I had been having prodromal labor for a few weeks and I was feeling pretty worn out physically. At first, (Back in JUNE!) I was so certain that labor was iminent because I was a good 3-4 cm. and 60% effaced..baby's head was very low. I had the classic nesting urges, my bowels were emptying themselves for the baby's arrival, etc... I stayed close to home and waited..and waited..and waited. Occasionally I would go to the grocery store and I would feel like crying as I walked around so hugely pregnant..I felt like I was going to be pregnant forever..and I was feeling lots of pressure on my pelvic floor. I was not sleeping well the last month or so of my pregnancy and that made a big difference I am sure. I had a lot of pent up mental stress over thoughts and fears related to the birth.. I was very drained because of that and I think that it made things difficult to deal with. I could not seem to unwind as hard as I tried..and it made things very tense. In future pregnancies I will make more of an effort to guard my heart and mind from negative fears and people because I really truely believe that pregnant women are very open to things like that and it can affect them profoundly on a subconcious level. I think that perhaps one of the reasons my body kicked into labor was that the sleeping pill "disarmed" my mind enough for things to let go and just GO.. 
The mind is powerful, for sure.
July 3rd I noticed some pink "show" and although I was not in labor we took the kids to Brian's moms house. We had been planning an unassisted homebirth. Had the birth kit, the pool blown up and ready to be filled,etc. but for various reasons both Brian and I felt uneasy about it. When I noticed the show I told Brian that I thought labor would be soon so he needed to decide where we where going to give birth. He chose the hospital. I was a little nervous about that..but I put it in God's hands. We went to the hospital and I asked if they could give me something to help me sleep so that when labor started I would have had the benefit of some rest..I knew that I was close. I was 4 1/2 cm. and 90% effaced..I knew that once labor began it would not take long. So..I decided to stay overnight and take the sleeping pill and rest. I woke up at 2:30 a.m and I thought that I was feeling gas or indegestion..nothing regular..but the nurse hooked me up to the monitor and the contractions quickly picked up..I was in labor! I told her that I needed to get in the shower..and I called out to Brian to wake up,(!). (He was on the couch bed snoring!) I got in the shower and I called for Brian to go get ice for me to soak washcloths in, and to call Loretta for labor support. Everything moved quickly from then. The contractions were close together..yet they were not unbearably strong. I think that the water from the shower helped to make the sensations easier to work with. I held the shower hose to where ever I was feeling the contractions and it worked super. I saw the Dr. poke his head in and he said that he would like to check me when I was ready. Occasionally the nurse would come in with the doppler and check the heart tone while I was standing in the shower. I got out of the shower and slow danced with my husband while I sort of dried off. Dr. F poked his head in and joked that what we were doing, (slow dancing) probably got us here in the first place. I joked back that with 3 kids already at home we didn't have time for foreplay (!). I got on the bed and saw that my friend was there. She asked what she could do and I asked her to put cool cloths on my back and so she did that while Brian held me up on the other side. I told the Dr. that he could check me then..so he did..while I was squatting..that was probably the one of the least painful exams in labor I ever had..I didn't even register it; he was very gentle and respectful. He said that I was 9cm. with a "lip" and that if I wanted to push through it, I could, but he would follow my lead. A nurse brought over a cd player from the nurses lounge and I asked that someone put in my worship cd called songs without words. (Praise songs instrumental cd). I asked Brian to get my list of Bible verses and read them to me and he did. I needed that to help me focus on Jesus and my baby..and not my fear. As long as I did that I was okay..It made me think of when Peter was on the water walking to Jesus..as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus he was okay..but when he gave into his fear he would sink. I felt like as long as I took it one contraction at a time I could do this..the sensations were still not overwhelming..I just could not allow myself to think about the next contraction..or the pushing part. For some reason I was scared to push her out. I listened to Brian read the verses and I focused on the truth in them, and I would hum with the songs..it brought me a lot of peace. I would repeat..perfect love casts out fear, lead me to the rock who is higher than I, etc. as Brian would read the verses. I looked over and I saw Dr. F sitting there patiently..I heard him softly singing some of the praise songs, (He is a Christian also). The nurses stood quietly..it was very respectful and meant a lot to me.I reached in and felt the bag of water but I did not want to break it. I knew that I was going to have to suck it up and birth this baby..even though I was scared I knew that I had to just do it..no getting around it. I could either sit there and labor and hold back or I could brace down and push this little girl out into the world. I asked Dr. F to break the water and he did..I felt a release of pressure as the waters released..I felt with my fingers.. my babies head inside and Dr. F sat back quietly and he said..just follow your body, let your baby follow your hands out.. I was scared about the work I knew lay ahead but I also knew that it was up to me to push my baby out into this world; I had to do it. I started to push and it was very strong...a little scary for me but I tried to yeild to it. For some reason she was the hardest of my 4 to push out..I think that part of me was still resisting mentally..I asked Brian and my friend to help me into a squatting position..I was in a sidelie and so they did help me up and I pushed and said that I could not do it, (but they verbally encouraged me that I could)..then her head moved down and I felt tremendous pressure like I was splitting in two...Dr. F said..reach down and catch your baby..and I remember yelling..GET HER OUT of ME; I can't do it!! But I did push her out..although this was the hardest pushing I have ever done(!). I later found out that she did not rotate like babies typically do..she came out straight...which may explain why it felt so intense. Wow..I could not believe that she was here...after just 2 hours of labor. She started to cry before she was even out..and when they weighed her and said 10 pounds, 15 ounces...22 and 1/2 inches long..I was like, woah.. We named her Rebekah Grace. Grace as the middle name because God gave us grace through this pregnancy and birth..so many things came together for this birth. The Dr. who attended was not our regular Dr. but he was a Christian and he was so awesome in his mannerism. The nurses were respectful and the nurse who was kind/thoughtful enough to go get the cd player from the nurses station so that I could have the benefit of music in labor to sooth my soul..that was awesome. Meditating on God's promises through Scripture being read to me by my husband in tune with the music..AWESOMe. It was so powerful to me. Despite being in the hospital where I have witnessed so many disempowering moments...being able to experience such a respectful, hands off birth was very meaningful. Also...our nursery nurse was a woman whom I had met the day before while walking at the local Dollar General. (And she remembered me).,.. I was able to rest at the hospital..they mostly left us to ourselves to room in with our daughter and so that was very nice to get to know our new daughter in a quiet enviroment for a full 2 days. I would not have been able to rest like that at home due to the other children's natural livliness and also my urges to be up and about..distracted..would have been too great. So for me, this time, the hospital was the right choice. Never thought that I would say that..but I really had to share this experience.
The mind is powerful, for sure.July 3rd I noticed some pink "show" and although I was not in labor we took the kids to Brian's moms house. We had been planning an unassisted homebirth. Had the birth kit, the pool blown up and ready to be filled,etc. but for various reasons both Brian and I felt uneasy about it. When I noticed the show I told Brian that I thought labor would be soon so he needed to decide where we where going to give birth. He chose the hospital. I was a little nervous about that..but I put it in God's hands. We went to the hospital and I asked if they could give me something to help me sleep so that when labor started I would have had the benefit of some rest..I knew that I was close. I was 4 1/2 cm. and 90% effaced..I knew that once labor began it would not take long. So..I decided to stay overnight and take the sleeping pill and rest. I woke up at 2:30 a.m and I thought that I was feeling gas or indegestion..nothing regular..but the nurse hooked me up to the monitor and the contractions quickly picked up..I was in labor! I told her that I needed to get in the shower..and I called out to Brian to wake up,(!). (He was on the couch bed snoring!) I got in the shower and I called for Brian to go get ice for me to soak washcloths in, and to call Loretta for labor support. Everything moved quickly from then. The contractions were close together..yet they were not unbearably strong. I think that the water from the shower helped to make the sensations easier to work with. I held the shower hose to where ever I was feeling the contractions and it worked super. I saw the Dr. poke his head in and he said that he would like to check me when I was ready. Occasionally the nurse would come in with the doppler and check the heart tone while I was standing in the shower. I got out of the shower and slow danced with my husband while I sort of dried off. Dr. F poked his head in and joked that what we were doing, (slow dancing) probably got us here in the first place. I joked back that with 3 kids already at home we didn't have time for foreplay (!). I got on the bed and saw that my friend was there. She asked what she could do and I asked her to put cool cloths on my back and so she did that while Brian held me up on the other side. I told the Dr. that he could check me then..so he did..while I was squatting..that was probably the one of the least painful exams in labor I ever had..I didn't even register it; he was very gentle and respectful. He said that I was 9cm. with a "lip" and that if I wanted to push through it, I could, but he would follow my lead. A nurse brought over a cd player from the nurses lounge and I asked that someone put in my worship cd called songs without words. (Praise songs instrumental cd). I asked Brian to get my list of Bible verses and read them to me and he did. I needed that to help me focus on Jesus and my baby..and not my fear. As long as I did that I was okay..It made me think of when Peter was on the water walking to Jesus..as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus he was okay..but when he gave into his fear he would sink. I felt like as long as I took it one contraction at a time I could do this..the sensations were still not overwhelming..I just could not allow myself to think about the next contraction..or the pushing part. For some reason I was scared to push her out. I listened to Brian read the verses and I focused on the truth in them, and I would hum with the songs..it brought me a lot of peace. I would repeat..perfect love casts out fear, lead me to the rock who is higher than I, etc. as Brian would read the verses. I looked over and I saw Dr. F sitting there patiently..I heard him softly singing some of the praise songs, (He is a Christian also). The nurses stood quietly..it was very respectful and meant a lot to me.I reached in and felt the bag of water but I did not want to break it. I knew that I was going to have to suck it up and birth this baby..even though I was scared I knew that I had to just do it..no getting around it. I could either sit there and labor and hold back or I could brace down and push this little girl out into the world. I asked Dr. F to break the water and he did..I felt a release of pressure as the waters released..I felt with my fingers.. my babies head inside and Dr. F sat back quietly and he said..just follow your body, let your baby follow your hands out.. I was scared about the work I knew lay ahead but I also knew that it was up to me to push my baby out into this world; I had to do it. I started to push and it was very strong...a little scary for me but I tried to yeild to it. For some reason she was the hardest of my 4 to push out..I think that part of me was still resisting mentally..I asked Brian and my friend to help me into a squatting position..I was in a sidelie and so they did help me up and I pushed and said that I could not do it, (but they verbally encouraged me that I could)..then her head moved down and I felt tremendous pressure like I was splitting in two...Dr. F said..reach down and catch your baby..and I remember yelling..GET HER OUT of ME; I can't do it!! But I did push her out..although this was the hardest pushing I have ever done(!). I later found out that she did not rotate like babies typically do..she came out straight...which may explain why it felt so intense. Wow..I could not believe that she was here...after just 2 hours of labor. She started to cry before she was even out..and when they weighed her and said 10 pounds, 15 ounces...22 and 1/2 inches long..I was like, woah.. We named her Rebekah Grace. Grace as the middle name because God gave us grace through this pregnancy and birth..so many things came together for this birth. The Dr. who attended was not our regular Dr. but he was a Christian and he was so awesome in his mannerism. The nurses were respectful and the nurse who was kind/thoughtful enough to go get the cd player from the nurses station so that I could have the benefit of music in labor to sooth my soul..that was awesome. Meditating on God's promises through Scripture being read to me by my husband in tune with the music..AWESOMe. It was so powerful to me. Despite being in the hospital where I have witnessed so many disempowering moments...being able to experience such a respectful, hands off birth was very meaningful. Also...our nursery nurse was a woman whom I had met the day before while walking at the local Dollar General. (And she remembered me).,.. I was able to rest at the hospital..they mostly left us to ourselves to room in with our daughter and so that was very nice to get to know our new daughter in a quiet enviroment for a full 2 days. I would not have been able to rest like that at home due to the other children's natural livliness and also my urges to be up and about..distracted..would have been too great. So for me, this time, the hospital was the right choice. Never thought that I would say that..but I really had to share this experience.
