Help! I'm the Mommy of a 4yo! - Page 2

[gaialice]

So my 4-year old told me the other day that sometimes she thinks her dad and I are witches who abducted her from her real mom and dad when she was little and she was going to run away so she could find THEM... all of this because I politely disagree that she should spend her day beating her 2.5 yo sister.... After reading this, it occurs to me that when dh and I discuss who is to blame for this, we could reach the conclusion that noone is and that "it will pass"

[Avonlea]

4 is the WORST age/ stage I have ever had to deal with. They really , really should warn you about this ahead of time.

He was a sweet mellow baby. he was a cheerful, snmart toddler. he was a funny little 3 year old. Then, he turned 4, and it all went to heck. I have felt at various times that someone switched my kid. Like, yeah, that LOOKS like my kid, that SOUNDS like my kid, hey, it even SMELLS like my kid, but he sure as heck does not act like mine. My son is sweet and thoughtful and articualte. He doesn't throw himself onto the floor and scream at me. He never spits in his siters face in the bathtub repeatedly for the fun of hearing her cry. He knows better than to open the doors of the car or hit the dogs..he is compassionate and sthoughtful and placid.




Har dee har har.

My son screams at me. he screams at his siter. He gets angry, cries, yells, you name it, at the drp of a hat.

Tears? We can have ters at elast once a day, if we are lucky ONLY once a day. The drama in my home over things like : wanting to be the one to feed the fish, wanting to be the one to open the door to go outside to play, not liking your socks, not liking breakfast,lunch or dinner, not getting to watch the water drain out of the tub, me going down the steps before him, his siter getting something that he did not want UNTIL she had it . Argueing things over with me, and his dad, until i want to go and get teh child a breifcase, a yellow olegal pad, a nice shapr pencil, and sign for a desk that says " Paul $ Attorney at law, and hire him out to local pre-schoolers to handle their unfair treatment cases against their folks as well. Having to pick him up and drag him, literally kicking and screaming , out of peoples homes or stores, after he has had a major falling apart moment. Being shocked at how this child, with whom I have been so gentle and placid and patient, cn look at meout of the corner of his eye right before he punches the dog, or knocks his sister over or spits in her face or snatches her toy.

I babysat a defiant little boy one day for roughly 3 hours, and he taught my son some new tricks, like talking back and saying things like" So?" and rolling his eyes and stomping off when placed in time out because he doesn't want to sit/stand/stay where I have placed him in tie out. Being fought over every move of my life and day.

Then onto the 'fun' new habits such as booger OR scab picking. Uck. Picking boogers and eating them. Sneaking off to eat them behind furniture even though we ALL know what he doing.


Oh..4 has been an incredible challenge, and I have been told 5 is better. God above, I sure hope so. Right now he is sleepingand peacefuil and beautiful ..but in about 8 hours he is going to wake up and we shall be on to soething new , I am sure.

[Copper]

Avonlea,
I think your post pretty much summed up 4 year old behavior and how frustrating it can be, but it was funny to read.
I have noticed too at this age, boy the things they pick up from others, though I am wondering if the rolling of eyes is a naturally occuring phenomenon, not sure where mine got that from. :LOL

[OakEmber]

I hear you all so loudly!!! My new favorite way to discribe it is that 4 is 2x2....and sometimes I'd like to trade my 4 year old in for two 2 year olds because it would be such a peaceful, happy day! Only four months until 5, sigh.

[mahogny]

Oh, I can't tell you how much I needed this thread today! My 3.5 yr old is already exhibiting the behaviors you're mentioning! One minute he's a screaming crying mess on the floor, (and always over some miniscule thing, it seems) and the next minute he's so totally sweet. For example, right now he's sitting in his rocking chair rocking his "baby", but 10 minutes ago he was screaming and crying and saying, "I'm mad at you mommy" because I wouldn't let him yank off his baby sister's head!

Boy, I"m glad to know my kid isn't the only one!!

[irinam]

Oh mamas you speak such truth!!!

I so needed to read this - I was starting to ponder on my parenting methods and thinking *I* am slowly creating a monster

And I never knew my memory was so short - I do have an older child.

Somebody mentioned that 5 will be a dream - your words to Gods ears! DD is turning 5 in less than a month - will she magically turn back into a sweet princess, not remain the cranky, demanding, back-talking drama-queen for the rest of her childhood? Please promise me that! I'll tough it out for another 2 weeks :LOL

[Denise K]

Thanks for validating my feelings....Yeah, I was starting to wonder if it's just me, too.

DS actually has just started being compassionate to bugs--a month ago he squashed them, now he says "I don't want to take a bath, becaseu I want the chiggers to have a good life and food to eat," "I am feeding these mosquitoes," "Look, the ant is happy because I helped it get on the counter." So not everything is going downhill....though he certainly is eccentric. Wonder where he got THAT. :LOL

Today I called my neighbor and she took me and DS for a walk, because I was about to start hitting him. No, I wasn't going to hit him, but it was all I could think of to do, so I was stuck and scared. I get so tired without a nap (mine, his, doesn't matter), and we don't get them anymore.

People do keep telling me that 5 is much much easier. And no, they didn't tell me before that 4 was, or 3. These are the ones who say "yeah, my son was totally overwhelming fom 18 months until 5 years." So far we fit the pattern....

Recent quotes:
"It is unexpected for a 3 year old to know this many things." (Shortly before his birthday)

"No, mama, you are Wrong! I know MANY things that you do not know!"

"I am not listening to you. The only way you could get me to listen is to hurt me."

"I am ignoring you."

"You know what's amazing? In the very old days, they had jars that screwed on to the front of cars, and they would put fireflies in them, and that would be the headlights of the car. They would flash on and off."

I think a huge part of it all is my expectations. Like, that a kid who can explain how a catalytic converter works and debate the differences between orchard grass and fescue (not accurately ) should be able to grasp and respect "don't spit on me, I don't like it." This is obviously not what is happening in real life, but I keep expecting it. This trend in my mind started when he started making sentences, and is only getting worse.

[mommajubilee]

thank goddess, it's not me!

ds just turned 4, and we're right there with y'all:

eyerolling (like so far up in his head it look like they're going to start spinning)

MAJOR angry tantrums - kicking, screaming, throwing things, grunting, etc

HUGE mood swings

AT-TI-TUDE!!! Me: "I need you to treat our belongings with more respect by not throwing them across the room." Him: "WELL I'M GOING TO WRECK EVERYTHING IN OUR HOUSE AND MOVE BACK TO OUR OLD HOUSE!!!"

And this one i just discovered: he appears to have found a special spot on the carpet to start peeing on. i caught him the other day, smelled the carpet, and realized there's no way that much stank came from one incident. i have no idea how long that's been going on. :

(sigh) i feel your pain. :LOL

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by Denise K

I think a huge part of it all is my expectations. Like, that a kid who can explain how a catalytic converter works and debate the differences between orchard grass and fescue (not accurately ) should be able to grasp and respect "don't spit on me, I don't like it." This is obviously not what is happening in real life, but I keep expecting it. This trend in my mind started when he started making sentences, and is only getting worse.

That sounds like us, except throwing instead of spiting. :LOL

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by mommajubilee

And this one i just discovered: he appears to have found a special spot on the carpet to start peeing on. i caught him the other day, smelled the carpet, and realized there's no way that much stank came from one incident. i have no idea how long that's been going on. :

(sigh) i feel your pain. :LOL

We've been going through creative peeing, too, including a special spot on the rug. He doesn't put his pants back on so I know to go a sniffing.

[lauradoc]

So, if my dd1 , who just turned 3, is doing this stuff, will it last until she is five? What a long long row to hoe . . .

I sure agree with the pp, Avonlea, your post was hilarious

[gina]

i am certainly in this club- my 4 yr old is exhausting- she was a sweet, compliant toddler who has become tyranical, bossy, moody- i feel so guilty for having negative feelings about her and they are in such stark contrast to my feelings for my 16 mo old- must run now but i am so relieved to have found this thread! i'll be back!

[PumpkinSeeds]

yes, all kinds of emotions come up when the older 4yo is going through a difficult stage and the younger baby is going through a really cute stage.

So much mother guilt for one....

[TRIBE]

:

[PumpkinSeeds]

Remember this old thread? Well, mine is now 5.5 yo and ladies, 5 is much better! Mine is more mellow (haha, that's relative, I know) and I'm better able to reason with him.

How is everyone else's 4yo graduate?

[clane]

My dd is a precocious child. She has hit the "4s" about 6 mos early. Lately I am told regularly how mean I am when she cant have the candy or cookies she wants, I am told "you're not the boss of me" and "Duh Mommy". When things do not go her way, she runs & flings herself at the bottom step and cries loudly & dramatically.

I try to remain hopeful that she is still adjusting to lil sis and I will have my sweetheart back soon.

[gina]

i know! five is much easier- they are somewhat more reasonable...

[TRIBE]

Well
5 is easier in the aspect that I can generally sit down and talk to him about what is going on, his behaviour etc without too much of a fit. But he is one of those kids thats doesn't know how to wind down to sleep so he ends up going and going and going until he is an emotional wreck and then hits a brick wall, almost literally. So i do know when he is screaming and over-emotional that its time for him to go to sleep. Hitting seems to be his big issue right now but we are working on ways to deal with conflict that don't involve violence.

But since we have graduated from the 4's with him I am now dead in to the 4's with his little sister. And OY she could probably put some of the kids in this thread to shame. Like the night I told her she couldnt have a snack to which she replied with a huff and toll of the eyes "you are RUINING my LIFE!" and slammed my door

[octobermom]

Okay you have me worried (to the OP) my DD turned 4 this past October and its been a night a day diffrence from 3 we have way less tantrums fighting shes more "obedient" her attitute is better she getting into more things but behaivor has been eaiser. IS this like the calm before the storm??

[famousmockngbrd]

Wow. DS just turned 4 and this thread has saved me. Like others I was starting to doubt my parenting choices and wondering if I was creating a monster. Thank you thank you thank you for resurrecting this thread. Though I am a bit appalled at the thought that we've only just begun.