I'm having mixed feelings about a situation that occured a bit ago here. The neighbor girl came over and asked if my kids could play. They were in the middle of lunch but said they'd come over after they were done. A few minutes later they headed over. My dd (10) came back first a minute or so later saying that she walked into the middle of an arguement between my ds (6) and a boy that was now over at the neighbors house. Apparently he came over and then decided that my kids couldn't play because he and the neighbor girl were having a playdate. My ds came back upset and I told him, "well, it sounds like he doesn't want to share his time with *girl*." My ds said "but she invited us over!" I told him that in my mind a playdate was one where a few kids could get together and get along. He said "exactly!", which cracked me up. Anyhow, I told him he could go play over there later after the boy left. He went out into the yard to play. A few minutes later he came back inside crying. Apparently, the arguement continued after he went outside. Ds and neighbor girl both agree about the set of events that took place:
DS told the boy that maybe they could all play together and get along. Boy told ds no, that he couldn't come over and play. That he didn't want ds there. Ds, who is small and sensitive was upset, but kept trying to explain to the boy why they should all play together. Then the boy threw a handful of rocks at ds, which hit him in the face. Ds went up to the boy and said "I'm allowed to defend myself when someone is hurting me, so don't hurt me" and the boy (who is 9) started punching and kicking ds. Ds now has scratches on his face and red marks on his face from being punched.
I went out and talked to the little boy, who told me that he could do whatever he wanted. That my ds had no right to be over there, even though he was invited, and that they were having a playdate and my ds was interrupting it. He didn't care that he's much bigger than my ds or that he hurt him. He walked away as I was talking to him with his fingers in his ears yelling "la la la la la". None of this seemed abnormal, as I've seen perfectly "normal" 9yo boys act this way at times. I figured he was just a mean kid.
The neighbor girl went and got her mom while I was talking to the boy. She came out just after the boy walked away and explained to me that the boy has a disability and is often times mean but that she'll take him swimming at the local pool now. I guess assurring me that he won't be there to pick on my ds anymore.
Now, part of me wants to be understanding. The little boy has a disability of some sort, which I assume makes it difficult to control himself. He deserves some compassion.
The other part of me wants to go "so you're going to reward him for acting this way by taking him swimming???"
Having never been a parent of a child with disabilities, I am having a difficult time understanding why it's ok for him to hit my kid, fairly unprovoked, and with it going unpunished, and in turn, rewarded in a way. But, I also know that there are some cases where one must think "but what do I do? How do I discipline a kid who can't control his emotions?"
Someone help me to understand this, please?
DS told the boy that maybe they could all play together and get along. Boy told ds no, that he couldn't come over and play. That he didn't want ds there. Ds, who is small and sensitive was upset, but kept trying to explain to the boy why they should all play together. Then the boy threw a handful of rocks at ds, which hit him in the face. Ds went up to the boy and said "I'm allowed to defend myself when someone is hurting me, so don't hurt me" and the boy (who is 9) started punching and kicking ds. Ds now has scratches on his face and red marks on his face from being punched.
I went out and talked to the little boy, who told me that he could do whatever he wanted. That my ds had no right to be over there, even though he was invited, and that they were having a playdate and my ds was interrupting it. He didn't care that he's much bigger than my ds or that he hurt him. He walked away as I was talking to him with his fingers in his ears yelling "la la la la la". None of this seemed abnormal, as I've seen perfectly "normal" 9yo boys act this way at times. I figured he was just a mean kid.
The neighbor girl went and got her mom while I was talking to the boy. She came out just after the boy walked away and explained to me that the boy has a disability and is often times mean but that she'll take him swimming at the local pool now. I guess assurring me that he won't be there to pick on my ds anymore.
Now, part of me wants to be understanding. The little boy has a disability of some sort, which I assume makes it difficult to control himself. He deserves some compassion.
The other part of me wants to go "so you're going to reward him for acting this way by taking him swimming???"
Having never been a parent of a child with disabilities, I am having a difficult time understanding why it's ok for him to hit my kid, fairly unprovoked, and with it going unpunished, and in turn, rewarded in a way. But, I also know that there are some cases where one must think "but what do I do? How do I discipline a kid who can't control his emotions?"
Someone help me to understand this, please?
He's doing ok. He talked to me about how he was feeling and then went and spent some time by himself. I think he's more upset that the kid wouldn't talk to him and come up with a solution. He doesn't quite understand that some people, especially children, don't want to talk things over so I think he antagonizes certain situations. For instance, he could have just left this one alone in the beginning and none of it would have happened, but he wanted to come up with a solution that worked for everyone. I'm proud of him, but I also feel like he should have left well enough alone.
but I would have been calling the cops and letting them deal with it if a mother acted like that after her child attacked mine like that. Just claiming he has a disability doesn't cut it, you'd better be explaining to me what is and why were you not here watching him if you knew he was violent?
