Mothering › Forums › Parenting › Parenting the Gifted Child › Addressing the Special Needs of Gifted Children #5
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Addressing the Special Needs of Gifted Children #5  

post #1 of 482
6/28/05 at 12:13am
Thread Starter 
It's time for a new thread! Woo hoo!

Here's the old one:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...0&page=1&pp=40
post #2 of 482
6/28/05 at 12:36am
Deleted due to double post
post #3 of 482
6/28/05 at 1:00am
Oh Rynna, the excuses get so much more fun and difficult to argue with (by the way, the dress is ADORABLE, as is your birthday girl, and you're so right, BeanBean looks like such a little boy now). Anyway, just the other day Sam managed to poke himself in the tonsil with a stick from this silly honey bee game that someone on some board that I like to post on "highly reccomended". Now, he's really never been the type of kid who puts stuff in his mouth, a little when he was teething maybe, but other than that I could pretty much keep things with small pieces out without worrying he would put them in his mouth. So after I freak out about his slightly bleeding tonsil I ask him why he put the stick in his mouth to begin with. He says to me (very matter of factly) "Well, actually mommy, I didn't put them IN my mouth, I was just CARRYING them with my lips, because I was just thinking that I REALLY WISH I was a REAL beaver, and I was carrying those sticks to make my home. And do you think we could go to the store and you could find me a beaver costume". He's always got a semi-reasonable excuse for things like sawing a styrafoam ball in half with his pretend saw making a huge mess of little styrafoam bits or tying up my entire house in a labyrinth of string and tape to make an intricate pully system to open and close the hallway door.

On another note, Sam's been in a sort of a drawing "rage" as of late. His drawings have been focused on spaceships though. They don't really look like spaceships (but then again he's never actually seen a spaceship for that matter). He gets very intense and won't let anyone see them until they are "finished". He gets up in the morning and wants to draw. On a couple of days I've really had to cajole him away from his drawing to eat and even do the things he LOVES, like go swimming at his cousins house. He's very deliberate and thoughtful about where each line and dot should go. They all start out the same, with the same shape, but then they all end up looking a little different depending on how long he works on them. He's also done a couple of other standard kid fare type stuff (a fierce tuna, a lion and my mom's cat). Here's a couple pics, the last ones are some of the 100 or so spaceships that have piled up. I know that they're not out of the ordinary, but his intensity is what gets me.

http://photobucket.com/albums/b302/s...t=DSCN3099.jpg


http://photobucket.com/albums/b302/s...t=DSCN3098.jpg


http://photobucket.com/albums/b302/s...t=DSCN3100.jpg



http://photobucket.com/albums/b302/s...t=DSCN3103.jpg



http://photobucket.com/albums/b302/s...t=DSCN3102.jpg




http://photobucket.com/albums/b302/s...t=DSCN3101.jpg


Jenn
Sam 3-21-02
post #4 of 482
6/28/05 at 10:21am
Jenn, I like the spaceship pictures, especially the last one. The way the wings are sticking off is cool. For some reason it reminded me of this flower that Nan drew around the same age:

http://www.ghosts.org/annika/2002/flower.jpg

Rynna, when Hollis was Beanbean's age or a little older, he used to take on personalities. One was a gameshow host called "Krause Rayburn" and another was "Deepot Johnson," a basketball player. Woe betide you if you called him Hollis instead of Krause Rayburn! :LOL
post #5 of 482
6/28/05 at 10:28am
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmypoonchkie
He's always got a semi-reasonable excuse for things like sawing a styrafoam ball in half with his pretend saw making a huge mess of little styrafoam bits...
BeanBean doesn't bother with excuses for that, but he does it whenever he can (whenever he finds something made of styrofoam ). "I was cutting it. It's pretty." I spent several weeks feeling like I lived in a snowglobe, with bits of paper and styrofoam everywhere. :LOL

He's got very little interest in drawing pictures, though. If I give him a marker and some paper, he just asks me to spell things (usually people's names, then short phrases) for him over and over again. I've got the funniest lists all over the place, one that ends with "nurse me" and "May I please?" :LOL I'm not terribly concerned, because I wasn't into drawing pictures at his age, either. :LOL He does it sometimes with his cousin, but not often.

USAmma: you scared me when you locked the old thread instead of just linking to the new one! :LOL
post #6 of 482
6/28/05 at 12:03pm
Quote:
USAmma: you scared me when you locked the old thread instead of just linking to the new one!
I, too, was wondering what kind of heated conversations you all had gotten into that got the thread locked :LOL !

I know on the other thread someone mentioned looking at the online gifted children's pages for support from other parents who would not be competitive about our children's differences. I was wondering if any of you have, IRL, friends with whom you can speak freely? I don't seem to be able to find other local SAH parents who are comfortable with me discussing my children without feeling like I am bragging. Actually, I do have an aquaintance who is a grandmother with whom I can talk & it is such a relief, but she is moving in a few weeks. Most of the other moms of bright kids seem to be working full-time. Maybe I am just looking in the wrong place. I want to go home! I just didn't have these problems when we lived in CA, but perhaps it was b/c I just fit in better culturally there anyway.

So, where do you all look to find mommy friends with whom you can be yourself without fear of snippy talking behind your back type of stuff going on? I don't want to reside in 7th grade now that I am in my 30s!

P.S. - love the dress, too! I can sew on buttons & take up hems, but that is about the limits of my sewing talents. My mother & grandmother were incredible seamstresses, but they are both just tiny people who couldn't find clothes for themselves without shopping in the children's depts, so they had little choice but to learn how to sew until the petites only clothing stores came along. It is a lost art!
post #7 of 482
6/28/05 at 2:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristaN
Maybe I am just looking in the wrong place. I want to go home! I just didn't have these problems when we lived in CA, but perhaps it was b/c I just fit in better culturally there anyway.
I used to feel that way quite often ~ moving from certain parts of California to other parts of the country feels like moving to a foreign land. However, now that I am more acclimated to living elsewhere (and it took me a very long time) I realize that there are always going to be more laid-back people who are not into sniping too much. The problem is finding them. For example, LLL people seem less apt to snipe (and their kids seem pretty bright too) in my experience while I'm aghast at some of the things I've heard through a mainstream mother's club (both the competitiveness of some parents and their ability to talk behind one another's backs).

On the other hand, my kiddo is very much a problem-solver and memory-whiz so the things I would like to "brag" about when he does them lose their luster a bit afterwards.
post #8 of 482
6/28/05 at 4:07pm
Thread Starter 

What about making friends?

This has been on my mind a lot . . . Abi has a hard time getting along with other kids. She's not an angel, but she's very sweet and polite most of the time. She tries so hard to get included in the crowd or to seek out one other girl to play with. It hardly ever happens.

I have noticed she prefers to talk to adults and older girls. The older girls humor her but are really not interested in playing with a 4yo.

Last week at the children's museum we met up with some friends including a 5yo girl. That girl (a nice girl, not snotty or stuck up) didn't want to play what Abi wanted to play. Abi got upset about it and came crying to me. After some persuasion Abi played what that girl wanted to for awhile but soon lost interest and walked around by herself for awhile. Then she found this mom who was sitting in the play kitchen and playing with her toddler dd. Abi joined in and played with that mom, getting food that she ordered and so on. Didn't play much with the other kids except briefly.

She loves to talk on the phone to her adult relatives, to Nitara's therapist who comes to our home weekly. She has one close girlfriend, a 5.5 year old, but even then Abi has a hard time playing what that girl wants to. Before the girl comes over Abi thinks up these elaborate play scenerios that the two will play together and then she gets upset when the girl is not interested and wants to jump on the trampoline instead.

Here's my blog entry from 2 days ago that shares another incident and how deeply it has affected Abi.

Is this a gifted thing? Or is it just developmental and maybe Abi isn't there yet, or is it a personality thing? Is it a school vs. homeschool thing? Is it a racial thing, since we are in a place that has mostly white people? I am so lost with this issue and how to help Abi to make friends, as she wants to so badly. She seems very clueless when it comes to being included, and yet from what I can tell she's doing everything right.

Abi is very lonely. She loves us, her family, but she desires friendships with other kids. I have the chance to send her to a 1 full day "school" program that a local public school sponsors. They group homeschooled kids according to age and one day a week they spend in the classroom doing art, science, games, things like that. They have recess and lunch, too. I am thinking about it because Abi wants to be in school. She has some good memories of her preschool, even though at the time it was stressful to her and I pulled her out. She misses her teachers and how nice they were to her.

Any thoughts?
post #9 of 482
6/28/05 at 5:04pm
I'm sorry Abi is having a hard time. I know Kacey was being a pill last week. She plays well with younger kids if she can boss them around. I don't blame Abi for not wanting to do everything Kacey wants to. It's just really too bad that they didn't really play together. Kacey doesn't seem to realize things, she often leaves her brother out and gets him all upset as well.

That story on your blog. Kids can be so mean.

Maybe the day of school would help. It is worth a try. Maybe she'll meet that one special friend.
post #10 of 482
6/28/05 at 5:09pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karry
I'm sorry Abi is having a hard time. I know Kacey was being a pill last week. She plays well with younger kids if she can boss them around. I don't blame Abi for not wanting to do everything Kacey wants to. It's just really too bad that they didn't really play together. Kacey doesn't seem to realize things, she often leaves her brother out and gets him all upset as well.

That story on your blog. Kids can be so mean.

Maybe the day of school would help. It is worth a try. Maybe she'll meet that one special friend.
I'm not talking about Kacey-- she's a sweet kid. I'm talking about those who are deliberately mean or rude, such as pushing or saying "go away" to Abi. Abi had a really good time with Kacey at the Science Center and still talks about it.
post #11 of 482
6/29/05 at 12:19am
Darshani-- I think that the wanting to play complicated games or play with older children is very much a gifted thing. The mean, cliquey girls and not knowing how to deal with them is, sadly, more of a girl thing.

I wish I had some good advice for you and/or for Abi, but I really don't. When I went through it, it sucked. My niece never had that problem. I can remember visiting her in headstart and watching a vicious little creature boss the other girls around and try to tell them what to do. When they didn't want to, she'd say, "you're not my friend anymore!" My niece completely ignored her and played happily by herself and with a very quiet, much shunned little girl who was exactly a year older than she and about a foot taller. The bossy child invited ChibiChibi to play with her several times, and each time she said, "No thanks, I'm playing with so-and-so," and the bossy girl was obviously confused by it. It was so strange to see. ChibiChibi is one of those people who is popular and sociable by her very nature, everyone loves her and wants to be around her, and so she feels no need to scramble and make a place for herself in the hierarchy; she's always at the top of it. She's also sweet and thoughtful, and she's confident enough to play with children who are younger/slower/unpopular/any of the things for which children are ostracized. It's incredibly cool.

I was never like that. I always felt like I didn't belong. I didn't "do everything right" and I wasn't a nice, good little girl. I desperately wanted friends, but I didn't want to be friends with the vapid little creatures around me, who struck me as shallow from the earliest days. I can remember complaining about it in *kindergarten*. :LOL So, they thought I was a stuck up little brat and I thought they were idiots, and we were all miserable.

I'm not sure what I'll do if BooBah turns out to have problems with other girls. I think I'll just be sympathetic, and tell her that I understand (and oh, I understand! ). I will never tell her that she needs to be nice to everyone (which my mother told me) only that she should be herself, and if other people don't like it it's their loss. Then I'd try to find social outlets. I really think that gifted girls, in particular, suffer horribly when they're forced to participate with their age group, which is just one more reason that I don't want to send my kids to school.
post #12 of 482
6/29/05 at 1:13am
Hello all. I've been lurking a bit here and there on these threads, and feel I should introduce myself. I hope you don't mind if my first post is a question...

I'm Sarah, mama to Lily, almost 14 mos. I realize it's early to be thinking of giftedness, but that's exactly why I'm here: When do you know? How can you tell? What sort of things did your gifted kids do at this age?

Lily is extremely verbal and expressive. We get disbelieving looks and comments all the time. Can a baby just be an early talker, and not be gifted?

Thanks so much,

Sarah
post #13 of 482
6/29/05 at 2:41am
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcsarahb
Hello all. I've been lurking a bit here and there on these threads, and feel I should introduce myself. I hope you don't mind if my first post is a question...

I'm Sarah, mama to Lily, almost 14 mos. I realize it's early to be thinking of giftedness, but that's exactly why I'm here: When do you know? How can you tell? What sort of things did your gifted kids do at this age?

Lily is extremely verbal and expressive. We get disbelieving looks and comments all the time. Can a baby just be an early talker, and not be gifted?

Thanks so much,

Sarah
:LOL I'll answer your question a bit later, but I was just wondering-- has anyone else thought that this thread really ought to have it's own FAQ? :LOL
post #14 of 482
6/29/05 at 10:53am
I am not an expert of signs of giftedness in toddlers and infants, but I will tell you what I noticed in my girls when they were that little. My older daughter I am sure is gifted (she will be 7 in late August); my younger one, I think may be, but I am reserving judgement until she is into school a bit (she'll be 5 in late Sept.).

With both of my girls, they spoke very early. The both said their first words at 5-6 months and were speaking very well quite young. They both had longer than average attention spans and my older daughter had an amazing attention span. She could be totally engrossed in something for an hour even at a year old. My older one also was amazing with small motor skills and could do those shape sorters, even the more complex ones, in no time flat by age one. They liked playing with older children even as toddlers. My younger dd played well with her older sister's friends.

Older dd has an amazing memory. We used to call her our little elephant. I remember taking her to a furniture store when she was 18 months old & she sat up on this 'stage' area playing with a basket of toys that they had. We never went back to that same store again until around her 4th bd to look for a bed for her. She walked in the door, went right to where the toys had been 2 and a half years ago and said, "where are the toys?" She has also always used words that are more advanced, so to speak, than her peers. In kindergarten they had a music show and passed out programs with quotes from the kids. Most of the kids had said things like, "singing makes me happy," or "singing is fun." DD's quote was, "singing lifts my heart and alleviates my sadness." She was just 5 at the time. My husband said that she sounded articulate even as a two year old.

I know that there are some lists of signs of giftedness and I am sure that someone will post some for you, though!

eta: Other things that I don't know were related to being gifted or just something about their personalities - my older dd was very frustrated with her baby body & was a very high needs baby and toddler. She slept way less than any baby I had ever met. She just didn't seem to need as much sleep as your average baby & totally stopped napping by 18 months. They were also both potty trained young and very easily (18-20 months), but that may have just been me getting lucky :LOL !
post #15 of 482
6/29/05 at 11:25am
Hollis was identifying and writing letters around the one year mark, so in retrospect it was pretty obvious that he was "gifted." However, I wouldn't have used that word at the time. I was in some weird state of semi-denial caused by extreme exhaustion from dealing with him for a year.

Some links:

http://helendowland.terminus.net.au/...s%20gifted.htm
http://www.tagfam.org/whoisgifted.html#alvino
http://www.yourbabytoday.com/awomans..._toddlers.html
post #16 of 482
6/29/05 at 12:19pm
Thank you for your replies. I figured lots of people had asked that question, but I couldn't find any specifics. Yes, you should have a FAQ.

Sarah
post #17 of 482
6/29/05 at 1:00pm
Do gifted infants/toddlers always have long(er) attention spans?
post #18 of 482
6/29/05 at 2:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dechen
Do gifted infants/toddlers always have long(er) attention spans?
Mine did, but I don't know if they always do.

One thing that I found interesting about the links that lckrause posted was that two of them mentioned early gross motor skills and walking as a sign of giftedness. I certainly have not conducted any studies into that , but I haven't generally seen that to be the case in my experience. Most of the children whom I have observed to walk early were not gifted and most of the gifted children whom I have known did not have early gross motor skills/didn't walk early. That is not to say that the two cannot go together, but early walking has never struck me as a sign of giftedness. I could, of course, be wrong.
post #19 of 482
6/29/05 at 4:04pm
[
post #20 of 482
6/29/05 at 4:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dechen
Do gifted infants/toddlers always have long(er) attention spans?
I assume not *all* do, but it is often a very early indicator and pretty common among people who are later identified as gifted.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting the Gifted Child
This thread is locked  
Mothering › Forums › Parenting › Parenting the Gifted Child › Addressing the Special Needs of Gifted Children #5