troubled teen- boot camp??? - Page 2

[CryPixie83]

Originally Posted by KateMary

So, if you do decide to take in your cousin, don't discount the good that can come from therapy etc but know that you are in for quite a ride. My mantra was to just get us all through it alive and in the best mental state possible and screw always having rules be followed to a T (we did have rules and consequences but they didn't always get followed!) Things turned out better than we could have hoped for in that she graduated from high school (just barely).


One other note about using your cousin to help out with the baby. I would also caution against using her to a great degree, maybe here and there once she is stable, but don't make her feel like your taking her in to be a babysitter. Only take her in if you are willing to make her part of your family and are willing to work hard to manage her ups and downs for the next several years while loving her unconditionally.

DP and I agree that if her parents are seriously considering sending her,we will try to talkthem into leting her stay with us.

I was only going to tell her parents I could use her help with the parents in an effort to persuade them if I needed to. I have no intention of treating her like a babysitter

[mpeel]

We have a couple of friends who have had things escalate over time and sent their children away. One couple, it helped tremendously but it was a boarding school for troubled boys, not boot camp. The main reason it helped was he was away from his mother and her abusiveness. The school would not take him the second year saying there was nothing they could do for him, he was fine in their eyes. It was his home life that was the problem. Now we have another friend whose ex-wife abandoned their son with him and the son has been acting out. Who wouldn't? It is so obvious that the boy is trying everything to push his dad away to prove he is unlovable. And his dad keeps getting more and more punitive and conditional in his love. Now he is considering sending him to that same school our other friends used (or one similar). I want to scream, let up on the kid and LOVE him. Don't send him away. But I am not close enough to do that.

It is hard to watch those situations. Children are doing everything in their power to get the parents to prove they love them and the parents are failing miserably. I would check into the books Unconditional Parenting and Hold On To Your Kids. They are phenomenal books.

[dswmom]

I've read several things about boot camps and they are just plain evil. It's so unfair that a child gets sent away because the parents can't get their act together enough to effectively deal with the issues that are causing the rift.

It sounds like family therapy is what the family needs. Sending away the daughter will only address a piece of the problem and she certainly won't be any better off because of it.

Here are a couple of links to browse about boot camps.
http://www.nospank.net/toc.htm
(scroll down once you click on this site--there are several heart wrenching articles about these awful camps)

http://www.wsws.org/articles/2001/ju...boot-j10.shtml

Good luck...let us know how things go.

[Ravin]

If you do get them to agree to send her to you, you might want to do some stuff to prepare yourself. In addition to the books already suggested, one my mom (who is retired and fosters troubled teenagers) suggested to me that I found VERY insightful was Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of our Teenage Girls. It talks about different parenting styles, peer pressure, media pressure, and how to help girls weather the storm in one piece and come out of it as strong adults. You might also want to contact a local non-profit that trains foster parents. Explain your situation of taking in your niece and ask them if there are any foster parenting classes available from which you could benefit.

[sexylady]

i think you have a better idea.
instead of putting her in another place that will be strange to her of course.
talked to her family that you want to be the one to look for her, for sure she listen to you just what have you said that she respect and calm to you.
i think she just need a different environment that there is somone who is willing to listen, who is willing to understand everything about her, someone that will guide her. try to settle everything and for sure she will change a lot in to a well grown up lady.

cheers