So - am I weird for this?

[fire_in_july]

Okay, I am pregnant, due in Sept. and we have emphatically decided that if it is a boy we will NOT circ him.

My older DS and my step-son are both circ-ed {shame on us} but we knew NOTHING then (okay, our fault for not researching, but we just had no idea.)

I will probably get bashed for this post, but I have to ask.

Anyhow, I am absolutely SICKENED by the thought of an intact penis sexually. It truly and completely grosses me out. I know it is natural. I know. I know logically I am ridiculous for feeling this way. But circ-ed ones are all I have ever known. Anyhow, NOT that I plan on doing anything with DS's penis in a sexual way! I don't know how to explain why it bothers me. But every time I think of it, I am grossed out and feel SO SO sorry for his future girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/whatever. Again, I know logically that more and more boys are being left intact, that his future SO might appreciate it, etc. But I CANNOT seem to get over the "ewww, yuck!" feeling.

We are DEFINITELY leaving him intact. No question. I don't need convincing there. But did any other mamas feel this way emotionally, despite their intellectual knowledge? If so, how did you get past it?

[calngavinsmom]

You will get past it when you see your precious little boy. Before long, intact will seem the "normal" way to be to you.

Take care,
Tara

[paminmi]

fire:

Good for you and your husband to have researched and realized the truth about circumcision-but most especially, good for your son!

No worry about flaming on this board, everyone here is calm most of the time. Not to mention, open to posts that respectfully question things that may be uncomfortable discussing. You can certainly feel free to speak your mind here, especially if that mind is open, IMO.

Anyway, I wanted to direct you to a recent thread that you may find interesting:

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...48#post3339048

ITA with Tara's above message.

Welcome and best wishes!

Hugs,
Pam

PS: No, you are not weird!

[eightyferrettoes]

Lemme say something, Mama. If you've never had an intact partner, I can imagine.

I've had intact and circed partners. Back in the day, I got around. When things get to... ahem... rolling, I could have cared less about their "status." I don't have a questionaire, YK?

But the intact ones were generally funner. :

Don't worry-- your DS is gonna have it good-- better than the circed boys his age.

[alegna]

I'm sorry you feel that way. But realize that you have been robbed too. This sick practice has warped your sense of what is normal and good.



-Angela

[eightyferrettoes]

: It will help DS keep his "ability" as he grows older, too.

I didn't understand why circ/non-circ was such a big freaking deal till I saw my son's perfect penis. Now my husband's looks... very damaged.

Don't let this get out, but I'd give my right arm to go back to 1969 and demand that MIL keep him off the circumcision grill.

[Frankly Speaking]

Fire in July, you are simply a victim of the brainwashing of our society. Many years ago, this seed was planted in your head and it has grown like crabgrass. Like crabgrass, it has taken over the lawn of your mind and is now almost controlling it. You are putting up a good fight and you will win this battle.

As humans and reasonable and logical beings, we are able to recognize the beauty of form and function and when your son is born, you will recognize that perfection in form and function. You will see how the penis in it's natural form is beautiful in both it's simplicity and complexity. You will see that it is supremely designed to perform it's function and you will quickly come to admire it. At the same time, it is very possible that you will start to feel sorry for your husband that he was robbed of this superior design and function and you will also probably start to become angry that you were also cheated out of the superior sexual experience that you and your husband have been cheated out of. Not only will you not feel that his future partners have been cheated out of something, most likely you will be somewhat envious of them in that they will have the opportunity to experience sex as nature intended it and in all of it's glory.



Frank

[laidbackmomto2]

:

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at your post, fire_in_july (and that's not meant to be insulting).

Laugh: because having been with mostly intact guys (back in the day) and with intact DH for 16 years, the "ewww, yuck" thing is so simply beyond me. The foreskin is so much just a part of a penis to me, I think I'd be embarassed, shocked and maybe even repulsed to see one without one.

Cry: because of exactly what Frank said. How terribly sad it is that a part of someone needs to be surgically altered to be accepted.

fire, as other posters have said, once you see your son's normal, healthy body in all of its normality, you too will understand how wrong infant circumcision really is.

Kudos for researching this issue!

Cindy

Lindsey (96/02/26)
Jason (00/06/08)

[Jaydedeyz]

You are in no way weird in this line of thinking.I had similar thoughts when my first son was born.I wondered if he'd ever be rideculed in the school locker rooms,or if his future girlfriends would think him weird,or gross in any way.[And we all know how insecure teenagers are to start with,they don't need others telling them how weird or gross something is about them.]But I agree with the others here,natural is back!Most [or atleast a great deal] of boys now are non-circs,which means your son will be in good company with a portion of his peers.I also agree with the others here about my "disadvantaged" hubby.Although he is in no way lacking or "disabled" in the BDing department,I still wonder occassionaly what he[and I] missed out on.I prefered not to get my son mutilated b/c not only was it cruel,but it's unneccessary,and no other creature on the planet mutilates it's offspring's reproductive organs,except humans.
You know what my doc's main reasoning was for wanting it done?It's cleaner.
Well,I don't know what or who she's getting her info from,but both of my boys are intact,and neither of them has EVER had any penile related problems.you don't need to do anything special to an intact boy,and please,PLEASE do NOT pull the skin back to clean between the folds!My mom did this to my first son [knowing no better],and it hurt him incredibly,but thankfully no infections or damage done.She now knows better [she raised 3 cir'ed boys,forgive her].
Just know that you are doing what you know to be best for your child,and when you see it as it was meant to be,you'll completely understand everything we've all said here,and you'll also wonder what on earth is going through other mommies' heads getting their sons chopped.
Blessings to you both.

[mamakay]

I felt like you at first. My feelings changed over time.
Just don't worry about this for a while...within a year or 2 you'll have a completely different outlook. It just happens like that.

[bell bottom blues]

Before my son was born, I had never seen an intact penis, and didn't have any idea what it looked like. I knew that I couldn't put him through the pain of circ, but secretly felt guilty that I liked the look of a circed penis better.

However, after he was born, it never again crossed my mind. He was perfection, and everything else seems damaged.

It's very difficult for me to help my son's playmates use the potty, and to see their circed penises. It makes me almost physically ill.

I think it was Dr. Paul Fleiss, in his interview on Penn & Teller's Bullshit: "Once you've seen an intact penis, nothing else looks normal" (or something like that)

I think you're going to be fine - and he and his future girlfriends/wife are incredibly lucky.

[Mommiska]

Good for you for doing your research and determining to protect your son!

I agree with the other posters here - once you see your son, you will realise that his natural, normal penis is perfect - no scar, nothing cut off.

My dh is intact, and the thought of a circed penis makes me cringe - especially a little baby circed penis.

Here is a different perspective on it all: in a normal intact penis, you only see the glans when the penis is erect. So an exposed glans = aroused man.

In a circed penis, the glans is permanently exposed. So when a baby is circed, his parents have cut his penis to make it look like it is aroused all of the time.

This is knowledge that is lost in a circing culture, where all penises (flacid and erect) are circed and thus have their glans permanently exposed.

But there is something deeply, horribly wrong about seeing the exposed glans of a little baby. Of making a little baby look as if he is permanently aroused.

Do you see what I mean? If you are used to the circed penis, it can take awhile to get your head around this. But once you have seen/are used to a natural penis, you truly do see a circed penis as incredibly damaged (not to mention seeing the society that decided the permanently aroused look is desirable as pretty warped).

BTW - once an intact penis is erect and the foreskin is retracted, it looks the same as a circed penis (except the glans isn't all dried out/calloused). And there is plenty of extra skin to 'play' with. :

Take it from the wife of an intact man - no need to pity your son's future partners! I worry soooo much that when my daughters grow up, they will fall in love with and marry someone who is circed, and therefore miss out on sex as it was intended.

[aira]

Another voice of agreement with PPs.

I mourn my DH's foreskin now. I always hurt for the baby DH who was tortured, but now that I really see how a penis works, I actively miss what was taken from him/us. It's relevant to our marriage even now - not just something that happened years ago. I also can see now that his circ affects us not only sexually (though that's quite true), but also emotionally. I know that he quietly feels inadequate, or that vaguely that something's missing in him.

I think your repulsion will simply fade once once you see you new DS.

[ChristaN]

I will probably get bashed for this post, but I have to ask.

Anyhow, I am absolutely SICKENED by the thought of an intact penis sexually. It truly and completely grosses me out.

I don't know if it is just me, but my immediate thought in response to this was that it doesn't matter what you feel about an intact penis sexually b/c you aren't the one who is looking at a sexual future with this little boy. Your dh is circed, so you don't have to deal with it in a sexual nature. The only one who matters is your ds's future girlfriend(s) and/or wife.

I have been with one intact man in the past and I didn't give a second thought to it. It didn't gross me out at all; it wouldn't have even occured to me that it would be gross. I would suspect that, by the time your ds is an adult, most women will have seen both ways & it won't be a big deal.

[Galatea]

Maybe there is something in your memory that makes you have this strong feeling about intact penises? Maybe you know someone who was mocked for having a foreskin? B/c it seems like a very strong reaction to have. I dunno. I never experienced an intact penis, but I never thought it was gross; I honestly didn't even know it was an option until my friends dated European men. So I'm thinking, maybe you should take some quiet time and really try to think hard and long about why it makes you feel that way. Some personal therapy. That is what I do when I have bad thoughts, and just by exploring them, it diminishes their power. Just by talking about it here you are doing a good thing - hidden thoughts stick around longer.

And everyone is right - once you see and care for that normal penis, your mind will do a 180 and circed will be the weird thing. When I see circed little boys now their penises make me sad.

[ared1]

I know everyone here has already given you great advice/words of wisdom but I just wanted to say that I had never seen an intact penis before I had my boys. For quite awhile after I had DS1 I would think, gosh it looks funny. Then it just seemed normal. Well when my DS1 was about 15mos, my mom started babysitting another little boy (family friend) the first time she changed his diaper in front of me I was like WHOA, put that thing away! It just seemed so in your face and wrong to look at that litlle bitty baby with a circd penis. Now when I see a circd penis (either DH or babysitting) all I can see are the scars, and wonder why anyone would still circ. Intact is normal. You will be amazed at how quickly you change your mind! I started out PRO-Circ. Then I went to "each their own but I am not doing it" Now I am anti-circ and I try to save little boys! (No luck yet but I am not quitting)

[sarathan]

I used to feel the same way! But then I saw pictures of intact ones when they're erect and they look exactly the same! So the thought of them doesn't gross me out as much...

[shaylahc]

Hi!!! I recognized your username from the GR forum :LOL I thought I would pop in and say I agree with the others. I had never seen an intact penis before my DS was born and it did look weird to me at first. But now it looks perfectly normal and it's my DH's penis that looks weird to me now :

Just remember that our opinion of "normal" comes from what we are exposed to in everyday life. It makes perfect sense that in a culture where circumcision is the norm, that is what would look attractive and natural to us. Once your DS is born I promise you you will get past those feelings (I know I was fascinated for the longest time at diaper changes because I had been changing baby girl diapers for 7 years straight before my son arrived ) and your son will look perfect and beautiful to you.....the standard of beauty and perfection by which all other males will never quite measure up to for the rest of your life

I know I was worried about having a boy after my 3 girls and he is the love of my life and I just adore him. I am sure you will feel the same way about your son.

[TigerTail]

lots of great advice... this (along with the earlier thread about how you now view your circ'd partners penis) has gotten me thinking. so many women are coming at this from the warped pov of 'omg, what will his wife think, will she be able to get used to an intact penis, omg' from cultural brainwashing, as frank said.

this may seem like a nobrainer to non-usa originating cultures, but to those of us here: how many of this highly circ'd generations' parents ate *their* livers out, worrying about hideous scarring, discoloration, buried penis syndrome, hair 3/4 up the shaft 'omg, how will their wives stand to look at it?'- because awful as it is, once your eyes are opened to REALITY (which is what it is, not an 'alternative viewpoint'), scars & hair & kinks to the side etc are what one notices when looking at circumcised penises. bar none.

i would suggest giving it no more consideration than the generation before you did. the medical & sexual benefits of remaining intact are the same as they always were; but if we are going to talk about *aesthetics*, well... you really have to stretch a person's mind to believe a circ'd penis looks 'normal' (esp on a baby, imho.) you will get used to it in a trice. i cannot imagine my sons cut. and i grew up in the same 'circ'd is normal' american 'never-see-an-intact-penis' world you did. it will grow on you (lord, did i just say that? :LOL)

i wish you peace about this. it is good of you to give your son's integrity this much thought & angst when it is so troublesome to your heart. if every shallow 'i like the look' mother was honest with herself and instead of looking for reasons to do it admitted it, and then dealt so maturely with that self-knowledge, a lot of boys would be much better off.

suse

[bremen]

just for another perspective here, remember that your son's future mates will not have the same experiences you have had. your son's future mates are not even born yet, now, when the u.s. circ rates are going down, meaning about 2/5 boys are intact now. your son's future mates will probably be babysitting, changing diapers of boys who will be born in about 10 years, when even fewer boys are circed.

yet another factor: we are living in a more global society. chances are, at some point, your son will have an "experience" with someone from another country, or his partner will have "experience" with someone from another country, meaining: ppl who are not circed. what is normal for you will not be normal for your sons future mates.


and then there is my personal experience. i am 21 years old. i am now working as a nanny in europe, and first started getting interested in this topic because one of the children i took care of had hypospadias, and the parents were talking about circumcising his twin brother (they didn't). i was born in michigan in the mid 80s. growing up there, every penis i had ever seen, seen a picture of, anything was circumcised. i had no idea what an intact penis looked like. until that time, i had had no sexual experiences with men.


when i was 19, i moved to europe. my first sexual expereince was with an intact guy from england. my second was with a circed american. since then, i have had sexual experinces with more intact than circed. i was a nanny for twin boys, so i changed a lot of diapers. one twin was circed, the other, intact.

i grew up only knowing circed penises, but now, i have had experience with both. it is possible to change your idea of what is normal. and most likely, how your intac son will be normal to his future mates.