This has some background to it so it's extremely long. If you want skip to the actual birth story, I won't be mad lol!!!
I also didn't proofread it and and just finished up the end very quickly so some may not make sense! If that's the case I apologize.
Enjoy!
Without going into too much detail, the birth of Shea and everything that went into it has everything to do with my previous two births. Even though they weren’t the best of experiences, without having gone through them I would have never considered having a home birth.
Going through an induction that lead to a c-section as my very first experience had a profound effect on me and what I ended up learning about pregnancy and giving birth. And even though I had this brand new empowering knowledge, I still went back to the same care provider and same hospital for my second pregnancy.
I had the same experience the second time around in regards to the relentless testing, paranoia about this or that on my doctor’s part, and plain old stress. I had to fight to get the kind of birth that I felt I deserved. No one should have to do that.
Even though things went well with my son’s birth and I had a successful, unmedicated VBAC, I still felt like something was missing, that it just wasn’t right how it all happened. I had to fight every step of the way, mostly while I was in labor with him which was so wrong and so stressful… So for the next 4 years, I began to research having a home birth, not even knowing if we would have any more children.
In the summer of ‘04, we decided to go for it. Because we used “natural” family planning I knew my cycles very well. After all, in almost 5 years I’d managed not to get pregnant. So if you know what you’re doing, it actually works! On the second try, I got pregnant. The whole time though I felt like something wasn’t right, and was kind of detached from the pregnancy. I actually was just waiting to miscarry and for some reason it just didn’t bother me.
I did contact the midwife that I had planned on using pretty much as soon as I found out that I was pregnant. I was too excited to have an actual pregnant reason to call her and was so happy to talk to her. She talked to me on the phone for almost an hour and it was so refreshing to hear someone speaking my language! She was a vbac mom herself and had no problems with me, where many traditional ob setups would have labeled me high risk. Either that, or like my previous ob, told me that I was a great candidate and then at the very end of my pregnancy start playing games and acting like I was a huge risk. So I was so happy to be out of that realm!!! And not only that, but really--would an ob really talk to me on the phone that long and give me that kind of time of day? Very doubtful. This is what I wanted, someone who would talk to me about pregnancy and birth with the same interest and wonder that I had for it, and also the same respect. And not only that, but she came to the house for visits so I didn’t have to go anywhere and wait in a lobby for an hour with a bored kid, not to mention bored mommy!!! Getting to know her too was key in that as well. She comes to your home, like a friend would, and had no set appointment times so she could stay as long or short as she needed to depending on your needs.
About 9 weeks in, I did start spotting, and although it wasn’t much, I went to the ER because I knew I’d get an ultrasound and I’d know right away what was happening. As soon as they started, I knew. It was a blighted ovum. For those of you who don’t know, it’s basically where there’s a pregnancy, but everything develops but the baby itself. So to me although it was a set back, it wasn’t a big deal.
Now here’s what’s most interesting about the blighted ovum. This is where I really learned to have trust in my body. Having trust in my body was really something that was taken away from me with the previous births because they were both inductions. The first one was a failed induction ending in a c-section; the second was a successful induction for stupid reasons J
I did end up calling an ob office because I was honestly not keen on waiting for the placenta and sac to pass on its own without verification afterwards that all was well. Luckily the doctor I did see agreed that a d&c wasn’t necessary especially since I had a previous c-section; I didn’t need that sort of trauma. So we decided to let things go on its own and that I’d come back afterwards for an ultrasound to make sure everything was gone.
About a week later, I just had a feeling that was the day. I had taken Tristan to McDonald’s and then we went home. I put on a movie for him to watch in our bedroom and I started cramping, so I laid down in bed and just waited. It really felt like labor--and really that’s what it was. I was kind of surprised. It took about an hour and then I felt “something”, and then I physically felt 100% different, 100% BETTER even though I didn’t think that I felt ill in the first place. It was like a huge relief that swept over me. I later found out from other moms that they felt the same way when their miscarriage happened.
I got up to go to the bathroom and I actually didn’t know that the placenta had come out. I sat down and there it went! Yes, I took it out of the toilet and looked at it. To me it was fascinating. It was about the size of a big kiwi and I took a gander at it. I saw the sac which was the size of a grape and I even broke it open to see if there really was not anything inside. There wasn’t. I was shocked at how tough the little sac was. Really amazing stuff.
So, the interesting part was that I realized my body did this on its own. It knew when to go into labor and it was successful without any outside intervention. After this I was even more gung ho about a home birth and was really kind of grateful that this happened!
Two months later we conceived again. About 10 days after that I got word from my younger sister that she was also pregnant!!!
The first 12 weeks were tough because my midwife doesn’t see clients until they’re 12 weeks along. I wanted to meet her so badly!
I had no bad pregnancy symptoms, it was really easy for me in the first trimester. With the previous two I was feeling sick at odd times of the day, etc. None of that with this one. I was really lucky!
So we finally meet and it’s not what I thought it would be. I thought I’d see this woman and she’d put her arms around me and we’d be soul mates. None of that, but we did have a great first appointment and it lasted about an hour. We talked a lot about what was going on in the world of obstetrics and how unfortunate things were. We did the standard appointment stuff; listening to the heartbeat, blood pressure, pee on a stick. She doesn’t weigh her clients which is fine with me. Even though I’m a numbers person I don’t need that kind of stress. She believes, as I do, that if something is wrong, you’ll be able to tell especially since we’re paying attention to the whole person rather than a number on a lab sheet or on a scale. So to this day I have no clue what I gained and it’s not important. I also declined any testing except for an ultrasound. I wanted to make sure that there were no obvious defects that would make a hospital birth a more safe option.
I continued to see her every month, everything was very uneventful. When I hit about 6 months, I started having terrible ligament pain and some sciatic pain. So I started seeing an awesome chiropractor every week and saw him until the end of my pregnancy. It was added insurance also in case the baby turned posterior or breech; he would have been able to possibly remedy that and also definitely prevent it.
I felt really good in the last month of pregnancy and decided to live my life as normal; working and all of that. I was hoping I’d go the full 40 weeks just because I was never “allowed” to previously and I also was hoping for this gigantic baby so I could maybe send a birth announcement to my old ob letting her know that a birth is possible with a large baby if given the right situation.
I felt small though. I really felt that the baby was only around 7 pounds and so did the midwife. But we all know that’s relative information and you just don’t know until they come out.
I had an appointment at about 38 weeks where my midwife remarked at how the baby had dropped. I hadn’t really noticed except that I had been experiencing a lot of nerve pain down the backs of my legs and the front as well. Turns out that my fundal height had dropped more than 5 cm. If I had been seeing an ob, I’m almost certain I would have been sent for testing. My midwife thought I’d go in the next few days.
Now because she doesn’t do internals I didn’t know if I was dilated and all of that stuff people love to ask you. She’ll do them if you want, but this is another thing that can really mess with your head. Women can walk around for days and weeks dilated to 4 or more cm without going into labor. Women can be closed shut at 9 a.m. and then have their babies at 4 p.m.! But this got me very curious. I checked myself and didn’t feel my cervix at all; I felt something smooth, and something bulging out of the middle that felt like a water balloon. I had a bulging bag! It was pretty exciting and it was so cool to feel that.
I made it to 39 weeks 4 days! That day I didn’t feel any different. As a matter of fact I kept waiting for something to happen. Mucous plug. Contractions. Bloody show. Whatever. Give me something! But it never happened. I always thought that what might happen was that my water would break and that’s how things would start. I also thought it would happen in the middle of the night since that’s when EVERYTHING happens. I never told anyone that so you can believe me if you want J
Summer solstice was here and I had been hoping that I’d give birth either that day or the next day, which was the full moon. Just for s*^ts and giggles.
That day Tristan and I went to the “Jesus Store” as he calls it. We got some groceries, came home, and then got ready for work. I took him to my parents house, I worked, then came home because my parents were nice enough to bring him back for me rather than have to drive all the way back there.
That evening was very rare considering that for the last couple of weeks, things felt very tense. I was really moody and I think my son was as well. We had been fighting a lot in the evenings… But that night was different. I took him to 7-11 for some Doritos and half and half (whipped cream for strawberries!!). The moon that night was incredible. It was one day from being full and it was orange and huge. It was also really pleasant outside. When we got home we decided to watch a movie, Tarzan 2, and when it was over it was pretty late and he was very tired. I felt really mellow and a voice came inside of my head that I’ll never forget. It said “It’s o.k. if you want to come tonight baby” even though my husband and I had just discussed that we were too tired, and not tonight!!! Throughout my pregnancy I never said anything to the baby out loud or in my head so this was a significant thought.
We all went upstairs and my little guy was so tired he fell asleep with his favorite blanket with the lights on. I laid next to my husband which is something I never get to do since he always passes out on the sofa, and I just looked at my little boy. I touched his warm fat feet and stared at him for a while. Then we all went to sleep.
At about 12:45 I started to dream and then GUSH. I was wide awake and woke up my husband. I was absolutely amazed that the man woke up. I told him to get me a towel. He did, and I put it between my legs and said that I was afraid to sit up. We were both a little giddy and I did sit up and it felt like the rest of it just came out. With my other two births, I got to experience the sac breaking so it was very familiar and because of that I was pretty scared because with Tristan, he was born 3 hours later, contractions beginning almost immediately after my water breaking.
I waddled with this huge wad of towels between my legs to the bathroom and sat down. Some more came out and when I stood up I saw that vernix was in the water which was really cool. More indications that a baby was actually inside of me. Still none of that bloody show I had heard so much about and got to experience the last time. Oh well. Water breaking was evidence enough that I was in labor.
I then called the midwife who arrived within about a half hour. During that time I realized I didn’t have a tape for the camcorder ready, I didn’t have the batteries in my digital camera, and we had to make up the bed for the midwife since if things didn’t start happening right away she’d obviously need a place to sleep.
I also called my sister and left a message on her machine, and then called my parents and told them to stand by. I didn’t want them to come out so late at night because there would be no place for them to rest, and who knew how long it would take. So I told them to go back to bed.
I was so nervous I was shaking! I couldn’t stop. It took me about 45 minutes to calm down and seeing all of her supplies didn’t help. It was really going to happen. Something I realized I had waited my entire life to accomplish and experience even though it hadn’t dawned on me until I got to experience birth in a way that seemed like robbery. This time it was mine. I owned it.
Because nothing was happening, she went to bed, told me to wake her up as soon as I needed her. I felt funny about that; wondering when I should wake her up since everyone was asleep and it was so late. Funny how you try to be considerate at a time that’s all about you!
I laid down and tried to get some sleep; my husband came upstairs to do the same. It was dark and it was calm. After about 20 seconds I realized I wasn’t going to go to sleep. I was starting to have contractions but they were somewhat mild. I was able to breathe through them and sigh through them, and they seemed awfully short. I had a hard time believing that they were going to do anything to get the baby out of me so I was a little concerned about that.
I got up to use the bathroom and decided to just sit there on the toilet. I kept feeling the urge to pee, probably because the baby’s head had dropped even lower. I just kept peeing and peeing…. Things picked up a little bit.
It was about 2 a.m. and my mom called at that point. I was still unsure what to tell them about coming. Had it been daytime it would have been great for them to be there the whole time. But Tristan was content and sleeping and again, it wouldn’t be the most comfortable for them to be there. Again, I told them to stand by.
I think at this point I went into the bedroom. I told David things were picking up and he asked if he should wake up the midwife and I told him yes. I am pretty sure I decided this because the contractions were making me vocalize and even though they were still pretty short it was time. I sat down on the bed with my legs crossed… that kind of hurt. Tried with my legs out and that hurt too. I stayed like that until the midwife came in. She checked the baby’s heartbeat which was great, and then started setting up her stuff. She was so quiet and organized.. My cat kept trying to get into her bag! For some reason I liked watching her get everything ready. I had this stuff on my dresser for weeks at this point and to watch it start to come together was worth the $30 I spent on the kit and worth the questions about “Why is there a Crock Pot in your bedroom???”.
Even though this woman had never even seen me naked I was comfortable making any kind of noise I had to, in between telling her things like “Oh yeah, the extension cord is plugged in right there”. I was completely at ease.
I got up and stood up next to the bed and leaned over it. I grabbed my body pillow and then leaned on that and had my rear against the wall. It was like the perfect distance! I was really vocalizing at this point and after a few contractions I felt someone’s hand on my back. The midwife had finished setting up and was by my side; my husband in front of me on the bed.
The contractions still felt short to me but were becoming more and more powerful. I’d feel the baby move down low, like one small motion, like turning on a switch, and I’d have a contraction. This is how I’d know they were coming. I began to feel them all in my back and I was terrified that the baby was posterior. I told the midwife that this is were I was feeling them and she only said that yeah, a lot of women feel them like that. She didn’t say anything that would freak me out about it.
After the back labor started I’d feel a little nauseous during each contraction. I had told David to get some cold washcloths and some water at some point during this, and when he brought my water, he brought it in this big huge slurped cup without a straw. I was like “gee thanks!”. So I got one sip of water out of that and about two contractions later, I said “David, I need the bucket.” I had to tell him where it was! He got it and I puked. The midwife held back my hair for me and got rid of it like it was no big deal. I didn’t know if I was in transition at that time or if it was nerves! I told David to then call my parents. This was about 4:30 or so? I am pretty sure it was around 3:30 that I had him wake up the midwife. I was also thinking that Tristan’s labor only lasted 3 hours and what the heck was taking so long! I still was afraid the contractions weren’t adequate since they were short, but they were strong.
During one contraction I grunted and it must have sounded like a push to the midwife because she asked “Where do you want to have this baby?” really quietly, really calm. Then she told me I should probably take off my underwear lol!!! And that I’d have to move over because she wouldn’t be able to catch with me against the wall.
I didn’t feel like I was pushing, but I went with it. I didn’t feel an irresistible urge to push like I did with Tristan, but something in my head told me to push, rather than my body doing it for me like it had done during his birth. So with every contraction I did push. Initially a lot of stuff came out but not too much. It felt kind of grody, but that’s what it’s all about.
Because the midwife didn’t tell me NOT to, I did what I felt like I wanted to do but I did ask if she saw anything. I was curious if she did since she didn’t tell me to stop what I was doing. But she didn’t. She was holding warm cloths on my rear at this point and she was catching other things if you know what I mean. I knew that would happen. Ugh.
Anyway, the compresses felt really really good.
So, more contractions, I find out later that David had taken over rubbing my back which makes sense since the midwife was busy catching poop and cleaning puke buckets! After a few more contractions I just felt Shea’s head move down. It just very suddenly made it’s presence. She never really crowned, she just came right on down. I felt every inch of her head, I felt its exact shape and I felt her hair as it was coming down to crown for the few seconds that it did. The midwife said I was doing a great job; I was trying not to push it out too fast, but in a way I was because it was just intense pressure. Not too much burning, just a lot of pressure. Then her head came out.
I was told that her head was out and with all of the crap you see on tv and the personal experience you have, I figured she’d pull the baby out. Why, I have no idea since I am pretty sure I knew I was at home and not the hospital. When I realized she wasn’t going to do it, I started pushing again even though I don’t think I was contracting. The contractions kind of stopped for a minute or two. They were close together at the end but still not on top of each other like I had expected. And oh yeah, I was SCREAMING into the pillow with each one. My son was sleeping through the whole thing and wouldn’t budge. I wonder now if my husband was a little worried about him waking up and didn’t get to absorb as much as he’d wanted during the birth.
I was also at some points squeezing his hand but was afraid I was hurting him so I resorted to squeezing the pillow and sheets instead.
So, I push really hard again and the rest of her body came out. I remember feeling her legs and feet come out. I don’t remember what the midwife said, but she said something to the effect of catch your baby, and she passed her between my legs.
She was so warm and wet and felt so tiny and light! I could see her hair, she has so much hair… I couldn’t really see her too well though. We kept the lights off the whole time and it was just twilight outside at that point. She was born at 5:04 a.m. Oh, yeah, by the way, one of the things I ran around quickly to do before the midwife got there was to call the time and make sure the alarm clock was set exactly. It turns out 5:08 a.m. is what’s called civil twilight.
When I was born, September 16, 1974, it was around 6 a.m. Civil twlight that day was at 6:23 a.m. I was also born at home, although not on purpose!!! Incidentally I also had a lot of hair. My son did not have much hair at all when he was born.
But back to the baby… The next few moments are a blur, but I ended up laying down on the bed kind of on my back, holding the baby next to me. I suppose we put her into a blanket, but I have no idea when or how that happened. All I know is that I felt like I really needed to deliver the placenta, and about two minutes after that happened, with the bowl between my legs, in walk my parents! Just a few minutes too late.
I had envisioned having the baby attached to me for a while, not cutting the cord until the placenta was delivered and stopped pulsing. That’s what happened, but it was quicker than I thought. And I actually could have cared less at that point. I didn’t get to see the placenta but we have it in the freezer. I have no idea what I want to do with it. I just feel strange about getting rid of it. This is something amazing that my body made, it’s an organ that kept my baby alive inside of me… I wouldn’t want someone to throw away my heart if I had a transplant. Then again, what the heck would I do with it? So in the freezer it stays.
At that point the midwife put blankets on me and I held the baby a while. I don’t know why I didn’t nurse right away… But I let the midwife take her to do her newborn exam and by the time she was done, Shea was ready to nurse.
Like with Tristan I cannot remember nursing her for the first time. I did nurse her on “attention boobie” which is what my son calls the right boob. He told me that his sister could have that one since he didn’t like it. When he woke up later I started to give her the other breast and he was next to me and got a little upset, but then very quickly said “Oh it’s o.k. she can have that one.” That was just one of many little amazing things he said and did that day.
He finally did wake up and woke up to a room full of people. If I were him I would have been a little upset but he took it in stride. He went to get himself a shirt to wear and came back in and slowly but surely really warmed up to his sister. We have it all on tape and it’s one of the most amazing things you’ll ever see, the evolution of it all.
Fortunately/unfortunately there is no tape of the birth. I don’t know what my parents would have thought of the whole thing. In a way I’m glad they weren’t there, but I really think it would have been nice for them obviously.
But it was just us. Me, the midwife, my husband, my sleeping baby and then my new baby. Not that I really was in wonderment during transition but the birds outside were just starting to chirp… It was dark and peaceful.. No bright lights or people yelling to push or counting to 10. No one taking my baby to give her drops in her eyes that she doesn’t even need (yeah, I don’t have gonorrhea lol).
And even though thinking about what the perfect birth would be for me brought tears to my eyes (and it was pretty right on), I didn’t feel like over the moon or anything. I just felt like this was normal and it happened and I’m glad to be here.
Physically afterwards the only thing that hurt was my “stuff”. She gave me this cool maxi pad that had cooling gel inside of it and I took two Advil. About 30 minutes later I felt like nothing had happened!!!! I had VERY little bleeding and come to think of it when the baby came out, nothing extra came behind her.
When Tristan was born, the ob pushed on my belly afterwards (not telling me she was doing it) and all kinds of junk came out. It was really a rude feeling. With Shea, I was told, “Breastfeed”. This is what your body does! You nurse and it shrinks your uterus back down just as well (I guess) as your ob prodding around on you.
By the next day I still had a belly but it was remarkably smaller than it had been the day before. Neat stuff.
The rest of the day I was hoping to stay in bed and nurse and sleep but it didn’t really happen. For a while I did stay in bed and my sister did come to see us but I felt good enough to go downstairs and do what I usually do--sit on the sofa heheh… I did try to nap here and there and did a little but who can do that with a new little one to check out!?
By the end of the day I was collecting garbage, but don’t tell my midwife that. I just can’t get over how GOOD I felt. It was like nothing happened. And it was smooth. No big drama about bringing a baby home for the first time, taking the first car ride… All of that is traditional to many people but really it’s very stressful if you think about it.
There’s so much I can say as to why I chose to do it this way. I think it really says it all when you can just let your body do what it needs to do with no interruption before, during or after. No one took my baby from me to bathe her and do things that could be done at a later time, no one told me that I was screaming too loud, no one told me I had to do this or that.
Lots of people say I’m brave/was brave to have a baby at home. I’ve even been called a hippie and a flower child more than once and certainly more often since her birth! I just don’t want anyone to mess with me, my body, or my family. If that means experiencing what it really feels like to have a baby pass through you, then alright, I’m a hippie. But those people just don’t know what they’re missing out on. I just don’t think as women we’re given the right information, nor do many women or families try to seek out the info. Had I not gone through what I went through in my other two births, I wouldn’t be writing this today.
I think there’s a time and a place for everything though. For me, the time and place was at home on June 22nd, 2005.
I also didn't proofread it and and just finished up the end very quickly so some may not make sense! If that's the case I apologize.
Enjoy!
Without going into too much detail, the birth of Shea and everything that went into it has everything to do with my previous two births. Even though they weren’t the best of experiences, without having gone through them I would have never considered having a home birth.
Going through an induction that lead to a c-section as my very first experience had a profound effect on me and what I ended up learning about pregnancy and giving birth. And even though I had this brand new empowering knowledge, I still went back to the same care provider and same hospital for my second pregnancy.
I had the same experience the second time around in regards to the relentless testing, paranoia about this or that on my doctor’s part, and plain old stress. I had to fight to get the kind of birth that I felt I deserved. No one should have to do that.
Even though things went well with my son’s birth and I had a successful, unmedicated VBAC, I still felt like something was missing, that it just wasn’t right how it all happened. I had to fight every step of the way, mostly while I was in labor with him which was so wrong and so stressful… So for the next 4 years, I began to research having a home birth, not even knowing if we would have any more children.
In the summer of ‘04, we decided to go for it. Because we used “natural” family planning I knew my cycles very well. After all, in almost 5 years I’d managed not to get pregnant. So if you know what you’re doing, it actually works! On the second try, I got pregnant. The whole time though I felt like something wasn’t right, and was kind of detached from the pregnancy. I actually was just waiting to miscarry and for some reason it just didn’t bother me.
I did contact the midwife that I had planned on using pretty much as soon as I found out that I was pregnant. I was too excited to have an actual pregnant reason to call her and was so happy to talk to her. She talked to me on the phone for almost an hour and it was so refreshing to hear someone speaking my language! She was a vbac mom herself and had no problems with me, where many traditional ob setups would have labeled me high risk. Either that, or like my previous ob, told me that I was a great candidate and then at the very end of my pregnancy start playing games and acting like I was a huge risk. So I was so happy to be out of that realm!!! And not only that, but really--would an ob really talk to me on the phone that long and give me that kind of time of day? Very doubtful. This is what I wanted, someone who would talk to me about pregnancy and birth with the same interest and wonder that I had for it, and also the same respect. And not only that, but she came to the house for visits so I didn’t have to go anywhere and wait in a lobby for an hour with a bored kid, not to mention bored mommy!!! Getting to know her too was key in that as well. She comes to your home, like a friend would, and had no set appointment times so she could stay as long or short as she needed to depending on your needs.
About 9 weeks in, I did start spotting, and although it wasn’t much, I went to the ER because I knew I’d get an ultrasound and I’d know right away what was happening. As soon as they started, I knew. It was a blighted ovum. For those of you who don’t know, it’s basically where there’s a pregnancy, but everything develops but the baby itself. So to me although it was a set back, it wasn’t a big deal.
Now here’s what’s most interesting about the blighted ovum. This is where I really learned to have trust in my body. Having trust in my body was really something that was taken away from me with the previous births because they were both inductions. The first one was a failed induction ending in a c-section; the second was a successful induction for stupid reasons J
I did end up calling an ob office because I was honestly not keen on waiting for the placenta and sac to pass on its own without verification afterwards that all was well. Luckily the doctor I did see agreed that a d&c wasn’t necessary especially since I had a previous c-section; I didn’t need that sort of trauma. So we decided to let things go on its own and that I’d come back afterwards for an ultrasound to make sure everything was gone.
About a week later, I just had a feeling that was the day. I had taken Tristan to McDonald’s and then we went home. I put on a movie for him to watch in our bedroom and I started cramping, so I laid down in bed and just waited. It really felt like labor--and really that’s what it was. I was kind of surprised. It took about an hour and then I felt “something”, and then I physically felt 100% different, 100% BETTER even though I didn’t think that I felt ill in the first place. It was like a huge relief that swept over me. I later found out from other moms that they felt the same way when their miscarriage happened.
I got up to go to the bathroom and I actually didn’t know that the placenta had come out. I sat down and there it went! Yes, I took it out of the toilet and looked at it. To me it was fascinating. It was about the size of a big kiwi and I took a gander at it. I saw the sac which was the size of a grape and I even broke it open to see if there really was not anything inside. There wasn’t. I was shocked at how tough the little sac was. Really amazing stuff.
So, the interesting part was that I realized my body did this on its own. It knew when to go into labor and it was successful without any outside intervention. After this I was even more gung ho about a home birth and was really kind of grateful that this happened!
Two months later we conceived again. About 10 days after that I got word from my younger sister that she was also pregnant!!!
The first 12 weeks were tough because my midwife doesn’t see clients until they’re 12 weeks along. I wanted to meet her so badly!
I had no bad pregnancy symptoms, it was really easy for me in the first trimester. With the previous two I was feeling sick at odd times of the day, etc. None of that with this one. I was really lucky!
So we finally meet and it’s not what I thought it would be. I thought I’d see this woman and she’d put her arms around me and we’d be soul mates. None of that, but we did have a great first appointment and it lasted about an hour. We talked a lot about what was going on in the world of obstetrics and how unfortunate things were. We did the standard appointment stuff; listening to the heartbeat, blood pressure, pee on a stick. She doesn’t weigh her clients which is fine with me. Even though I’m a numbers person I don’t need that kind of stress. She believes, as I do, that if something is wrong, you’ll be able to tell especially since we’re paying attention to the whole person rather than a number on a lab sheet or on a scale. So to this day I have no clue what I gained and it’s not important. I also declined any testing except for an ultrasound. I wanted to make sure that there were no obvious defects that would make a hospital birth a more safe option.
I continued to see her every month, everything was very uneventful. When I hit about 6 months, I started having terrible ligament pain and some sciatic pain. So I started seeing an awesome chiropractor every week and saw him until the end of my pregnancy. It was added insurance also in case the baby turned posterior or breech; he would have been able to possibly remedy that and also definitely prevent it.
I felt really good in the last month of pregnancy and decided to live my life as normal; working and all of that. I was hoping I’d go the full 40 weeks just because I was never “allowed” to previously and I also was hoping for this gigantic baby so I could maybe send a birth announcement to my old ob letting her know that a birth is possible with a large baby if given the right situation.
I felt small though. I really felt that the baby was only around 7 pounds and so did the midwife. But we all know that’s relative information and you just don’t know until they come out.
I had an appointment at about 38 weeks where my midwife remarked at how the baby had dropped. I hadn’t really noticed except that I had been experiencing a lot of nerve pain down the backs of my legs and the front as well. Turns out that my fundal height had dropped more than 5 cm. If I had been seeing an ob, I’m almost certain I would have been sent for testing. My midwife thought I’d go in the next few days.
Now because she doesn’t do internals I didn’t know if I was dilated and all of that stuff people love to ask you. She’ll do them if you want, but this is another thing that can really mess with your head. Women can walk around for days and weeks dilated to 4 or more cm without going into labor. Women can be closed shut at 9 a.m. and then have their babies at 4 p.m.! But this got me very curious. I checked myself and didn’t feel my cervix at all; I felt something smooth, and something bulging out of the middle that felt like a water balloon. I had a bulging bag! It was pretty exciting and it was so cool to feel that.
I made it to 39 weeks 4 days! That day I didn’t feel any different. As a matter of fact I kept waiting for something to happen. Mucous plug. Contractions. Bloody show. Whatever. Give me something! But it never happened. I always thought that what might happen was that my water would break and that’s how things would start. I also thought it would happen in the middle of the night since that’s when EVERYTHING happens. I never told anyone that so you can believe me if you want J
Summer solstice was here and I had been hoping that I’d give birth either that day or the next day, which was the full moon. Just for s*^ts and giggles.
That day Tristan and I went to the “Jesus Store” as he calls it. We got some groceries, came home, and then got ready for work. I took him to my parents house, I worked, then came home because my parents were nice enough to bring him back for me rather than have to drive all the way back there.
That evening was very rare considering that for the last couple of weeks, things felt very tense. I was really moody and I think my son was as well. We had been fighting a lot in the evenings… But that night was different. I took him to 7-11 for some Doritos and half and half (whipped cream for strawberries!!). The moon that night was incredible. It was one day from being full and it was orange and huge. It was also really pleasant outside. When we got home we decided to watch a movie, Tarzan 2, and when it was over it was pretty late and he was very tired. I felt really mellow and a voice came inside of my head that I’ll never forget. It said “It’s o.k. if you want to come tonight baby” even though my husband and I had just discussed that we were too tired, and not tonight!!! Throughout my pregnancy I never said anything to the baby out loud or in my head so this was a significant thought.
We all went upstairs and my little guy was so tired he fell asleep with his favorite blanket with the lights on. I laid next to my husband which is something I never get to do since he always passes out on the sofa, and I just looked at my little boy. I touched his warm fat feet and stared at him for a while. Then we all went to sleep.
At about 12:45 I started to dream and then GUSH. I was wide awake and woke up my husband. I was absolutely amazed that the man woke up. I told him to get me a towel. He did, and I put it between my legs and said that I was afraid to sit up. We were both a little giddy and I did sit up and it felt like the rest of it just came out. With my other two births, I got to experience the sac breaking so it was very familiar and because of that I was pretty scared because with Tristan, he was born 3 hours later, contractions beginning almost immediately after my water breaking.
I waddled with this huge wad of towels between my legs to the bathroom and sat down. Some more came out and when I stood up I saw that vernix was in the water which was really cool. More indications that a baby was actually inside of me. Still none of that bloody show I had heard so much about and got to experience the last time. Oh well. Water breaking was evidence enough that I was in labor.
I then called the midwife who arrived within about a half hour. During that time I realized I didn’t have a tape for the camcorder ready, I didn’t have the batteries in my digital camera, and we had to make up the bed for the midwife since if things didn’t start happening right away she’d obviously need a place to sleep.
I also called my sister and left a message on her machine, and then called my parents and told them to stand by. I didn’t want them to come out so late at night because there would be no place for them to rest, and who knew how long it would take. So I told them to go back to bed.
I was so nervous I was shaking! I couldn’t stop. It took me about 45 minutes to calm down and seeing all of her supplies didn’t help. It was really going to happen. Something I realized I had waited my entire life to accomplish and experience even though it hadn’t dawned on me until I got to experience birth in a way that seemed like robbery. This time it was mine. I owned it.
Because nothing was happening, she went to bed, told me to wake her up as soon as I needed her. I felt funny about that; wondering when I should wake her up since everyone was asleep and it was so late. Funny how you try to be considerate at a time that’s all about you!
I laid down and tried to get some sleep; my husband came upstairs to do the same. It was dark and it was calm. After about 20 seconds I realized I wasn’t going to go to sleep. I was starting to have contractions but they were somewhat mild. I was able to breathe through them and sigh through them, and they seemed awfully short. I had a hard time believing that they were going to do anything to get the baby out of me so I was a little concerned about that.
I got up to use the bathroom and decided to just sit there on the toilet. I kept feeling the urge to pee, probably because the baby’s head had dropped even lower. I just kept peeing and peeing…. Things picked up a little bit.
It was about 2 a.m. and my mom called at that point. I was still unsure what to tell them about coming. Had it been daytime it would have been great for them to be there the whole time. But Tristan was content and sleeping and again, it wouldn’t be the most comfortable for them to be there. Again, I told them to stand by.
I think at this point I went into the bedroom. I told David things were picking up and he asked if he should wake up the midwife and I told him yes. I am pretty sure I decided this because the contractions were making me vocalize and even though they were still pretty short it was time. I sat down on the bed with my legs crossed… that kind of hurt. Tried with my legs out and that hurt too. I stayed like that until the midwife came in. She checked the baby’s heartbeat which was great, and then started setting up her stuff. She was so quiet and organized.. My cat kept trying to get into her bag! For some reason I liked watching her get everything ready. I had this stuff on my dresser for weeks at this point and to watch it start to come together was worth the $30 I spent on the kit and worth the questions about “Why is there a Crock Pot in your bedroom???”.
Even though this woman had never even seen me naked I was comfortable making any kind of noise I had to, in between telling her things like “Oh yeah, the extension cord is plugged in right there”. I was completely at ease.
I got up and stood up next to the bed and leaned over it. I grabbed my body pillow and then leaned on that and had my rear against the wall. It was like the perfect distance! I was really vocalizing at this point and after a few contractions I felt someone’s hand on my back. The midwife had finished setting up and was by my side; my husband in front of me on the bed.
The contractions still felt short to me but were becoming more and more powerful. I’d feel the baby move down low, like one small motion, like turning on a switch, and I’d have a contraction. This is how I’d know they were coming. I began to feel them all in my back and I was terrified that the baby was posterior. I told the midwife that this is were I was feeling them and she only said that yeah, a lot of women feel them like that. She didn’t say anything that would freak me out about it.
After the back labor started I’d feel a little nauseous during each contraction. I had told David to get some cold washcloths and some water at some point during this, and when he brought my water, he brought it in this big huge slurped cup without a straw. I was like “gee thanks!”. So I got one sip of water out of that and about two contractions later, I said “David, I need the bucket.” I had to tell him where it was! He got it and I puked. The midwife held back my hair for me and got rid of it like it was no big deal. I didn’t know if I was in transition at that time or if it was nerves! I told David to then call my parents. This was about 4:30 or so? I am pretty sure it was around 3:30 that I had him wake up the midwife. I was also thinking that Tristan’s labor only lasted 3 hours and what the heck was taking so long! I still was afraid the contractions weren’t adequate since they were short, but they were strong.
During one contraction I grunted and it must have sounded like a push to the midwife because she asked “Where do you want to have this baby?” really quietly, really calm. Then she told me I should probably take off my underwear lol!!! And that I’d have to move over because she wouldn’t be able to catch with me against the wall.
I didn’t feel like I was pushing, but I went with it. I didn’t feel an irresistible urge to push like I did with Tristan, but something in my head told me to push, rather than my body doing it for me like it had done during his birth. So with every contraction I did push. Initially a lot of stuff came out but not too much. It felt kind of grody, but that’s what it’s all about.
Because the midwife didn’t tell me NOT to, I did what I felt like I wanted to do but I did ask if she saw anything. I was curious if she did since she didn’t tell me to stop what I was doing. But she didn’t. She was holding warm cloths on my rear at this point and she was catching other things if you know what I mean. I knew that would happen. Ugh.
Anyway, the compresses felt really really good.
So, more contractions, I find out later that David had taken over rubbing my back which makes sense since the midwife was busy catching poop and cleaning puke buckets! After a few more contractions I just felt Shea’s head move down. It just very suddenly made it’s presence. She never really crowned, she just came right on down. I felt every inch of her head, I felt its exact shape and I felt her hair as it was coming down to crown for the few seconds that it did. The midwife said I was doing a great job; I was trying not to push it out too fast, but in a way I was because it was just intense pressure. Not too much burning, just a lot of pressure. Then her head came out.
I was told that her head was out and with all of the crap you see on tv and the personal experience you have, I figured she’d pull the baby out. Why, I have no idea since I am pretty sure I knew I was at home and not the hospital. When I realized she wasn’t going to do it, I started pushing again even though I don’t think I was contracting. The contractions kind of stopped for a minute or two. They were close together at the end but still not on top of each other like I had expected. And oh yeah, I was SCREAMING into the pillow with each one. My son was sleeping through the whole thing and wouldn’t budge. I wonder now if my husband was a little worried about him waking up and didn’t get to absorb as much as he’d wanted during the birth.
I was also at some points squeezing his hand but was afraid I was hurting him so I resorted to squeezing the pillow and sheets instead.
So, I push really hard again and the rest of her body came out. I remember feeling her legs and feet come out. I don’t remember what the midwife said, but she said something to the effect of catch your baby, and she passed her between my legs.
She was so warm and wet and felt so tiny and light! I could see her hair, she has so much hair… I couldn’t really see her too well though. We kept the lights off the whole time and it was just twilight outside at that point. She was born at 5:04 a.m. Oh, yeah, by the way, one of the things I ran around quickly to do before the midwife got there was to call the time and make sure the alarm clock was set exactly. It turns out 5:08 a.m. is what’s called civil twilight.
When I was born, September 16, 1974, it was around 6 a.m. Civil twlight that day was at 6:23 a.m. I was also born at home, although not on purpose!!! Incidentally I also had a lot of hair. My son did not have much hair at all when he was born.
But back to the baby… The next few moments are a blur, but I ended up laying down on the bed kind of on my back, holding the baby next to me. I suppose we put her into a blanket, but I have no idea when or how that happened. All I know is that I felt like I really needed to deliver the placenta, and about two minutes after that happened, with the bowl between my legs, in walk my parents! Just a few minutes too late.
I had envisioned having the baby attached to me for a while, not cutting the cord until the placenta was delivered and stopped pulsing. That’s what happened, but it was quicker than I thought. And I actually could have cared less at that point. I didn’t get to see the placenta but we have it in the freezer. I have no idea what I want to do with it. I just feel strange about getting rid of it. This is something amazing that my body made, it’s an organ that kept my baby alive inside of me… I wouldn’t want someone to throw away my heart if I had a transplant. Then again, what the heck would I do with it? So in the freezer it stays.
At that point the midwife put blankets on me and I held the baby a while. I don’t know why I didn’t nurse right away… But I let the midwife take her to do her newborn exam and by the time she was done, Shea was ready to nurse.
Like with Tristan I cannot remember nursing her for the first time. I did nurse her on “attention boobie” which is what my son calls the right boob. He told me that his sister could have that one since he didn’t like it. When he woke up later I started to give her the other breast and he was next to me and got a little upset, but then very quickly said “Oh it’s o.k. she can have that one.” That was just one of many little amazing things he said and did that day.
He finally did wake up and woke up to a room full of people. If I were him I would have been a little upset but he took it in stride. He went to get himself a shirt to wear and came back in and slowly but surely really warmed up to his sister. We have it all on tape and it’s one of the most amazing things you’ll ever see, the evolution of it all.
Fortunately/unfortunately there is no tape of the birth. I don’t know what my parents would have thought of the whole thing. In a way I’m glad they weren’t there, but I really think it would have been nice for them obviously.
But it was just us. Me, the midwife, my husband, my sleeping baby and then my new baby. Not that I really was in wonderment during transition but the birds outside were just starting to chirp… It was dark and peaceful.. No bright lights or people yelling to push or counting to 10. No one taking my baby to give her drops in her eyes that she doesn’t even need (yeah, I don’t have gonorrhea lol).
And even though thinking about what the perfect birth would be for me brought tears to my eyes (and it was pretty right on), I didn’t feel like over the moon or anything. I just felt like this was normal and it happened and I’m glad to be here.
Physically afterwards the only thing that hurt was my “stuff”. She gave me this cool maxi pad that had cooling gel inside of it and I took two Advil. About 30 minutes later I felt like nothing had happened!!!! I had VERY little bleeding and come to think of it when the baby came out, nothing extra came behind her.
When Tristan was born, the ob pushed on my belly afterwards (not telling me she was doing it) and all kinds of junk came out. It was really a rude feeling. With Shea, I was told, “Breastfeed”. This is what your body does! You nurse and it shrinks your uterus back down just as well (I guess) as your ob prodding around on you.
By the next day I still had a belly but it was remarkably smaller than it had been the day before. Neat stuff.
The rest of the day I was hoping to stay in bed and nurse and sleep but it didn’t really happen. For a while I did stay in bed and my sister did come to see us but I felt good enough to go downstairs and do what I usually do--sit on the sofa heheh… I did try to nap here and there and did a little but who can do that with a new little one to check out!?
By the end of the day I was collecting garbage, but don’t tell my midwife that. I just can’t get over how GOOD I felt. It was like nothing happened. And it was smooth. No big drama about bringing a baby home for the first time, taking the first car ride… All of that is traditional to many people but really it’s very stressful if you think about it.
There’s so much I can say as to why I chose to do it this way. I think it really says it all when you can just let your body do what it needs to do with no interruption before, during or after. No one took my baby from me to bathe her and do things that could be done at a later time, no one told me that I was screaming too loud, no one told me I had to do this or that.
Lots of people say I’m brave/was brave to have a baby at home. I’ve even been called a hippie and a flower child more than once and certainly more often since her birth! I just don’t want anyone to mess with me, my body, or my family. If that means experiencing what it really feels like to have a baby pass through you, then alright, I’m a hippie. But those people just don’t know what they’re missing out on. I just don’t think as women we’re given the right information, nor do many women or families try to seek out the info. Had I not gone through what I went through in my other two births, I wouldn’t be writing this today.
I think there’s a time and a place for everything though. For me, the time and place was at home on June 22nd, 2005.
Hope you are enjoying your new little girl 
I especially agree with you on this:
Am I forgetting something? You have Tristan and Shea, right?
