole? A lot! If you had pics posted in your signature, I could identify you and your son by sight.

One thing that he points out, is that a person does not even need to contact you to get this information, so there could be someone out there checking out your or your kid, and you would not even be aware of it. It's creepy and scary, and it has happenned. Because of the nature of cyberspace, it's as dangerous as the "real world" and possibly more so, because people can hide behind false identities in a way they can't IRL.

I have a friend who has a personal website and a blog and she posts lots of photos of her kids. It bothers me because she has no control over who is viewing that. She and her husband's and kids' first and last names are all very easily accessible, as is the city that she lives in. What is there to stop anybody from calling directory assistance, getting her phone number ( which is listed) and putting it into Google or another site where you can do a reverse number lookup and get her address??!! In five minutes, a person can know exactly where she and her kids live.

Anyway, I'm writing a novel here, so I'll stop, but I just don't think it's paranoid to not want to post pictures of your kids on a public site--I think it's prudent. I'm very protective of my personal information, especially because the nature of my work and what I have learned in it.

[liliesandliars]

On another board I go to, moms are being warned to take their kids' pictures off of their signatures because there are reported incidents of childrens' pictures being taken from mom boards and used for fetish sites.

No you're not overreacting at all.

[Queen of Cups]

DH and I have an online photo gallery and family blog. We're very "out there" online, partly because we own and run a web design business. We've never had any problems, and I choose to trust that we won't.

We're very aware of the dangers of the internet (we have a close family member who was molested by a guy she met online when she was 13), and plan to teach our kids about internet safety. Personally, I think its a much bigger danger to allow a child to have a private computer out of the public space in the house than it is to have a family blog...