Handling other kids at the park?

[littleaugustbaby]

I take DD (22 months) to the park quite frequently. Lately, it seems like there are a lot of agressive older kids there, and I'm not sure how to handle some of the situations.

For example, last week, there was a group of about 4 kids playing with buckets and shovels in the sand. DD joined them, and they were all having a good time. I was watching from a bench nearby, and DD started to reach for a shovel that one of the big kids was playing with. The boy (who looked about 8), yelled "no!" and threw a shovel full of sand in DD's face as hard as he could. I immediately walked over to get DD, and I calmly asked him to please not throw sand, that someone could really get hurt, and that DD was too young to understand. I told him that I was sorry that she tried to take his shovel, and that if she did it again, that he should let me know and I would take care of it. He looked me right in the eye and told me that he didn't throw sand, and I told him that I saw him do it, and to just please be careful, and I took my DD and had her go play somewhere else.


It was one of those things that happened so fast that I didn't really have time to think about it. How should I have handled it, should I have just removed DD from the situation? I'm always uncomfortable scolding other people's kids, especially when they're people that I don't know. I have no problems talking to the boy's mother, but she was nowhere in sight.

[Heavenly]

Well you were a lot nicer than I would have been! :LOL Yesterday we were at the park wading pool and I was looking right at my daughter when a little boy came right up behind her and pinched her back! She yelled but I didn't go over then because I thought maybe I hadn't seen right. The he ran towards her and did it again. I jumped up and yelled, "Whose is the little boy in the white hat." A woman turned to me and said, "why?" I said,"He just pinched my little girl twice!" and the woman just kind of stood there so I said, "Either you do something about it or I will!" : Then she called out to her son and told him to keep his hands to himself. I would have liked him to apologize to my daughter but they picked up and left soon after. If someone threw a bucket of sand in my daughters face I would throw a fit. Sand in the eyes can be dangerous. I would have called out whose is this boy and if no one responded I would have told him that we do NOT throw sand in people's faces and if he did it again I would go and complain to park management.

[Dodo]

I would try to avoid engaging in angry confrontations at the park. I think you handled it well. Next time, you'll probably avoid this situation altogether by shadowing your daughter when she's playing with older kids that you don't know. You might already do this, but I'd suggest bringing toys for your one-year-old (although that can lead to other, equally complicated, toy snatching issues -- the park can be a minefield sometimes).

[LovemyBoo]

I think you handled it well. I try to talk directly to other children if a parent is not readily available. If that doesn't work we'll either move to another area or I'll try to find a parent, depending on the situation. Confrontations between children at the park are inevitable. Though an 8 year old may seem old in comparison to a 22m old, really you can't expect them to behave like adults with little children. While some kids are very parental and gentle, many are not and that's just their age and maturity level. It's good that you were right there and intervened immediately.

I agree with bringing your own toys, maybe just some cheap stuff like recycled food containers. My park rule is we don't bring anything that we would be very upset or sad if it broke/disappeared.

Anyway, I'm sorry your poor dd went through that. You did the right thing and set a good example for your dd and the boy. I hope you don't have to do that again any time soon.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

I talk directly to the kids, too. And you handled it beautifully.
Frankly, some parents don't want to hear it, they get incredibly defensive and they can't seem to get past the fact that their child would ever do such a thing to see what really needs to happen: that their child is responsible for problem behavior and needs to apologize to another child.

There was a post a while back about forced apologies--and many of the posters here said that they didn't force their kids to apologize when things happen (because it didn't mean anything to the child), so it just depends on what you are expecting the parents to do.

[chfriend]

I like how you handled it. Very gracefully done.

I did want to let you know that it's hard to judge the age of other people's kids. My dds are huge and often mistaken for older than they are. I like that you erred on the side of gentle, clear communication.

[thismama]

I think you handled it well too. I intervene if there is no adult around, personally. I try to be respectful but firm with the other child, like I would be with my own.

Usually I focus on redirecting or telling the child "please don't do xyz to (my daughter)" but if there is more general inappropriate behaviour going on I sometimes take it a step further. My friend told me last weekend a little boy was going around shooting all the girls, and each parent said "Please don't shoot (insert child's name)." And he'd move on to shoot the next child, and the next parent would say "Don't shoot (their own child)." I missed the incident, but if it were me I would have told him, "Shooting other children is not allowed here."

If it's really serious, or the kid is not listening to me, I get the parent.

[boongirl]

I think you handled it fine. An alternative would be what I do sometimes, depending on the situation. I put on my teacher voice (10 years teaching elementary kids) and say firmly, "it is not safe/respectful/responsible (whichever fits) to do what you just did. Please don't do it again." If they sass me or do it again, I have them take me to the adult they are here with and I talk to that person. I also find dd a new place to play.

[mamapup]

My ds (2) and I were at a park out of town. There were two little boys with their mamas right there and chatting. The smaller boy was following around the little boy. As soon as we entered the play area, the two boys started watching Andrew closely. When Andrew climbed over something, they walked right up to him and yelled, "Stop it!" Poor Andrew was so confused. He would have complied if he could figure out what he was supposed to stop doing. He looked up at me, as if to ask what he was doing wrong. I was at a loss at what to do. The kid wasn't really being mean, just wierd. So I just kept reassuring Andrew that he was fine and wasn't doing anything wrong. Finally we explored the rest of the park away from the two boys.
Had they gotten mean, I would have talked to them the same way I talk to my ds. However, I would be concerned about an overly defensive/aggressive parent, too.

[momto1QT]

I agree with everyone else who said you did a great job handling the situation! Similiar things have happened to my dd, and I too, do not feel comfortable "scolding" other people's kids. But I have learned to stay very close to dd and intervene when necessary as nicely as possible. DH, on the other hand, has no problem telling other children they are behaving inappropriately and they always seem to listen too :LOL

[greenstone]

well done, OP- that was well handled by you. Unfortunately it wont be the last time your DD comes across this kind of thing, but you've shown her how to handle the situation in an appropriate manner- good for you.

[kavamamakava]

That's pretty much how I would handle it too. If I'm the only adult around and kids are getting in my/my kids' space in a negative way, I talk to them about their behavior like I would talk to my own children if they were exhibiting the same behavior. If the mom shows up, I let her know we had a little talk and it's resolved. I come from a big family and we had friends with lots of kids too. I've also done my share of babysitting. I talk respectfully to children but let them know my boundaries and speak up for my little ones if they can't speak for themselves. I really can't imagine a parent getting offended with how I would resolve a conflict between kids on the playground so I never worry about it.
Just yesterday, my son got out of hand when my attention was diverted and one of the mamas at the Breastfeeding Rally had a talk with him. I was glad she stepped in. I don't want my son ever getting the idea that there are some things he can do when I'm not looking. If other parents also respectfully correct him, it's helpful for him too.

[Jennifer3141]

OP, you handled the situation much nicer than I would have! Way to go!

Jen

[Peony]

I always talk to the children about their behavior, if that doesn't work then I find someplace else for dd to play. We have alot of parents in my area who stay in their cars while their dc play, they really don't care what their children do at the playground. I usaully have to say something to a child pretty frequently.A few weeks ago dd was sliding down the slide, and a boy about 7-8 came over and started to climb up the slide, I told him that someone was coming down and he would have to wait his turn, he told me that he didn't care because "she was just a girl"! I couldn't even think of what to say, my mind went blank,I just got dd out of the way.

[littleaugustbaby]

Thanks for all of the replies! I'm really not used to older kids, since DD is so little, and like I said, I'm always nervous when dealing with strangers' kids.

I did have one instance where two older boys (brothers) were following DD around the park and bothering her, and one of them tried to push her down the stairs of the slide. I asked him to knock it off, and he refused to look at me. I was so furious, but I knew who his mom was because I'd seen him with her, and I told her what had happened, and she told me that her boys just didn't know any better because they play with their 2 year old brother that way. I went off on the woman, and she got really upset and packed up her kids and left. I probably could have handled that one more tactfully, but if I hadn't been shadowing my DD, she could have ended up seriously hurt, and the woman tried to blow it off!

We usually do take our own toys to the park, but of course DD never wants to play with her own toys, because other people's toys are always better. :LOL But I don't mind sharing the stuff that we bring, and for the most part, the moms and kids at the park that we usually go to are always really great about sharing toys. I guess we just happened upon someone who didn't like the idea so much...