What age to explain bird and bees

[velochic]

I was wondering what you all think about an appropriate age to explain the actual MECHANICS of sex with children. Not just the "when two adults love each other they show their love in special way" but the actual explaining of the sex act itself, including foreplay, intercourse, and everything. The reason I'm asking this is because a friend of mine just recently told her dd, who is 5 and it kind of freaked out the dd. I was thinking that she was probably freaked because she's too young to comprehend. But since my own dd is only 3, I haven't encountered anything like this yet. What do you think? What's a good age?

[fire_in_july]

When they ask

If my children have NOT asked by age 10, 11, or 12 (somewhere in there), I will probably take it upon myself to bring it up I suppose.

[TiredX2]

I don't think it has to be one big talk.

I felt DD should know a bit of the mechanics so we used the "It's So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families" book.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...books&n=507846

She was almost six at the time and we hadn't really talked about how babies come about since I was pg with DS (and she was 2.5). DS was also there some of the time (3). So, we have covered the entire "The husband and wife put the man's penis in the woman's vagina" thing, but not foreplay or when to become active type stuff.

[Starr]

I would maybe also consider leaving out the foreplay discussion. Not that it isn't relevant but I would be too worried the kiddos might make reference to it somewhere not appropriate and think that normal spousal interaction is fourplay. I mean how do you explain to a 5 year old that a backrub can be foreplay and sometimes its just a backrub. Whatever works.

[velochic]

Hmmm... guess I'm a little sheltered. I really thought 5 was young for this kind of discussion. Oh well.

[EnviroBecca]

Gosh, if my kid hasn't asked about it by age 5, I'm going to tell him! :LOL I think it's an important thing to know, and my impression is that kids who know about it before the "latency phase" (when kissing, genitals, underwear, and the very existence of the other gender is "disgusting"--about 6-10 years old) are less horrified by the idea and just sort of take it in stride.

I knew that the penis goes into the vagina before I can remember (=younger than 3) and knew that this feels good to grownups by age 5. I didn't realize that it was ever done JUST for fun and not for baby-making until about 8, but my reaction was more like, "Oh, that makes sense," than, "EEEUUWW!! Why?!"

I do agree with leaving out discussion of foreplay, beyond saying that sex is something grownups do when they are feeling very cozy and loving. The book I had as a child said something like that and showed the parents in bed under the covers, which led me to assume some hugging and kissing would be involved. Details about touching, oral sex, etc. are not necessary. Maybe that's what freaked out your friend's daughter.

[AngelBee]

My children know alot about sex. We have had many, many conversations. They do not specifically know about penetration though. They will soon, as more questions have been being asked.

They were also in the birthing room with me during the birth of their siblings. They also know about puberty and menstration.

[EFmom]

I second the recommendation for "It's So Amazing." I'm currently reading it with my 7 yo. I decided it was time because she was coming home from school with some interesting "information" and I wanted to make sure she knew the real stuff. We'd had more general talks before, but this is the first time we've done the mechanics.

It has been a pretty wonderful experience. We take turns reading pages and are about half way through the book. She is very interested in it, although when we got to the actual mechanics, she delivered the expected "OH YUCK!" which is fine by me. Reading it together has made us closer, and I think she will be willing to come to me with questions in the future.

[Diane~Alena]

I don't think I will have ONE talk with my kids I just answer their questions when they ask, if they want more answers they ask more questions. I don't lie at all even when my daughter Emma asked "just what is sex though mom?" at age 7. I told her it is when a man sticks his penis in a womens vagina. She was shocked and then asked why, so I told her that in plain words too. I said because they want to be together and maybe even make a baby. I am hoping this open dialoge with plain answers will keep the line of comunication open in my house. I know I would rather have my daughter tell me at 13 that she wants to have sex and wants the pill or condoms then to have her come home pregnant with some icky disease at age 14. I never felt comfortable with my mom she always talked about wierd things like Falopian tubes and she never shut up so I stayed away from her and ended up pregnant at 15 : ! OH I forgot I wanted to say that if you make SEX a big thing then you enable your child to use it against you I know my first experience was done just to rebel. I hope my children view sex as a special and intimite experience so I try to teach them that it is something done with the person you realy love and want to be close to.