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to circumcise  

post #1 of 43
6/29/05 at 5:20pm
Thread Starter 
I need some help! My husband and I are expecting our second child in a month
and its a boy. We can't seem to agree on circumcision. I am a natural mama and don't agree with it. My husband and I have always shared the same views except for this one. He wants to circumcise our little mylo because of tradition. How can I help him see that circumcision is not a good choice?
post #2 of 43
6/29/05 at 5:27pm
welcome to MDC. i bet you'd get lots of help if you post on the circ board. if a mod sees this she will move it, or you can just go to that forum and re-post. good for you for not wanting to circ!
post #3 of 43
6/29/05 at 5:29pm
Definitely come on over to the circ board, you can get lots of resources - websites, articles and videos that show an actual circ being done.
post #4 of 43
6/29/05 at 5:48pm
I had the same problem with my dh when i was pregnant and probably will again if we ever have a boy. His reasons are purely cosmetic, because he and everyone else he knows has circumcised. I originally thought the same way but after researching it and seeing pictures of the actual procedure I was dead set against it. I told him to give me one GOOD reason why we should do it. Sorry but cosmetic reasons are not good enough I told him. I want him to participate in decisions with child rearing but I feel that I need to protect my child above all else.
post #5 of 43
6/29/05 at 5:57pm
:

overall i trump what my DH wants regarding this issue but he is willing to listen once we are pregnant wiht a boy (this time??)

Would ya cut off your kids finger?? no why a piece of his skin. the circ board will help so much. show him the video, one mama who wanders around these boards has a link to it in her siggy

Courtney
post #6 of 43
6/29/05 at 5:59pm
I agree-- visit the circ board. This is sooo important. More important than breastfeeding, even, IMO.

Your husband, although he doesn't know it, has already been robbed. So have you. Don't let it happen to your baby and his future mate.
post #7 of 43
6/29/05 at 6:01pm
Yeah, come over to the circ board- lots of info there

DON'T DO IT! You wouldn't cut up a daughter's genitals, why do it to a boy?

-Angela
post #8 of 43
6/29/05 at 6:51pm
Just because you husband has a mutiliated penis doesn't mean your son should. Are you going to dye is hair (fill in the color) if it doesn't match. What about tattoos, give a matching one to your newborn.


Genital mutilation is barbaric.

Come to the circ board
post #9 of 43
6/29/05 at 7:39pm
I see you got moved to the Circ board - or more accurately the Case Against Circumcision!

Unless you are Jewish or Muslim, then the "tradition" your dh is talking about only extends back a hundred fifty years or so, MAX. The reason circ started in this country for non-religious reasons was to reduce sexual sensation and discourage boys from masturbation. No joke. Masturbation was thought to cause all sorts of bad things, not just hairy palms but epilepsy, etc. So it was thought that if you cut off the most pleasurable part of the penis, boys would masturbate less. (Guess how well that worked. )

The thing is, your ds will take after his father - AS HIS FATHER WAS BORN, WITH A FORESKIN. What is the good of a tradition that requires cosmetic surgery to make son resemble father?

Your dh may give you the argument that he has a penis, so he's in a better position to decide. Well, a) it's your son's body, and he's the only person with a right to decide whether to cut part of it off for non-medical reasons, and b) you're the only person with intact genitals in the family.

Check out the link in my signature - it's a great read, and a great source of information.
post #10 of 43
6/29/05 at 8:09pm
If you've ever seen an intact man in his aroused state, you will notice that his actual penis is much smoother and more moist. TMI, but a circed man is always dry and sorta callused from continual exposure to the air and from rubbing against his clothing.

This ain't good when it comes to genitals.

A foreskin is a GOOD thing to have, and just because your husband never had any say in whether he could keep his or not doesn't mean that your son needs to have his stolen from him, too.

It's not your husband's penis. It belongs to the baby.
post #11 of 43
6/29/05 at 8:17pm
Welcome and good for you for sticking up for your son-to-be! Check out the sticky at the top of the forum, "Web Resources", lots of great info there.

If there is any spacific info you need, let us know.

Take care,
Tara
post #12 of 43
6/29/05 at 8:33pm
My ds is 8mo now and I never did get dh to see things my way But ds is still intact. I told him that over my dead body would it be done and that was that. It is great when 2 people can come to a decision together but sometimes I learned it just isnt possible dh would still circ ds if I went nuts and wanted it done U should read the sticky if you regret circing ur son there r so many sad and guilty mama's there that let there dh decide and now they r living with it every day.
post #13 of 43
6/29/05 at 8:44pm
Please don't circ your son, regardless of your dh's feelings. Of course try to convince him Ideally you'd like him to be supportive. Hopefully in time he will come around. Regret is really hard to live with.
post #14 of 43
6/29/05 at 8:58pm
Get the book "40 Reasons Not to Circumcise". It is a reasonably priced paperback, and a very quick, easy read. Super clear and not alarmist - just the facts, but presented in a very straightforward way. It changed MY mind about circ (I had been going on "doesn't everybody?" philosophy as I'd never really researched it before).

My dh was harder to convince - and didn't really want to read the book (my mind is made up; don't confuse me with the facts...) But he accidentally witnessed (a nurse opened the door during and he was in the hall with his friend, the boy's father) a circ, and came back to the room (where I was with my friend, the boy's mother). He was white as a sheet and had a terrible look on his face - like nothing I'd ever seen. I thought he might be having a heart attack (he is a bigger guy). We leave and he then tells me what happened and that "we are NEVER doing that to any sons!!!!" Good by me.

Show him some videos of the procedure. He needs to be fully informed, not just go on general assumption of what the public at large does.

One of my dh's original arguments was that it is a safe procedure. I asked him how many botched circs did he THINK he was going to hear about - like that is something that people will spread around...

I think that both of you need to agree if SURGERY is going to be performed on your newborn son. If you don't agree, then keeping him as he is is the only fair/right choice. If you need a tiebreaker, wait til he is old enough to understand and his vote rules...

Good luck. You can get through this - and someday he (well, both dh and ds) will thank you for standing your ground. You know you are right. This is only one of many things that you will have to do as his mother. There is a LOT of support here. Don't be talked out of what you know is right.
post #15 of 43
6/29/05 at 10:50pm
To get a man to read a book, remove all reading material from around the toilet, except for the book you want him to read. He'll read it.
post #16 of 43
6/30/05 at 12:06am
I love my husband and he supports me in everything else except on this one issue. My son is a year and a half and he is still angry with me for leaving him intact. He made the appointment to get it done and I literally had to hold my son back and refuse to hand him over. No matter what I tried there was nothing that would convince him that leaving our son intact was the best thing to do. It's wonderful and much easier on you if your husband agrees with you, but if you can't convince him then he's just going to have to deal with it. It can be really difficult (especially when doctors and family members take your husband's side), but stay strong and stand your ground.
post #17 of 43
6/30/05 at 2:10am


I just have to say that I am in awe of you mamas who have what it takes to stand your ground with your partners and remain in connected partnership.
post #18 of 43
6/30/05 at 4:25am
Go to the closest hospital and tell them you're considering circing your son. Watch one be performed.
If that doesn't change your dh's mind, them he's a sociopath.
post #19 of 43
6/30/05 at 7:19am
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakay
Go to the closest hospital and tell them you're considering circing your son. Watch one be performed.
Not to derail this thread... but is this a viable option? I only ask, because I would love to tell a friend to do the same. However, I've always imagined that circumcision (like most surgeries) are pretty private and non-spectator admitted proceedures.
post #20 of 43
6/30/05 at 8:58am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby Hopes
Not to derail this thread... but is this a viable option? I only ask, because I would love to tell a friend to do the same. However, I've always imagined that circumcision (like most surgeries) are pretty private and non-spectator admitted proceedures.

I don't think it's an option in the states esp. with the new h.i.p.p.a laws
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