Hello, Mamas! I have been lurking here for a month or so.....and you ladies are the only ones who I "know" who believe in this option, who (for many of you) have experienced a truly unassisted birth, and I need your help with a few final old naggy fears or issues that I still have not been able to find good answers to, despite my dabbling for over five years and hard-core researching UC for 2 years.
A little bit more background on me, as quickly as I can, I am currently 23 weeks pg with baby#4! Our first dd was a typical hospital birth, induced at 39 weeks for no good reason, water broken randomly, epidural, moniters, episiotomy, ya' know, "natural" 'cuz she wasn't c-section LOL
Second baby, ds, even worse, they give me an ultrasound at 39 weeks for "elevated b/p" during a hot and irritating June prenatal appointment chasing toddler around the wating room for 2 hours, so wouldnt anyones b/p be 140 over 85.......but so this ultrasound says he is ten pounds and they freak out and send me to get induced right then and there, and me like an idiot goes for it instead of just going home....labor on pit, blablabla end up with a C/S for "failure to descend"
Third baby, Homebirth VBAC, ELEVEN pound boy! Hooray, but my midwife was an extraordinarily mentally ill person, manipulative, deceptive, just all around headcase. At this point I realize that I certainly can "do it"----but here starts the "issues" for me, and if you are still reading this, I am getting to my point!
With this third baby, I labored along just fine, I started around 5am and he was born at 3 that afternoon. Yes it hurt like hell, I sorta stayed on top of things, but the midwife's energy was extraordinarily judgmental and distracting and almost evil......I finally went to sit on the potty and kind of hide from her in there with DH..........and was really pushing hard, baby was coming, probably would have on the toilet.........but she was like YOOHOO whats going on in there? And DH told her (he was trying to be funny not jerky) "I think the baby is gonna come out in the potty" and she goes "OH NO! Get out! Get out here!" and I somehow came into the living room, where she chastized me for not being able to squat, and so I got on hands and knees and she was like okay push you can do it but then her voice got REALLY serious and she was like PUSH YOU NEED TO PUSH NOW OHHH PLEASE PUSH and I pushed with all my might and the baby flopped onto the floor all white and floppy and she was like "Tell him you want him here on earth, tell him you need him.." all this really kinda trippy poetic sh*t........I didnt know what was going on, was he okay, why isnt she "saving" him......I could barely figure out how to turn around and sit down with this cord hanging out, and my poor bottom, and all the blood on the floor.........anyways he pinked up after a little bit, and she carried on for WEEKS about what a "Horrible Dystocia" I had, and how I was a "Midwifes nightmare"............
SO: Now we are in week 23 of our first surprise pregnancy, very happy, and I went to 2 prenatal visits with some super loving crunchy wonderfully professional midwives. I liked them alot......but I felt very strongly that I didnt need them. They also charged $2800 and there is no way no matter what we juggled that we can afford them. So, this "blessing" that we couldnt afford them sorta forced me and DH to finally look head-on at UC, and were are both all for it. The discontinuation of my "prenatal care" hasnt even been an issue, either, the baby is moving lots everyday, and I just feel well and strong. Part of me would like to get a fetoscope and a b/p machine but again, intuitively I feel totally okay without these right now.
SO here is my actual question (s) for you mamas, and these are the really negative ones, the fear-based ones, and I hope I dont come across like that, but to me and my husband, if these last couple of questions got some sort of attention, I would feel 100% freed to go into this birth with a positive frame of mind (did that make any sense?)
1) What if we called 911 if the baby or I were in some sort of horrid crisis---do they "make" you go to the hospital, or do they just help you and leave? Does this redflag you for CPS or anything?
2)What if the baby really is stuck, I have read so much about letting the head come out slowly and waiting several contractions for the whole head to come out, but again, the midwife just absolutley told me over and over how his head turned dark blue and how I "scared her to death", so now DH probably is gonna be so afraid if/when it should happen again.......but alot of the birth photos I look at online, the baby's head is very dark......it seems like only the 6 pounders squirt out quickly........I cannot find a single shoulder dytocial link online that satisfies me........how long is "too long" for a head to be born and what risks are there to the baby?
3)what about checking the heartones during labor? I did not plan on doing this at all, but the few birth stories I do read about true necessary c-sections almost always seem to involve "The baby's heartrate dropped down and didnt come back up so he was sectioned and good thing 'cuz he was wrapped up in cord and was gonna die"..................Would this be possible with an old fashioned fetoscope or do we need to buy a doppler, and then do I need to study midwifery textbooks about decels and all that stuff? (I am using the word "need" here in a facicious manner, I know I dont need anything but I just worry......sometimes........and I dont think woirry and fear have a good place in a UC but obviously I want to do all I can to make sure things are going well w/ baby)
4) What if the baby is breathing wierd or acting wierd or something after the birth, is that an ambulance deal or a pediatrician deal? What if I am still trying to deal with placenta delivery and stuff, and need DH to help me, is only having me and him there kind of too much for 2 people, if the baby is having any kind of issues? Is it "safe" to just have DH there?
*****I had SOOOOOOOOO much pain after the birth and before the placenta came, it was like 45 minutes of transition contractions, but instead of being in birth land with DH's wonderful backrubs, all the focus was on the baby, and I was just sort of sitting on a hard wood bloody floor, unable to move into my positions I needed to, unable to understand how to position myself with this horrendous vaginal pain after 11 pound delivery, dripping blood, cord everywhere, midwife telling me to see if he wants to nurse(!!!!!!)--- I finally TOOK CHARGE and said to midwife "please cut the cord, and take the baby so I can go get this thing out" and she did, and I waddled to the bathroom, put a blue chux under the toilet seat, sat there, contacted while holding DH's hands, found my labor rhythm again, and pushed an enormous 2 pound placenta out onto the pad on the toilet. I then felt wonderful, drank juice, ate muffins, took a bath, and that was that. I worry sometimes about the logistics of little stuff like that, w/out a third person to be there---but we have NOBODY who knows we are planning UC so we dont have anyone we want there.
5)I know this varies from State to State, but how exactly do we get a birth certificate and social security number (I am in Michigan). We had a really hard time with our homebirthed baby, getting the birth certificate was ok because the midwife "filed" somestuff for us.....but when we wanted his social security#, we had to do a TON of back and forth running around, and ended up having to take him to a pediatrician to kind of "prove" he existed (the birth certificate was NOT enough, he needed shot records, too, and since we dont vax, it was a HUGE issue.......) but he ended up with a soc#.
So what exactly do we do, just call our city hall and be like "Oh wow we had a baby at home and have no doctor no prenatal care" --- is there any thing we can do right now to ask ahead of time or do I need to go to some OB once and get a "proof" of pregnancy?
6) I know this subject has been addressed quite a bit in the past, but as far as bleeding after birth.......I have heard take shepherds purse tincture--and I have heard not to. I have heard cinnamon, but I dont have this in tincture form in any of my local health food stores---and Motherwort, which I have been hearing about too, also something called Hem-Halt. Any votes for yes/no on these? Is it harmful to take them if you arent bleeding "too much" but you mistakenly think you are? I have heard that how you feel is much more important than the blood amount-- what if you feel like crap but arent bleeding that much?
7) What about placenta previa, are there ANY ways of pre-detecting this without ultrasound? I have no reason to think I have this, but I know it is a big bad serious one, and would hate to go into labor and do all this preparation if that were the case. any stories on intuition of this one?
8) All these blood tests, PKU and all that, can you get them at the doctor? We have a really nice family doctor who is supportive of no vax, etc, could she perform this, if we wanted it? Our midwife did it last time but she had to re-do it and re-do it and it was really hard on the baby, i think she poked him like 25 times, his heels were all cut up it was so sad.
9) one of the things the midwife did that was the most "doctorly" was to listen to the baby's lungs---since we are taking so much into our own hands, is this something that we could/should do ourselves, and what are we listening for?
10)what about suctioning out baby's nose + mouth, anyone have to use a delee or a regular bulb syringe on baby, and can this hurt them if you do it wrong? why and how would you do this, what are some indications?
Well, I honestly think that is everything I ever wanted to know.........I am looking forward to hearing anything, and sorry so long! Phew!
Mama to 3 homeschooled lovable Kooks, and baby to be, due 10-21-05
A little bit more background on me, as quickly as I can, I am currently 23 weeks pg with baby#4! Our first dd was a typical hospital birth, induced at 39 weeks for no good reason, water broken randomly, epidural, moniters, episiotomy, ya' know, "natural" 'cuz she wasn't c-section LOL
Second baby, ds, even worse, they give me an ultrasound at 39 weeks for "elevated b/p" during a hot and irritating June prenatal appointment chasing toddler around the wating room for 2 hours, so wouldnt anyones b/p be 140 over 85.......but so this ultrasound says he is ten pounds and they freak out and send me to get induced right then and there, and me like an idiot goes for it instead of just going home....labor on pit, blablabla end up with a C/S for "failure to descend"
Third baby, Homebirth VBAC, ELEVEN pound boy! Hooray, but my midwife was an extraordinarily mentally ill person, manipulative, deceptive, just all around headcase. At this point I realize that I certainly can "do it"----but here starts the "issues" for me, and if you are still reading this, I am getting to my point!
With this third baby, I labored along just fine, I started around 5am and he was born at 3 that afternoon. Yes it hurt like hell, I sorta stayed on top of things, but the midwife's energy was extraordinarily judgmental and distracting and almost evil......I finally went to sit on the potty and kind of hide from her in there with DH..........and was really pushing hard, baby was coming, probably would have on the toilet.........but she was like YOOHOO whats going on in there? And DH told her (he was trying to be funny not jerky) "I think the baby is gonna come out in the potty" and she goes "OH NO! Get out! Get out here!" and I somehow came into the living room, where she chastized me for not being able to squat, and so I got on hands and knees and she was like okay push you can do it but then her voice got REALLY serious and she was like PUSH YOU NEED TO PUSH NOW OHHH PLEASE PUSH and I pushed with all my might and the baby flopped onto the floor all white and floppy and she was like "Tell him you want him here on earth, tell him you need him.." all this really kinda trippy poetic sh*t........I didnt know what was going on, was he okay, why isnt she "saving" him......I could barely figure out how to turn around and sit down with this cord hanging out, and my poor bottom, and all the blood on the floor.........anyways he pinked up after a little bit, and she carried on for WEEKS about what a "Horrible Dystocia" I had, and how I was a "Midwifes nightmare"............
SO: Now we are in week 23 of our first surprise pregnancy, very happy, and I went to 2 prenatal visits with some super loving crunchy wonderfully professional midwives. I liked them alot......but I felt very strongly that I didnt need them. They also charged $2800 and there is no way no matter what we juggled that we can afford them. So, this "blessing" that we couldnt afford them sorta forced me and DH to finally look head-on at UC, and were are both all for it. The discontinuation of my "prenatal care" hasnt even been an issue, either, the baby is moving lots everyday, and I just feel well and strong. Part of me would like to get a fetoscope and a b/p machine but again, intuitively I feel totally okay without these right now.
SO here is my actual question (s) for you mamas, and these are the really negative ones, the fear-based ones, and I hope I dont come across like that, but to me and my husband, if these last couple of questions got some sort of attention, I would feel 100% freed to go into this birth with a positive frame of mind (did that make any sense?)
1) What if we called 911 if the baby or I were in some sort of horrid crisis---do they "make" you go to the hospital, or do they just help you and leave? Does this redflag you for CPS or anything?
2)What if the baby really is stuck, I have read so much about letting the head come out slowly and waiting several contractions for the whole head to come out, but again, the midwife just absolutley told me over and over how his head turned dark blue and how I "scared her to death", so now DH probably is gonna be so afraid if/when it should happen again.......but alot of the birth photos I look at online, the baby's head is very dark......it seems like only the 6 pounders squirt out quickly........I cannot find a single shoulder dytocial link online that satisfies me........how long is "too long" for a head to be born and what risks are there to the baby?
3)what about checking the heartones during labor? I did not plan on doing this at all, but the few birth stories I do read about true necessary c-sections almost always seem to involve "The baby's heartrate dropped down and didnt come back up so he was sectioned and good thing 'cuz he was wrapped up in cord and was gonna die"..................Would this be possible with an old fashioned fetoscope or do we need to buy a doppler, and then do I need to study midwifery textbooks about decels and all that stuff? (I am using the word "need" here in a facicious manner, I know I dont need anything but I just worry......sometimes........and I dont think woirry and fear have a good place in a UC but obviously I want to do all I can to make sure things are going well w/ baby)
4) What if the baby is breathing wierd or acting wierd or something after the birth, is that an ambulance deal or a pediatrician deal? What if I am still trying to deal with placenta delivery and stuff, and need DH to help me, is only having me and him there kind of too much for 2 people, if the baby is having any kind of issues? Is it "safe" to just have DH there?
*****I had SOOOOOOOOO much pain after the birth and before the placenta came, it was like 45 minutes of transition contractions, but instead of being in birth land with DH's wonderful backrubs, all the focus was on the baby, and I was just sort of sitting on a hard wood bloody floor, unable to move into my positions I needed to, unable to understand how to position myself with this horrendous vaginal pain after 11 pound delivery, dripping blood, cord everywhere, midwife telling me to see if he wants to nurse(!!!!!!)--- I finally TOOK CHARGE and said to midwife "please cut the cord, and take the baby so I can go get this thing out" and she did, and I waddled to the bathroom, put a blue chux under the toilet seat, sat there, contacted while holding DH's hands, found my labor rhythm again, and pushed an enormous 2 pound placenta out onto the pad on the toilet. I then felt wonderful, drank juice, ate muffins, took a bath, and that was that. I worry sometimes about the logistics of little stuff like that, w/out a third person to be there---but we have NOBODY who knows we are planning UC so we dont have anyone we want there.
5)I know this varies from State to State, but how exactly do we get a birth certificate and social security number (I am in Michigan). We had a really hard time with our homebirthed baby, getting the birth certificate was ok because the midwife "filed" somestuff for us.....but when we wanted his social security#, we had to do a TON of back and forth running around, and ended up having to take him to a pediatrician to kind of "prove" he existed (the birth certificate was NOT enough, he needed shot records, too, and since we dont vax, it was a HUGE issue.......) but he ended up with a soc#.
So what exactly do we do, just call our city hall and be like "Oh wow we had a baby at home and have no doctor no prenatal care" --- is there any thing we can do right now to ask ahead of time or do I need to go to some OB once and get a "proof" of pregnancy?
6) I know this subject has been addressed quite a bit in the past, but as far as bleeding after birth.......I have heard take shepherds purse tincture--and I have heard not to. I have heard cinnamon, but I dont have this in tincture form in any of my local health food stores---and Motherwort, which I have been hearing about too, also something called Hem-Halt. Any votes for yes/no on these? Is it harmful to take them if you arent bleeding "too much" but you mistakenly think you are? I have heard that how you feel is much more important than the blood amount-- what if you feel like crap but arent bleeding that much?
7) What about placenta previa, are there ANY ways of pre-detecting this without ultrasound? I have no reason to think I have this, but I know it is a big bad serious one, and would hate to go into labor and do all this preparation if that were the case. any stories on intuition of this one?
8) All these blood tests, PKU and all that, can you get them at the doctor? We have a really nice family doctor who is supportive of no vax, etc, could she perform this, if we wanted it? Our midwife did it last time but she had to re-do it and re-do it and it was really hard on the baby, i think she poked him like 25 times, his heels were all cut up it was so sad.
9) one of the things the midwife did that was the most "doctorly" was to listen to the baby's lungs---since we are taking so much into our own hands, is this something that we could/should do ourselves, and what are we listening for?
10)what about suctioning out baby's nose + mouth, anyone have to use a delee or a regular bulb syringe on baby, and can this hurt them if you do it wrong? why and how would you do this, what are some indications?
Well, I honestly think that is everything I ever wanted to know.........I am looking forward to hearing anything, and sorry so long! Phew!
Mama to 3 homeschooled lovable Kooks, and baby to be, due 10-21-05
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