All of a sudden “spirited”. Help!!

[Vermillion]

I’d never really understood the whole “spirited child” thing until recently. My DS was the most laid back, easy to parent child until he turned 3. (In April) Since then things have been going downhill, big time

His attitude is so different. Lots of whining, tantrums, hitting and scratching at me & DP when he is angry… I find myself getting pushed overboard and yelling at him so much these days I have a short fuse (actually, no fuse) but my anger was never an issue until now because he was always so easy and pleasant to be around.

I was spanked as a child and yelled at a lot and whenever my DS pushes me over the edge I am fighting the urge to do to him the same crap my parents did to me

I am getting more agitated with him every day and I realize that I need some help NOW! I will not allow my son to be emotionally & physically abused like I was but it is so hard to break the cycle.

Any support & suggestions would be very welcome and appreciated.

BTW I’ve read the books and agree 100% with the GD theory but my issue is going though with it, yk?

[JaniceT]

I totally know what you mean. My relatively quiet/well-behaved dd turned into a banshee about two months before her 3rd birthday. It was helpful for me to hear some input from my playgroup moms, who had older children. THey all reported that 3 was MUCH worse than the typically "terrible" twos. Also, one gave me a book called Your Three Year Old: Friend or Foe? that helped, since it described, developmentally, what was going on with dd. The authors theorize that children go through 6 month phases, from disequilibrium to equilibrium. And indeed, it was true for dd -- after a few months passed, she was back to "normal." Now when I have a particularly bad week with her, I always remember that this is part of her normal development and "this too shall pass."

Though I do know it's tough in the meantime. I never raised my voice to dd before she was three, and now I'm finding that I actually don't LIKE her some days. When she's screaming in the back seat, clamouring for a crayon or some such, I find myself saying things my own mom (who was none too sensitive) would say: "ok, why don't I fish around for your blessed crayon up here, and stop watching the road, and then we'll both get killed -- would you like THAT?!" I'm horrified with myself!!! I always try to remember to apologize, especially outside the heat of the moment, like when we're cuddling before we go to bed. I'll say something like "we had a really bad day today, didn't we? I'm so sorry that I blew my stack because I was frustrated."

Hang in there!

[Vermillion]

It was helpful for me to hear some input from my playgroup moms, who had older children. THey all reported that 3 was MUCH worse than the typically "terrible" twos.

Yeah, everyone I talk to (and from what I’ve seen from posts on here) 3 is way worse than 2. I was so smug, I had most well behaved kid. Terrible 2s? Not here! I thought I was in the clear because we escaped the 2s with absolutely NO problems at all. Than 3 hit (yep, about 2 months before his birthday) and I was soooo unprepared for “terrible threes”. Very unexpected.

So yeah… The thing that gets to me is that I know it is perfectly normal and he is developmentally appropriate, but that doesn’t help me keep my cool. He knows exactly what sets me off and he does it over and over again until I flip my lid

[issyboo]

My pediatrician told me that the "two's" are about figuring out the limits of the physical world and the "three's" are about figuring out the limits of the interpersonal world. This helped me a lot when my daughter was three and so challenging. It also helps explain why it seems like they can get so under the skin and push our buttons. i hope that helps.