Do you set rules for your parents when they have your kids? - Page 4

[charmander]

No, I have no rules for my mom. I trust her.

[MeadowSong_]

I totally trust my mother in every way, and she knows how I am, so I have NO worries while my boys are there. The only big rule's I have is that they HAVE to use their carseat, they HAVE to wear sunscreen, bug spray when needed, and they can't play outside by themselves. They are pretty obvious so, I don't worry to much, except for the sunscreen and bug spary one, I always remind on that one LOL!

[matts_mamamama]

Originally Posted by cmd

No, I have no rules for my mom. I trust her.

Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I trust my mom (otherwise I wouldn't leave her alone with my son), but that doesn't mean there aren't things that I want or don't want her to do. It's been over 30 years since she's had a little one around - not only have things changed, but he's MY kid, not hers, so how she did things isn't necessarily how I do them. And at my son's age, consistency is a huge thing for us.

I think it boils down to respect, for me, anyway. If my mom wants to hang out with my son, she can do it with my rules. That doesn't mean I rule with an iron fist - there is plenty of leeway, but there are also rules that I expect her to respect.

[mamabain]

i haven't read all the replies, so sorry if this is repetitive. i definitely have rules. here are the rules for babies under 1: (they are written and posted on the refrigerator)

1. only give food, medicine, drink (water is a drink) that is specifically approved by dh or me. CUrrent approved food, medicine or drink is limited to: X Y Z

2. NO spanking or physical punishment of any kind.

3. no yelling or shouting at G.

4. Stay with G., hold her, if/when she is crying. (We do not believe in crying it out).

5. No use of TV or videos as entertainment for G.

These rules change as they get older. Except for 2 and 3. Even with these written down my mother-in-law violated rule 4 by letting G. cry in bed alone for 10 minutes trying to put her down for a nap. After that, she only cared for G. after age 2 alone.

[UUMom]

If i didn't trust my mom, she'd ****never**** get my kids.

I would *never* trust anyone who needed *rules* to keep my kids safe.

Anyone who needed guidance to keep my kids safe wouldn't be allowed to have them. My mother is not stupick.

It's just *too* basic, and i am thinking why *anyone* would leave their kids with *anyone*-- family or not-- that they didn't trust if they were not forced to!

You can go around and around with this, but my thought is NO WAY is anyone taking my kids who can't care for them in a manner i want them cared for. Holy cow. I can even believe this thread has gone on so long.

Anyone who needs 'rules' isn't worthy of my kids. My mother **knows** us! if she didn't, fageddahbout it. If there was ****any**** question at all...wow. No. Never.

What's the debate? If the g-parent can't deal, they don't get the kids, end of story. No way am I gonna try and figure out how a grandparent -babysitter might try to undermine us!

I knew there was a reason we weren't into other folks caring for our kids. My mother is worthy, and so is my sister. But so few others are. I'd not leave my children with anyone with whom there was *any* sort of question mark.

[Changed]

FYI< I think it's fairly obvious that I didn't post this for debate. I posted because it's a situation in my real life right now. It's not a an idea or something I was pondering for grins. Geez. You could loose the attitude because it doesn't help anyone.


back to the thread:

I really appreciate the input. I think this will ba a wait and see thing. There is not way to know if those mishaps were a learning experience and will never be repeated. I do feel that it's unfair to hold it over her head forever. Ultimately, I know how much my mom loves my kids and that she would die to protect them. I just dont see her as maternal and protective. Maybe that's my problem. As I said, I know I have some control issues and I think I may be trying too hard to keep control when I am physically not in control.

[UUMom]

We are going around and around and around and around.

Don't leave your kids with folks you don't trust!

Where, exactly, is the debate?

So, um, yeah. It's cut and dry for me: My kids aren't an experiement to be left with people who need rules about basic saefty issues.

[Changed]

YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT.


Do you think its impossible to trust someone yet still desire that they know and follow your rules for your children? It's rediculous to assume that setting any rules means you don't trust the person. It's not like they are borrowing a car, it's a child for goodness sakes.


Thanks everyone for the input. Unsubing now.

[UUMom]

The point for me is that I wouldn't leave my children with someone who won't respect them and/ or me. My kids love my father, fi, but when they visit with him, I'm there. Not asking someone to babysit doesn't mean you can't love and have a relationship with them. My dad is a wonderful person, just not someone capable of safely caring for my kids.

Your mother doesn't respect your wishes, can't make choices that you feel good about. Don't ask her to babysit. I fail to seel to see where there is another option.

A bunch of us can say 'you're right and your mother is wrong' again and again, but that just leads to the questioning of why you then want her to babysit in the first place?

It's obvious you have issues with your mother...a lot us do. You can't change your mother, but you can change your reactions towards your mother. Getting angry with my honesty doesnt change that relationship, yk?

[charmander]

UUMom, I agree with you when you say "don't leave your kids with someone you don't trust." It's not that I don't let my mom know about certain things - like what time I'd like them to be in bed by, or if there are any foods that are bothering them and so not to give them to eat, but it's just that I have no rules or restrictions or anything that I would write down on a piece of paper. If there was anything, I'd tell her.

My mom doesn't let my kids watch tv, eat junk food, cry it out, etc...I ALREADY know what she is like, so there is no need. If I didn't trust her, I wouldn't leave my kids with her. Period.

For a babysitter, yes, I would have written rules, and a cell phone number...just not for my mom, or my two sisters.

[UUMom]

Right-- relatives are a hot and personal issue. They push all our buttons. If we use non family sitters, we wouldn't put up with much. And who would hire a babysitter who wouldn't use a carseat?? OTOH, we'd not yell at our paid babysitters as we might our mothers. We'd simply fire their butts.